rate_review Reviews

Yatta! Update! Ano... the beginning is a bit confusing. You should have made it clearer that he was remembering the past. From a reader's POV, at the end of the last chapter, he was in the hospital, then he's suddenly at the hot springs (plus it's not clear that he was thinking of his childhood), then he's suddenly at the hospital again. A bit confusing... I think you should have continued with the hospital scene first. It would have better followed up on the anticipation that built up in the previous chapter, while the hotsprings scene kind of broke the wonderful, wonderful tension. Instead of doing that you simply had Hinata remember the kissing scene, but by then the anticipation was a bit gone. A pity because the scene itself was luscious. So I think you should have had that wonderful scene in the beginning, and only have Neji remember his past later, but that's just me.

Another thing is that although you translated the Japanese within the text by popular demand, it seems a bit... repetitive. Especially for the sentences I already do know. Like reading twice the same thing. But then again, most people don't understand the Japanese part, so... By the way, I think Hanabi is a bit older than 6. She's 5 years younger than Hinata, who was 12 at the beginning of the series (perhaps 13 at the end). So Hanabi would be 7 or 8.

Yatta, it's still a great chapter! I'm glad you updated! I'm looking forward to more! I love it when Neji and Hinata interact! :D

can u send me the next ch plz i luv ur story!!!!!! e mail me an tell me weather u can Thanx

cyo Hakusen Chikoi

Great story!! u need 2 update soon btw i no i already reviewed but i really like the story an one of my fav authors Cookie6 reviewed it as a good story!!! so can u email me the next ch? i'll email u it's a n g e l 6 0 3 0 @ h o t m a i l . c o m

I Really like this story. The way you write it is really captivating. I find it very fluid to read and very involving (despite the occasional mistakes, and if That doesn't manage to break the fluidity of the story, it just goes to show how good everything else is). Lovely story, great depth and intriguing characterisation of the people in the story. It's rather fun to see how they are one minute, and completly change attitude the next. Some parts made me chuckle as well (heheheh, take care of Orochimaru himself eh? Good one. I didn't expect that. Go Hinata!).

I really wish you'd continue this... You stopped at one of the most tense moments. :( Ah well... Please continue if you chose to?

for some reason one day all of a sudden neji/hinata being a couple just totally made sense. and omg~!!!! i will now worship you forever wri writing this AWESOME fic. you do pretty good job of keeping them in character =) keep up with the GrEaT work and i look forward to reading more ^_^

Wow... Excellent story with great characterization. I love the way you get into Hinata and Neji's heads. I'm not a huge fan of this pairing, but I am a fan of both these characters and you seem to have them spot-on. I'm especially impressed on how you're keeping Neji so in character, and the somewhat erotic nature of the chakra transfer is an excellent rationale for them starting to get more intimate. Kudos on the story... Hope to see more. ;)

the formatting and some of the grammar need a major overhaul, but i love the drama. the interaction between the cousins is gripping. the fluctuation of emotions is a nice change from the usual gradual "learning to love" theme that fics like this generally have. this is a very good piece, but again, i stress that you consider re-formatting and rewriting some paragraphs.

anta no nihongo warukunai jyan

fic ga nakanaka omoshiroi da ze

hahaha, this is a good story... so the pairing's neji and hinata. interesting. quickly update please and have a little bit more action like say kissing? smooch smooch. hahaha!! i am LOVING this fic!

oh yeah, and just a little idea to get their little romance started. how about make neji awake in terrible pain one night and hinata walks in to find him like that. she rushes up to him and tries her best to relieve him of his pain by transferring chakra and becomes exhausted. she collapses onto the bed facing neji, asleep whilst neji battles with his emotions. eg. why did she save me? why, when i tried to kill her... blah blah... moon comes out, shines on them... illuminating her face blah blah. you get the idea... so yeah, its just a thought of what you could do... appreciate it if you could upda lia little faster though. ja~