schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I only have a few words for you... SASUKE AND NARUTO ARE JUST TOO HOT. Fuck, that story is wonderful! More sex!
schedule
August 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow, that's alot of chapters you wrote so i'm positive you can finish this fic and i can't wait for the next chapter because the chapters were so good well the first one was sorta bumpy but the second past though smoothy well it kida blew me away, the fic is freakin' awsome.
poor Naruto, in the middle of all crites of being wanted by 5 people whitch is a lot of competition too well now i understand the title real well.
keep up the good work cause we all love your work an will be rootin' for ya too so go on out there and make us proud and i'm sure you will too.
poor Naruto, in the middle of all crites of being wanted by 5 people whitch is a lot of competition too well now i understand the title real well.
keep up the good work cause we all love your work an will be rootin' for ya too so go on out there and make us proud and i'm sure you will too.
schedule
August 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I like this story, I never really thought of a shika/saku pairing before but it's kinda cute. But I feel the need to correct your japanese usage here. You're calling naruto and neji 'nee-chan' or 'nee-san' which means your calling them 'older sister'. If you're trying for the guy version of that it's 'nii-san' or more politely 'onii-san'. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to see what happens next in this story.
schedule
August 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey what's up!? i just found and read your story today and i thoroughly enjoyed it. what i liked: Naruto being really cute and mostly in character without horrible descriptions of just how "breath-taking" his amazing kawaii-ness and glistening azure orbs are. lmao, really, so many ppl cant understand that if a person actually is being cute, readers can tell without being smacked in the face with it. your story showed a decent amount of restraint. i also like the dynamic between naruto and ino, and the way he cares for her, but until sasuke pressed the issue--no pun intended ^__~ ---couldnt tell there's a difference in the way you innately "like" somebody and the way you react to attraction. plus, his loyalty is sweet. naru-chan is a sweetheart <3 i didnt like naruto's [::cough::the authoress'::cough::] pretentious overuse of big words, and i was rolling my eyes at the misuse of certain words, thinking you were really stupid and grammatically challenged, until i saw that you were misusing it on purpose b/c naruto didnt know how to use big vocab, and then i thought it was kinda funny, but still very out of character. he's not totally dumb or anything, but cannon naruto can be really dumb about some stuff, and he doesnt use a wide range of vernacular. ::shrugs:: but i dont care cuz that was like, chapter 2, and the story just kept getting better and more interesting.
you might want to reconsider your summary. the headache part intrigued me, but i almost refused to look at the story b/c of the hearing voices comment. i see now it's of the tasteful variety, and actually has me curious, but seeing as how this is aff.net, where the majority of stories are tawdry smex of low quality and worse characterization, i thought "hearing voices" meant a sassy kyuubi voice, a horny naruto voice, a "regular" yet entirely OOC Naruto voice were going to argue lengthily in play script format over whether or not they Like-Like Sasuke, or just Like him, and the voices would tell naru to molest sasuke, like totally right now!! ::gag:: but i read any way since you had so many reviews, and im really glad i did. what a fun story! it really pulls you in. oh yeah, and right away, i was thinking, "why is there some dumb broom closet with a broken sealed crate in it?? why is naruto's head a storage unit for more than kyuubi?" but i did think kyuubi no youkai being a trickster and trying to play ino into freeing him was cute, and seemed like something a trickster fox would try, and yet ive never seen that done before. cool.
and of course, i have to comment on the lime scene. for the most part it was very good. it played off their obvious naivety, yet still showed an adorable reluctant[on naruto's side]/obsessive[on sasuke's side] enthusiasm for just making out and humping like ya dont know what goes where. i think it was hot. <3 my pet peeve is ppl who act like you cant breathe when you kiss. i mean, they're pretty much advertising they've never kissed anyone in their life, cuz yeah. you have a nose. breathing while kissing is not only possible, but great. ::thumbs up rock Lee smile:: you didnt do that, so it was all good. the only part that threw me as being silly was the falling asleep right afterwards. like, fyi, that doesnt happen in real life unless youve been going at it intensely for serveral hours all night and have cooled down a bit from orgasms that [unfortunately] will not ever occur in perfect synchranization. then y'all can pass out, aka decide it feels good to drift off to sleep. ...yeah, im gonna shut up now. sorry. just thought i'd say something since you mentioned you were insecure about the scene. overall smex rating: A-, only losing points for unrealistic conclusion. i look forward to seeing an actual drawn out sex scene from you. <3<3<3
ah, i feel bad for ino!!! please let naruto be able to spare her feelings somehow! i like the ino of your story very much and dont want to see her hurt either, as much as i want sasuke and naruto together. also, the bit with gaara seems out of the blue. i would recommend reading Triptych, i forget who it's by, but it's on aff.net. that story i think does a really nice job getting into gaara's psyche and making a relationship from his point of view possible. aww, poor naruto, everybody who comes to know you seems to fall for you! ::fangirl squeee!!!!!:: sasuke must claim you soon. naruto will make a good hokage, with so many of his powerful peers supporting him....or will dissent stem from jealousy over his affections!!??! ::gasp:: lmao, sorry sorry!! anyway, i reeeaaaally like this fic, so please continue!!! update just as soon as you can! and even if you abandon this fic and dont want to write another word of it, please post here or email me a notice saying what *would* have happened, cuz i wanna know. XP
the lovely, long-winded, and highly opinionated Xpyne
ps, if you send me an email and say hi, i'll draw you a picture!! <3
you might want to reconsider your summary. the headache part intrigued me, but i almost refused to look at the story b/c of the hearing voices comment. i see now it's of the tasteful variety, and actually has me curious, but seeing as how this is aff.net, where the majority of stories are tawdry smex of low quality and worse characterization, i thought "hearing voices" meant a sassy kyuubi voice, a horny naruto voice, a "regular" yet entirely OOC Naruto voice were going to argue lengthily in play script format over whether or not they Like-Like Sasuke, or just Like him, and the voices would tell naru to molest sasuke, like totally right now!! ::gag:: but i read any way since you had so many reviews, and im really glad i did. what a fun story! it really pulls you in. oh yeah, and right away, i was thinking, "why is there some dumb broom closet with a broken sealed crate in it?? why is naruto's head a storage unit for more than kyuubi?" but i did think kyuubi no youkai being a trickster and trying to play ino into freeing him was cute, and seemed like something a trickster fox would try, and yet ive never seen that done before. cool.
and of course, i have to comment on the lime scene. for the most part it was very good. it played off their obvious naivety, yet still showed an adorable reluctant[on naruto's side]/obsessive[on sasuke's side] enthusiasm for just making out and humping like ya dont know what goes where. i think it was hot. <3 my pet peeve is ppl who act like you cant breathe when you kiss. i mean, they're pretty much advertising they've never kissed anyone in their life, cuz yeah. you have a nose. breathing while kissing is not only possible, but great. ::thumbs up rock Lee smile:: you didnt do that, so it was all good. the only part that threw me as being silly was the falling asleep right afterwards. like, fyi, that doesnt happen in real life unless youve been going at it intensely for serveral hours all night and have cooled down a bit from orgasms that [unfortunately] will not ever occur in perfect synchranization. then y'all can pass out, aka decide it feels good to drift off to sleep. ...yeah, im gonna shut up now. sorry. just thought i'd say something since you mentioned you were insecure about the scene. overall smex rating: A-, only losing points for unrealistic conclusion. i look forward to seeing an actual drawn out sex scene from you. <3<3<3
ah, i feel bad for ino!!! please let naruto be able to spare her feelings somehow! i like the ino of your story very much and dont want to see her hurt either, as much as i want sasuke and naruto together. also, the bit with gaara seems out of the blue. i would recommend reading Triptych, i forget who it's by, but it's on aff.net. that story i think does a really nice job getting into gaara's psyche and making a relationship from his point of view possible. aww, poor naruto, everybody who comes to know you seems to fall for you! ::fangirl squeee!!!!!:: sasuke must claim you soon. naruto will make a good hokage, with so many of his powerful peers supporting him....or will dissent stem from jealousy over his affections!!??! ::gasp:: lmao, sorry sorry!! anyway, i reeeaaaally like this fic, so please continue!!! update just as soon as you can! and even if you abandon this fic and dont want to write another word of it, please post here or email me a notice saying what *would* have happened, cuz i wanna know. XP
the lovely, long-winded, and highly opinionated Xpyne
ps, if you send me an email and say hi, i'll draw you a picture!! <3
schedule
August 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
seems like there's a character limit, so i'll post my long-ass review in parts:
naru-chan is a sweetheart <3 i didnt like naruto's [::cough::the authoress'::cough::] pretentious overuse of big words, and i was rolling my eyes at the misuse of certain words, thinking you were really stupid and grammatically challenged, until i saw that you were misusing it on purpose b/c naruto didnt know how to use big vocab, and then i thought it was kinda funny, but still very out of character. he's not totally dumb or anything, but cannon naruto can be really dumb about some stuff, and he doesnt use a wide range of vernacular. ::shrugs:: but i dont care cuz that was like, chapter 2, and the story just kept getting better and more interesting.
you might want to reconsider your summary. the headache part intrigued me, but i almost refused to look at the story b/c of the hearing voices comment. i see now it's of the tasteful variety, and actually has me curious, but seeing as how this is aff.net, where the majority of stories are tawdry smex of low quality and worse characterization, i thought "hearing voices" meant a sassy kyuubi voice, a horny naruto voice, a "regular" yet entirely OOC Naruto voice were going to argue lengthily in play script format over whether or not they Like-Like Sasuke, or just Like him, and the voices would tell naru to molest sasuke, like totally right now!! ::gag:: but i read any way since you had so many reviews, and im really glad i did. what a fun story! it really pulls you in. oh yeah, and right away, i was thinking, "why is there some dumb broom closet with a broken sealed crate in it?? why is naruto's head a storage unit for more than kyuubi?" but i did think kyuubi no youkai being a trickster and trying to play ino into freeing him was cute, and seemed like something a trickster fox would try, and yet ive never seen that done before. cool.
and of course, i have to comment on the lime scene. for the most part it was very good. it played off their obvious naivety, yet still showed an adorable reluctant[on naruto's side]/obsessive[on sasuke's side] enthusiasm for just making out and humping like ya dont know what goes where. i think it was hot. <3 my pet peeve is ppl who act like you cant breathe when you kiss. i mean, they're pretty much advertising they've never kissed anyone in their life, cuz yeah. you have a nose. breathing while kissing is not only possible, but great. ::thumbs up rock Lee smile:: you didnt do that, so it was all good. the only part that threw me as being silly was the falling asleep right afterwards. like, fyi, that doesnt happen in real life unless youve been going at it intensely for serveral hours all night and have cooled down a bit from orgasms that [unfortunately] will not ever occur in perfect synchranization. then y'all can pass out, aka decide it feels good to drift off to sleep. ...yeah, im gonna shut up now. sorry. just thought i'd say something since you mentioned you were insecure about the scene. overall smex rating: A-, only losing points for unrealistic conclusion. i look forward to seeing an actual drawn out sex scene from you. <3<3<3
ah, i feel bad for ino!!! please let naruto be able to spare her feelings somehow! i like the ino of your story very much and dont want to see her hurt either, as much as i want sasuke and naruto together. also, the bit with gaara seems out of the blue. i would recommend reading Triptych, i forget who it's by, but it's on aff.net. that story i think does a really nice job getting into gaara's psyche and making a relationship from his point of view possible. aww, poor naruto, everybody who comes to know you seems to fall for you! ::fangirl squeee!!!!!:: sasuke must claim you soon. naruto will make a good hokage, with so many of his powerful peers supporting him....or will dissent stem from jealousy over his affections!!??! ::gasp:: lmao, sorry sorry!! anyway, i reeeaaaally like this fic, so please continue!!! update just as soon as you can! and even if you abandon this fic and dont want to write another word of it, please post here or email me a notice saying what *would* have happened, cuz i wanna know. XP
the lovely, long-winded, and highly opinionated Xpyne
ps, if you send me an email and say hi, i'll draw you a picture!! <3
pps. japanese family honorifics 101: "o ne-san": [respectful] sister; "o ni-san": [respectful] brother; "otouto": little brother (itachi calls sasuke this in flashbacks, squeee!!); "aniki": [familiar] big brother; "imouto": little sister; "anee": [familiar] big sister; "o ka-san": mother; "o tou-san": father; "o baa-san": grandmother (naruto calls tsunade baa-chan, which is totally rude if you dont the person well, but is equivalent to "granny"); "o jii-san": grandfather; not to be confused with "o ba-san": aunt/youngish to middle aged woman or "o ji-san": uncle/youngish to middle aged man. replace "san" with "chan" [little/cutesy] or "sama" [very respected/lord] as appropriate, and the "o" is a respectful prefix that isn't necessary when you say the name first.
naru-chan is a sweetheart <3 i didnt like naruto's [::cough::the authoress'::cough::] pretentious overuse of big words, and i was rolling my eyes at the misuse of certain words, thinking you were really stupid and grammatically challenged, until i saw that you were misusing it on purpose b/c naruto didnt know how to use big vocab, and then i thought it was kinda funny, but still very out of character. he's not totally dumb or anything, but cannon naruto can be really dumb about some stuff, and he doesnt use a wide range of vernacular. ::shrugs:: but i dont care cuz that was like, chapter 2, and the story just kept getting better and more interesting.
you might want to reconsider your summary. the headache part intrigued me, but i almost refused to look at the story b/c of the hearing voices comment. i see now it's of the tasteful variety, and actually has me curious, but seeing as how this is aff.net, where the majority of stories are tawdry smex of low quality and worse characterization, i thought "hearing voices" meant a sassy kyuubi voice, a horny naruto voice, a "regular" yet entirely OOC Naruto voice were going to argue lengthily in play script format over whether or not they Like-Like Sasuke, or just Like him, and the voices would tell naru to molest sasuke, like totally right now!! ::gag:: but i read any way since you had so many reviews, and im really glad i did. what a fun story! it really pulls you in. oh yeah, and right away, i was thinking, "why is there some dumb broom closet with a broken sealed crate in it?? why is naruto's head a storage unit for more than kyuubi?" but i did think kyuubi no youkai being a trickster and trying to play ino into freeing him was cute, and seemed like something a trickster fox would try, and yet ive never seen that done before. cool.
and of course, i have to comment on the lime scene. for the most part it was very good. it played off their obvious naivety, yet still showed an adorable reluctant[on naruto's side]/obsessive[on sasuke's side] enthusiasm for just making out and humping like ya dont know what goes where. i think it was hot. <3 my pet peeve is ppl who act like you cant breathe when you kiss. i mean, they're pretty much advertising they've never kissed anyone in their life, cuz yeah. you have a nose. breathing while kissing is not only possible, but great. ::thumbs up rock Lee smile:: you didnt do that, so it was all good. the only part that threw me as being silly was the falling asleep right afterwards. like, fyi, that doesnt happen in real life unless youve been going at it intensely for serveral hours all night and have cooled down a bit from orgasms that [unfortunately] will not ever occur in perfect synchranization. then y'all can pass out, aka decide it feels good to drift off to sleep. ...yeah, im gonna shut up now. sorry. just thought i'd say something since you mentioned you were insecure about the scene. overall smex rating: A-, only losing points for unrealistic conclusion. i look forward to seeing an actual drawn out sex scene from you. <3<3<3
ah, i feel bad for ino!!! please let naruto be able to spare her feelings somehow! i like the ino of your story very much and dont want to see her hurt either, as much as i want sasuke and naruto together. also, the bit with gaara seems out of the blue. i would recommend reading Triptych, i forget who it's by, but it's on aff.net. that story i think does a really nice job getting into gaara's psyche and making a relationship from his point of view possible. aww, poor naruto, everybody who comes to know you seems to fall for you! ::fangirl squeee!!!!!:: sasuke must claim you soon. naruto will make a good hokage, with so many of his powerful peers supporting him....or will dissent stem from jealousy over his affections!!??! ::gasp:: lmao, sorry sorry!! anyway, i reeeaaaally like this fic, so please continue!!! update just as soon as you can! and even if you abandon this fic and dont want to write another word of it, please post here or email me a notice saying what *would* have happened, cuz i wanna know. XP
the lovely, long-winded, and highly opinionated Xpyne
ps, if you send me an email and say hi, i'll draw you a picture!! <3
pps. japanese family honorifics 101: "o ne-san": [respectful] sister; "o ni-san": [respectful] brother; "otouto": little brother (itachi calls sasuke this in flashbacks, squeee!!); "aniki": [familiar] big brother; "imouto": little sister; "anee": [familiar] big sister; "o ka-san": mother; "o tou-san": father; "o baa-san": grandmother (naruto calls tsunade baa-chan, which is totally rude if you dont the person well, but is equivalent to "granny"); "o jii-san": grandfather; not to be confused with "o ba-san": aunt/youngish to middle aged woman or "o ji-san": uncle/youngish to middle aged man. replace "san" with "chan" [little/cutesy] or "sama" [very respected/lord] as appropriate, and the "o" is a respectful prefix that isn't necessary when you say the name first.
schedule
August 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
No doubt that this story will be good. However, I've no intention of continuing, not after the first chapter. You've got something wrong, and I've heard that it goes on through the story, for how many chapters, I'm not sure.
The honorifics. Also, Hinata's last name, in the first chapter, the first occurance you spelled it Huuga, it's Hyuuga, note the y.
Ok, now for the honorifics. Adding '-san' to the end is the equivalent to Ms., Mrs., and Mr., and adding '-chan' to the end is showing respect to those younger than you, or of the same age, normally used for a woman that a man has fallen in love with, or any ol' woman, animals, or children. The honorific '-kun' is used for males that a woman has falled in love with, or just any ol' man. Neither of these means that you are talking about a person with familiarity. Note that Naruto, in the Anime, never adds any honorific to a person's name, aside from his teachers, which he uses '-sensei' and Sakura, with whom he uses '-chan'. This states that Sakura is the only person that he treats with respect. Taking away the honorific is like taking away the respect to a person's name, either that, or you're talking to them with familiarity. So, when Naruto talks to the others with out the honorific he's talking in a familiar way, not with unfamiliarity.
The honorifics. Also, Hinata's last name, in the first chapter, the first occurance you spelled it Huuga, it's Hyuuga, note the y.
Ok, now for the honorifics. Adding '-san' to the end is the equivalent to Ms., Mrs., and Mr., and adding '-chan' to the end is showing respect to those younger than you, or of the same age, normally used for a woman that a man has fallen in love with, or any ol' woman, animals, or children. The honorific '-kun' is used for males that a woman has falled in love with, or just any ol' man. Neither of these means that you are talking about a person with familiarity. Note that Naruto, in the Anime, never adds any honorific to a person's name, aside from his teachers, which he uses '-sensei' and Sakura, with whom he uses '-chan'. This states that Sakura is the only person that he treats with respect. Taking away the honorific is like taking away the respect to a person's name, either that, or you're talking to them with familiarity. So, when Naruto talks to the others with out the honorific he's talking in a familiar way, not with unfamiliarity.
schedule
August 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Awesome fic!!! I love the Naruto and Ino idea. I dont see many fics that have that ^^ Im not a fan of Naruto and Ino or Sakura and Shikamaru but in your fic, they are very plausible ^_^ Great job!!!
Hope you update soon!!!
~Nekp
Hope you update soon!!!
~Nekp
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August 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OMG! Hinata drunk was so funny! So Shino and Kiba like eachother! Hell yeah, thats hot! I feel sorry for Naruto, he has all these people wanting him. But I want Sasuke to have him! I loved it when Neji noticed the hickey Sasuke left on Naruto. To bad he doesn't know it was Sasuke who did. I wonder if anybody will find out about that. I know Ino's going to figure something out soon. I like Ino, but I think Sasuke and Naruto belong together! I really liked this chapter. Please update soon!
schedule
August 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
yessssssss! two new chappies...loved them, Hinata drunk??? awww and poor Kiba kun...but he will be happy for her if she is gotta love the dog boy for that..but omg now Neji wants Naru too, so thats 3 guys and 2 girls..hmmm well yes Naru baby is a foxy brat, so I can see it, but really all these people should of done told him BEFORE..now they just want to dump it on him ok both Hyuugas did not so they are doing good, but aaaacckk...my frustration I neeeed moreeeeeee...lol..yes I need more, love this fic soo much, always have to back track a chapter or two to make sure I didnt miss anything, and it just gets me all worked up again lol, any I soooooooo ty for the chappies, hope to read more soon, ty and great job as always, huggles and smiles Mija...:-)
schedule
August 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Please continue the story! i love it so much! narusasu forever!