schedule
May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting. You have a lot of misspellings throughout the fic. some words are being skipped or added to a sentence and it doesn't make sense.
The plot is an interesting one, but it keeps shifting from place to another. It's not a smooth one either. It seems to be skipping alot of things.
Other then all that, it is an interesting story. Work harder on it, and it will be loads better. Keep up the good work and make it great. coolsa.
The plot is an interesting one, but it keeps shifting from place to another. It's not a smooth one either. It seems to be skipping alot of things.
Other then all that, it is an interesting story. Work harder on it, and it will be loads better. Keep up the good work and make it great. coolsa.
schedule
May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wish that last part would have flowed better. once again, i offer my help as a beta reader!
schedule
May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it's not like i don't enjoy reading your fanfics though. i'm not trying to be mean.
if i came on a little mean, sorry! don't discontinue! ;_;
if i came on a little mean, sorry! don't discontinue! ;_;
schedule
May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The story for now was pretty good.However, you might want to reread everything and work on the spelling and grammar on some of the parts in the chapters. As far as I've been reading them, it's still pretty good, though a little confusing when Neji was looking at himself for some reason instead of Chouji. That's all for now.Can't wait to read more.
schedule
May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wait! Thats not the end is it?
Its just the end of the chapter, right?
Hope so.
Great story so far keep it up.
Its just the end of the chapter, right?
Hope so.
Great story so far keep it up.
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I'm not sure about the way I type..and Hogo-chand idn't do the Beta, I did, I just downloaded some beta thing on the internet, and plus...I live in Canada, NWT O_O In a crappy town..and our school is purple...so I'm not sure how different my school is from others..
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Luv it. Can't wait for more..
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I write this fanfic for people to read and enjoy, I didn't write it so they could tell me that I aheva typo there and here >.< this continues I'm just gonna discontinue this fic T_T
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
lol Hi. Nice story, still. you have the talent :P spelling was much better than last time, but could still use some help ne. do go ahead and try to fix errors from the first chapter too - so that new readers don't abandon the fic due to presentation. after all, this fic is worth the reading. ;)
schedule
May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Finally, there is a potential of something "good" happening in the next chappie. Now that Sasuke has a hold of Naruto, I better not see any wussy, NON-R-rated stuff for the task. Hurry and update soon.