rate_review Reviews

You know what? I was waiting for an AU fic like this to come around...I don't know, for some reason, I also thought it would be cool for the original story to come and play for a bit (like, I dunno, Sasuke goes ninja on a mugger or something/Is attacked by enemy ninja...and the old bloodline clans are myths and hated/feared...hehe) but never mind. My muse is acting up again *hits muse with book*. Naruto's dream was a very interesting scene indeed...If I had to guess as to whom he's going to beat up, I'd have to say Sasuke...Only because, thats who he fights with most in the manga (and most AU fics tend to follow the story of the original somehow). But I'm all for the SasuNaru pairing (that's why I'm reading this, of course) so I'm going to hope that it will be Gaara or Neji...whose asses he also kicked...and then changed their way of thinking (just like he did for Neji in your story:D), especially for Gaara...but not Sasuke yet...Hrmm...Well, since I'm on a roll, I think you write *very* well, and I can't really find anything to pick on , 'cept that I'd like to see more of Naruto's POV (not going to go into all this secret stuff Naruto is up to...grrr, I wanna know!), cause I like the way you've written his character. It doesn't seem OOC at all (a fanfic writer's worst nightmare) because, as we've seen in the manga, Naruto is capable of thinking ahead (hehe). The animals you chose to symbolize them with were all good, (the snake and bird for Sasuke and Neji were a given, o'course) and what was Gaara's demon? Shakaku? A racoon? Hehe. Anywho, sorry for being all over the place with this!

naruto is forseeing the future!!! XDDD Update soon!!!

hmm.. constructive critism, ei? umm.. first off, i wished this was a
sasunaru, but with that never happening... haha.. anyways, i like
flirting. flirting is funny. there are a lot of coincidences that put people
in odd positios that is kinda "days of our lives" style. it's good and all
but, a little too dramatic. i like drama and all but it wrentches at my
feelings. is that a good thing or bad? well, i can't think of anything else
at the moment. not trying to be mean about my comment. overall, i
still think this is a great fanfic. this is like the only narusasu that i keep
up with.

Ok, I really like your story. It is really good. Umm… But I do not like it when writers use the word ‘destroy’ in the place of kill. It just sounds funny. I get that you do not want to keep saying the same word over, but you should have said ‘take them out’ or ‘abolish them.’
I really like your use of foreshadowing. Ok umm… that’s about it bye

No more one-liners? Damn, those are my speciality. Well now, time for some actualy effort. Ugh.

One thing I noticed was that the paragraphs were short. Like, really really really short. One-liners, many of 'em. Put some meat on those bones. *wink*

Let's see, what else... Oh, throw in some SasuNaru action, will ya? The whole fic has been like... G-rated so far. Okay, well, that's pushing it... Maybe PG-13. It's a cute fic and all, but AFF ain't for cute fics. =3 Bring on the smut, baby~! xD;

Well, the dream sequence was a little confusing. Not because it was poorly written or because the meaning was obscured, it's just that the MEANING of the meaning behind it confuses me (alright, that was a bad way of explaining it). Basically Naruto's dream implies that he doesn't want Gaara, Neji, and Sasuke fighting over him but the fact that he then pummles them into oblivion implies that he doesn't even like ANY of them romanitically either. Which confuses me b/c from what's been written so far it definitely seems like Naruto is into Sasuke (I guess it's possible that as a SasuNaru fan I've been LOOKING for that, but I try to read as objectively as possible so...). Anyway the dream implied to me that Naruto DOES NOT want to get into a relationship with Sasuke/is not really attracted to him, while the rest of the story leading up to it DOES imply that. This is an obvious contradiction and it confuses me. I figure I'm misinterpreting the dream or I'm misinterpreting the story. Maybe both. So that's my review. Hope it was long enough.

P.S. You say 3 eyes approached him in the dream... I think you mean 3 SETS OF eyes appraocehd him.

Hey, everyone! Kirei here! Some of you probably know me. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to say first "I'm so proud of AkaiTsume for her wonderful job with this one!" I've been reading this one with gleeeeeeeeee. So, kudos, Akai.
NOW, to all of you...
WTF. Uhm... I don't know if many of you have noticed, but ... the story is labeled NaruSasu. Blatantly. So, relax everyone. There will be Naruto x Sasuke action (take note of the order of the names please). On another note... there's one review up there... I think you're having trouble understanding the whole story overall... The story is called "Chasing Naruto"... meaning it's about uh... chasing.... naruto.... There's gotta be a lot of push and pull. And the fact that it's a three-way COMPETITION lends to that. Their pasts shouldn't matter since it's AU, one, and two, it's been done so much that you should be able to just accept that they are the way they are. Standarized is the word that comes to mind actually. Same with the undying affection that Naruto's receiving. It's reference to the actual anime while being unique by not being specific. The dream with the animals was pure symbolism... and maybe foreshadowing. They don't have powers or they'd have probably displayed them by now. Neji's decision to court Naruto is just an added twist to the actual plot. Nothing seperate. He's still chasing Naruto.
As for Naruto melting people with a smile... well DUH! He's older. He's always been charismatic (goes back to that Kishimoto "changes peoples' lives" 'technique'). And now he knows how to use that charisma. He does like mirrors - so he knows he's pretty - and he's learned what works and what doesn't. It's not like he's a social cripple. It has been hinted that he's dated. A LOT. lol. To the comment about it seeming off that Gaara, Neji and Sasuke would make the bet, *incorrect buzzer* Uh... It's a challenge. They're the type of guys that LIKE challenges.
One last thing guys... and I'm not trying to bash anyone here, but seriously, give poor Akai some credit for orchestrating such a twisty-turvey-complex story...
Smut ISN'T everything! I **LOVE** it as much as the next yaoi-fangirl, so don't get me wrong. It's just that a lot of you seem to enjoy nagging the poor girl: "kinda of mundane though since there is no sasuke and naruto action!" - "This is going to be SasuNaru right?" - "Naruto is way flirtacious but he should flirt more with sasuke...cause there was no sasuke/naruto anything in this last chapter." - for just a few examples.
Sit back and enjoy the ride folks. Instead of pouting when there isn't smut in this chapter or the next one, look forward to it and enjoy the "Chase", the hints, the antici....pation. ^___^
So GREAT JOB, Akai! Keep 'em guessing and keep those naughty boys out of the "gutter" for a little while longer. I'm "sort of" a sportsman... I like the hunt. Keep it up. I'm intrigued and enjoying the image of Sasuke in that nice red hunt coat and....... BREECHES *squeeeee*. "Tally-Ho!!!!" *sounds the bugle and slaps Sasuke's horse's rump to jumpstart it, grinning as the hounds bay*

I know what you mean about the one-line reviews. If I've been guilty of leaving you one of those I greatly apologize, it means I was in a hurry when I left it, which often happens because I tend to check in on fan fics between classes. Great chapter, very funny. The Kiba/Hinata moment was very nice, a breath of fresh air between the important scenes to give us a moment to collect our thoughts. Expertly used. The dream was interesting, kind of foreboding though, like all three of them are going to be losing this, and Naruto will come out victorious and alone. Dunno, just the sense I got from it. One thing I love about Naruto in this fic is how much there's really going on beneath the I-don't-pay-attention-at-all exterior. It's nice to see him sharp and in control for once when people often write him as idiotic. He's a nice main character you can really get into, because he KNOWS, which means he's got a leg up on those around him in one sense. Hope to see another chapter soon!

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but someone is plagiarizing this story.

Author: SasuNaru Fan
Story: The New Demon in Kahona
http://adultfan.nexcess.net/aff/story.php?no=544183271

excerpt:
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“Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!!”

A chill raced down Sasuke’s spine while Naruto calmly glanced over his shoulder. “Looks like Sakura found us.Oh and she brought Ino with her."

I hadn’t noticed. Sasuke grit his teeth. Being hounded by his fan club was NOT going to improve his already sour day."Great."

“You are not leaving me to deal with them alone.”

Naruto gave him a cheeky smile. “Hey, they’re your harem. Just let them service you and be on their way.”

“...You have no sense of decency, do you?”

“Nope. None at all.”

The hair on the back of Sasuke’s neck began to tingle as he sensed the females behind him. Regardless of how sweetly they may be smiling right now, he could still sense their real appearances: drooling, clawing, maniacally grinning she-demons swarming en-masse behind him. A prickle of desperation seized him.

“Get me out of this, and I’ll buy you ramen.”

Instantly coming to attention, Naruto turned back to Sasuke and smiled evilly. “Make it a years supply worth, and you have yourself a deal.”

“A YEAR!!!!?!?!???? No way in hell!”

“Ja ne! Have fun with the feeding frenzy!” Naruto started to walk off to the other side of the room."Sasuke-kuuuuun” floating about him.

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke tightened his grip on Naruto’s arm. “A week’s worth of ramen. Final offer.”

Naruto thought about that for a long moment, his hand stroking his chin. Sasuke had to use almost all of his self control to keep from reaching up and strangling him. Damn you, Naruto! Just do it!

Reaching a decision, Naruto cast a sunny smile on Sasuke. “Deal!”

Naruto turned to face them and smiled charmingly. Sasuke lifted an eyebrow.

Ino looked shocked and Sakura gava loud."NOOOOOOOOO SASUKE CAN'T BE GAY!!!!!"

With that, Naruto turned and faced Sasuke, an expectant grin on his face. Sasuke stared up at him in glared red shariagan."I AM NOT GAY!!!" The girls gave a phew in relief.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Naruto nudged Sasuke."Oh come on you know you are."

“I’LL KILL YOU, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!”
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There's more, but that's the most blatant passage. Just thought you might want to know.

The scene between the three suitors was the best I think, I was slightly surprised that it was Gaara that proposed the wager, I don't think he could gamble his friend's happiness. But it worked out. At least, the ultimate decision is up to Naruto. I think the plot you are following is good.
I
found the dream sequence a little confusing, it started as an amusing thing, then it was like a parody of those old horror movies and then it became more serious. I am not sure what you were shooting for. Was it supposed to be humorous or semi-serious? It was interesting how Kiba saw things and how that image materialized differently in Naruto's dreams. I think I liked Kiba's view better.

Overall, the chapter was not as tight as it could have been. Regardless, I enjoyed it. Good luck.