rate_review Reviews

Chapter 8: Lemony goodness, eh? Thanks for the warning. I wonder who it’ll be.

How’s he going get those clothes off if he can’t take the cuffs off his hands? . . . . Ooh, his heart skipped a beat. I hope that it doesn’t mean romance. Just that he feels touched. . . . He got his ramen after all. ^^ . . . . I like this line: “I don’t really like talking about all of this, and you may find that I’m less agreeable after we’re done.” Not many people would warn about that sort of thing. She’s really in touch with herself, isn’t she? That’s cool.
Man, that’s horrible. Why didn’t anybody defend her? . . . . (You know, this kinda reminds me of a combination of characters from Fruits Basket. It’s a good story, though, this one.
“We don’t love you anymore. We don’t want you anymore.” The first line seems kind of awkward; I’m having a hard time picturing them saying it. Maybe it’s possible, but I would’ve thought that it would’ve meant that they never really loved her anyway to begin with. The second line made more sense of what they were trying to say (than the first one, I mean — I don’t like what they’re doing to the girl, but that’s what I mean).
I wonder if this old woman is the one that’s sealed inside of her. If so, then she’s got an ability all of her own.
That must be interesting, seeing little Itachi. . . . But if Mina and Itachi are brother and sister of roughly the same age, how old was she when she was banished, and how come they’ve never seen each other? . . . . “They were practically identical.” I wonder if they’ve noticed that. . . . Yup. ^^ . . . . I love how when Itachi says, “Only witches live in the forest,” Mina immediately gets defensive. . . . Ohhhh, that explains it. Her first family wasn’t her real family.
“Naruto caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye and Itachi was on them like a flash.” Might want to rephrase that sentence; that indicates that he’s attacking them. . . . Heh. She learned that “look into my eyes” trick from Itachi, probably. ^^ What’s confusing me, though, is how can Naruto see what Mina saw in Itachi’s eyes. The line said, “Itachi’s eyes started to glow red and Mina could see a beautiful woman sitting on a sofa.” It didn’t say anything about Naruto. . . . That story sounds almost like superstition. I would’ve expected some of them to start writing it off as such, even if it wasn’t. (And this story reminds me a little of Ayashi no Ceres, one of my favorites.) . . . . This makes me wonder if Itachi has a grain of truth in him about Mina possibly being a danger to Sasuke. I doubt it, but if she did kill that nurse . . . of course, nothing said that it was her that killed the nurse; someone else could have. So maybe she is innocent in that respect. Still, the seed of doubt is planted.
So Itachi told her about Sasuke, eh? So that probably means that whenever Itachi killed the clan, Mina found out and assumed Sasuke died with the rest of them as well. Either that, or Itachi did something to her memory that made her forget about Sasuke. . . . (*giggle*) “And now you’re thinking that you can’t believe I can do this.” ^^ . . . . So the witch is already inside her?
Yikes, that’s scary. I wonder if Itachi’s cursed, too, or something. . . . The evidence is certainly pointing to him doing it. I wonder if that’s true.
This Itachi has me curious. He sounds a lot like Sasuke from the manga. I wonder if that’s true or an act. . . . “ ‘You didn’t even know them! Why is this so important to you?’ Itachi looked angry.” Um, a little suggestion: Until that line, I was a little uncertain who was saying what in this dialogue. For some reason I thought at first that it was Itachi who said, “I’ve been killing myself training night and day, [etc.]”. Might want to clarify that bit. . . . A binding curse? Hmm. I wonder what he’s up to now. . . . “His temper had been getting a lot worse lately [. . .]” That’s a scary thought. (*shudders*) . . . . That’s interesting. I wonder if there’s anything he’s not telling her. My guess is that only he can get her pregnant or something like that.
Black eye. That’s not good. Are they sleeping together then? . . . . I wonder what his game is here. Is he just nuts or what? . . . . Heh. This is why you don’t screw around with magic. . . . I wonder what Sasuke would think if he could see this fight between Itachi and Mina. . . . So now they’re stuck. Itachi can’t kill her because the witch is too strong, and she can’t kill him because she wants a family. That is a dilemma.
I wonder if Itachi intends to keep or break that promise to Mina. And if he does keep it, what’s to keep her from killing him afterwards? . . . . (*snort*) Naruto just answered my question. Thanks, Naruto. ^^ . . . . Once more, when Mina says, “I have another brother????” not quite so many question-marks are necessary. (*sweat*) . . . . Yikes, now she’s furious. . . . That’s sweet, how Mina and Naruto are bonding. . . . “Maybe Neji was right. You can’t fight fate.” Nahh, screw fate in this case. The witch-thing, sure, okay, but not this bonding here. . . . Nice line to end off with.

Chapter 9: I wonder who’s going to be involved in the lemon. (Hopefully not Neji or Mina, though the title seems to hint towards one of them.)

I like the starting lines of this chapter. . . . And I like the self-analysis Itachi’s doing (whether he’s right about it or wrong). . . . “projecting thoughts at Itachi from kilometers away.” I wonder if she can do that, or maybe Itachi just doesn’t know. Yeah, I bet he doesn’t know. He evidently knows more about her powers than most, but probably not everything. . . . Love the effect of his sudden realization that he messed up.
She and Itachi seem to think on similar lines. Unless Itachi’s heading to the castle to do something else. . . . Heh, I like how Mina admires Naruto’s healing ability. ^_^
I like how Sasuke came to see sense in this and apologized. It’s always interesting when someone realizes that someone else made a good judgment on them ahead of time, one that helps. . . . (*wince*) Ouch, at ankle chain sounds horrible. DX . . . . (*shiver*) Good luck, boys. ó_ò (*bites lip worriedly*) . . . . Heh. It happens from time to time, Sasuke. We’re all unintentionally clairvoyant at random moments. ^^; . . . . That was a tense moment to leave off with. I like it.
Yeah, one little careless mistake, Itachi, and everything goes to hell. ^_^ . . . . It’s kinda funny how all three Uchihas got a little clairvoyant around the same time. What the hell. I don’t believe this is an act of fate, more of an act of weirdness. (I only say fate for certain things, of which I’m not sure I have a specific definition.) . . . . Hmm, interesting story, Itachi. But why should Sasuke believe that? And furthermore, that last sentence: “As much as I want his power for myself, if he falls under the witch’s spell everything I’ve ever worked for will be in vain.” Why should Sasuke care what you’ve worked for, eh, Itachi? ô_o . . . . Sasuke’s got an interesting point about why should he help Itachi, but how come he isn’t questioning whether to believe Itachi or not? . . . . (*snicker*) Love the pause on “help”. Itachi doesn’t like saying that word, does he? ^^ . . . . Heh, I like the reference to the flood. ^^ . . . . Good reasoning, Sasuke. I love how he elaborates that helping Itachi save Naruto won’t change a thing from the current situation. This is actually better than Sasuke not believing Itachi. =D . . . . Owwwwch. >.< . . . . “Sasuke looked pulled.” As in torn? . . . . Love Itachi’s last warning. I wonder if he would really kill Sasuke, though. Maybe—but he’d regret it later. And if he foresees that . . . then maybe not.
I like Neji’s quote in the last paragraph. I wonder who’s just arrived or is coming for him. Good luck, Neji.

Well, liking Mina doesn’t have to mean liiiiiking Mina. He could be just touched that she cares. It doesn’t have to turn into romantic or sexual love. (I hope it won’t.)
Also, I like the goal on Itachi that you stated in your note to Kyuubi-kun. It’s very intriguing.
But I thought there was supposed to be a lemon in this chapter? Strangely, I must’ve missed it. ô_ô

Chapter 10: Interesting title. . . . Owwch, that’s gotta hurt. DX . . . . Oh! It was Naruto downstairs. =) . . . . (*crosses fingers*) Come on, Mina! >.< . . . . He’s lucky if none of those tendons got severed. (*nauseous*) . . . . Fifteen minutes ago? It was that long? . . . . Aww, she called him “little brother.” That’s sweet. . . . Alright, flashback ahead.
Yeah, he looks “happy” alright. 9_9 . . . . I wonder if Sasuke’s noticed that his admirers have switched over. Probably not. . . . (*snort*) The repetitive innuendo of “. . . up . . .” is kind of funny in its repetition. ^^ . . . . So here’s the lemon. I must’ve misread something in an earlier chapter. . . . Aww man, please tell me that Kiba was straight and just really drunk. (*sweat*) . . . . HAH! “Nope. I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to bed.” Re-Jec-Ted! XD . . . . Love the emphasis on “sweeeeeeet”. ♥ . . . . (*giggle*) Sasuke was so immersed with how much he loved Naruto, that: “Sasuke?” “Hn?” “Move.” “Oh, sorry.” ^^ ♥ ♥ ♥ . . . . That scene ended pretty quick, but in a good way. I usually get annoyed if these lemon-scenes end too fast, but I liked this one; it didn’t feel rushed for some reason. . . . Err, whoopsie: “Get up. We’re taking a bath together?” I don’t think that last “?” was supposed to be there. It made the sentence sound odd. . . . Cute line about how Sasuke always wanted to take a bath with Naruto. . . . Aww man, that’s so heartbreakingly SWEET! ♥ ^;_;^ I hope things work out in the end for everybody! ;__;
Poor Naruto. T__T . . . . Love his quiet prayer.
It’s ironically funny how these two are bickering. ^^ . . . . I like these lines: “That was the problem with having a conscience. It slowed you down.” . . . . (*snort*) God, this one’s so ironic! “When this was all over, he was going to have to go see a doctor.” Because he’s feeling tenderness. Normally doctors (at least sane ones) try to encourage that sort of thing and discourage the more psycho stuff. I wonder what kind of doctor would give Itachi what he’s expecting in this case. ô_o . . . . Cute. Sasuke’s enjoying mouthing off. ^_^ . . . . Eesh, that was close. I guess coming from Itachi that’s a logical reason why he’s not worried. And just like that, Sasuke’s scared and all the humor is gone. Wow. Nicely put together. . . . That must be an odd feeling: “He would never admit it to anyone but being in this cave with his brother made him feel safer than he had felt in years.” He’d probably think, and isn’t THAT ironic.
Huh. I wonder why Sasuke had nightmares so much as a kid. . . . Jeez, what the hell. Why’s dad smacking him around for being up early? I mean, talk about brutal. . . . I like the point in this scene, about how Itachi’s telling Sasuke that he’s going to have to be able to protect himself eventually. . . . This is a cute scene. Dependence on learning to be independent.
Yeah, it is hard to believe that it had only been one day. . . . Interesting. Sasuke was dreaming about his past, and when he cried out “Aniki!” Itachi probably thought he was having a nightmare about the rape. I like the end of this chapter; it’s something to muse on.

Oh good, so it’s just familial love between Naruto and Mina. (*phew*) ^_^;

(I review as I read.)

Chapter 1: “Attention?” That doesn’t sound good. . . . Ouch. . . . “Uchiha will have my head [. . .]” I wonder which one. . . . Sounds ominous.
Oh man, please tell me Sasuke and Neji are all right. >.< . . . . So he and Sasuke have been, um, in a relationship before? ♥_♥ (I hope we get to see some of that.) . . . . Uh-oh. Itachi. (*shiver*) . . . . He better be alive. (*growl*) . . . . Ahhh, and there’s the title. Eerie how the flashback ends there. Mysterious.
Good, they’re alive. Wait — in a castle? o_o Wow. . . . So Naruto and Kyuubi merged. Cool. But what does that mean in this story? . . . . I wonder why Itachi doesn’t believe him. And I liked the line, “Apparently the hatred went both ways.” . . . . I also like this line: “He was determined to not cry out during the first attack.” It’s interesting, because he didn’t say “cry out,” he specified “the first attack.” . . . . Huh? Sister? õ.ô

Okay, I confess! I’m intrigued! XD

Chapter 2: So Itachi had a twin that doesn’t know about Sasuke. Doesn’t know there’s a person who’s Itachi’s little brother, or is there something about Sasuke that she doesn’t know about? I wonder. . . . Ah. She doesn’t know there’s another Uchiha. Interesting. ô.o . . . . I like the hostility between them. . . . (*snort*) He called her “Ice Bitch”. And who’s he to cast stones?
Interesting dilemma she’s in. I’m intrigued with this character.
Love it when Sasuke rebels. ♥ . . . . Love it when he snaps, too. ♥ . . . . Jealous? Wouldn’t that just worry him more than make him jealous?
Heh. He knows he’s a bad guy. . . . Yup, it’s jealousy alright.

Sasuke’s your favorite, too, eh? Cool, same here. ^_^

Chapter 3: Man, that’s gotta be hard on him, finding himself forced to sleep with his lover’s brother. . . . Oh god, that sentence was ominous: “It was at that moment that Itachi awoke and never in Naruto’s life would he forget what happened next.” (I hope his life lasts a long time, cuz I’ve read a book that said something like that and cheated.) . . . . (*stunned*) Um . . . huh? (*giggles*) That was random. ^^
Aww, god, Sasuke’s so KYUUUUTE!! X3 (*huggles Sasuke*) . . . . (*sniff*) So cute. ó_ò . . . . I like the way Itachi uses logic to reassure Sasuke. It’s interesting. . . . Heh. Little Sasuke swore. ^^ Cute. ♥ (Reminds me a bit of some Stephen King books I’ve read.)
Itachi’s shocked that “he was spooning Naruto.” XD . . . . For some reason, I like the last few lines: Itachi’s words and actions to Naruto.
“Cold lips had been pressed against his own.” Huh. Why cold, I wonder. . . . So this time Itachi’s going to try to seduce information out of Naruto rather than brutally torture it out. . . . Oh jeezus, Naruto, if you can’t control your body’s actions, at least control your words! Don’t tell him to “Don’t stop” right after you say his goddamn name! Oy! õ_õ . . . . (*sigh*) Man, that’s lame as hell. Naruto, I’m beyond disappointed in you. u_u . . . . (*snort*) Good comeback to Itachi, though, Naruto. That deserved a thumbs-up. ^^ . . . . Ooh, “We don’t have time for you to be cute.” Love the typical threat in that line. =) . . . . “Think of it as a saving sacrifice.” Hmm. 9_9

Something that I think is interesting about this so far is the humor mixed in with the angst. It helps make it bearable. And I like how neither Naruto nor Sasuke are breaking too easily. I still wonder if Neji’s okay, though.

Chapter 4: Oh no, oh no, oh no, please tell me he’ll remember Sasuke again and love him again. ;__; . . . . Those snatches of conversation are intriguing. Witches? Cool. . . . Alright, somebody torch Konoha for me (those fucktards). ¬_¬ . . . . Talk about total retards, contradicting Mina when they’re so terrified of her. . . . Heh. She should emphasize her point about the “only if you open it” by telling them that she might just do that. Maybe they’ll shut up out of fear.
Sasuke must have a lot of stuff within reach to keep throwing, then. . . . “This is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed.” Tough shit, Itachi. You don’t like it, unchain him and he won’t have to resort to that. . . . Ooh, velvet and straddling. Do I see where this is going. . . ? . . . . He kissed him to shut him up. Sasuke’s handling that pretty well. . . . Heh. And there’s that title again. I’m curious about how Sasuke doesn’t seem to like it, but isn’t freaking out about it either.

Chapter 5: Interesting. Mina’s haunted by the torture. She doesn’t like it, but something in her does, and all of that combined really scares her. I like this character. She’s interesting. . . . Err, whoopsie: the bold is continuing outside the thoughts. (*sweat*) . . . . Must be those techniques Itachi had taught him if ramen is what he wants more than anything in this world. . . . Jeez, that’s scary, what she can do when someone’s asleep.
Ah, and there’s Sasuke’s answer. . . . Oh crap. He’s just going to take it. O.O . . . . (*flinch*) He’s merciless, isn’t he. . . . Now he’s scared. . . . Jeez. . . . Oh man, that’s horrible. After doing all that he says, “You’re an embarrassment?” God, that’s horrible. . . . And then he kisses him?! Shit, this is going to be so confusing! Õ.Õ

(*laughs weakly*) “I promise I wouldn’t hurt him for no reason [. . .]” Yeah, THAT’S reassuring. I hope this story has a happy ending too, though.

I am really enjoying this one too! Please continue!

Gah! I just finished the story so far! Sigh, you haven't added a chapter in so long!!! I hope everything is going well in your life! Please continue the story - I so want to learn how this plot works out!!! I will give you virtual cookies!!!