schedule
August 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good, and disturbingly....
but good... The blood part seemed to echo with his blood thirst... But good lemon anyway...
Man, what else do you got up your sleeve!!!??????
but good... The blood part seemed to echo with his blood thirst... But good lemon anyway...
Man, what else do you got up your sleeve!!!??????
schedule
August 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was good - well done on tackling a difficult topic!
One continuity flaw I noticed - Gaara seemed to be naked just before he started licking Hinata, then he was clothed again... that didn't quite make sense, unless I missed something.
And kudos for not falling into the fanfic cliche of OMG first time sex = painful hymen breakage! :)
One continuity flaw I noticed - Gaara seemed to be naked just before he started licking Hinata, then he was clothed again... that didn't quite make sense, unless I missed something.
And kudos for not falling into the fanfic cliche of OMG first time sex = painful hymen breakage! :)
schedule
August 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Ummm,its not that pervey,it is called getting your red wings(the person who goes down on the girl).Great idea.Its seems to me he lost his pants twice however....?Tsundae seems to be the bane of any teenage boy trying to hide something sexual...in praise of older women...its funny.Thank You.