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November 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really love your story so far. Please keep writing! lol Also, could you please tell me if you have any other stories posted on adult fanfction. Thanks
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November 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
when are you goign to update this????
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November 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I'm normally not a fan of AU stories, but I seem to be stumbling across some very good ones lately. I especially like your portrayal of Sasuke, especially since you don't really show us his thoughts. This basically results in us getting Naruto's perspective of events, which is an interesting way to do it. It makes Sasuke seem darker and more mysterious since we don't have a thorough understanding of his thoughts and motives.
And on that review response issue people have been commenting on -- honestly, I often enjoy reading the responses to the reviews almost as much as the story itself. It's nice to see how the author reacts to various criticisms and compliments, and how that later affects the story (or doesn't, as the case may be). Since the comments have all been at the end of the chapters so far, I don't see any problem with it. It's clear when the story ends and the responses begin, so it seems to be a good compromise.
Keep it up; I look forward to reading more. You're a talented writer.
And on that review response issue people have been commenting on -- honestly, I often enjoy reading the responses to the reviews almost as much as the story itself. It's nice to see how the author reacts to various criticisms and compliments, and how that later affects the story (or doesn't, as the case may be). Since the comments have all been at the end of the chapters so far, I don't see any problem with it. It's clear when the story ends and the responses begin, so it seems to be a good compromise.
Keep it up; I look forward to reading more. You're a talented writer.
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November 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey! Just wanted to tell you I'm really really anxious to read your next chap! I know I've reviewed twice but that how badly I want to read it!! Please update!!! Please!!!!! *on knees begging*
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October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I don't know why I haven't come across this story yet, maybe because my computer's been broken for about...oh a month now, but anyway: I like your story, its inspiring to read something new and inovative to say the least. Your grammar is wonderful, no mistakes that scream at me, your sentences run together nicely and you've pieced this story together well so far.
I like that you're letting them warm up instead of just having them jump on each other--I love slower moving stories because they're more realistic. I'm intruiged by what Itachi's purpose will be in this plot and of course Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is always fun to read. I'll be looking forward to the next installment, oh and keep the title, it fits. Of course, if you ever decide to write a sequel--to early to tell for that, I know--you could continue with "Waiting" "Wanting" "Seeking" and so on.
Again, wonderful job so far,
--Dhampir
P.S. --> I'm glad to see someone else who uses the
Dhampir
Page 12
Date/Chapter
thingy, I felt weird using it myself and I never saw anyone else who used it. I feel better now, yay!
I like that you're letting them warm up instead of just having them jump on each other--I love slower moving stories because they're more realistic. I'm intruiged by what Itachi's purpose will be in this plot and of course Sasuke and Naruto's relationship is always fun to read. I'll be looking forward to the next installment, oh and keep the title, it fits. Of course, if you ever decide to write a sequel--to early to tell for that, I know--you could continue with "Waiting" "Wanting" "Seeking" and so on.
Again, wonderful job so far,
--Dhampir
P.S. --> I'm glad to see someone else who uses the
Dhampir
Page 12
Date/Chapter
thingy, I felt weird using it myself and I never saw anyone else who used it. I feel better now, yay!
schedule
October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i've read all 5 chapters and i would like to read more!!!!!!!!!!! i'm will be waiting my nose on the screen for your next chapter!!! (even if i would use that time to read for the exams,demo these stories beat maths,english and geography ten to zero!! Don't you agree? stories are better than school!!!!!!)
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October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Sorry, i should have reviewed this a long time ago. I just started reading this and i'm not even done with the first chapter because it was so funny i just had to review this right now. the phrase "if you manage to pass, it'll violate all laws of time and space" almost killed me. Seriously, i was eatting spicey ramen then i started laughing, which cause me to start chocking on my ramen. And because of the spice, it felt like my thoat was burning. Somehow i manage to survive. Good job! You almost killed me! But that's okay. Sorry again because this review is very old. I wish i could go back in time and review this when you just started on this story. You probably don't care what i'm writing right now so i'll just shut up. Very nice beginning by the way. Ja! :P
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October 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
err...i'm not sure what's wrong with the review thingy, but the review that's above this review is mine, as in Tina. Not Anon.
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October 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey! It's a fellow southerner! (waves hello)
Sorry...had to get that out of the way.
I really like this story. It seems I've been overlooking lots of good stories lately. Usually I try to steer clear of any and all fan fiction when I need to be writing on my own story, but well, you see how that's working out...it's not.
Starting out what I know will probably be long and drawn out, I must commend you for your portrayal of Naruto. Your writing style allows for us (the readers) to actually see him for what he is: a funny, but slightly awkward boy who is still trying to find his way in the world. He is NOT stupid, and I detest stories where he's made to be that way. Even in the real Naruto 'verse, he may act stupid sometimes (OK, a lot of the time), but underneath it all is a very caring and endearing young man. He may not be the smartest person out there, but his heart and determination more than make up for it.
It cracks me up, though, when in your story he starts rambling. He thoughts are disjointed at times, but that's why I like it. Most people do not think in a steady, solid line. People's thoughts meander, and I appreciate how you've chosen to showcase Naruto's thought processes. He's a spaz, but a loveable (though confused) spaz. He's especially cute when he gets flustered around Sasuke the Molester. =D
Even though your story mainly focuses on Naruto (and his beginning relationship with Sasuke), you still keep all the characters (supporting and main) completely IN character. Sasuke's still an ice pick (er...prick, I meant), but you can tell he still had an underlying sadness about him. Of course, making him into Sasuke the Molester is an added bonus!
Sakura is still hopelessly in love (or lust...whatever) with Sasuke. She still gets on my nerves at times (she's never been one of my favorite characters), but I can actually stand her in your story. In the anime, she's all weak and obnoxious. She, like Naruto, has a lot of heart, but in ninja battles, that can only take you so far. I'm glad that in part two of the manga, she's finally allowed to show off her training with Tsunade.
And Kakashi? Well, he's just...Kakashi. Need I mention more?
Oh, and Shikamaru is the best! I just adore him. The way he's portrayed makes me think back to some of the people I used to hang out with in high school. He just has this laid-back and completely chill attitude with a touch of smart ass. So hot!
And I know that this is a cliched story, but it's really well-written. I don't mind overused plot if the story is good. I posted my very first fan fic a few months back, and I used a cliched plot. Hell, my story is basically a multi-part PWP. I'm only doing it for fun. So, I guess I'm just trying to tell you to have fun with it. I know starting college is rough, and it takes up a lot of time. But try not to let some reviewer responses get to you so much. I know. Easy for me to write that.
Blah...I can never manage to get to the point. Anyways...love the story, update when you can, and try not to let writing stories and life in general stress you out.
* * * * *
"Thunder clapped on the horizon, wind blew though the trees, a distant wolf howled its lament to..."
That line had me cracking up sooo bad. Just had to let you know!
Oh, and your tattoo sounds cool. At least it's unique! I bet you won't find a lot of people with the Anbu symbol upside down. My first tattoo is crooked! Crooked I tell you! I was nervous too, so I didn't notice until AFTER it was permanent. Oh, well. :(
Sorry...had to get that out of the way.
I really like this story. It seems I've been overlooking lots of good stories lately. Usually I try to steer clear of any and all fan fiction when I need to be writing on my own story, but well, you see how that's working out...it's not.
Starting out what I know will probably be long and drawn out, I must commend you for your portrayal of Naruto. Your writing style allows for us (the readers) to actually see him for what he is: a funny, but slightly awkward boy who is still trying to find his way in the world. He is NOT stupid, and I detest stories where he's made to be that way. Even in the real Naruto 'verse, he may act stupid sometimes (OK, a lot of the time), but underneath it all is a very caring and endearing young man. He may not be the smartest person out there, but his heart and determination more than make up for it.
It cracks me up, though, when in your story he starts rambling. He thoughts are disjointed at times, but that's why I like it. Most people do not think in a steady, solid line. People's thoughts meander, and I appreciate how you've chosen to showcase Naruto's thought processes. He's a spaz, but a loveable (though confused) spaz. He's especially cute when he gets flustered around Sasuke the Molester. =D
Even though your story mainly focuses on Naruto (and his beginning relationship with Sasuke), you still keep all the characters (supporting and main) completely IN character. Sasuke's still an ice pick (er...prick, I meant), but you can tell he still had an underlying sadness about him. Of course, making him into Sasuke the Molester is an added bonus!
Sakura is still hopelessly in love (or lust...whatever) with Sasuke. She still gets on my nerves at times (she's never been one of my favorite characters), but I can actually stand her in your story. In the anime, she's all weak and obnoxious. She, like Naruto, has a lot of heart, but in ninja battles, that can only take you so far. I'm glad that in part two of the manga, she's finally allowed to show off her training with Tsunade.
And Kakashi? Well, he's just...Kakashi. Need I mention more?
Oh, and Shikamaru is the best! I just adore him. The way he's portrayed makes me think back to some of the people I used to hang out with in high school. He just has this laid-back and completely chill attitude with a touch of smart ass. So hot!
And I know that this is a cliched story, but it's really well-written. I don't mind overused plot if the story is good. I posted my very first fan fic a few months back, and I used a cliched plot. Hell, my story is basically a multi-part PWP. I'm only doing it for fun. So, I guess I'm just trying to tell you to have fun with it. I know starting college is rough, and it takes up a lot of time. But try not to let some reviewer responses get to you so much. I know. Easy for me to write that.
Blah...I can never manage to get to the point. Anyways...love the story, update when you can, and try not to let writing stories and life in general stress you out.
* * * * *
"Thunder clapped on the horizon, wind blew though the trees, a distant wolf howled its lament to..."
That line had me cracking up sooo bad. Just had to let you know!
Oh, and your tattoo sounds cool. At least it's unique! I bet you won't find a lot of people with the Anbu symbol upside down. My first tattoo is crooked! Crooked I tell you! I was nervous too, so I didn't notice until AFTER it was permanent. Oh, well. :(
schedule
October 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow, I can't believe how long it is since I've been here (but that's beside the point).
WOW. Oh my f*ck*ng God WOW. That car scene was hot. =F asjfladsjf!
But, seriously, I loved the the way (you wrote it, un) you carried it out. It seemed like nothing that happened to/with/between them was planned, which is SO realistic (because things like that are rarely planned). I don't know if you meant it to be like that or not, but it was just INCREDIBLE. You have no idea. Hmm! I'm so pleased! I've been having a bad week with this whole hurricane business (which is bullshit. i got addicted to pokemon sapphire AGAIN 'cause i had nothing else to do other than angst). :D I was so happy when I went online today and found this story updated...
WOW. Oh my f*ck*ng God WOW. That car scene was hot. =F asjfladsjf!
But, seriously, I loved the the way (you wrote it, un) you carried it out. It seemed like nothing that happened to/with/between them was planned, which is SO realistic (because things like that are rarely planned). I don't know if you meant it to be like that or not, but it was just INCREDIBLE. You have no idea. Hmm! I'm so pleased! I've been having a bad week with this whole hurricane business (which is bullshit. i got addicted to pokemon sapphire AGAIN 'cause i had nothing else to do other than angst). :D I was so happy when I went online today and found this story updated...