schedule
July 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Omg... that is a compeatly creative reason for Kakashi to rape Sasuke. o_<
It sort of scares me... helping him by raping him... *cleans self*
Yes, I do wish for you to continue your story. Enjoy ze pie!
*gives you pie*
It sort of scares me... helping him by raping him... *cleans self*
Yes, I do wish for you to continue your story. Enjoy ze pie!
*gives you pie*
schedule
June 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow. Why on earth did you write this? Why did I read it?? ^__^ We probably need to see a shrink. . .all of us. Oh boy. Why ARE we writing/reading this kind of torture? And requesting more? DO write more, btw! Sasuke in bed with Orochimaru. . .poor kid. He's so messed up already!
The critique: This was unrealistic, but I think you already knew that. (If not. . .Kakashi was OOC. Bastard!Kakashi. [Sasuke? Not so much. Rape is traumatic. You did him all right.]) To fix confusion, just put some more of Kakashi's thoughts into the begining. In italics. Or have him talk to himself. . .help us get into his head by writting out explicitly what he's thinking. That'll get you away from TELLING us what's going on, and move you to SHOWING us. THat's so much more cool! Everyone draws their own interpretations, and the characterization is a lot more solid.
So. Put some of that "I'm fucking him to make him think of me like Itachi-- and therefor be able to defeat his elder brother-- and get stronger. This is just training" attitude into the begining? In the form of thoughts.
Anyway, good start. Try and put some thoughts into it?
The critique: This was unrealistic, but I think you already knew that. (If not. . .Kakashi was OOC. Bastard!Kakashi. [Sasuke? Not so much. Rape is traumatic. You did him all right.]) To fix confusion, just put some more of Kakashi's thoughts into the begining. In italics. Or have him talk to himself. . .help us get into his head by writting out explicitly what he's thinking. That'll get you away from TELLING us what's going on, and move you to SHOWING us. THat's so much more cool! Everyone draws their own interpretations, and the characterization is a lot more solid.
So. Put some of that "I'm fucking him to make him think of me like Itachi-- and therefor be able to defeat his elder brother-- and get stronger. This is just training" attitude into the begining? In the form of thoughts.
Anyway, good start. Try and put some thoughts into it?
schedule
June 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WOOTENS!! Very good!! Nicely written, and wow, it was good. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more!
schedule
June 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
*glancing up at one of the other reviewers* Wow, don't you hate people who completely ignore warnings, apparently don't even read the summary of a story, then want to complain about the content of the story?
Okay, I'm really bad at subtlety, so I'll just drop all pretense and get this off of my chest, because when reading through the reviews of this story and finding the review by Germaine, I was annoyed enough that I had to tell him/her/it just how much of an idiot he/she/it is.
1) The summary clearly said rape. In fact, I'm pretty sure it said, "Kakashi rapes Sasuke." It doesn't get much clearer than that. Want to complain about rape? Complain about the actual cases of rape, not an example of it in a story, where it doesn't actually hurt any living human being.
2) Don't like incest? Don't read a story that might have it. You see signs there may be incest, you leave. It's that simple. Since you're apparently not fond of this story anyway, that shouldn't be hard for you. There's no need to leave a review about content that you dislike. Content is up to, oh, the AUTHOR of the story. A good reviewer leaves reviews with constructive criticism, but obviously, you know nothing about what a good reviewer does, so I'm probably talking to a brick wall here.
3) I've seen your stories. You have no room to criticise the work of anyone else, especially when their fic was a hell of a lot better written than any of yours could hope to be. I wouldn't usually make a personal attack to prove a point, but... well, you deserved it.
There. I feel much better.
NOW onto my actual review XD To the author of this fic, I'm terribly sorry about that rant, and for taking up your review space for it, but I just had to get that off of my chest. Excellent work with your story. It was well-written, something this site could use a bit more of. Keep up the good work, and if you don't have a beta, I'd love to help. I'll look forward to more possible installments of this fic.
Okay, I'm really bad at subtlety, so I'll just drop all pretense and get this off of my chest, because when reading through the reviews of this story and finding the review by Germaine, I was annoyed enough that I had to tell him/her/it just how much of an idiot he/she/it is.
1) The summary clearly said rape. In fact, I'm pretty sure it said, "Kakashi rapes Sasuke." It doesn't get much clearer than that. Want to complain about rape? Complain about the actual cases of rape, not an example of it in a story, where it doesn't actually hurt any living human being.
2) Don't like incest? Don't read a story that might have it. You see signs there may be incest, you leave. It's that simple. Since you're apparently not fond of this story anyway, that shouldn't be hard for you. There's no need to leave a review about content that you dislike. Content is up to, oh, the AUTHOR of the story. A good reviewer leaves reviews with constructive criticism, but obviously, you know nothing about what a good reviewer does, so I'm probably talking to a brick wall here.
3) I've seen your stories. You have no room to criticise the work of anyone else, especially when their fic was a hell of a lot better written than any of yours could hope to be. I wouldn't usually make a personal attack to prove a point, but... well, you deserved it.
There. I feel much better.
NOW onto my actual review XD To the author of this fic, I'm terribly sorry about that rant, and for taking up your review space for it, but I just had to get that off of my chest. Excellent work with your story. It was well-written, something this site could use a bit more of. Keep up the good work, and if you don't have a beta, I'd love to help. I'll look forward to more possible installments of this fic.
schedule
June 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow i like the pov that was very well done and the ending was pretty cool to ^^
schedule
June 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
No offence...but I won't continue reading this...cause first of all...I hate incest with all my heart...cause I got a brother and a sister....and incest's just plain sick...second of all...I detest rape...and theird of all...I'm already a depressed person...I shouldn't get more depressed than I'm already am...I just can't see how you could write something this horrible...and I'm talking about the whole rape scenario....
~Germaine~
~Germaine~
schedule
June 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I am SO going to hell for reading this right after church and right BEFORE going to eat lunch with my grandparents. ^^; Ah well.
Anyway, the story was very well-written, great job, and in response to your author's note, I would like to see this continued, after finding out Kakashi's motives at the end. I'd also love to see some ItaSasu from you, as it's my favorite pairing and you seem to be a good author to attempt something like that. >> In fact, I'll go check out your profile, to see if you already have.
Anyway, the story was very well-written, great job, and in response to your author's note, I would like to see this continued, after finding out Kakashi's motives at the end. I'd also love to see some ItaSasu from you, as it's my favorite pairing and you seem to be a good author to attempt something like that. >> In fact, I'll go check out your profile, to see if you already have.
schedule
June 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I don't know if I'll get any emails that are sent.
You should have it that in time Sasuke starts likeing Kakashi'
and Kakasi justs fucks him even harder and worse till some Itachi makes Kakashi tell from all his mental guilt or someting.
Love ya!!!!!!
-Billy
You should have it that in time Sasuke starts likeing Kakashi'
and Kakasi justs fucks him even harder and worse till some Itachi makes Kakashi tell from all his mental guilt or someting.
Love ya!!!!!!
-Billy
schedule
June 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ahhhh mwhahahhahaha so awesome!!!<3<3<3 kakashi x sasuke /itachi x sasuke = my favorite couples XD
you rock
you Rule
you Pawn
you OWN!
please update maybe some uchihacest kekekeke *snickers*
sasuke*shivers* ....onegai dont
me:8D hahahhahaha he's sooo uke!! ....unlike naruto -__-
so yeah um errr you rock *worships* please update some more dont keeeep teh fan waiting ya! XD
byez my love <3<3
you rock
you Rule
you Pawn
you OWN!
please update maybe some uchihacest kekekeke *snickers*
sasuke*shivers* ....onegai dont
me:8D hahahhahaha he's sooo uke!! ....unlike naruto -__-
so yeah um errr you rock *worships* please update some more dont keeeep teh fan waiting ya! XD
byez my love <3<3
schedule
June 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wtf what's up with this fucked up review thingy -_- shit....
um yeah i wanted to say nice fic your my idol!!!<3 please write more ..c....can we have uchihacest or mayyyyybe kakaxitaxsasu XDDDD
wooo um *cough*
you rock
you rule
you pawn
so yeah what else dont keep me waiting i'll haunt you down and it wont be pretty *grins madly*
bye my beloved one <3
um yeah i wanted to say nice fic your my idol!!!<3 please write more ..c....can we have uchihacest or mayyyyybe kakaxitaxsasu XDDDD
wooo um *cough*
you rock
you rule
you pawn
so yeah what else dont keep me waiting i'll haunt you down and it wont be pretty *grins madly*
bye my beloved one <3