rate_review Reviews

I really like the story line a lot it's very interesting and not too long winded. I know there were some grammatical issues but the plot itself was great. I hope you get back into it.

awwww i'm gonna miss you please come back soon!!!

don't pay any attention to hitomi i love your fic its awsome so please write more

was it just me or did anyone else start crying in joy after reading chapter 4?...............ya i thought so...

are u mad?! i like this story the way it is. why are u going to listen to what's her name?

We the poeple of jamestown, wish that u change this to a nc-17 fic or more lemonnely!!! ok? thanks

I'm going to have to agreth Hth Hitomi here, you seem to have some talent, but you need to work on it a bit more. Some of these scenes are rushed, the first chapter was pretty good until the end, when it seems like you just completely rushed it without really caring. Like I said, you have talent, but you should brush up a bit on the flaws that she had listed earlier because to be honest I didn't even really read the second chapter before I moved on. Having a lot of sex does not consitute a good story, even if this is aff.net.

Okay, I'm gonna be honest here.
You obviously have talent, no doubt, but all you are doing is descrg thg the character's actions. Where are their thoughts? No PoV changes.. throwing here and there a little "I'm scared to be gay" nonsense doesn't make a story.
I'm not one to speak, but please take a look at some other writers, and compare.
You may take a look, and are urged, to look at the story "Senctuary" that is posted here on aff.net.

You have a good plot working, and I sense you have talent.
Please nurter it, take care of it - and make it grow. Let it become true and well-expressed talent.
And wreadreaders when characters will be OOC. (Neji, Sasuke..)

Please, take my words in their good meaning.
I onlt wish for you to grow within your talent, and make both reading and writing a lot more fun.

Please don't get insulted,
With my best wishes in my mind,
Hitomi.

oh ya and if anyone needs reference to the japanese im using:

itai nani shittendayoo= what the hell are you doing

kuso ittenjanee yo=stop talking shit

Jigoku ni ochiro= go to hell

iie= no

oy= hey

ohayoo gozaimas= good morning

Konichiwa=hello, good afternoon

kun= the way you address a male (mostly used by girls for male friends... i tink sorry dont live in japan just guessing)

chan= " " " " a female

san, sama= " " " " any random person you dont know personally.
i think thats all that i used, sorry i wouldve put it in the fics at the end but i fogot. gomen nasai -.-"

ooooooohhh I it. it. ^_^
You really have to keep on with this fic. Its sooo cool. ^__^
Oh, almost forgot, can you hurry with the lemons!! ^_~ I'm such a horny person. Like my name!! ^_~
Well I love it and you just have to put the next chapter soooooooooooon!!!!!
Not that I'm presuring you but put the next chapter onooooooooooon!!!
Love: Horny Me ^_~