schedule
November 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I guess you have another chapter coming for this cause... this little scene is extremely short. It was almost like: Hey! Look! Sex! And before you could even get a good look at it, it's gone. Go a little slower and incorporate some feeling into your stories. A good romance always gives a look into the characters insights.
Also, as a final note, be original. I can't tell you how many times I've read the same lines over and over. Sometimes I feel a sense of Deja-vu it is so familiar. Slow down and be more creative, is my advise.
Also, as a final note, be original. I can't tell you how many times I've read the same lines over and over. Sometimes I feel a sense of Deja-vu it is so familiar. Slow down and be more creative, is my advise.
schedule
May 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is good. Keep it up.
schedule
October 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well finally! some more than decent face,well described.Don't understand the he gets all the fun bit,however kudos for this and the description of Gaara(alive!)'s eyes.Those beautiful insane eyes.