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November 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
the answer is obvious
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November 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
and quite ingenious if i do say so myself
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November 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
kage bushin
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
yo
that was great
as for the next 1
why not go for all three (Tsunade, Kurenai, Anko)
that'd be sweet right there
that was great
as for the next 1
why not go for all three (Tsunade, Kurenai, Anko)
that'd be sweet right there
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
pretty good, i especially liked the ones with yukie, tsunade/shizune and the second one with tayuya
you make a good background for each but you rushed the act a lot, you should be more descriptive of the whole thing, not just the woman's rack, naruto's artillery, their eyes during the intercourse and that's all, bring more description, how they look at each other before, when undressing, and how they view and thought of each over during each part, oggling/admiring the other's body, play of muscle, etc... be descriptive ; and god help me, add some sensuality, playfullness, caresses and such, exploring the other's body. also if you make naruto shy, make him show it and the woman work around it, not just "oh my you're shy, undress i'll show you what a woman can do to a man *intercourse* well you liked it don't you" if naruto is assertive, make him be it in a beleivable way, what you did with yugao was really too much, same with the first one with tayuya, and don't make the woman completely submissive right away. as for the next shot, i vote for kyuubi but don't make her too evil, maybe wanting to get some and play/tease naruto and then becoming serious about it (could be very good to try out your description skills, kyuubi exploring naruto's body slowly for as she hadn't had anything for such a long time she wants to make it last the longest possible, and then teaching naruto about all parts of a woman's body, and gradually build it up from there, maybe her working on naruto's character, enticing him to be more assertive and/or manly/viril/rough)
you make a good background for each but you rushed the act a lot, you should be more descriptive of the whole thing, not just the woman's rack, naruto's artillery, their eyes during the intercourse and that's all, bring more description, how they look at each other before, when undressing, and how they view and thought of each over during each part, oggling/admiring the other's body, play of muscle, etc... be descriptive ; and god help me, add some sensuality, playfullness, caresses and such, exploring the other's body. also if you make naruto shy, make him show it and the woman work around it, not just "oh my you're shy, undress i'll show you what a woman can do to a man *intercourse* well you liked it don't you" if naruto is assertive, make him be it in a beleivable way, what you did with yugao was really too much, same with the first one with tayuya, and don't make the woman completely submissive right away. as for the next shot, i vote for kyuubi but don't make her too evil, maybe wanting to get some and play/tease naruto and then becoming serious about it (could be very good to try out your description skills, kyuubi exploring naruto's body slowly for as she hadn't had anything for such a long time she wants to make it last the longest possible, and then teaching naruto about all parts of a woman's body, and gradually build it up from there, maybe her working on naruto's character, enticing him to be more assertive and/or manly/viril/rough)
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
kyubi or anko, i guess kyubi
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please please please do Kyuubi next. :D
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well I want to tell you that your a good writer and that you maybe should put a story rarely seen like Nar/Sak/Kyu.
Hell I have never seen this kind but to lazy to write it.
MAYBE you write it?
Hell I have never seen this kind but to lazy to write it.
MAYBE you write it?
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please have the kurenai, anko, tsunade/naruto pairing. poor naruto needs as much love as he can get.
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November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you should do Kurenai next, though Anko sure seems tempting to read more about.....