schedule
October 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please tell me this is a chapter fic, because the story has drawn me in and now I want to know more. This fic is great I really ejoyed reading it. The only critiscism I have is that there wasn't really a vebal confession from either boy about thier feelings, but maybe I'm just a verbal person, who knows?
schedule
September 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
awwwww......T_T...that was cuuute.......and sad...and well hott....and ummm....ha ha very good XD....and very in character.....you did a good job!!! i loved it ^__^
schedule
July 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wow that was very well written, i hope you add to this, seems like it would make a great chapter story
schedule
June 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was great! Totally in character which I loved and generally greatky wrote! Thanks for posting!
schedule
June 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Certainly interesting, great scene, and true title. They really didn't solve anything. By the end, Naruto still seemed very confused. As for Sasuke, not even I am fully grasping why he did that. Oh well. At least I got a nice shiver sensation while reading, which means I really liked it.
schedule
August 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i have no idea whats going on, continue so i shall know...
schedule
June 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
They really did solve nothing. n_n really cute!! CX
schedule
October 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hello there!
Well, I obviously read your story, and decided I'd review! Why don't we get the bad news out of the way first, okay?
>.< Alrighty, let's start with the spelling mistakes. Let's say your whole story is a body of water, and I'm a boat. Each spelling mistake is a new whole in this boat. I start sailng the words, calmly at first, but all of a sudden, there's a whole blown into my ship! OH NO, DUDE! Well, it's not that big of a deal, but THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! AHHH! By the third paragraph, everyone's dead. @_@
Note: I noticed you're having a problem with "your" and "you're" Use "your" when you're talking about something that belongs to a specific someone. Use "you're" when you're combining "you" and "are"... no acceptions anywhere.
Let's go back to the boat. We're on a tight schedule here. We have to get Sasuke and Naruto to a ...party. Yeah, that's it...a party! Well, each paragraph, from start to finish is a desitination point. Problem is, we can't get there in time! We have to go soo far..there's way to much water! In other words, seperate your paragraphs xD. Another way to think about it: Since this writing, you may associate it with things you learned in language arts, which is good. However, you need to... bend a few rules. We all know those suck-ass teachers whom love when you tearn in those 20page long paragrpahs, right? What about you? Would you like to read a story that has like, 2000 words, and about 3 paragraphs? @_@. Story paragraphing differs from BCR and ECR paragraphing.
Another thing: grammar, which is basically...important. WOULD I JUST STOP WITH THE BOAT THING?! Ahh...no. So, we've made it to all the parties -partially late-, but we've got to get the bg boy's back home to...play. Each grammar mistake is a pirate ship cannon thing firing at you. (Yes, I kow I' pitiful). Well, by the time we're gotten to the 4th paragraph, the boys are long dead. By the time we're at the 5th, our ships life has ended also. (Okay, so since it's a ship, it's 'life' never actually began. Let's steal one from Family Guy...there's endless possibilities there).
I think that's it for the mistakes.
For the 'good' things: yur story line was okay, although mistakes to steal from the quality. Me, being a English freak...this stuff really bugs me. The lemon waso'k (yeah, I meant to type that @_@). Just revise, and ery'thangle be aiight (Uh-oh! Gansta Barney in da hiz-ouse!)
-Youkai Dreams
~*~WARNING: Youkai Dreams is in NO way responsible for injuries or attempted suicide cases reflected by this review. You were in every way responsible for reading this, and probably figured out she was on drugs from reading the first paragraph. WHY you continued reading this is completly beyond me. Are you arguing with me...are you calling me a liar?? Well, mrs. "I'm so smart," if you hadn't read this far, how do you excplain that you're this far down? ...Oh -sweatdrop- really? S-sorry mom. It won't happen again. Yes ma'am. Understood. He..hehe, I'll see you at dinner?~*~
ANYWAY! Yipes! Bye.
Well, I obviously read your story, and decided I'd review! Why don't we get the bad news out of the way first, okay?
>.< Alrighty, let's start with the spelling mistakes. Let's say your whole story is a body of water, and I'm a boat. Each spelling mistake is a new whole in this boat. I start sailng the words, calmly at first, but all of a sudden, there's a whole blown into my ship! OH NO, DUDE! Well, it's not that big of a deal, but THERE'S ANOTHER ONE! AHHH! By the third paragraph, everyone's dead. @_@
Note: I noticed you're having a problem with "your" and "you're" Use "your" when you're talking about something that belongs to a specific someone. Use "you're" when you're combining "you" and "are"... no acceptions anywhere.
Let's go back to the boat. We're on a tight schedule here. We have to get Sasuke and Naruto to a ...party. Yeah, that's it...a party! Well, each paragraph, from start to finish is a desitination point. Problem is, we can't get there in time! We have to go soo far..there's way to much water! In other words, seperate your paragraphs xD. Another way to think about it: Since this writing, you may associate it with things you learned in language arts, which is good. However, you need to... bend a few rules. We all know those suck-ass teachers whom love when you tearn in those 20page long paragrpahs, right? What about you? Would you like to read a story that has like, 2000 words, and about 3 paragraphs? @_@. Story paragraphing differs from BCR and ECR paragraphing.
Another thing: grammar, which is basically...important. WOULD I JUST STOP WITH THE BOAT THING?! Ahh...no. So, we've made it to all the parties -partially late-, but we've got to get the bg boy's back home to...play. Each grammar mistake is a pirate ship cannon thing firing at you. (Yes, I kow I' pitiful). Well, by the time we're gotten to the 4th paragraph, the boys are long dead. By the time we're at the 5th, our ships life has ended also. (Okay, so since it's a ship, it's 'life' never actually began. Let's steal one from Family Guy...there's endless possibilities there).
I think that's it for the mistakes.
For the 'good' things: yur story line was okay, although mistakes to steal from the quality. Me, being a English freak...this stuff really bugs me. The lemon waso'k (yeah, I meant to type that @_@). Just revise, and ery'thangle be aiight (Uh-oh! Gansta Barney in da hiz-ouse!)
-Youkai Dreams
~*~WARNING: Youkai Dreams is in NO way responsible for injuries or attempted suicide cases reflected by this review. You were in every way responsible for reading this, and probably figured out she was on drugs from reading the first paragraph. WHY you continued reading this is completly beyond me. Are you arguing with me...are you calling me a liar?? Well, mrs. "I'm so smart," if you hadn't read this far, how do you excplain that you're this far down? ...Oh -sweatdrop- really? S-sorry mom. It won't happen again. Yes ma'am. Understood. He..hehe, I'll see you at dinner?~*~
ANYWAY! Yipes! Bye.
schedule
June 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Tis really good xD. but i'm confused about the last part where Sasuke is and Naruto already left. I dunno...Some part around there when Sasuke thought that NAruto didn't the right to show him a sad face and all that stuff. I just don't get it. :gonk:
schedule
June 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
O.O!! That was awesome! I haven't read something as good as that in a frickin' month! If there's gonna be another chapter to this one, then I'll deffientally be checking in to see! Yokudekimashita (good job)!