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November 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
watch out for "BROKEN" SPOILERS!!!!!
Those, who hadn't the chance to read this fic before it started to be re-processed: stop reading this RIGHT NOW!!!!!!
If you keep reading this don't kill me later for spoiling your fun, ne?
So...
It's about the last updated chapter, which was deleted some time ago but I just have to write my opinion on it 'cause it's eating me for weeks (or is that moths already?!).
I'm talking about the scene when the whole group goes back to Konoha and after fighting the enemy ninjas Kiba leaves Naruto and Sasuke together so they can have some 'quality time' together... What happens later put me off so badly that I didn't manage to write a review on time.
I mean, their intimacy is so fresh, Naruto still has (or should have) issues with touching someone and here they go: jerking off (or even more, sorry but I don't remember exactly, it was so short and I was stunned by it), nice and easy, like they had no emotional problems or anything. I mean..geez, the tension has been created through so many, many chapter to be wasted like that?!... Why rush into things??
I was really disappointed with it. In my opinion it was such a discordant scene in otherwise flawless story...
And so maybe, just maybe, the all-mighty authoress would be willing to do something about it, when the correcting process finishes and that chapter is back on aff?... That's a plea made by the above mentioned writer's great and loyal fan
Those, who hadn't the chance to read this fic before it started to be re-processed: stop reading this RIGHT NOW!!!!!!
If you keep reading this don't kill me later for spoiling your fun, ne?
So...
It's about the last updated chapter, which was deleted some time ago but I just have to write my opinion on it 'cause it's eating me for weeks (or is that moths already?!).
I'm talking about the scene when the whole group goes back to Konoha and after fighting the enemy ninjas Kiba leaves Naruto and Sasuke together so they can have some 'quality time' together... What happens later put me off so badly that I didn't manage to write a review on time.
I mean, their intimacy is so fresh, Naruto still has (or should have) issues with touching someone and here they go: jerking off (or even more, sorry but I don't remember exactly, it was so short and I was stunned by it), nice and easy, like they had no emotional problems or anything. I mean..geez, the tension has been created through so many, many chapter to be wasted like that?!... Why rush into things??
I was really disappointed with it. In my opinion it was such a discordant scene in otherwise flawless story...
And so maybe, just maybe, the all-mighty authoress would be willing to do something about it, when the correcting process finishes and that chapter is back on aff?... That's a plea made by the above mentioned writer's great and loyal fan
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October 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ooooh poor Sasuke! How will they ever get out of this place. Their friends must be so sad by now. Cant wait for more.
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October 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yes! More of Benisato/Koshi! I always loved Koshi...keep up the re-editing!
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October 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow. I am hooked and disturbed at the same time. The issues and events are definitely serious but I still want to know what happens next. Hopefully things work out, although I sincerely doubt that, haha. Hrm. Great story! I'm glad you're trying to edit this. Looking forward to the day you finish editing and start adding new chapters ^^ thanks.
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October 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD YOU'RE KILLING ME I DID'T THINK THE SITUATION COULD GET ANY WORSE BUT IT JUST DID !!!!!!!!!! OMG U MUST CONTINUE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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October 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG this is an awesome story. I cant wait for more chapters. you write in a manner that makes me want to go after those bad men as well. keep up the great writing.
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October 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YOU MUST UPDATE!!!!! AAAHH THIS IS A GOOD ONE!
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October 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow getting wicked.. no faulting but there are spelling mistakes.... although i should talk lol anyway keep up the good work
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October 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please e-mail me whenever you update soon!! I hope they realize that naruto was rape and the fox tricked him!! but he is kill the men who rape and abused him so i think that is fair and the damaged the the fox is doing to the town is what the people deserved for hurt the boy all those years in the first place!! *pout* i can't wait to read more of what happens next!! Heeheehee...
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September 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I've been reading this fic since long before you began to edit, and I did catch one major error in chapter two that might interest you.
"Neji could not stand it any more demon or not Naruto was still his friend. He went to the door and explained that they would leave now or die a very horrible death. Not from Kyuubi but from him snapping there spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him but they left. Returning to Naruto, Neji could see some more tears fall."
Let's hit this part first: "Neji could not stand it any more demon or not Naruto was still his friend." Add a period after "more", capitalize "demon", and put a comma after "not". It should look like this when you're done: "Neji could not stand it any more. Demon or not, Naruto was still his friend." It strengthens the sentence quite a bit.
Another piece I noticed, though not as big, was this: "Not from Kyuubi but from him snapping there spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him but they left." There are a couple of places where comma's are needed to get the right effect of what you're trying to say. Add a comma after "Kyuubi", and a comma after "at him". Small spelling error too. Change "there" to "their" to give it the possessive definition. In the end, it should look like this: "Not from Kyuubi, but from him snapping their spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him, but they left."
Otherwise, your editting is going quite well. I look forward to reading more, and even helping you out. (I also need to learn to log in when I'm doing stuff like this...)
"Neji could not stand it any more demon or not Naruto was still his friend. He went to the door and explained that they would leave now or die a very horrible death. Not from Kyuubi but from him snapping there spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him but they left. Returning to Naruto, Neji could see some more tears fall."
Let's hit this part first: "Neji could not stand it any more demon or not Naruto was still his friend." Add a period after "more", capitalize "demon", and put a comma after "not". It should look like this when you're done: "Neji could not stand it any more. Demon or not, Naruto was still his friend." It strengthens the sentence quite a bit.
Another piece I noticed, though not as big, was this: "Not from Kyuubi but from him snapping there spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him but they left." There are a couple of places where comma's are needed to get the right effect of what you're trying to say. Add a comma after "Kyuubi", and a comma after "at him". Small spelling error too. Change "there" to "their" to give it the possessive definition. In the end, it should look like this: "Not from Kyuubi, but from him snapping their spines and watching them slowly wither and die. The two nurse’s looked blankly at him, but they left."
Otherwise, your editting is going quite well. I look forward to reading more, and even helping you out. (I also need to learn to log in when I'm doing stuff like this...)