schedule
September 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
I do appreciate how you made this girl an OC and not dump all the meanness onto Sakura like a lot of writers. ____ “I’ve waited longer.” Seriously? ____ Might want to put a scene break or something between the paragraphs where Naruto says goodbye to Kiba, and the one where it cuts to Arisa. ____ So, wait. Arisa’s saying her sister likes Sasuke … but doesn’t she like Sasuke as well? ____ “some catty whore.” HAHA! XDD ____ I like the casual way they talk to each other. ____ Naruto looks hot.
Lol, love how Tsunade’s trying to keep a grip on her temper. XD
I’m guessing those scars are where his wings used to be. ____ “He went to Iruka … after getting dressed.” XD ____ The Kakashi/Iruka thing baffles me. ____ I love it how confused Naruto is at how backwards he thinks he has it. ____ Cool. I like Iruka’s methods. ____ Iruka the counselor. Cute. ____ Lol. He calls himself an idiot, thanks Iruka, and takes off. And I have no clue about what conclusions he came to. XD ____ Must be Kakashi’s number.
Oh. For some reason I’m surprised that he came to that conclusion. I dunno, maybe it was the setup. I was expecting something that’d make me go “WTF? o.O” or something, lol. But this is good. =) ____ What I also like is how Naruto doesn’t figure that he loves Sasuke through sexual attraction. So far we haven’t seen a hint that he’s been sexually attracted to Sasuke, so that’s kind of cool. So now that he knows how he feels about him, it’ll probably occur to him and that’ll be fun to witness. =) ____ “Chaotic and fierce”—love that description. And I love how they still have “ferocity”. ♥ ____ Love Sasuke’s anger and rage and how they’re a major part of him. He might be cool now, but thinking of Naruto’s death stirs something. ____ Sasuke’s got one hell of an imagination. Wow. ____ Aww, that’s sweet. Naruto’s happy with Sasuke’s answer, and he’s not blowing it out of proportion. It’s really cool how they know each other in this story. ____ Heh—cool idea about how Sasuke gained the Mangekyou. ____ Interesting description, “the burning of the Sharingan,” and from Sasuke’s POV. I wonder if that’s what it feels like. It certainly would make sense about why the Mangekyou is so painful.
“If I tell him, then I’ll find out pretty much immediately how he feels about me …” Not necessarily. It’s funny, though, how unconcerned Naruto is. The most he’s worried about is enjoying the experience. ____ “None of your damn business, old woman.” LOL! XD ____ “It’s better to test the waters before simply jumpin in… don’t you think?” “Yeah, I guess…” But he’s not going to, is he? XD ____ When Naruto and Sasuke do get together, I wonder what Tsunade’s reaction is going to be.
Interesting. Naruto’s question made Sasuke obsess over an emotional puzzle. Cool. ____ Ah, here we go. Now he’s checking to see how he feels physically. ____ Oh, WAIT A MINUTE! They’re going to the hot springs! Yay! Now he’ll really start thinking about it! 8D ____ “The last thing he wanted to come home to was some crazed, hormonal girl in his bed naked and offering herself to him again.” … You’re not serious. Tell me you’re not serious. ____ Yup, here we go! Naruto’s checking him out! 8D ____ And I love how clueless Sasuke is. ____ Love how confused and wary Sasuke is. ____ Haha—Sasuke’s dumbstruck. He had never expected that. ____ He’s probably been confessed to before, but he’d always expected it and had known how to deal with it. Now … he’s confused. ____ Lol, I love Naruto’s critical thoughts: “good job, smartass.” XD ____ I absolutely LOVE the descriptions of Sasuke’s thoughts and feelings. ____ Love the build up towards passion and arousal. And then … “The fire inside him was licking at his skin now, but the place it was most intense was right between his legs.” That’s the first mention of that particular aspect of arousal, and I like how the scene had led up to it rather than just jumping right to it. And that makes it so very erotic. ____ Lol, Sasuke’s a little indignant about being called “beautiful”. He’s thinking “That’s a girl word,” lol. ^^ ____ “Could have fooled me.” HAHAHA! XDD ____ “rolling them into Naruto’s in mockery of a more profound motion.” Awesome language. ____ I love it how Kyuubi was suddenly brought into it. And I wouldn’t call it “watching”, but definitely aware that heavy sexual tension is going on. ____ I like it how Sasuke is sure of his feelings, but is a little afraid of saying it out loud. And I like it how he knows he’s afraid. ____ Lol, love the “messy” bit.
WHAT? AW DAMN IT, WE DIDN’T SEE IT! JUST WHEN IT WAS GOING TO GET EVEN HOTTER! Damnit, that’s not faaaaaaaaiiiirrr. T_T ____ Ohoho, wine. How classy. ____ This has got to be one of the sweetest fics I’ve read. ____ Lol, love Sasuke’s sarcastic response: “No, Naruto. I’m going to kick you out after everything that’s just happened.” XD ____ Heehee, “Night, jackass.” XDDD Love it! ^^
Heh—I wonder why “Morning” is in quotes. ____ Oh, it’s probably noon. ____ HAHAHAHAHAHA, I totally forgot about that! XDD Y’know, this is a similar next-to-last scene in your other fic Initiation.
Oh my god, 2 hours. XDD This could get ugly. ____ (*snicker*) YES! Her extremely calm attitude is scaring me! ____ Boy, that was creepy.
Awwwww…. ♥ Very sweet.
I do appreciate how you made this girl an OC and not dump all the meanness onto Sakura like a lot of writers. ____ “I’ve waited longer.” Seriously? ____ Might want to put a scene break or something between the paragraphs where Naruto says goodbye to Kiba, and the one where it cuts to Arisa. ____ So, wait. Arisa’s saying her sister likes Sasuke … but doesn’t she like Sasuke as well? ____ “some catty whore.” HAHA! XDD ____ I like the casual way they talk to each other. ____ Naruto looks hot.
Lol, love how Tsunade’s trying to keep a grip on her temper. XD
I’m guessing those scars are where his wings used to be. ____ “He went to Iruka … after getting dressed.” XD ____ The Kakashi/Iruka thing baffles me. ____ I love it how confused Naruto is at how backwards he thinks he has it. ____ Cool. I like Iruka’s methods. ____ Iruka the counselor. Cute. ____ Lol. He calls himself an idiot, thanks Iruka, and takes off. And I have no clue about what conclusions he came to. XD ____ Must be Kakashi’s number.
Oh. For some reason I’m surprised that he came to that conclusion. I dunno, maybe it was the setup. I was expecting something that’d make me go “WTF? o.O” or something, lol. But this is good. =) ____ What I also like is how Naruto doesn’t figure that he loves Sasuke through sexual attraction. So far we haven’t seen a hint that he’s been sexually attracted to Sasuke, so that’s kind of cool. So now that he knows how he feels about him, it’ll probably occur to him and that’ll be fun to witness. =) ____ “Chaotic and fierce”—love that description. And I love how they still have “ferocity”. ♥ ____ Love Sasuke’s anger and rage and how they’re a major part of him. He might be cool now, but thinking of Naruto’s death stirs something. ____ Sasuke’s got one hell of an imagination. Wow. ____ Aww, that’s sweet. Naruto’s happy with Sasuke’s answer, and he’s not blowing it out of proportion. It’s really cool how they know each other in this story. ____ Heh—cool idea about how Sasuke gained the Mangekyou. ____ Interesting description, “the burning of the Sharingan,” and from Sasuke’s POV. I wonder if that’s what it feels like. It certainly would make sense about why the Mangekyou is so painful.
“If I tell him, then I’ll find out pretty much immediately how he feels about me …” Not necessarily. It’s funny, though, how unconcerned Naruto is. The most he’s worried about is enjoying the experience. ____ “None of your damn business, old woman.” LOL! XD ____ “It’s better to test the waters before simply jumpin in… don’t you think?” “Yeah, I guess…” But he’s not going to, is he? XD ____ When Naruto and Sasuke do get together, I wonder what Tsunade’s reaction is going to be.
Interesting. Naruto’s question made Sasuke obsess over an emotional puzzle. Cool. ____ Ah, here we go. Now he’s checking to see how he feels physically. ____ Oh, WAIT A MINUTE! They’re going to the hot springs! Yay! Now he’ll really start thinking about it! 8D ____ “The last thing he wanted to come home to was some crazed, hormonal girl in his bed naked and offering herself to him again.” … You’re not serious. Tell me you’re not serious. ____ Yup, here we go! Naruto’s checking him out! 8D ____ And I love how clueless Sasuke is. ____ Love how confused and wary Sasuke is. ____ Haha—Sasuke’s dumbstruck. He had never expected that. ____ He’s probably been confessed to before, but he’d always expected it and had known how to deal with it. Now … he’s confused. ____ Lol, I love Naruto’s critical thoughts: “good job, smartass.” XD ____ I absolutely LOVE the descriptions of Sasuke’s thoughts and feelings. ____ Love the build up towards passion and arousal. And then … “The fire inside him was licking at his skin now, but the place it was most intense was right between his legs.” That’s the first mention of that particular aspect of arousal, and I like how the scene had led up to it rather than just jumping right to it. And that makes it so very erotic. ____ Lol, Sasuke’s a little indignant about being called “beautiful”. He’s thinking “That’s a girl word,” lol. ^^ ____ “Could have fooled me.” HAHAHA! XDD ____ “rolling them into Naruto’s in mockery of a more profound motion.” Awesome language. ____ I love it how Kyuubi was suddenly brought into it. And I wouldn’t call it “watching”, but definitely aware that heavy sexual tension is going on. ____ I like it how Sasuke is sure of his feelings, but is a little afraid of saying it out loud. And I like it how he knows he’s afraid. ____ Lol, love the “messy” bit.
WHAT? AW DAMN IT, WE DIDN’T SEE IT! JUST WHEN IT WAS GOING TO GET EVEN HOTTER! Damnit, that’s not faaaaaaaaiiiirrr. T_T ____ Ohoho, wine. How classy. ____ This has got to be one of the sweetest fics I’ve read. ____ Lol, love Sasuke’s sarcastic response: “No, Naruto. I’m going to kick you out after everything that’s just happened.” XD ____ Heehee, “Night, jackass.” XDDD Love it! ^^
Heh—I wonder why “Morning” is in quotes. ____ Oh, it’s probably noon. ____ HAHAHAHAHAHA, I totally forgot about that! XDD Y’know, this is a similar next-to-last scene in your other fic Initiation.
Oh my god, 2 hours. XDD This could get ugly. ____ (*snicker*) YES! Her extremely calm attitude is scaring me! ____ Boy, that was creepy.
Awwwww…. ♥ Very sweet.
schedule
October 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
amazing story. possibly the best i have read.
schedule
April 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow, I loved this! XD
Awesome job!
Awesome job!
schedule
March 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is absolutely SWEET and beautiful! Great job! :D
schedule
August 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
dang, my eyes feel like they're about to fall out of my head, but that's because my eyes suck anyway. i had the font as big as it would go... stupid eyes. anyway, loved it. it was cute, steamy, and a bit angsty all wrapped up into one damn good story. if i wasn't about to cry from lack of sleep, i'd read some more. but i'm done. i need to get my new glasses and be happy because i'll be able to read for days at a time. yeah! -sigh- i kind of need a life. right now, fanfiction is my life. isn't that kind of sad? oh well, in a couple of weeks i'll be going to a new school and everything. hopefully i'll find one there. or steal someone else's.
later,
innerchild
later,
innerchild
schedule
February 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
that was beuatiful guys, I just loved the lemon
schedule
January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very good fic! XD I read this while I was in Orlando waiting for my little sister to finish up her events in a swim meet. ‘Course, I’d be swimming too if my damned shoulder wasn’t screwed ¬_¬ Anyway, enough about me and my problems. Hehe. Sasuke’s so girly it’s hilarious. Do you think there’s gonna be any M-Preg? I’d like that very much^^ Peace out!
schedule
January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i've realized something today, while reading this
one shot... i understood how little i've come to
care about the lemons and limes in your stories.
you two are the absolutely best naruto-fanwriters
i've ever come across, and it's not beacuse you
write of my favourite pair and their adventures in
bed... no, it's because of the amazinf plots!
you should really write real books, if you arent
doing it already, i know they would sell really good.
i would most defenitly buy them!
thank you once AGAIN for sharing... you are sumply
amazing and i've become a true fan of yours! i'm
checking your stories twice a day to look for updates...
kind of pathetic... i have no life! ^^
hugs /elict
one shot... i understood how little i've come to
care about the lemons and limes in your stories.
you two are the absolutely best naruto-fanwriters
i've ever come across, and it's not beacuse you
write of my favourite pair and their adventures in
bed... no, it's because of the amazinf plots!
you should really write real books, if you arent
doing it already, i know they would sell really good.
i would most defenitly buy them!
thank you once AGAIN for sharing... you are sumply
amazing and i've become a true fan of yours! i'm
checking your stories twice a day to look for updates...
kind of pathetic... i have no life! ^^
hugs /elict
schedule
January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this is really good, its great!! one of the best that ive read here. it maybe fast paced, something like that, but i dont feel it being rushed. =) and sasuke is really beautiful, i honestly dunno if they grew up in the manga -i think they did though -but yeah sasuke is more likely to be the leaner one. i actually never thought of him as seme ~_~' and sasuke would be one of my favorite ukes. i also love the references to their *pasts. you both write well!
btw, are those *pasts spoilers to what's gonna happen in the series? if it is i really didnt mind.
btw, are those *pasts spoilers to what's gonna happen in the series? if it is i really didnt mind.
schedule
January 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
when i read this one shot i suddenly realized how little of your fics
that depends on sex. even though it's postedhere in adultff.net,
they're absolutely not the kind of fics that you read only to get a
thrill... your stories are so muchmore!
actually, i've sometimes just glanced at the lemons and limes, only
to move on to read more of the plot. that has never, ever, happened
before. not in ANY other fic, with any other writer.
your plots are wonderful, the charecter mature and develope so much,
in a way that suits them so well... just like i beleive that sasuke and
naruto in masashi kishimoto-sama's series would, if they came across
a similar plot...
it's wonderful, and there has ben a lot of sleepless nights lately for me,
only because of your great fics... thank you sooooooo much!!!
hugs /elict
that depends on sex. even though it's postedhere in adultff.net,
they're absolutely not the kind of fics that you read only to get a
thrill... your stories are so muchmore!
actually, i've sometimes just glanced at the lemons and limes, only
to move on to read more of the plot. that has never, ever, happened
before. not in ANY other fic, with any other writer.
your plots are wonderful, the charecter mature and develope so much,
in a way that suits them so well... just like i beleive that sasuke and
naruto in masashi kishimoto-sama's series would, if they came across
a similar plot...
it's wonderful, and there has ben a lot of sleepless nights lately for me,
only because of your great fics... thank you sooooooo much!!!
hugs /elict