rate_review Reviews

Your writing seems to be very poorly written, it has many grammatical and spelling errors. Note how i used a comma in that last sentence. It is used to link together two short sentences e.g.

Naruto ran until he made it home. He opened the door and walked in.

Could become

Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door and walked in.


This way you can avoid short, seven letter sentences


Next of all, you seem to constantly switch between the past and present tense e.g.


Naruto ran until he made it home. He opened the door and walked in.
^^^^^^^^^^^ This is in the past tense^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Sasuke I’m back!” he yelled with a smile on his face, as he tries to remove the key from the lock.
^^^^^^^^^This is also in the past tense^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^This is in the present tense^^^^^

Why have (god help you) switched between two different tenses in the middle of a sentence?

At the very most often, you should do this between paragraphs, not between lines and most certainly not in the middle of a sentence. I have a 7 year old brother who knows this, are you less than 7 years of age?
The way your lemon scenes are written you might think so. It seems like you have been looking at porno magazines for guidance, without actually having any idea of how people have sex.

Apparently you are a 10 year old who can’t type, spell or even find a decent plot.

あのう。。。その話をまだ読んでいませんけど沢山その話のレビューもう読んでいますから私はあなたのことについてちょっとまごまごしました。たとえば、日本人だったら、“Ｎｉｈｏｎｇｅ”を使わなかった。　“Ｎｉｈｏｎｇｅ”は日本語の言葉じゃないから。たぶん、“日本語”を使いたいですか？でもその言葉のいみは日本の言語です。それから、あなたは日本人じゃないと思います。

―　きらちゃん

Uwaa.. choto hidoi na.

Shikashi honoto da.

*honto

さね。。　でも私も日本人じゃないしやさしくないでもいいですね？

ーきらちゃん

Lol, you are talking about my English when you wrote,” Your writing seems to be very poorly written." It should be ‘your work seems to be very poorly written, and furthermore, is should not be, " Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door and walked in." It should be, “Naruto ran until he made it home, he opened the door, and walked in." You have no place to talk about my writing. And by the way , I have had sex before and I have done everything that I wrote, so I know that is can happen, will I was not spank, but everything else! So there !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol lol lol lol P.S. you made me do this.

hrm outta character a little, but im just really curious what would happen if sasuke even had the notion that naruto was leaving him. The broom thing was not expected at all, but i loved it when sasuke gets back to sappyland. Makes me think sasuke's the abusive bf type. Heh but grammar is a lil off but curious to read the next chapter........SO HOPE THE NEXT CHAPTER COMES OUT SOON!!!!!!n goodluck!! and good job!!

Demo, nihonjin ga yoku eigode jozuna tsudzumas ne.

Soushite, 'nihonge' te nan desu ka.

It's spelled 'nihongo' ^_~

O_o...I...just...don't really know what to say about what Sasuke did to Naruto. *shakes head and then sighs* I almost cried......poor Naruto. Luckily, Shikamaru is going to help Sasuke out, or is he.....hmmmm. *evil smirk* Anyways, I liked it even though I'm now disturbed by Sasuke's behavior. Nice chappie. ^_^

This story is just awesome. Sugoi! blah blah and I love Shikamaru and a bastard Sasuke and I can undeerrstand it enough to tell what's going on. GOOD JOB!!!!! \//