schedule
February 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
SnarkyAsHell!Itachi does sound kinda fun. I’m curious. =)
Chapter 14: Pretty Sasuke. (I think that’s Sasuke.) ____ Yeah, this is Itachi looking at Sasuke. Nice opening description, by the way. And I like how Itachi’s mysterious. We’re not sure what his intent is. ____ It’s pretty cool, seeing Itachi a little puzzled. He may be a genius, but there are still things out there that he’s not totally sure about. =) ____ “A gut swollen by another man’s seed?” Again, maybe I’m perverted, but that sounds kinda hot. When I don’t take into account what it really means and looks like, that is. ____ Cool. I’m guessing he just came to look out of curiosity. I doubt he has anything malicious in mind.
I think smelling chakra would be more of Kiba’s thing. Or Kakashi’s. ____ I wonder if Itachi’s going to come back. And if he does, will Sasuke be waiting for him. ____ Sounds like Itachi left a door open. ____ “Orochimaru? No, he would’ve attempted to molest me, and I may not be the lightest sleeper anymore, but that tongue is enough to wake anyone.” XDD ____ Oh. He’s still there. I thought he left. ____ (*choke*) “I was hoping for some coffee.” XDDD Now that I wasn’t expecting. The guy’s a freeloader! XDD ____ I’m surprised Sasuke said anything back. Anything aside from “What are you doing here?” ____ I gotta say, I like the snarky!Itachi more than the typical aloof!Itachi I see in fanfiction. And I’m still surprised that Sasuke’s not keeping his distance from Itachi. I mean, if Itachi wanted to kill him or his kids, he could’ve done it already, but still—I doubt Sasuke forgot why he had a vendetta against him in the first place. ____ This scene between them doesn’t make much sense to me, but it’s still interesting. ____ “You think me cruel.” “No, I think you’re fucking psychotic.” Well-said. And then when he says, “Leave,” I have this funny mental image of Itachi going, “Make me.” ^^;;; ____ Useful? Hmm? ____ I wonder if Itachi’s going to blackmail Sasuke into handing Naruto over to the Akatsuki, with the triplets’ lives held hostage. ____ Sasuke should’ve had stronger jounin guarding him—not because he or his kids are a threat, but because a threat might come for him. Still, even if they did that, I doubt it would make much difference when it’s Itachi we’re dealing with. ____ Yaaay, Chouji! Cool entrance, man! =D ____ Lol, “Definitely an Akimichi.” ____ “I challenge you on Sasuke-san’s behalf …” That’d be funny if Itachi just said, “Challenge denied,” for the sheer hell of it, cuz he doesn’t seem to think the Akimichi clan is worth his time. ____ “Gone without pomp or poof or glitz.” Normally he disappears in a bunch of black birds, but if I were to stick with your description … I’ve got this mental image of him fading like a ghost while walking. Spooky. ____ “Those four up on the roof right now are useless.” “And probably dead.” Imagine if Itachi snuck in here and went through this whole scene while leaving the jounin alive; it’d be really kickass if they were all like, “What, something happened? I didn’t hear a thing!” ____ “Sasuke was slowly realizing that Naruto had every single nin in the village under his thumb …” XD Good line. ____ “(and to say an Uchiha was looking pale was like saying a ghost was looking under the weather)” I dunno, I think it’d be weirder if someone thought Orochimaru looked pale. –er. ____ I like Sasuke’s reaction to Sakura’s suggestion of giving him something to help. ____ I like this argument. ____ Neji the wife-whipped genius. I like it! XD ____ “Like Naruto, Chouji was a stamina fighter …” It’s RPG talk again. =) ____ “They showed it to me during battle, and anything’s fair game for Sharingan.” Nice. I like hearing that line again. ____ “Just so you know, if you repeat what I’ve just said to anyone, I will hunt you down and kill you, Akimichi Chouji.” XD Yeah, he’s Itachi’s brother, all right.
Back to the mission… ____ Lol, YIP! XD ____ That name, Konkon … does it have something to do with foxes? Cuz I’ve heard it somewhere else. ____ Oh come on, Konohamaru, you gotta admit: talking to animals is cool! =D ____ I love the way Naruto translates certain concepts. “She ran away from her own territory, and we’re afraid that she’s going to cause trouble if she’s allowed to roam.” That is so cool. ____ (*snort*) An animal hitting on him. It’s into beastiality. Because as foxlike as Naruto may seem at the moment, he’s still obviously human. XDD ____ And why doesn’t Kyuubi ever use the word “vixen”? That’d be cool if he called her that. ____ “Naruto didn’t think his body had that much blood in it …” He’d be surprised. Well, no he wouldn’t—he’d be dead. ____ That’d be funny if the vixen was just saying that to Naruto just as a joke. ____ Oh boy, that lick must be very weird for Neji and Konohamaru to see. XD ____ “You take animal magnetism way, way, waaaaaaaaay too far, dude.” Lol. ^^ ____ “Sakura, or Hinata, or even that fox …” One would almost think he’s homophobic. How would he know what went on between Naruto and the fox? ____ Niiiiice…. I loved the way Naruto communicated his disappointment in Konohamaru. ____ THAT SCENE WAS TOTALLY KICK-ASS AWESOME! =DDD
ShikaChoIno? Oh jeez, this better not break my brain. ____ Whoa, Shikamaru’s a schoolteacher? AWESOME! =D ____ And that last sentence makes me want to chuckle evilly. Shikamaru’s brain is going to explode somewhere along those 9 months. ^^;
Chapter 14: Pretty Sasuke. (I think that’s Sasuke.) ____ Yeah, this is Itachi looking at Sasuke. Nice opening description, by the way. And I like how Itachi’s mysterious. We’re not sure what his intent is. ____ It’s pretty cool, seeing Itachi a little puzzled. He may be a genius, but there are still things out there that he’s not totally sure about. =) ____ “A gut swollen by another man’s seed?” Again, maybe I’m perverted, but that sounds kinda hot. When I don’t take into account what it really means and looks like, that is. ____ Cool. I’m guessing he just came to look out of curiosity. I doubt he has anything malicious in mind.
I think smelling chakra would be more of Kiba’s thing. Or Kakashi’s. ____ I wonder if Itachi’s going to come back. And if he does, will Sasuke be waiting for him. ____ Sounds like Itachi left a door open. ____ “Orochimaru? No, he would’ve attempted to molest me, and I may not be the lightest sleeper anymore, but that tongue is enough to wake anyone.” XDD ____ Oh. He’s still there. I thought he left. ____ (*choke*) “I was hoping for some coffee.” XDDD Now that I wasn’t expecting. The guy’s a freeloader! XDD ____ I’m surprised Sasuke said anything back. Anything aside from “What are you doing here?” ____ I gotta say, I like the snarky!Itachi more than the typical aloof!Itachi I see in fanfiction. And I’m still surprised that Sasuke’s not keeping his distance from Itachi. I mean, if Itachi wanted to kill him or his kids, he could’ve done it already, but still—I doubt Sasuke forgot why he had a vendetta against him in the first place. ____ This scene between them doesn’t make much sense to me, but it’s still interesting. ____ “You think me cruel.” “No, I think you’re fucking psychotic.” Well-said. And then when he says, “Leave,” I have this funny mental image of Itachi going, “Make me.” ^^;;; ____ Useful? Hmm? ____ I wonder if Itachi’s going to blackmail Sasuke into handing Naruto over to the Akatsuki, with the triplets’ lives held hostage. ____ Sasuke should’ve had stronger jounin guarding him—not because he or his kids are a threat, but because a threat might come for him. Still, even if they did that, I doubt it would make much difference when it’s Itachi we’re dealing with. ____ Yaaay, Chouji! Cool entrance, man! =D ____ Lol, “Definitely an Akimichi.” ____ “I challenge you on Sasuke-san’s behalf …” That’d be funny if Itachi just said, “Challenge denied,” for the sheer hell of it, cuz he doesn’t seem to think the Akimichi clan is worth his time. ____ “Gone without pomp or poof or glitz.” Normally he disappears in a bunch of black birds, but if I were to stick with your description … I’ve got this mental image of him fading like a ghost while walking. Spooky. ____ “Those four up on the roof right now are useless.” “And probably dead.” Imagine if Itachi snuck in here and went through this whole scene while leaving the jounin alive; it’d be really kickass if they were all like, “What, something happened? I didn’t hear a thing!” ____ “Sasuke was slowly realizing that Naruto had every single nin in the village under his thumb …” XD Good line. ____ “(and to say an Uchiha was looking pale was like saying a ghost was looking under the weather)” I dunno, I think it’d be weirder if someone thought Orochimaru looked pale. –er. ____ I like Sasuke’s reaction to Sakura’s suggestion of giving him something to help. ____ I like this argument. ____ Neji the wife-whipped genius. I like it! XD ____ “Like Naruto, Chouji was a stamina fighter …” It’s RPG talk again. =) ____ “They showed it to me during battle, and anything’s fair game for Sharingan.” Nice. I like hearing that line again. ____ “Just so you know, if you repeat what I’ve just said to anyone, I will hunt you down and kill you, Akimichi Chouji.” XD Yeah, he’s Itachi’s brother, all right.
Back to the mission… ____ Lol, YIP! XD ____ That name, Konkon … does it have something to do with foxes? Cuz I’ve heard it somewhere else. ____ Oh come on, Konohamaru, you gotta admit: talking to animals is cool! =D ____ I love the way Naruto translates certain concepts. “She ran away from her own territory, and we’re afraid that she’s going to cause trouble if she’s allowed to roam.” That is so cool. ____ (*snort*) An animal hitting on him. It’s into beastiality. Because as foxlike as Naruto may seem at the moment, he’s still obviously human. XDD ____ And why doesn’t Kyuubi ever use the word “vixen”? That’d be cool if he called her that. ____ “Naruto didn’t think his body had that much blood in it …” He’d be surprised. Well, no he wouldn’t—he’d be dead. ____ That’d be funny if the vixen was just saying that to Naruto just as a joke. ____ Oh boy, that lick must be very weird for Neji and Konohamaru to see. XD ____ “You take animal magnetism way, way, waaaaaaaaay too far, dude.” Lol. ^^ ____ “Sakura, or Hinata, or even that fox …” One would almost think he’s homophobic. How would he know what went on between Naruto and the fox? ____ Niiiiice…. I loved the way Naruto communicated his disappointment in Konohamaru. ____ THAT SCENE WAS TOTALLY KICK-ASS AWESOME! =DDD
ShikaChoIno? Oh jeez, this better not break my brain. ____ Whoa, Shikamaru’s a schoolteacher? AWESOME! =D ____ And that last sentence makes me want to chuckle evilly. Shikamaru’s brain is going to explode somewhere along those 9 months. ^^;
schedule
February 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
WARNING: Long review is loooong. But that tends to happen while I’m reading a long chapter. ^^;;;
Er, well, the character death is news to me.
Chapter 15: Well, something’s gotta give eventually. ____ Sounds like Hanabi’s really good at hiding. And since she’s got the Byakugan, that makes sense. Though I think it would be a strain if she kept it on all the time (I wonder how Itachi does it with the Sharingan). ____ It’s no surprising if ninjas started to smell while on missions like these. ____ Heh—while Neji does have the white eyes, I wonder how good he is at acting blind. And a begger as well. ____ I’m guessing that since this is the last day of their mission-time, something or someone is going to turn up. ____ “Naruto seemed to be the only one with balls enough to growl at Sasuke when he was being dumb …” Oh, I dunno, Tsunade or Sakura might have ‘em too, lol. ^^ ____ I knew something would happen on the last day. ____ Lol: “So Neji did have a soft spot for animals, then.” Cute, giving her scraps. ♥ ____ Let’s see, “no-fur part of town” … I’m guessing that means “clothes-off” which means “red light district”. ____ Interesting, Hanabi being sick (if it’s her); that’d really suck if the vixen tagged the wrong girl. ____ (*snicker*) I love the way he woke up Neji and Konohamaru. XD
Huh. Weird. I thought Naruto & co. were going to go after Hanabi, not return right home. ____ Oh. They did follow her. Assassination scenes can be pretty cool. I’m curious as to how this one happened. ____ Jeez, he still calls his wife “Hinata-sama.” I wonder how she feels about that. ____ Huh. So Hanabi was pregnant. Or she had already given birth. It’d be crazy timing if Naruto’s team arrived right as she was in labor. But still, it’s weird how they run into a girl who’s going through / has gone through pregnancy. Almost like some weird omen. ____ Listening to Sasuke’s worries about Naruto … did Sakura come and get him as soon as she heard, or had she actually seen Naruto? Because if she saw him and he was hurt, I think she would’ve gotten Sasuke up in a different manner. Or not at all because he’d freak. ____ Didn’t think so, though. Just going over possibilities. ____ Naruto must still have some bad stuff on his mind if he can’t smile at Sasuke after wanting to see him so much. I get the feeling that they both need to be held tonight. ____ If Hanabi was sick … did the fox interpret it that way because she wasn’t familiar with human pregnancy, or was Hanabi really sick? Cuz if she was, the bloodstains might not be from assassinating her. She could’ve had a bad labor or something. ____ So why the hell doesn’t Sasuke take a fistful of Naruto’s hair and kiss him forcefully until that gods-be-damned expression faded from his face? ____ “… ‘cause you know there’s shit out there that could---could hurt you…” Yeah, he definitely encountered something really bad on the assassination…. I wonder if this would be a bad time to tell him about Itachi. ____ He’s really shaken. They both need to go home and hold each other. ____ Awww. ♥ Forget going home, they can just hold each other right here. ♥ (Oh, by the way, I hope Konohamaru is seeing this…. Well, that’s okay; it’d be cool either way. He’ll come around eventually.) ____ Nice description of how Konohamaru is reacting to the mission. I liked the bit about Kabuto’s cards. =) I wonder if he’s thinking of the irony of Naruto choosing him for this mission. Quite an “honor” or “privilege” indeed, right? ____ Awesome description of how the fox first appeared. ____ Whoa, hang on there—“the night that he’d left his village and came back a baby with a curse …” That’s cool. It sounds like instead of Naruto being Minato’s son, he literally was Minato. ____ “… he needed something stiff and whatever comfort Sasuke knew how to offer.” Call me tactless, but while I’m sure that you meant a stiff drink, I was, like, totally thinking of something else. And can you blame me? Sasuke’s in the same sentence, just a couple words away. ____ I wonder if Naruto has gone on missions like these before. And if he’s reacted to them like this, or if this is kind of new due to his sudden pregnant-mate situation at home. ____ I like the way Tsunade told him to hand in a report. It wasn’t just the usual “What’s the report?” line—it was unique. “You asked for three weeks. And I gave them to you. I need an answer for the elders, Naruto.” Cool line. ____ Oh wait, now I remember: it’s his answer to whether or not he accepts the Hokage’s position. Lol, he must’ve handed in the report just before Sasuke came in. I is dum. ^^;;;
Ahh, flashback scene! =D Yay, we get to see what happened! =DD ____ Now that is cool, seeing the fox bow. If Neji had any doubts before this (and I know he did), he must now question them. ____ Naruto: “Hey, look! I fixed the door.” (Konohamaru & Neji: *groan*) ____ Lol, “fan out and look for shit.” XD ____ Oh jeez, suicide. That’s spooky. I hadn’t considered that. And you wrote the scene really well. I like how disturbing the image is and how it’s affecting Neji. ____ Neji’s in shock, isn’t he? I’ll betcha that when he touches her face, his fingers are already cold. And I love Konohamaru’s line when he comes in: “Guys, I didn’t find---oh God.” I mean, the scene is so … I dunno how to say it. Grim. Sad. Dramatic and undramatic. Simple. Done before they got there. ____ “What a waste---a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of life.” Yeah…. What I also like about this scene is … well, I didn’t expect Naruto & co. to feel satisfied after killing Hanabi; naturally they’d feel kind of grim and probably trying to repress certain emotions. But this … this was SO unexpected … and so nothing that they could’ve prevented. And … I’m not sure how to say it, but if one could say that they’d get a feeling that could be satisfaction in assassinating her—not for specific causes like stopping her from doing whatever or something—but just the feeling of getting the grim job done and out of the way (cold as that sounds) so they could try to move on … finding her like this takes that feeling completely. Nothing was finished. Just stopped. They built up their nerve so much for doing this … and it never happens. (I don’t want this to sound like I’m accusing Hanabi of anything, because I’m not.) So they have to deal with finding the scene, and then, maybe, thinking about what they were preparing themselves to do if it wasn’t the case … and of course the big question of why…. And I just looked at the scene where Tsunade first said that Hanabi had gone rogue. And she said that they weren’t sure why Hanabi had done it; they assumed it was something bad, though. But this brings out the possibility that she might’ve been in a bad situation and saw no other choice. The wrong choice, I’m sure, but if she was still 13 or 14…. I wonder if that other nin was the father…. Okay, enough of that. Back to the scene. ____ “It was easier when death was faceless.” Cool line. ____ (*snort*) Konohamaru’s got a point…. AND I WENT OFF ON THAT HUGE LECTURE!! XDDDD (*HEADDESK*HEADDESK*HEADDESK*) ____ “… and I’d almost think cyanide, but it’s not that red, and I know for a fact that I have the genetic marker that makes me able to smell it, but there’s no bitter almond scent …” I don’t get it. Genetic marker? Cyanide? Not that red? Almond? I’m very confuuuuuused. Still, this is really cool, seeing detective Konohamaru. =D He can be totally awesome. ____ “… and a buttload of brownie points.” (*chokes*) Th-th-that’s hilarious, but it sounds kinda wrong. X'D ____ So now Neji’s noticing missing details. I wonder if Konohamaru hadn’t done the something’s-wrong-with-this-picture thing, how long would it have taken Neji to pick up on something. He’s sharp, but he also seemed to be in shock. It could’ve taken him a little while.
Ohoho, chopping up the scene, are we? >:D ____ I think in homes like these, the toilet is in a completely separate room than the bathtub. The bathtub is in the bathroom, while the toilet is in a “water closet”. I think. ____ “This was not how Sasuke had imagined their two-week separation ending.” Me neither. ____ “The forest folk,” lol. ^^ ____ “and… we… we found her, but…” ‘The girl turned on him with a snarl, holding a shaking kunai in both hands.” You might want to put a break in between those paragraphs because we’re going into a past scene. Or if you don’t want them to be completely separate scenes, you could add the word “had” in a few places. Like, “The girl had turned on him with a snarl, holding a shaking kunai in both hands. She had fully realized that she was no match for two other jounin …” Like that. ____ Like a mother animal. Very protective of her child. ____ I love seeing her angry like this. ____ “What they do to us.” Is she or the father a jinchuuriki then? I’m not getting what her situation is. ____ I like the bit when Naruto wonders if the kid is Neji’s.
Love the cold way she speaks to Konohamaru. ____ If Naruto can smell that her chakra’s a mess, I wonder what they’d look like to Neji with the Byakugan. And I’m sure Hanabi is way more than aware of it, since her clan studies the system. ____ Disgraced her family in what way? Ditching Konoha? Having the kid? Having a kid with a man they’d disapprove of? ____ Jeez. Just being captured by Orochimaru was a nightmare. He and Kabuto are so creepy … (*shudder*) Total sociopaths. ____ Okay, I think I see where this is going. I’m guessing Orochimaru raped her. And if not him, then Kabuto or one of the lab rats. No wonder Hanabi’s a mess. ____ Kabuto then. Actually, that makes more sense to me. And it seems even scarier to me. Kabuto’s one of my favorite characters, but he’s also one that scares me the most. ____ I’m surprised Hanabi is “outing” the other missing-nin. Wouldn’t that get them in trouble? ____ Okay, after hearing that Uo killed the hunter nin, I’m thinking who cares if she’s outted. ____ Good line about Fate cheating. ____ Jeez, Neji! ____ I can’t believe he’s got no sympathy or empathy. That’s really messed up. That attitude is a major reason some people cause so much trouble. I mean, he sounds like Kabuto sometimes does about things. And it’s very inconsistent to his reaction to seeing the dead body earlier. I also would’ve thought he’d have a little more sympathy, being shunted to the side of the clan. ____ Well, Naruto’s going to make Hokage in a short time, so couldn’t he fix things? Probably not. He could give Hanabi benefits that otherwise could’ve been denied to her, but he can’t make the Hyuuga change their minds personally. Even if he made them keep her in the family, they wouldn’t change their views personally, and it would still come out. She’d still be an outcast. ____ Boy, it’s a good thing Sasuke’s not around to hear what Naruto’s saying about his clan; that could cause a big wound. ____ I like Naruto’s line about the Akimichis being the only clan who gets it right. ____ Careful, Naruto. Use influence carefully. If you force something too big, it could cause a civil war. The Hyuuga clan is big enough and strong enough to cause some damage. ____ I really don’t like that woman. ____ This is ghastly. Just when things were about to work out…. I heard a line somewhere that “betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” And Fate tricked them. Betrayed them. ____ I wonder if Anko knew or if it’s part of a grudge against Orochimaru.
That business about the Uchiha clan smothering emotions … I think that’s something Sasuke’s never been able to do well. He’s always projecting some kind of emotion. And if not, it’s because he’s exhausted himself emotionally. But it always comes back. Actually, it seemed to be hanging around Orochimaru and pursuing Itachi that made him try for holding them back. ____ That’s a cool exchange: “I’m not doing it for the reasons… the reasons I should be doing it for.” “What’s your reason, then?” “Guilt.” That certainly puts a damper on things. ____ They’re both emotional messes. And neither got the break from the angst they needed.
Things have never been easy between Naruto and Sasuke, though. Why should the fights stop after a love confession? ____ Lol: “How cleanly does ‘I’ve been a stupidly possessive idiot and I really want this to work between us ………’ translate into flower-speak?” ^^ ____ I thought roses were more temperamental, and touching them caused them to wilt where they’ve been touched. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. And they’ve got thorns. ____ Interesting, the situation between Shikamaru and Temari. ____ Shikamaru’s another one who I can’t picture as having a relationship with a man. _____ Yeeeaaaah, brain’s beginning to crack a little. >.>; ____ “She’d probably chase him with the mop again.” Cute. ^^
Another omake. Cool. ____ Oh, so it was a walrus! I was wondering about what critter it was. =) ____ (*choke*) Oh man, I wasn’t expecting that. ^^;; ____ I gotta say, Itachi looks better in drag in my mind than in any picture I’ve seen on the internet. ____ “Nurse, keep the proud papa-to-be occupied, will you?” Uh-oh. XD ____ This is so cracked up! XDD ____ Oh thank god it was a dream. XDD ____ “Hell, that took the entire dessert bar…” I should say so!! XDDDD ____ GREAT ENDING! XDDDDDDD That was one of the best omakes I’ve read! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Er, well, the character death is news to me.
Chapter 15: Well, something’s gotta give eventually. ____ Sounds like Hanabi’s really good at hiding. And since she’s got the Byakugan, that makes sense. Though I think it would be a strain if she kept it on all the time (I wonder how Itachi does it with the Sharingan). ____ It’s no surprising if ninjas started to smell while on missions like these. ____ Heh—while Neji does have the white eyes, I wonder how good he is at acting blind. And a begger as well. ____ I’m guessing that since this is the last day of their mission-time, something or someone is going to turn up. ____ “Naruto seemed to be the only one with balls enough to growl at Sasuke when he was being dumb …” Oh, I dunno, Tsunade or Sakura might have ‘em too, lol. ^^ ____ I knew something would happen on the last day. ____ Lol: “So Neji did have a soft spot for animals, then.” Cute, giving her scraps. ♥ ____ Let’s see, “no-fur part of town” … I’m guessing that means “clothes-off” which means “red light district”. ____ Interesting, Hanabi being sick (if it’s her); that’d really suck if the vixen tagged the wrong girl. ____ (*snicker*) I love the way he woke up Neji and Konohamaru. XD
Huh. Weird. I thought Naruto & co. were going to go after Hanabi, not return right home. ____ Oh. They did follow her. Assassination scenes can be pretty cool. I’m curious as to how this one happened. ____ Jeez, he still calls his wife “Hinata-sama.” I wonder how she feels about that. ____ Huh. So Hanabi was pregnant. Or she had already given birth. It’d be crazy timing if Naruto’s team arrived right as she was in labor. But still, it’s weird how they run into a girl who’s going through / has gone through pregnancy. Almost like some weird omen. ____ Listening to Sasuke’s worries about Naruto … did Sakura come and get him as soon as she heard, or had she actually seen Naruto? Because if she saw him and he was hurt, I think she would’ve gotten Sasuke up in a different manner. Or not at all because he’d freak. ____ Didn’t think so, though. Just going over possibilities. ____ Naruto must still have some bad stuff on his mind if he can’t smile at Sasuke after wanting to see him so much. I get the feeling that they both need to be held tonight. ____ If Hanabi was sick … did the fox interpret it that way because she wasn’t familiar with human pregnancy, or was Hanabi really sick? Cuz if she was, the bloodstains might not be from assassinating her. She could’ve had a bad labor or something. ____ So why the hell doesn’t Sasuke take a fistful of Naruto’s hair and kiss him forcefully until that gods-be-damned expression faded from his face? ____ “… ‘cause you know there’s shit out there that could---could hurt you…” Yeah, he definitely encountered something really bad on the assassination…. I wonder if this would be a bad time to tell him about Itachi. ____ He’s really shaken. They both need to go home and hold each other. ____ Awww. ♥ Forget going home, they can just hold each other right here. ♥ (Oh, by the way, I hope Konohamaru is seeing this…. Well, that’s okay; it’d be cool either way. He’ll come around eventually.) ____ Nice description of how Konohamaru is reacting to the mission. I liked the bit about Kabuto’s cards. =) I wonder if he’s thinking of the irony of Naruto choosing him for this mission. Quite an “honor” or “privilege” indeed, right? ____ Awesome description of how the fox first appeared. ____ Whoa, hang on there—“the night that he’d left his village and came back a baby with a curse …” That’s cool. It sounds like instead of Naruto being Minato’s son, he literally was Minato. ____ “… he needed something stiff and whatever comfort Sasuke knew how to offer.” Call me tactless, but while I’m sure that you meant a stiff drink, I was, like, totally thinking of something else. And can you blame me? Sasuke’s in the same sentence, just a couple words away. ____ I wonder if Naruto has gone on missions like these before. And if he’s reacted to them like this, or if this is kind of new due to his sudden pregnant-mate situation at home. ____ I like the way Tsunade told him to hand in a report. It wasn’t just the usual “What’s the report?” line—it was unique. “You asked for three weeks. And I gave them to you. I need an answer for the elders, Naruto.” Cool line. ____ Oh wait, now I remember: it’s his answer to whether or not he accepts the Hokage’s position. Lol, he must’ve handed in the report just before Sasuke came in. I is dum. ^^;;;
Ahh, flashback scene! =D Yay, we get to see what happened! =DD ____ Now that is cool, seeing the fox bow. If Neji had any doubts before this (and I know he did), he must now question them. ____ Naruto: “Hey, look! I fixed the door.” (Konohamaru & Neji: *groan*) ____ Lol, “fan out and look for shit.” XD ____ Oh jeez, suicide. That’s spooky. I hadn’t considered that. And you wrote the scene really well. I like how disturbing the image is and how it’s affecting Neji. ____ Neji’s in shock, isn’t he? I’ll betcha that when he touches her face, his fingers are already cold. And I love Konohamaru’s line when he comes in: “Guys, I didn’t find---oh God.” I mean, the scene is so … I dunno how to say it. Grim. Sad. Dramatic and undramatic. Simple. Done before they got there. ____ “What a waste---a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of life.” Yeah…. What I also like about this scene is … well, I didn’t expect Naruto & co. to feel satisfied after killing Hanabi; naturally they’d feel kind of grim and probably trying to repress certain emotions. But this … this was SO unexpected … and so nothing that they could’ve prevented. And … I’m not sure how to say it, but if one could say that they’d get a feeling that could be satisfaction in assassinating her—not for specific causes like stopping her from doing whatever or something—but just the feeling of getting the grim job done and out of the way (cold as that sounds) so they could try to move on … finding her like this takes that feeling completely. Nothing was finished. Just stopped. They built up their nerve so much for doing this … and it never happens. (I don’t want this to sound like I’m accusing Hanabi of anything, because I’m not.) So they have to deal with finding the scene, and then, maybe, thinking about what they were preparing themselves to do if it wasn’t the case … and of course the big question of why…. And I just looked at the scene where Tsunade first said that Hanabi had gone rogue. And she said that they weren’t sure why Hanabi had done it; they assumed it was something bad, though. But this brings out the possibility that she might’ve been in a bad situation and saw no other choice. The wrong choice, I’m sure, but if she was still 13 or 14…. I wonder if that other nin was the father…. Okay, enough of that. Back to the scene. ____ “It was easier when death was faceless.” Cool line. ____ (*snort*) Konohamaru’s got a point…. AND I WENT OFF ON THAT HUGE LECTURE!! XDDDD (*HEADDESK*HEADDESK*HEADDESK*) ____ “… and I’d almost think cyanide, but it’s not that red, and I know for a fact that I have the genetic marker that makes me able to smell it, but there’s no bitter almond scent …” I don’t get it. Genetic marker? Cyanide? Not that red? Almond? I’m very confuuuuuused. Still, this is really cool, seeing detective Konohamaru. =D He can be totally awesome. ____ “… and a buttload of brownie points.” (*chokes*) Th-th-that’s hilarious, but it sounds kinda wrong. X'D ____ So now Neji’s noticing missing details. I wonder if Konohamaru hadn’t done the something’s-wrong-with-this-picture thing, how long would it have taken Neji to pick up on something. He’s sharp, but he also seemed to be in shock. It could’ve taken him a little while.
Ohoho, chopping up the scene, are we? >:D ____ I think in homes like these, the toilet is in a completely separate room than the bathtub. The bathtub is in the bathroom, while the toilet is in a “water closet”. I think. ____ “This was not how Sasuke had imagined their two-week separation ending.” Me neither. ____ “The forest folk,” lol. ^^ ____ “and… we… we found her, but…” ‘The girl turned on him with a snarl, holding a shaking kunai in both hands.” You might want to put a break in between those paragraphs because we’re going into a past scene. Or if you don’t want them to be completely separate scenes, you could add the word “had” in a few places. Like, “The girl had turned on him with a snarl, holding a shaking kunai in both hands. She had fully realized that she was no match for two other jounin …” Like that. ____ Like a mother animal. Very protective of her child. ____ I love seeing her angry like this. ____ “What they do to us.” Is she or the father a jinchuuriki then? I’m not getting what her situation is. ____ I like the bit when Naruto wonders if the kid is Neji’s.
Love the cold way she speaks to Konohamaru. ____ If Naruto can smell that her chakra’s a mess, I wonder what they’d look like to Neji with the Byakugan. And I’m sure Hanabi is way more than aware of it, since her clan studies the system. ____ Disgraced her family in what way? Ditching Konoha? Having the kid? Having a kid with a man they’d disapprove of? ____ Jeez. Just being captured by Orochimaru was a nightmare. He and Kabuto are so creepy … (*shudder*) Total sociopaths. ____ Okay, I think I see where this is going. I’m guessing Orochimaru raped her. And if not him, then Kabuto or one of the lab rats. No wonder Hanabi’s a mess. ____ Kabuto then. Actually, that makes more sense to me. And it seems even scarier to me. Kabuto’s one of my favorite characters, but he’s also one that scares me the most. ____ I’m surprised Hanabi is “outing” the other missing-nin. Wouldn’t that get them in trouble? ____ Okay, after hearing that Uo killed the hunter nin, I’m thinking who cares if she’s outted. ____ Good line about Fate cheating. ____ Jeez, Neji! ____ I can’t believe he’s got no sympathy or empathy. That’s really messed up. That attitude is a major reason some people cause so much trouble. I mean, he sounds like Kabuto sometimes does about things. And it’s very inconsistent to his reaction to seeing the dead body earlier. I also would’ve thought he’d have a little more sympathy, being shunted to the side of the clan. ____ Well, Naruto’s going to make Hokage in a short time, so couldn’t he fix things? Probably not. He could give Hanabi benefits that otherwise could’ve been denied to her, but he can’t make the Hyuuga change their minds personally. Even if he made them keep her in the family, they wouldn’t change their views personally, and it would still come out. She’d still be an outcast. ____ Boy, it’s a good thing Sasuke’s not around to hear what Naruto’s saying about his clan; that could cause a big wound. ____ I like Naruto’s line about the Akimichis being the only clan who gets it right. ____ Careful, Naruto. Use influence carefully. If you force something too big, it could cause a civil war. The Hyuuga clan is big enough and strong enough to cause some damage. ____ I really don’t like that woman. ____ This is ghastly. Just when things were about to work out…. I heard a line somewhere that “betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope.” And Fate tricked them. Betrayed them. ____ I wonder if Anko knew or if it’s part of a grudge against Orochimaru.
That business about the Uchiha clan smothering emotions … I think that’s something Sasuke’s never been able to do well. He’s always projecting some kind of emotion. And if not, it’s because he’s exhausted himself emotionally. But it always comes back. Actually, it seemed to be hanging around Orochimaru and pursuing Itachi that made him try for holding them back. ____ That’s a cool exchange: “I’m not doing it for the reasons… the reasons I should be doing it for.” “What’s your reason, then?” “Guilt.” That certainly puts a damper on things. ____ They’re both emotional messes. And neither got the break from the angst they needed.
Things have never been easy between Naruto and Sasuke, though. Why should the fights stop after a love confession? ____ Lol: “How cleanly does ‘I’ve been a stupidly possessive idiot and I really want this to work between us ………’ translate into flower-speak?” ^^ ____ I thought roses were more temperamental, and touching them caused them to wilt where they’ve been touched. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. And they’ve got thorns. ____ Interesting, the situation between Shikamaru and Temari. ____ Shikamaru’s another one who I can’t picture as having a relationship with a man. _____ Yeeeaaaah, brain’s beginning to crack a little. >.>; ____ “She’d probably chase him with the mop again.” Cute. ^^
Another omake. Cool. ____ Oh, so it was a walrus! I was wondering about what critter it was. =) ____ (*choke*) Oh man, I wasn’t expecting that. ^^;; ____ I gotta say, Itachi looks better in drag in my mind than in any picture I’ve seen on the internet. ____ “Nurse, keep the proud papa-to-be occupied, will you?” Uh-oh. XD ____ This is so cracked up! XDD ____ Oh thank god it was a dream. XDD ____ “Hell, that took the entire dessert bar…” I should say so!! XDDDD ____ GREAT ENDING! XDDDDDDD That was one of the best omakes I’ve read! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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February 10, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Lol. “*sigh* What did her in this time?” XD
Chapter 13: Lol—Shikamaru would shake his head hopelessly at Sasuke. ____ Either this is another dream, or this is slightly out-of-place in the timeline of the story. Or we cut to after Naruto came back from the mission, but why do that when the mission has so many interesting possibilities? ____ Doesn’t sound like a dream…. ____ Ehm, you repeated the “I’m tired, Sasuke” lines. ____ Oh, so it is a dream. Certainly had me fooled. ____ Heh—that last part of the dream was weird. ____ It’s probably his brother making a total mess of things. ____ Or not. ____ (*snicker*) They’re still fighting over Sasuke, even though neither of them are chasing him. ____ Heh—yeah, wake up, girls. ____ I love the way Sasuke wakes them up to the reality of him still being a guy and not a total girl. ____ “A gut full of fox-seed …” That actually sounds kinda hot.
“He didn’t like admitting defeat---something about the proud fox within him expressly forbade it …” Okay, that’s a little annoying. He doesn’t need the fox to make him not want to give up. I think that could just be him, with/without the fox. ____ Aww geez, Naruto, where’d you get that song? That’s … creepy. ____ Heheheh, oh yeah, they’re in the brothel. ____ Why doesn’t Kyuubi just break down the alcohol in his system like he did before? He’s probably trying to not encourage Konohamaru. ____ “You certain it’s this one?” This one what? And boy, that chick is aggressive. ____ I like it how Konohamaru was all “WTH?” at Naruto’s “drunken” willingness and how Neji knows he’s up to something. ____ Ah, so that’s what he meant. ____ I thought Neji thought Naruto was a flawless actor. And this gal says he’s horrible? What’s that about? ____ Oh wait … never mind, I’m lost again. “She’s the one” what? ____ Sasuke’s going to hear about this somehow, isn’t he? ____ This scene is AWESOME! =D ____ (*shiver*) Scary…. ____ Ahh, it’s Kyuubi. That. Is. Scary. ____ “… and I’d rather not have this drug out any further than it must.” Actually it should be “dragged”. ____ Jeez, she’s tough. Two fingers and she’s still not talking. o_o; ____ (*snicker*) The girls braided Neji’s hair. XD ____ What other locals?
Okay, those rules have to be made up. ____ I would’ve thought that pink would be more forbidden than purple. ____ Heh—I love the way Sasuke’s bitching at her and she just grumbles back to him. XD ____ “Look, maybe shopping wasn’t a very good idea.” Gee, you think?
Chapter 13: Lol—Shikamaru would shake his head hopelessly at Sasuke. ____ Either this is another dream, or this is slightly out-of-place in the timeline of the story. Or we cut to after Naruto came back from the mission, but why do that when the mission has so many interesting possibilities? ____ Doesn’t sound like a dream…. ____ Ehm, you repeated the “I’m tired, Sasuke” lines. ____ Oh, so it is a dream. Certainly had me fooled. ____ Heh—that last part of the dream was weird. ____ It’s probably his brother making a total mess of things. ____ Or not. ____ (*snicker*) They’re still fighting over Sasuke, even though neither of them are chasing him. ____ Heh—yeah, wake up, girls. ____ I love the way Sasuke wakes them up to the reality of him still being a guy and not a total girl. ____ “A gut full of fox-seed …” That actually sounds kinda hot.
“He didn’t like admitting defeat---something about the proud fox within him expressly forbade it …” Okay, that’s a little annoying. He doesn’t need the fox to make him not want to give up. I think that could just be him, with/without the fox. ____ Aww geez, Naruto, where’d you get that song? That’s … creepy. ____ Heheheh, oh yeah, they’re in the brothel. ____ Why doesn’t Kyuubi just break down the alcohol in his system like he did before? He’s probably trying to not encourage Konohamaru. ____ “You certain it’s this one?” This one what? And boy, that chick is aggressive. ____ I like it how Konohamaru was all “WTH?” at Naruto’s “drunken” willingness and how Neji knows he’s up to something. ____ Ah, so that’s what he meant. ____ I thought Neji thought Naruto was a flawless actor. And this gal says he’s horrible? What’s that about? ____ Oh wait … never mind, I’m lost again. “She’s the one” what? ____ Sasuke’s going to hear about this somehow, isn’t he? ____ This scene is AWESOME! =D ____ (*shiver*) Scary…. ____ Ahh, it’s Kyuubi. That. Is. Scary. ____ “… and I’d rather not have this drug out any further than it must.” Actually it should be “dragged”. ____ Jeez, she’s tough. Two fingers and she’s still not talking. o_o; ____ (*snicker*) The girls braided Neji’s hair. XD ____ What other locals?
Okay, those rules have to be made up. ____ I would’ve thought that pink would be more forbidden than purple. ____ Heh—I love the way Sasuke’s bitching at her and she just grumbles back to him. XD ____ “Look, maybe shopping wasn’t a very good idea.” Gee, you think?
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February 5, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 12: “His friend’s first … eight or so … tries at attaining a female form had ended up in nothing short of retinal agony.” Yeah, I’m sure. I’m trying not to imagine it. ____ “Teaching wasn’t Naruto’s forte …” Actually, I think he does a pretty good job at it. ____ Well, then again, if this is from Sasuke’s POV, he would think that. He’s got his pride. ____ “This feels weird.” Lol. ^^ ____ I thought Sasuke was supposed to stay in full female form for the rest of his pregnancy, so it wouldn’t be so hard on his hips. ____ “Cosmetic jutsu.” Nicely put. ____ “I am a genius, dobe, but the jutsu took me two years to develop and six months to master.” Develop, huh? Don’t you mean “refine”? ____ Lol at the two years part. ^^ ____ “You’re a bloodline genius, and, um, I’m a fatass.” Errr, Chouji doesn’t like that pointed out to him. I’m not sure that him saying it would be any exception. ____ XDDD I like the mention of Orochimaru. ____ (*snicker*) “And though it’d double my chances of bearing children with Sharingan, I didn’t want to sleep with my homicidal older brother.” Meaning he actually considered it for even part of a second. XDDD Plus, that’d kind of be pretty close incest, and thus, not a good idea for genetics. ^^; ____ “You… actually thought about sleeping with all of them? Kakashi-sensei? And Itachi?” “Yes.” As surprising and a little uncharacteristic as it is on the Itachi part, it’s still hilarious. And it also makes me wonder how far he thought that through. Like, how would he convince Itachi to knock him up. And keep himself and his kids safe. I mean, the threat of Itachi is pretty damn hard to ignore. And Sasuke should be a pro at factoring Itachi into every situation. ____ Lol, good job on Round Two, Sasuke. ^^ ____ Love Konohamaru’s take on the whole situation. ____ “If he hadn’t known better, Konohamaru would have thought he saw Sasuke smirk.” Aha! So he did look at Sasuke! >D ____ I get the feeling Konohamaru’s a little jealous. I’m just wondering if it occurred to him that Naruto might try to hang around Sasuke a little more often while Sasuke’s pregnant. ____ I like it when Sasuke tells Naruto to be smart when it comes to battles on the mission. ____ “Maybe I should’ve requested Lee instead, huh? His greenness might counteract my orangeness.” Lol. ____ “Just … don’t do anything stupider than usual.” Lol again. ^^ ____ Awwww. ♥
Aww fuck, please tell me this is just a bad dream Sasuke’s having. ____ “… and the hand not mangledbySamehadefanned over his curved abdomen.” Needs spaces between the words there. ____ Yeah, definitely a nightmare. ____ Gotta say, though, wouldn’t Sasuke have woken up by now if it were a nightmare? ____ Yup, nightmare. ____ “Dad’s fine, kits.” Which “dad” is he talking about? I thought he was “mom”. Unless he’s saying “Naruto’s fine, he’s not dead.” ____ “You’ll be able to sympathize soon enough if any of you get our bloodline.” I’ll bet. Those eyes capture things so vividly, never mind the horrifying powers locked within. ____ It’s kinda sad how in this world, ninjas can’t write to each other without the letters being accompanied by suspicion of sabotage or forgery or whatever. ____ “Sharingan was not just about eyes. Sharingan was a technique for the whole body, a gift through the blood at birth.” Very awesome phrasing. And I like how the paragraph ends as well: “It came with the blood---this inability to forget, and, in the case of the Uchiha clan, this inability to forgive as well.” Awesome. ♥ ____ Sharingan’s definitely a dubious gift. It’s part curse. ____ “Itachi wouldn’t be able to take out four jounin without making enough noise to tip me off.” Well, he might, but Sasuke’s trying to stay calm, so he’s telling himself otherwise. ____ (*snicker*) That line could fit almost anybody Sasuke was thinking of, as well as Kakashi. ^^ (!) Uh-oh, what if it’s someone he was thinking about in disguise? ____ I’m surprised that Sasuke still calls Iruka “sensei”. ____ Heh—I like the details about how both Sasuke and Kakashi got on each other’s nerves. ____ It’s rare to see Kakashi lose it like this, and I would say it’s OOC, but you led up to it pretty well, so it’s kind of moving. ____ “Nin Scout Cookies,” lol. ____ “Don’t need to know about the state of your personal pounding.” Yeah, me neither. (*green*) ____ (*snicker*) Comparing Naruto to Iruka makes me wonder if Naruto’s going to be like him when he’s got kids to look after. ____ “Sasuke had walls, Kakashi had masks. It was anyone’s guess as to which one was a stronger defense.” Cool. ____ “Can Kakashi even help me with these kind of problems---look at him, not ever worried about having children because the person he loves most is a man …” Umm … I think Sasuke’s forgetting something. ____ “First the White Fange, and then the Copy Ninja---they need no follow-up act …” Another interesting one. ____ “Now get to sleep before I sic Iruka and his eternal mothering on you.” (*snicker*)
Yeah, Konohamaru’s jealous. ____ If Naruto’s the team leader and is setting his troubles aside, he should tell Konohamaru to do the same to what’s bothering him. Then again, it’s kind of a waste to do that when Konohamaru doesn’t want to make smalltalk. ____ Hanabi would probably recognize them. ____ Still, even if Naruto doesn’t have an affair, I wonder how Sasuke would take it if he heard that Naruto went into a brothel to flirt for information.
Oh, what’s this? An omake? ____ Ah, thanks for the warning.
“He’s been bad since Sasuke so unceremoniously dumped him.” XDD ____ Hmm, I guess Itachi doesn’t really care one way or another. ____ As weird as this scene is, I like Itachi’s humor about Orochimaru.
Aww fuck, please tell me this is just a bad dream Sasuke’s having. ____ “… and the hand not mangledbySamehadefanned over his curved abdomen.” Needs spaces between the words there. ____ Yeah, definitely a nightmare. ____ Gotta say, though, wouldn’t Sasuke have woken up by now if it were a nightmare? ____ Yup, nightmare. ____ “Dad’s fine, kits.” Which “dad” is he talking about? I thought he was “mom”. Unless he’s saying “Naruto’s fine, he’s not dead.” ____ “You’ll be able to sympathize soon enough if any of you get our bloodline.” I’ll bet. Those eyes capture things so vividly, never mind the horrifying powers locked within. ____ It’s kinda sad how in this world, ninjas can’t write to each other without the letters being accompanied by suspicion of sabotage or forgery or whatever. ____ “Sharingan was not just about eyes. Sharingan was a technique for the whole body, a gift through the blood at birth.” Very awesome phrasing. And I like how the paragraph ends as well: “It came with the blood---this inability to forget, and, in the case of the Uchiha clan, this inability to forgive as well.” Awesome. ♥ ____ Sharingan’s definitely a dubious gift. It’s part curse. ____ “Itachi wouldn’t be able to take out four jounin without making enough noise to tip me off.” Well, he might, but Sasuke’s trying to stay calm, so he’s telling himself otherwise. ____ (*snicker*) That line could fit almost anybody Sasuke was thinking of, as well as Kakashi. ^^ (!) Uh-oh, what if it’s someone he was thinking about in disguise? ____ I’m surprised that Sasuke still calls Iruka “sensei”. ____ Heh—I like the details about how both Sasuke and Kakashi got on each other’s nerves. ____ It’s rare to see Kakashi lose it like this, and I would say it’s OOC, but you led up to it pretty well, so it’s kind of moving. ____ “Nin Scout Cookies,” lol. ____ “Don’t need to know about the state of your personal pounding.” Yeah, me neither. (*green*) ____ (*snicker*) Comparing Naruto to Iruka makes me wonder if Naruto’s going to be like him when he’s got kids to look after. ____ “Sasuke had walls, Kakashi had masks. It was anyone’s guess as to which one was a stronger defense.” Cool. ____ “Can Kakashi even help me with these kind of problems---look at him, not ever worried about having children because the person he loves most is a man …” Umm … I think Sasuke’s forgetting something. ____ “First the White Fange, and then the Copy Ninja---they need no follow-up act …” Another interesting one. ____ “Now get to sleep before I sic Iruka and his eternal mothering on you.” (*snicker*)
Yeah, Konohamaru’s jealous. ____ If Naruto’s the team leader and is setting his troubles aside, he should tell Konohamaru to do the same to what’s bothering him. Then again, it’s kind of a waste to do that when Konohamaru doesn’t want to make smalltalk. ____ Hanabi would probably recognize them. ____ Still, even if Naruto doesn’t have an affair, I wonder how Sasuke would take it if he heard that Naruto went into a brothel to flirt for information.
Oh, what’s this? An omake? ____ Ah, thanks for the warning.
“He’s been bad since Sasuke so unceremoniously dumped him.” XDD ____ Hmm, I guess Itachi doesn’t really care one way or another. ____ As weird as this scene is, I like Itachi’s humor about Orochimaru.
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February 4, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hey, cool, it’s the return of the witty disclaimers. =)
Chapter 11: Oh yeah, the kitten. I forgot about him/her. For a minute, when you said “a curious bat,” I was like, “OH CRAP THEY’VE GOT BATS!” ^^;; ____ THAT KITTEN IS SOOOOO CUUUUUUTE!! Ó.Ò ____ I don’t blame him for being scared. ____ Kakashi wasn’t kidding when he said Sasuke was “abusing his body” in chapter 1. I wonder if Kakashi had any idea that things could turn out like this. ____ Love the grim description of how Naruto finds Sasuke. ____ “… and obviously brooding, which you like in a masochist sort of way.” No big deal, but I think you mean “masochistic”. ____ I can see Sasukes’s dilemma about telling Naruto. Naruto doesn’t need to be distracted while he’s on the upcoming mission. And even if Naruto gave up the mission and stayed to help, I’m not sure if there was anything he could do. Well, he could probably give Sasuke some moral support, but Sasuke would also see him worrying and … this is a problem. ____ “Give me control of your body for a bit …” Oh boy. From your warning at the beginning, I know where that’s gonna lead. >:-) ____ “You can come out if you swear not to hurt him.” (*sigh*) You just handed him an excuse to hit on him anyway, Naruto. u.u ____ Boy, that must be creepy for Sasuke to witness. ____ Love Kyuubi’s dirty-talk. It’s hot and it’s creepy. ____ Okay—so Kyuubi lied in earlier chapters, then. He said it was all Naruto. Apparently not. Wouldn’t Naruto hear all this, though? Or would Sasuke have to tell him when Naruto resurfaces? ____ Kyuubi as godfather … I like it. ____ If I were Sasuke, I’d be just a little more nervous, reason aside. I mean, logically, Kyuubi wouldn’t want to mess things up for the offspring, but … there are other ways to inflict damage. And then there’s also his temper. How stable is it? Among other things. Is Sasuke nervous and just isn’t showing it? ____ “I know how to pick winners, don’t I?” Lol. ____ “And I want to collect payment for being forced out here in the first place.” Bullshit. He wasn’t forced out there; he volunteered, and Naruto agreed reluctantly. ____ Still, I like the description of Kyuubi’s nature during sex. ____ I wonder if Naruto had/has any idea how this is turning out. ____ “My kits will come before the end of summer, plump and strong. You humans are as blind as ever to the effects of youma chakra.” Interesting. And prophetic. And I wonder how Sasuke will turn out. He could die in childbirth. And my worry could be Kyuubi’s point about being blind to the effects. ____ Let’s hope none of those kids will take on the “dark role” one sees in the trios of the Naruto-verse. ____ “You. Are just horny.” Hee-hee, honesty. ____ I like that closing line: “So remember, bitch—you owe me one, and I intend to collect.” ____ “He’s… kinda hard up for anything with legs—not even choosy about how many.” (*snicker*) XD ____ What happened to finishing the work the pet fox started?? ò_ó
“Like something out of a bad Sci-Fi movie,” lol. ^^ ____ I dunno … considering recentish chapters in the manga, I’m afraid they might just opt to kill him and eliminate any potential threat. Not out loud, of course. They’ll hire someone when Naruto’s on his mission. Then again, they’d have to put up with a REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF NARUTO AND KYUUBI, thus making the whole thing a very bad idea. Still, can’t be too careful. ____ “Ever the tactician, Sasuke had planned ahead.” To an extent. He usually plans ahead for a bit, then “CHARGE!” Which is pretty much what he did in this story. =) ____ “This was something he wanted to do, and Naruto was someone he wanted to be with, and when Sasuke made up his mind about something, there was no changing it.” (*chuckles darkly*) Got that right. ____ Hehehe, nice touch about Chouji’s dad. ^^ ____ Lol, “and the Hyuugas just didn’t give a damn.” XD ____ The thing about the Aburame clan surprises me, though. They also seem like the people to not care. As for the Inuzukas, that’s to be expected. And that’s not too bad. Well, actually, I interpret their “weirded out” as “okay, whatever, I really didn’t need to know that, so it’s up to you. I don’t want to be involved.” That sort of weirded out. ____ I wonder what Shikamaru’s and Ino’s dads are thinking. ____ Crap, ANBU. That shouldn’t be too bad, or it should be just annoying, but lately I’ve been more and more wary of them. It seems too easy that the wrong ANBU could get too close. ____ “In fact, he didn’t care if they thought he had three balls of fur in his belly; maybe they’d leave him alone, then.” XDD ____ “Promising to take the two out to dinner.” Lol, that had to be Iruka. I wonder if he’s going to be able to keep Kakashi from sneaking off during that time. Though if they’re shacking up, he can’t hide for loooooong…! ____ “The number one rookie with the hatred of an avenger funneled into a child’s body.” Nice description. ____ Sometimes, I think I’ll never get the appeal of Kakashi x Iruka.
“Kind of a lame, paragraph-dense excuse for a filler chapter …” Eh, not totally. I wasn’t great on the last part with Kakashi’s insight and all that, but otherwise it was pretty good. (No offense.)
Chapter 11: Oh yeah, the kitten. I forgot about him/her. For a minute, when you said “a curious bat,” I was like, “OH CRAP THEY’VE GOT BATS!” ^^;; ____ THAT KITTEN IS SOOOOO CUUUUUUTE!! Ó.Ò ____ I don’t blame him for being scared. ____ Kakashi wasn’t kidding when he said Sasuke was “abusing his body” in chapter 1. I wonder if Kakashi had any idea that things could turn out like this. ____ Love the grim description of how Naruto finds Sasuke. ____ “… and obviously brooding, which you like in a masochist sort of way.” No big deal, but I think you mean “masochistic”. ____ I can see Sasukes’s dilemma about telling Naruto. Naruto doesn’t need to be distracted while he’s on the upcoming mission. And even if Naruto gave up the mission and stayed to help, I’m not sure if there was anything he could do. Well, he could probably give Sasuke some moral support, but Sasuke would also see him worrying and … this is a problem. ____ “Give me control of your body for a bit …” Oh boy. From your warning at the beginning, I know where that’s gonna lead. >:-) ____ “You can come out if you swear not to hurt him.” (*sigh*) You just handed him an excuse to hit on him anyway, Naruto. u.u ____ Boy, that must be creepy for Sasuke to witness. ____ Love Kyuubi’s dirty-talk. It’s hot and it’s creepy. ____ Okay—so Kyuubi lied in earlier chapters, then. He said it was all Naruto. Apparently not. Wouldn’t Naruto hear all this, though? Or would Sasuke have to tell him when Naruto resurfaces? ____ Kyuubi as godfather … I like it. ____ If I were Sasuke, I’d be just a little more nervous, reason aside. I mean, logically, Kyuubi wouldn’t want to mess things up for the offspring, but … there are other ways to inflict damage. And then there’s also his temper. How stable is it? Among other things. Is Sasuke nervous and just isn’t showing it? ____ “I know how to pick winners, don’t I?” Lol. ____ “And I want to collect payment for being forced out here in the first place.” Bullshit. He wasn’t forced out there; he volunteered, and Naruto agreed reluctantly. ____ Still, I like the description of Kyuubi’s nature during sex. ____ I wonder if Naruto had/has any idea how this is turning out. ____ “My kits will come before the end of summer, plump and strong. You humans are as blind as ever to the effects of youma chakra.” Interesting. And prophetic. And I wonder how Sasuke will turn out. He could die in childbirth. And my worry could be Kyuubi’s point about being blind to the effects. ____ Let’s hope none of those kids will take on the “dark role” one sees in the trios of the Naruto-verse. ____ “You. Are just horny.” Hee-hee, honesty. ____ I like that closing line: “So remember, bitch—you owe me one, and I intend to collect.” ____ “He’s… kinda hard up for anything with legs—not even choosy about how many.” (*snicker*) XD ____ What happened to finishing the work the pet fox started?? ò_ó
“Like something out of a bad Sci-Fi movie,” lol. ^^ ____ I dunno … considering recentish chapters in the manga, I’m afraid they might just opt to kill him and eliminate any potential threat. Not out loud, of course. They’ll hire someone when Naruto’s on his mission. Then again, they’d have to put up with a REALLY FUCKING PISSED OFF NARUTO AND KYUUBI, thus making the whole thing a very bad idea. Still, can’t be too careful. ____ “Ever the tactician, Sasuke had planned ahead.” To an extent. He usually plans ahead for a bit, then “CHARGE!” Which is pretty much what he did in this story. =) ____ “This was something he wanted to do, and Naruto was someone he wanted to be with, and when Sasuke made up his mind about something, there was no changing it.” (*chuckles darkly*) Got that right. ____ Hehehe, nice touch about Chouji’s dad. ^^ ____ Lol, “and the Hyuugas just didn’t give a damn.” XD ____ The thing about the Aburame clan surprises me, though. They also seem like the people to not care. As for the Inuzukas, that’s to be expected. And that’s not too bad. Well, actually, I interpret their “weirded out” as “okay, whatever, I really didn’t need to know that, so it’s up to you. I don’t want to be involved.” That sort of weirded out. ____ I wonder what Shikamaru’s and Ino’s dads are thinking. ____ Crap, ANBU. That shouldn’t be too bad, or it should be just annoying, but lately I’ve been more and more wary of them. It seems too easy that the wrong ANBU could get too close. ____ “In fact, he didn’t care if they thought he had three balls of fur in his belly; maybe they’d leave him alone, then.” XDD ____ “Promising to take the two out to dinner.” Lol, that had to be Iruka. I wonder if he’s going to be able to keep Kakashi from sneaking off during that time. Though if they’re shacking up, he can’t hide for loooooong…! ____ “The number one rookie with the hatred of an avenger funneled into a child’s body.” Nice description. ____ Sometimes, I think I’ll never get the appeal of Kakashi x Iruka.
“Kind of a lame, paragraph-dense excuse for a filler chapter …” Eh, not totally. I wasn’t great on the last part with Kakashi’s insight and all that, but otherwise it was pretty good. (No offense.)
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February 3, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 10: Yeah, you gotta blame Sakura and Naruto for telling people. u.u ____ Heh—Hinata’s kid reminds me why I never want to be around little kids. I really don’t like ‘em. >.>;; ____ “Three of these things,” lol. XD ____ “Silly thing… just like his daddy.” I think that’s an oxymoron? ^^; ____ What I don’t get is that if the secret that Uchiha Sasuke is pregnant got out, what’s stopping the secret that the father is Uzumaki Naruto? Because both of those secrets kind of come together, and if somebody leaked one secret, what’s stopping them from leaking the other? ____ “Not interesting. Painful.” Ditto. ____ “If you hadn’t turned fully male …” Not fully male. Otherwise that would cancel out his womb and then he’d really be in a mess. ____ “Together, the stubbornness of their children would be something for the legends.” Let’s hope they’re good legends. It would be bad if they got interested in the darker stuff.
“But you and me together … the village elders would have a group heart attack.” And that’d be a bad thing? ____ I’m surprised Naruto doesn’t find some way to … discourage the baby shower. Or find someplace so Sasuke can avoid it. ____ Heh—“You have to stay, because endless hours of fellow ninjas staring at my stomach and trying to be awkwardly sympathetic will finish the emotional scarring Itachi and Orochimaru started!” Well said. =) ____ Oh wow! I wasn’t expecting Naruto to suggest becoming pregnant! =O ____ “And there was a knock at the door.” Oh boy. Doom approacheth. ____ Come on, girls, at least wrap the packages in colors Sasuke would appreciate. ____ I really don’t get the Kakashi/Iruka thing. Maybe it’s just that I’m missing the chemistry between them. ____ I would’ve thought these village idiots would know what Sasuke doesn’t like—that he still likes to keep to his personal space. Not that Ino ever respected that, but still. ____ And I thought it’s rude to ask someone who the unknown partner is. ____ I’m surprised that Sakura doesn’t pick up on the other reasons they’re keeping Naruto’s involvement quiet. She’s supposed to be pretty bright. (Though I wouldn’t mind it if he does tell.) ____ Oh my god, he actually told them. =O ____ (*snicker*) Love Shikamaru’s and Neji’s reactions. X3 ____ Lol: “It was consensual! Er… kinda, at least. Sasuke, help me out here before they start throwing sharp objects…” That’d be funny if Sasuke “helped out” by saying, “I got Naruto drunk and screwed him.” I wonder if that would difuse some of the sickly sweet behavior of everybody around him. Not that Naruto would thank him for the turned sympathy. ____ Well, the argument Sasuke used is actually pretty good too. I like the line: “Anyone who has a complaint may lodge it now, with the assurance that I really don’t give a damn.” ____ Lol, “‘Yes,’ Naruto and Sasuke replied immediately” ouch, Gaara—it was from both of them. XD ____ Hehehe, alright, Gaara, you tell em! ____ “People sort of skirted Naruto for a bit—which” (*interrupting*) Which is too bad, considering how Sasuke seemed about to suffocate under all the attention they were giving him. It would let some of the pressure up if they spent some of that time talking more to Naruto and giving Sasuke room to breathe. ____ “For now, entertain the guests and keep them the hell away from me. I’ve had it up to here with this whole fiasco.” I hope he said that just slightly above a whisper so some people heard that. ____ “If it’s about Ino, I can’t help you there, man---I’m no good with chicks. Worse than Shikamaru, even.” I don’t believe that, but LOL ANYWAY! XD ____ AHAHAHAHAHA, I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT! XDDD ____ Lol, this is another good one: “When Sakura-chan first started training with Tsunade-hag, she talked medic-lingo in her sleep.” ____ I admire Chouji’s dedication, but Naruto’d have to teach Sexy no Jutsu to Ino as well. Or maybe Konohamaru can teach her. She’d need a male body to get Chouji pregnant. Unless Chouji cheated on her, but I don’t think she’d appreciate that. ____ Aww, darn it. I was hoping there’d be a little side-something about someone teaching Ino the male version of it. ____ OMG SO CUTE IT’S A KITTEN!! ♥ =D ____ “I thought that you wanted them all to think you were still all buff and manly and super-straight!” That’d be hard to pull off when he’s pregnant and proud of it. Even if he said it was just for reviving his clan. Then again, if he said that, I’d probably worry about the kids he’d have. ____ Lol, love it when Sasuke admits that he’s not asleep. ^^
“But you and me together … the village elders would have a group heart attack.” And that’d be a bad thing? ____ I’m surprised Naruto doesn’t find some way to … discourage the baby shower. Or find someplace so Sasuke can avoid it. ____ Heh—“You have to stay, because endless hours of fellow ninjas staring at my stomach and trying to be awkwardly sympathetic will finish the emotional scarring Itachi and Orochimaru started!” Well said. =) ____ Oh wow! I wasn’t expecting Naruto to suggest becoming pregnant! =O ____ “And there was a knock at the door.” Oh boy. Doom approacheth. ____ Come on, girls, at least wrap the packages in colors Sasuke would appreciate. ____ I really don’t get the Kakashi/Iruka thing. Maybe it’s just that I’m missing the chemistry between them. ____ I would’ve thought these village idiots would know what Sasuke doesn’t like—that he still likes to keep to his personal space. Not that Ino ever respected that, but still. ____ And I thought it’s rude to ask someone who the unknown partner is. ____ I’m surprised that Sakura doesn’t pick up on the other reasons they’re keeping Naruto’s involvement quiet. She’s supposed to be pretty bright. (Though I wouldn’t mind it if he does tell.) ____ Oh my god, he actually told them. =O ____ (*snicker*) Love Shikamaru’s and Neji’s reactions. X3 ____ Lol: “It was consensual! Er… kinda, at least. Sasuke, help me out here before they start throwing sharp objects…” That’d be funny if Sasuke “helped out” by saying, “I got Naruto drunk and screwed him.” I wonder if that would difuse some of the sickly sweet behavior of everybody around him. Not that Naruto would thank him for the turned sympathy. ____ Well, the argument Sasuke used is actually pretty good too. I like the line: “Anyone who has a complaint may lodge it now, with the assurance that I really don’t give a damn.” ____ Lol, “‘Yes,’ Naruto and Sasuke replied immediately” ouch, Gaara—it was from both of them. XD ____ Hehehe, alright, Gaara, you tell em! ____ “People sort of skirted Naruto for a bit—which” (*interrupting*) Which is too bad, considering how Sasuke seemed about to suffocate under all the attention they were giving him. It would let some of the pressure up if they spent some of that time talking more to Naruto and giving Sasuke room to breathe. ____ “For now, entertain the guests and keep them the hell away from me. I’ve had it up to here with this whole fiasco.” I hope he said that just slightly above a whisper so some people heard that. ____ “If it’s about Ino, I can’t help you there, man---I’m no good with chicks. Worse than Shikamaru, even.” I don’t believe that, but LOL ANYWAY! XD ____ AHAHAHAHAHA, I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT! XDDD ____ Lol, this is another good one: “When Sakura-chan first started training with Tsunade-hag, she talked medic-lingo in her sleep.” ____ I admire Chouji’s dedication, but Naruto’d have to teach Sexy no Jutsu to Ino as well. Or maybe Konohamaru can teach her. She’d need a male body to get Chouji pregnant. Unless Chouji cheated on her, but I don’t think she’d appreciate that. ____ Aww, darn it. I was hoping there’d be a little side-something about someone teaching Ino the male version of it. ____ OMG SO CUTE IT’S A KITTEN!! ♥ =D ____ “I thought that you wanted them all to think you were still all buff and manly and super-straight!” That’d be hard to pull off when he’s pregnant and proud of it. Even if he said it was just for reviving his clan. Then again, if he said that, I’d probably worry about the kids he’d have. ____ Lol, love it when Sasuke admits that he’s not asleep. ^^
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January 29, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 9: Lol: “Oh my God, she wasn’t kidding.” XD Nope. ____ XD She needs a drink. ____ “You only got into the ‘Sannin’ because Orochimaru and Jiraiya couldn’t be the ‘Famous Leaf Two’, now could they?” Ouch. ____ Alright, Moment of Truth—how many babies does Sasuke have? ____ At least it’s not 9. That would’ve been scary. ____ “Oh… that October 10th. Oh. Okay. Moving on.” Yes, that October 10th. XD ____ “Every week you keep them in the third trimester counts.” “It’s high-risk, isn’t it?” “Very. Your body type isn’t very well outfitted for this kind of thing …” As if there wasn’t enough to worry about. >.< ____ “I just… did not foresee a lot of this going into this pregnancy. I didn’t know it’d be quite this difficult.” I can’t really blame him—even if he did look up more stuff, I doubt he would’ve expected triplets. ____ Well, how the hell is he going to gain weight when he keeps coughing everything back up?! ____ At least Tsunade’s lecturing him with a controlled temper.
Ah, there’s her grouchiness. She saved it special for Naruto. ____ Yay, more conflict. Gaara’s adding some difficulty. =) ____ Wait, Hanabi’s a rogue?! Awesome! =D ____ Lol, “You know the type.” Yup. ____ Interesting—the same age as Itachi. ____ I wonder how Hinata and her father feel. ____ Hell, for all we know, she could be backing up Itachi. ____ I’m surprised they don’t go with a four-man team. ____ “Compiling teams and missions is the Hokage’s job.” A job which you assert that you will have one day, so why are you surprised, Naruto? ____ She’s retiring this early? ____ I still think 56 is kinda early. But maybe that’s because I’ve seen the Sandaime, and he was a special case. ____ “Responsibility was doing good things to the boy. Giving him premature gray hairs, perhaps, but those weren’t always bad.” Lol. ^^ ____ I like the perks. And the way she phrased them. XD ____ Hahahaha, smooth! Love the subtle bit about Tsunade’s bad gambling! XDD ____ And I love the playful exit. XD ____ Oh, nice touch, Konohamaru being engrossed in a book. Might be just a wee bit OOC, but who cares, it’s a good mental image. =) ____ Ah, it’s Icha Icha. That explains a lot. ^^ ____ “You should have the medic-nin check you for shellshock. Looks like whatever it is you’ve been doing for the last month and a half has messed with your head.” XDD ____ I like the heads-up Naruto’s giving Konohamaru. And I like the line, “That’s why I’m giving you nine days to prepare. Get yourself in the zone, right?” Huh, and I also noticed lucky number 9, there. ____ XD “And I mean hot, man. Icy-hot.” Lol, he’s got the hots for “Satori”. ____ Oh jeez, there goes another one’s brain. And Konohamaru will either be playing a lot more with the jutsu, or a lot less, depending on how much of it he’s explored in his private time. ^^;;
I like this whole next explanatory scene. ____ That’s new, Naruto roommating with Kiba and Lee. Did an accident happen recently that busted up their homes? ____ She still seems like a Yamanaka to me, married or not. ____ “Man, and to think I used to hate ramen…” Um … huh? ____ “Sasuke had been stuck with a perfectionist, domineering father who saw the world through Itachi-tinted lenses …” Very good description. =D ____ Hahaha, I love the love-bite dialogue! XD ____ Lol, “One of the babies rolling over. They’re enjoying the attention.” ____ (*groan*) Not the nauseatingly cute pet names. (*is green*) ____ “… and you won’t get into my bed until I’m done being pregnant.” Too soon, I think, as far as punishments go.
Ah, there’s her grouchiness. She saved it special for Naruto. ____ Yay, more conflict. Gaara’s adding some difficulty. =) ____ Wait, Hanabi’s a rogue?! Awesome! =D ____ Lol, “You know the type.” Yup. ____ Interesting—the same age as Itachi. ____ I wonder how Hinata and her father feel. ____ Hell, for all we know, she could be backing up Itachi. ____ I’m surprised they don’t go with a four-man team. ____ “Compiling teams and missions is the Hokage’s job.” A job which you assert that you will have one day, so why are you surprised, Naruto? ____ She’s retiring this early? ____ I still think 56 is kinda early. But maybe that’s because I’ve seen the Sandaime, and he was a special case. ____ “Responsibility was doing good things to the boy. Giving him premature gray hairs, perhaps, but those weren’t always bad.” Lol. ^^ ____ I like the perks. And the way she phrased them. XD ____ Hahahaha, smooth! Love the subtle bit about Tsunade’s bad gambling! XDD ____ And I love the playful exit. XD ____ Oh, nice touch, Konohamaru being engrossed in a book. Might be just a wee bit OOC, but who cares, it’s a good mental image. =) ____ Ah, it’s Icha Icha. That explains a lot. ^^ ____ “You should have the medic-nin check you for shellshock. Looks like whatever it is you’ve been doing for the last month and a half has messed with your head.” XDD ____ I like the heads-up Naruto’s giving Konohamaru. And I like the line, “That’s why I’m giving you nine days to prepare. Get yourself in the zone, right?” Huh, and I also noticed lucky number 9, there. ____ XD “And I mean hot, man. Icy-hot.” Lol, he’s got the hots for “Satori”. ____ Oh jeez, there goes another one’s brain. And Konohamaru will either be playing a lot more with the jutsu, or a lot less, depending on how much of it he’s explored in his private time. ^^;;
I like this whole next explanatory scene. ____ That’s new, Naruto roommating with Kiba and Lee. Did an accident happen recently that busted up their homes? ____ She still seems like a Yamanaka to me, married or not. ____ “Man, and to think I used to hate ramen…” Um … huh? ____ “Sasuke had been stuck with a perfectionist, domineering father who saw the world through Itachi-tinted lenses …” Very good description. =D ____ Hahaha, I love the love-bite dialogue! XD ____ Lol, “One of the babies rolling over. They’re enjoying the attention.” ____ (*groan*) Not the nauseatingly cute pet names. (*is green*) ____ “… and you won’t get into my bed until I’m done being pregnant.” Too soon, I think, as far as punishments go.
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January 25, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 8: Heh—“I’m sorry, guys,” to his stomach—cute. XD ____ Lol, “Ten dollars says that The Plan consists solely of putting me into a dress and hoping no one notices.” He’s onto you, Naruto. ____ “Oh my God, Sasuke-kun! You’re huge!” And she hasn’t noticed that already? (*sweat*)
Hehe, I like the way Sasuke’s watching Aido so warily. ^^ ____ “Mr. Slayer of Clans himself.” Noneother. And at very cruelly ironic timing as well. And I love the slight delay at the beginning of the next paragraph, when Sasuke realizes how vulnerable he is. I can just see him go ashen (more ashen than he already is in this state). Heh, I like it when he thinks, “Dammit, I should have killed him before I got myself knocked up.” I’m surprised he didn’t think of that. I’d’ve thought that would be a VERY obvious thing to do. ____ Don’t panic, Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura are there. And I’m sure Kakashi will help, and maybe others if you can get to them. ____ Heh, I like this part: Naruto: “What are you crying for now?” *Sasuke gives him the note* “Oh hell.” Yup. XD And I like his use of the word “weaselish”. XD ____ I would’ve thought Sasuke would tell Naruto to back up on the killing Itachi part. Not that Naruto would agree to it. Then again, Sasuke is becoming a mom. His instincts might be changing a little. ____ Heh—“My mother was not a bitch.” You tell him, Sasuke. Naruto, watch it; that was very rude. >:\ ____ “You’ve got a really pretty face, but we barely get to see it with your bangs in the way.” That’s what makes it prettier, if you ask me. ____ “Sasu-chan.” (*groaaannn*) ____ Love it how Sasuke seriously considers a possible battle between Naruto and Itachi. “I think it’d depend on how much Itachi pissed Naruto off---the angrier he gets, the better he fights. He has a berserker’s nature due to the Kyuubi’s influence.” Sounds like “Rage” in online RPGs. ____ (*snort*) “I mean, it’s not like I got drunk and told Itachi that …” In other words this is how you force yourself to tell Sasuke the truth. And it’s understandable about how calm Sasuke’s taking the news—I mean, it doesn’t change things a whole lot. If anything, now he’s more certain of what Itachi could be dong in the area and what might be on his mind. ____ “And he won’t find me, either. I’m Satori-chan, remember.” And Itachi has the Sharingan, remember; he can see through jutsu. And he’ll probably be glancing at every pregnant woman who’s showing, anyway. I doubt the maternity clothes would hide much from him. And he’ll definitely recognize Naruto. If you ask me, it’s a case of “If he comes, then he comes, and we’ll have to deal with it then.”
I wonder, if Naruto and Sasuke ever have sex when both are guys, will they take turns topping each other, or will it strictly be Naruto on top? ____ Hmm … both Sakura and Sasuke have points. I would normally agree with Sakura on this, but Sasuke’s worried enough. ____ At least Naruto’s there to form a compromise.
Oh dear. Sasuke’s spotted already…. Unless … (!) Is it Itachi? ____ Nope, it’s Sasuke. Poor Ino’s not going to be thrilled when it comes to looking at Sasukes’s hips now. ____ (*snicker*) She notices the hand-holding before she notices Sasuke’s gain in weight? I’m surprised. ____ Oh, good. At least she changed her mind and thought, “It’s not him.” Her mind is spared so far. ____ Okay, why’d Naruto keep Sasuke quiet? Did his voice not change or something? ____ (*snicker*) “And found herself batted viciously away by the woman’s chakra, a red-hot whip that left a weal against Ino’s psyche.” She must be a very good judge of people. Hell, that sounds like something Sasuke does to people without even trying. ____ Ah, darn, she’s going to have her brain scarred after all. u.u ____ (*sniff*) Poor Ino … I like her. ;_;
Hehe, I like the way Sasuke’s watching Aido so warily. ^^ ____ “Mr. Slayer of Clans himself.” Noneother. And at very cruelly ironic timing as well. And I love the slight delay at the beginning of the next paragraph, when Sasuke realizes how vulnerable he is. I can just see him go ashen (more ashen than he already is in this state). Heh, I like it when he thinks, “Dammit, I should have killed him before I got myself knocked up.” I’m surprised he didn’t think of that. I’d’ve thought that would be a VERY obvious thing to do. ____ Don’t panic, Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura are there. And I’m sure Kakashi will help, and maybe others if you can get to them. ____ Heh, I like this part: Naruto: “What are you crying for now?” *Sasuke gives him the note* “Oh hell.” Yup. XD And I like his use of the word “weaselish”. XD ____ I would’ve thought Sasuke would tell Naruto to back up on the killing Itachi part. Not that Naruto would agree to it. Then again, Sasuke is becoming a mom. His instincts might be changing a little. ____ Heh—“My mother was not a bitch.” You tell him, Sasuke. Naruto, watch it; that was very rude. >:\ ____ “You’ve got a really pretty face, but we barely get to see it with your bangs in the way.” That’s what makes it prettier, if you ask me. ____ “Sasu-chan.” (*groaaannn*) ____ Love it how Sasuke seriously considers a possible battle between Naruto and Itachi. “I think it’d depend on how much Itachi pissed Naruto off---the angrier he gets, the better he fights. He has a berserker’s nature due to the Kyuubi’s influence.” Sounds like “Rage” in online RPGs. ____ (*snort*) “I mean, it’s not like I got drunk and told Itachi that …” In other words this is how you force yourself to tell Sasuke the truth. And it’s understandable about how calm Sasuke’s taking the news—I mean, it doesn’t change things a whole lot. If anything, now he’s more certain of what Itachi could be dong in the area and what might be on his mind. ____ “And he won’t find me, either. I’m Satori-chan, remember.” And Itachi has the Sharingan, remember; he can see through jutsu. And he’ll probably be glancing at every pregnant woman who’s showing, anyway. I doubt the maternity clothes would hide much from him. And he’ll definitely recognize Naruto. If you ask me, it’s a case of “If he comes, then he comes, and we’ll have to deal with it then.”
I wonder, if Naruto and Sasuke ever have sex when both are guys, will they take turns topping each other, or will it strictly be Naruto on top? ____ Hmm … both Sakura and Sasuke have points. I would normally agree with Sakura on this, but Sasuke’s worried enough. ____ At least Naruto’s there to form a compromise.
Oh dear. Sasuke’s spotted already…. Unless … (!) Is it Itachi? ____ Nope, it’s Sasuke. Poor Ino’s not going to be thrilled when it comes to looking at Sasukes’s hips now. ____ (*snicker*) She notices the hand-holding before she notices Sasuke’s gain in weight? I’m surprised. ____ Oh, good. At least she changed her mind and thought, “It’s not him.” Her mind is spared so far. ____ Okay, why’d Naruto keep Sasuke quiet? Did his voice not change or something? ____ (*snicker*) “And found herself batted viciously away by the woman’s chakra, a red-hot whip that left a weal against Ino’s psyche.” She must be a very good judge of people. Hell, that sounds like something Sasuke does to people without even trying. ____ Ah, darn, she’s going to have her brain scarred after all. u.u ____ (*sniff*) Poor Ino … I like her. ;_;
schedule
January 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Hmm, no witty disclaimer this time. =\
Chapter 7: I’m surprised Sakura hasn’t told Sasuke that she let something slip to Itachi. Hell, that Itachi’s in town. Hang on … last chapter said that Sakura couldn’t come the previous month…. So did Itachi do something? Mess with her head in some way? ____ Lol, “The hell did you have to do to him to get him to cry?” It’s sad, but it’s a good question. ____ Do foxes mate for life? Real foxes, I mean, not the Kyuubi. ____ “No, I didn’t win. I’ve lost it all, now.” Sakura should tell him how she pissed Sasuke off the first day they were on a team. True, that wasn’t quite the same as this—that was unintentional, this was deliberate. But one fight shouldn’t ruin everything. Well … it shouldn’t. Sometimes it does, though. (*is very pessimistic*) ____ (*snicker*) “So what the hell are you two waiting for? Stop being such men, and kiss and make up!” XD ____ Oh man, I forgot the painted nails. That must be bizarre for Sakura to see. ____ “I’ve had my share of mates.” So what’s this about mating for life? ____ Lol: ‘“I want him to love me,” Naruto mumbled aloud, ignoring how several barmates sighed in drunken agreement. XDDD ____What the hell is up with the way the Kyuubi’s pronouncing the Uchiha name? It’s … weird. =.= I’m sure he pronounced it correctly before. ____ The fuck? Where did the butter come in? XDD So random….
I like the first paragraph of this scene that describes why Sasuke doesn’t like to cry. ____ And I like the description of how he cries in the second paragraph. ____ Interesting how crying gives him cramps. Kinda … cool in the way that makes me wonder if the babies know anything about what’s going on in their mother. ____ “She hadn’t thought she’d have to, seeing as the ninja in question was Uchiha Sasuke, who had no trouble keeping his emotions in check.” Ahahaha … I don’t think so. I think that’s a ninja that Sasuke would like to be, but is far from actually being. He tends to let emotions take over. Particularly the negative ones. He seems to embrace and welcome negative emotions while pushing away the positive ones. It’s why Naruto had such a hard time getting Sasuke back to Konoha (still is having a hard time in the real manga). Therefore, I would think it would be a priority for Sakura to tell Sasuke this. And hell, she’d seen Sasuke cry like crazy! One would think she’d stick around long enough to check things out and let him know the dangers. ____ “There was nobody around to here it anyways …” Actually it’s “hear” it. ____ I didn’t know people had contractions when the baby was not coming. I thought that if they did, that meant miscarriage or something. ____ “Sasuke tightened up into a smaller ball on the floor. He ached from sleeping in such a position, but he didn’t want his weakness to show.” Wouldn’t it look weaker to be seen curled up on the floor like that? ____ I like what Naruto’s saying to him. I like it better than just apologizing and then saying it. ____ “Naruto, are you drunk?” I would’ve thought that’d be debatable. If Naruto faked it convincingly enough before, wouldn’t Sasuke not let anything fool him now? ____ “An’ I’m not jus’ saying that ‘cause I’m drunk.” I’m not sure that’s very convincing. ____ A little cheesy for my taste, but at least they made up.
Lol, Naruto read his mind. ____ “Oh … oh…” XDD That’s messed up, but funny. ____ “I didn’t realize I left marks.” One would think he’d see them on Naruto before he got out of bed that morning. Surely at least one would have been visible. Then again, what could he do about them even if he had seen them? ____ Lol: “Only one of us can be soggy and female at a time, mind you, and as the pregnant one, I have dibs on the position.” XD Never thought I’d see the fic where Sasuke would say something like that willingly and not seem totally effeminate. ____ I’m surprised Naruto hasn’t told Sasuke the possibility of having a litter. I thought that was sort of a crisis earlier. ____ Heheh--*CHOMP* XD ____ I like the part when Sasuke says, “You sound like you’ve thought about this a lot,” and what Naruto replies. ____ XDD There it is. Sort of. Sasuke knows something might be weird. “I swear to all things holy that if the thing growing in my gut’s furry …” XD ____ I thought Sasuke was losing weight, but now they’re saying he’s gaining an abnormal amount. ____ C’mon, Sasuke, I thought you were a genius—surely you can figure out what Naruto’s driving at. ____ Lol, “Or maybe more, because… because it is the Kyuubi, so nine is its sacred number.” I hadn’t thought of that! Man, that startled me. ____ (*groan*) It is 9, isn’t it? =(
Heehee—Sasuke: “I think I”d know if my babies were in any kind of danger.” Naruto: “One word—Itachi.” Sasuke: “Fuck.” Hadn’t thought of that detail, had we. ^^
(*groan*) This isn’t going to be too flattering, is it?
Chapter 7: I’m surprised Sakura hasn’t told Sasuke that she let something slip to Itachi. Hell, that Itachi’s in town. Hang on … last chapter said that Sakura couldn’t come the previous month…. So did Itachi do something? Mess with her head in some way? ____ Lol, “The hell did you have to do to him to get him to cry?” It’s sad, but it’s a good question. ____ Do foxes mate for life? Real foxes, I mean, not the Kyuubi. ____ “No, I didn’t win. I’ve lost it all, now.” Sakura should tell him how she pissed Sasuke off the first day they were on a team. True, that wasn’t quite the same as this—that was unintentional, this was deliberate. But one fight shouldn’t ruin everything. Well … it shouldn’t. Sometimes it does, though. (*is very pessimistic*) ____ (*snicker*) “So what the hell are you two waiting for? Stop being such men, and kiss and make up!” XD ____ Oh man, I forgot the painted nails. That must be bizarre for Sakura to see. ____ “I’ve had my share of mates.” So what’s this about mating for life? ____ Lol: ‘“I want him to love me,” Naruto mumbled aloud, ignoring how several barmates sighed in drunken agreement. XDDD ____What the hell is up with the way the Kyuubi’s pronouncing the Uchiha name? It’s … weird. =.= I’m sure he pronounced it correctly before. ____ The fuck? Where did the butter come in? XDD So random….
I like the first paragraph of this scene that describes why Sasuke doesn’t like to cry. ____ And I like the description of how he cries in the second paragraph. ____ Interesting how crying gives him cramps. Kinda … cool in the way that makes me wonder if the babies know anything about what’s going on in their mother. ____ “She hadn’t thought she’d have to, seeing as the ninja in question was Uchiha Sasuke, who had no trouble keeping his emotions in check.” Ahahaha … I don’t think so. I think that’s a ninja that Sasuke would like to be, but is far from actually being. He tends to let emotions take over. Particularly the negative ones. He seems to embrace and welcome negative emotions while pushing away the positive ones. It’s why Naruto had such a hard time getting Sasuke back to Konoha (still is having a hard time in the real manga). Therefore, I would think it would be a priority for Sakura to tell Sasuke this. And hell, she’d seen Sasuke cry like crazy! One would think she’d stick around long enough to check things out and let him know the dangers. ____ “There was nobody around to here it anyways …” Actually it’s “hear” it. ____ I didn’t know people had contractions when the baby was not coming. I thought that if they did, that meant miscarriage or something. ____ “Sasuke tightened up into a smaller ball on the floor. He ached from sleeping in such a position, but he didn’t want his weakness to show.” Wouldn’t it look weaker to be seen curled up on the floor like that? ____ I like what Naruto’s saying to him. I like it better than just apologizing and then saying it. ____ “Naruto, are you drunk?” I would’ve thought that’d be debatable. If Naruto faked it convincingly enough before, wouldn’t Sasuke not let anything fool him now? ____ “An’ I’m not jus’ saying that ‘cause I’m drunk.” I’m not sure that’s very convincing. ____ A little cheesy for my taste, but at least they made up.
Lol, Naruto read his mind. ____ “Oh … oh…” XDD That’s messed up, but funny. ____ “I didn’t realize I left marks.” One would think he’d see them on Naruto before he got out of bed that morning. Surely at least one would have been visible. Then again, what could he do about them even if he had seen them? ____ Lol: “Only one of us can be soggy and female at a time, mind you, and as the pregnant one, I have dibs on the position.” XD Never thought I’d see the fic where Sasuke would say something like that willingly and not seem totally effeminate. ____ I’m surprised Naruto hasn’t told Sasuke the possibility of having a litter. I thought that was sort of a crisis earlier. ____ Heheh--*CHOMP* XD ____ I like the part when Sasuke says, “You sound like you’ve thought about this a lot,” and what Naruto replies. ____ XDD There it is. Sort of. Sasuke knows something might be weird. “I swear to all things holy that if the thing growing in my gut’s furry …” XD ____ I thought Sasuke was losing weight, but now they’re saying he’s gaining an abnormal amount. ____ C’mon, Sasuke, I thought you were a genius—surely you can figure out what Naruto’s driving at. ____ Lol, “Or maybe more, because… because it is the Kyuubi, so nine is its sacred number.” I hadn’t thought of that! Man, that startled me. ____ (*groan*) It is 9, isn’t it? =(
Heehee—Sasuke: “I think I”d know if my babies were in any kind of danger.” Naruto: “One word—Itachi.” Sasuke: “Fuck.” Hadn’t thought of that detail, had we. ^^
(*groan*) This isn’t going to be too flattering, is it?
schedule
January 15, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 6: Purrrr, I wasn’t expecting these particular types of details this soon. =) ____ Interesting. I like how Sasuke’s musing about Naruto and … stuff. I dunno. I like it. And not just for the hotness. ____ “He didn’t look all that drunk. Smelt like alcohol, but didn’t look or feel drunk.” So Sasuke suspected.
AWWWWWWWWWGWHAAAT!! XD Darn it, it ended too soon! XD I get the feeling that since Sasuke is in female form, he’d wake up frustrated rather than sated. ____ “Crushes are below an Uchiha. Crushes are below an Uchiha.” I could make jokes about that, but what I’m really thinking about is that Sasuke hasn’t thought too deeply on some of the people of his clan. Or he just can’t picture them having crushes. I’ll bet that a lot of them have had them, though. Just never showed them out loud. Or maybe some of them tried to bury them by thinking the same thing that Sasuke has. Surely not all of them, though. ____ Since when did Sasuke even learn about that cheesy romantic crap? Probably from all the girls hitting on him back home, but still…. I doubt it would suit him, even if it only involved him and Naruto. ____ So “The Plan” was more than just getting knocked up. At least that much of it worked. And that was the point, wasn’t it, Sasuke? ____ “I’m on a role this morning.” I think it’s “roll”. ____ “Still don’t like sweets.” Aherm—ice cream. ____ “Goddamn those blue eyes… can’t … concentrate … self-restraint … failing…” Then don’t look at him, silly. ____ Yaaay, they’re getting somewhere. ____ “For the love of the Fourth, shut the hell up!” Oh sure, that’ll get him quiet. I doubt the Kyuubi has any love of the Fourth. It’s the Fourth’s fault he’s in this situation, after all. ____ Hrrrg, darn it. WHY is it always more than one at a time?! I swear, every single m-preg story I’ve read ALWAYS has the first pregnancy (or the first one vividly witnessed in the story) as a litter! And it’s only in an epilogue that there have been single children! After the twins/triplets/quadruplets/etceterets were born! ____ Still, I like that phrase—“seeding him so heavily.” Sounds hot. ____ (*snicker*) “I like it when you have sex.” “Yeah, Naruto thought, sighing. Me too.” XD ____ “He feared he’d never get used to the tastes of stomach acid in his mouth.” Actually, I’d be scared if I did get used to it. I don’t think you’re supposed to get used to it. ____ Hang on … humans have had twins & triplets & quadruplets & etceterets … so how can the human body not be meant to carry so many? ____ It’s probably a bad idea, but Naruto should probably tell Sasuke what he knows. That’ll lead to some upsetting questions, but it’s kind of important. ____ Lol, “You’re not going to shut up until I tell you, are you?” XD And probably not even then. ____ (*snicker*) “How gay does Hoshigaki Kisame seem to you?” XDD Fair point. ____ AHAHAHAHAHAHA, the line right after that was hilarious! XDDD ♥ ____ I like where this conversation is going. It’s hilarious, and it’s bringing some secrets out into the open. Naruto told Sasuke he’s bisexual. (So now, if Sasuke wants to try it again as a guy, he can still jump Naruto.) ____ “He had circles beneath his eyes from lost sleep, making him look uncannily like his elder brother.” And for some reason, that makes me wonder if Itachi’s ever tried giving birth. ____ “Er, but what about you?” “What about what about me?” I think only one “What about” is necessary in Sasuke’s line. ____ (*snicker*) “Just a kick. A really, really hard kick. Goddamn ninja baby.” XDD ____ Why doesn’t Naruto just tell Sasuke that he talks to his tenant? ____ I like the sudden turn of mood for Naruto, when he realizes that Sasuke will once again have a family and he, Naruto, will be left outside. Can’t blame him for feeling a little cheated, especially since they’re his kids as well. ____ Well, things are going to be a little rough for a while, but at least it’s out now. ____ “Takes two to tango. I had to get twenty-three other chromosomes somehow.” Just out of curiosity … what would’ve happened if he made a Kage Bunshin (I don’t think it’s Sasuke’s technique, but for the sake of argument) and mated with it. Probably some weird genes would come of it. Hell, clones probably aren’t that fertile anyway. ____ I love the scariness of Naruto’s anger. The threat. ____ “Alcohol seemed to be the only natural salve.” But he can’t get drunk. And wouldn’t that just depress him because it’s related to how Sasuke tried to use him?
AWWWWWWWWWGWHAAAT!! XD Darn it, it ended too soon! XD I get the feeling that since Sasuke is in female form, he’d wake up frustrated rather than sated. ____ “Crushes are below an Uchiha. Crushes are below an Uchiha.” I could make jokes about that, but what I’m really thinking about is that Sasuke hasn’t thought too deeply on some of the people of his clan. Or he just can’t picture them having crushes. I’ll bet that a lot of them have had them, though. Just never showed them out loud. Or maybe some of them tried to bury them by thinking the same thing that Sasuke has. Surely not all of them, though. ____ Since when did Sasuke even learn about that cheesy romantic crap? Probably from all the girls hitting on him back home, but still…. I doubt it would suit him, even if it only involved him and Naruto. ____ So “The Plan” was more than just getting knocked up. At least that much of it worked. And that was the point, wasn’t it, Sasuke? ____ “I’m on a role this morning.” I think it’s “roll”. ____ “Still don’t like sweets.” Aherm—ice cream. ____ “Goddamn those blue eyes… can’t … concentrate … self-restraint … failing…” Then don’t look at him, silly. ____ Yaaay, they’re getting somewhere. ____ “For the love of the Fourth, shut the hell up!” Oh sure, that’ll get him quiet. I doubt the Kyuubi has any love of the Fourth. It’s the Fourth’s fault he’s in this situation, after all. ____ Hrrrg, darn it. WHY is it always more than one at a time?! I swear, every single m-preg story I’ve read ALWAYS has the first pregnancy (or the first one vividly witnessed in the story) as a litter! And it’s only in an epilogue that there have been single children! After the twins/triplets/quadruplets/etceterets were born! ____ Still, I like that phrase—“seeding him so heavily.” Sounds hot. ____ (*snicker*) “I like it when you have sex.” “Yeah, Naruto thought, sighing. Me too.” XD ____ “He feared he’d never get used to the tastes of stomach acid in his mouth.” Actually, I’d be scared if I did get used to it. I don’t think you’re supposed to get used to it. ____ Hang on … humans have had twins & triplets & quadruplets & etceterets … so how can the human body not be meant to carry so many? ____ It’s probably a bad idea, but Naruto should probably tell Sasuke what he knows. That’ll lead to some upsetting questions, but it’s kind of important. ____ Lol, “You’re not going to shut up until I tell you, are you?” XD And probably not even then. ____ (*snicker*) “How gay does Hoshigaki Kisame seem to you?” XDD Fair point. ____ AHAHAHAHAHAHA, the line right after that was hilarious! XDDD ♥ ____ I like where this conversation is going. It’s hilarious, and it’s bringing some secrets out into the open. Naruto told Sasuke he’s bisexual. (So now, if Sasuke wants to try it again as a guy, he can still jump Naruto.) ____ “He had circles beneath his eyes from lost sleep, making him look uncannily like his elder brother.” And for some reason, that makes me wonder if Itachi’s ever tried giving birth. ____ “Er, but what about you?” “What about what about me?” I think only one “What about” is necessary in Sasuke’s line. ____ (*snicker*) “Just a kick. A really, really hard kick. Goddamn ninja baby.” XDD ____ Why doesn’t Naruto just tell Sasuke that he talks to his tenant? ____ I like the sudden turn of mood for Naruto, when he realizes that Sasuke will once again have a family and he, Naruto, will be left outside. Can’t blame him for feeling a little cheated, especially since they’re his kids as well. ____ Well, things are going to be a little rough for a while, but at least it’s out now. ____ “Takes two to tango. I had to get twenty-three other chromosomes somehow.” Just out of curiosity … what would’ve happened if he made a Kage Bunshin (I don’t think it’s Sasuke’s technique, but for the sake of argument) and mated with it. Probably some weird genes would come of it. Hell, clones probably aren’t that fertile anyway. ____ I love the scariness of Naruto’s anger. The threat. ____ “Alcohol seemed to be the only natural salve.” But he can’t get drunk. And wouldn’t that just depress him because it’s related to how Sasuke tried to use him?