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March 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yay, another chapter!~
I still think it could be better, not that it's horribly bad right now.
Anyways, thoughts on the story. I thought that Sasuke's "‘What happened last night anyway?’" was hilarious and a great end to that scene. As for Naruto's inability to keep a secret, I think it was a little overdone. I'd like to think of Naruto as dense, but not exactly stupid that he'd just blurt out a big secret like that. I just felt that it was going to be a big suspense where the other characters slowly get more and more suspicious of what happened between naruto and sasuke. Kind of like you took the straight forward approach to getting this over with.
Though, the KakaIru bit in the story was cute. I think you have a nice portrayal of Kakashi in this story. The explaination of the dragon painting was interest and adds a new aspect to the story. The part where you slowly reveal that Jiraiya is the Emperor was played out really well.
In my opinion, I think this story could be improved by adding a little more descript, but more importantly more humor and irony. Kind of like Sasuke repeatedly coming close to finding out, but doesn't find out exactly what happened between him and Naruto. That kind of thing.
You're probably sick and tired of reading my reviews (I feel like I'm being mean sometimes, if i am, sorry.)
Thank you for writing.
kayoko
I still think it could be better, not that it's horribly bad right now.
Anyways, thoughts on the story. I thought that Sasuke's "‘What happened last night anyway?’" was hilarious and a great end to that scene. As for Naruto's inability to keep a secret, I think it was a little overdone. I'd like to think of Naruto as dense, but not exactly stupid that he'd just blurt out a big secret like that. I just felt that it was going to be a big suspense where the other characters slowly get more and more suspicious of what happened between naruto and sasuke. Kind of like you took the straight forward approach to getting this over with.
Though, the KakaIru bit in the story was cute. I think you have a nice portrayal of Kakashi in this story. The explaination of the dragon painting was interest and adds a new aspect to the story. The part where you slowly reveal that Jiraiya is the Emperor was played out really well.
In my opinion, I think this story could be improved by adding a little more descript, but more importantly more humor and irony. Kind of like Sasuke repeatedly coming close to finding out, but doesn't find out exactly what happened between him and Naruto. That kind of thing.
You're probably sick and tired of reading my reviews (I feel like I'm being mean sometimes, if i am, sorry.)
Thank you for writing.
kayoko
schedule
March 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please please please update soon this is my one time all favrite fic i love your writing
schedule
March 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I'm suprised that Sasuke's so eager to buy out Naruto without knowing what happened, and even be frustrated when he cannot by him out XD
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February 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your creativeness never cease to amaze me. The story's setting and plot definitely makes it one of the best NaruSasu fanfic that I've read. I can't wait for more upcoming chapters!
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February 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Not bad. Keep it up. Neji is the head of the clan that's cool. Shikamaru is cool too. ehheh
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February 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
"Sakura, I choose you!" LOL I love that line. Makes her sound like a poke'mon or something. ^o^ Great story so far, I really like it. It's very original, I think. I wonder though, is Orochimaru or Itachi or Naruto's heritage going to play any major roles in this? Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update. ^-^
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February 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
here's a belated review...
totally loved the chapter. especially with all the almost-having-sex and the -did-they-or-didn't-they and various compromising positions. i like jealous/possesive sasuke.
definitely, one of the bits i loved the best was shizune wailing at how she had allowed lil naruto to be ravished... uber kyuuute!!
yay, hope you update more soon. iie iie.. thanks for putting up my pic btw! *blush*
totally loved the chapter. especially with all the almost-having-sex and the -did-they-or-didn't-they and various compromising positions. i like jealous/possesive sasuke.
definitely, one of the bits i loved the best was shizune wailing at how she had allowed lil naruto to be ravished... uber kyuuute!!
yay, hope you update more soon. iie iie.. thanks for putting up my pic btw! *blush*
schedule
February 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
being able to read this chapter was worth the wait....i feel my life has been fulfilled but dnt let that stop u from updating more =] {plz}
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February 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I loved this to death. The percieved slash in this was amazing. XD
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February 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
love your story!!...all the couples are so cute!! (especially naruto n sasuke :P)