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September 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Are you continuing this? Please say you'll continue this... So had to find a nicely smutty ItaSakuSasu these days...
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November 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Itahci is soooo sexsi! GAWD! Your really good at this! Please continue to update
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November 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG! I like, read ur story and I LOVED IT! I thought this would be a neji/sakura on the first chapter, but boy was I WRONG! hahah! I actually like it! Two thumbs up man!
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August 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good effort and interesting premise... this fic certainly has promise (I love ItaSakuSasu), but I agree with one of the other reviewers: you should put in more description and character history & background, and build up the tension and suspense. And to prevent it from being removed from the site, you should tag it as "Rape, Anal, and N/C".
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June 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You hinted at slight nonconsent but you need to mark it N/C or it can get taken off the site.
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May 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I don't want to sound negative, but this story isn't going well. The way it's written, it looks like a draft, made by the barest facts without embellishing it in the slightest. For example, in the last chapter, you just bluntly say that Sasuke and Itachi were in the hut. You must give an introduction first, telling how they met, why haven't they killed each other, why are they travelling together, why are they in that village, things like that.
Also, you must work more in building up the tension of the scenes. You're writing a darkfic, and in those you must do your best to make the characters and the readers feel nervous and jumpy. Instead on Sasuke just popping out of nowhere , you should have built up the atmosphere by making Sakura hear noises, see shadows move, calling out and not receiving response, the typical stuff you can see in horror and suspense movies. Then Sasuke could startle her, and instead of using the mangekyou right away, he could have reveled in his advantage, making Sakura feel helpless and vulnerable, totally at his mercy. Then the mangekyou would be the final touch.
Also, you must work more in building up the tension of the scenes. You're writing a darkfic, and in those you must do your best to make the characters and the readers feel nervous and jumpy. Instead on Sasuke just popping out of nowhere , you should have built up the atmosphere by making Sakura hear noises, see shadows move, calling out and not receiving response, the typical stuff you can see in horror and suspense movies. Then Sasuke could startle her, and instead of using the mangekyou right away, he could have reveled in his advantage, making Sakura feel helpless and vulnerable, totally at his mercy. Then the mangekyou would be the final touch.
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May 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh well, I liked it!^^ I really hope there'll be more sex scenes... and is there a possibility that Neji and Sakura will have sex... I think it'll be more smexy...!!^^
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May 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh man! it's going to get kinky from then on right? muwahahaha. i can't wait for the good stuff! *wink*
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May 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting beginning... HEY, YOU BETTER CONTINUE THIS WHILE I FIGHT OFF THE YAOI FANS *get's Temari's big fan and blows them away*!!
Anyway, I'm gonna wait and see how Itachi and Sasuke comes into this fic...
Anyway, I'm gonna wait and see how Itachi and Sasuke comes into this fic...
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May 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting. ^_^ Neji pining after Sakura because he can't have her. =) Are we going to see the other men chasing Sakura? >.> When will she run in a Uchiha? Update soon!