schedule
December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
plez updat
schedule
December 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hi there,
Your story plot is WONDERFUL.. but I do suggest a beta. I'll even beta for you if you would like me to. So, since I decided to review, I should atleast give you some constructive critisicm. Your style of character thinking... messes up the story. You shouldn't require all those symbols to show the reader which character is thinking. Another thing I'd like to point out.. is.. you need more details. I'm really not sure how to explain to you how to show details... but, I'm willing to fix all the problems for you if you let me beta. I'm sure you'll improve your writing along the way. Believe me, I went from poor writing to excellence when I had a beta look over my story and tell me the things to work on. Well, keep up the good work... and if you want my offer, e-mail me at letsxplayxpretend@yahoo.com !
Sincerely,
Ash-chan
Your story plot is WONDERFUL.. but I do suggest a beta. I'll even beta for you if you would like me to. So, since I decided to review, I should atleast give you some constructive critisicm. Your style of character thinking... messes up the story. You shouldn't require all those symbols to show the reader which character is thinking. Another thing I'd like to point out.. is.. you need more details. I'm really not sure how to explain to you how to show details... but, I'm willing to fix all the problems for you if you let me beta. I'm sure you'll improve your writing along the way. Believe me, I went from poor writing to excellence when I had a beta look over my story and tell me the things to work on. Well, keep up the good work... and if you want my offer, e-mail me at letsxplayxpretend@yahoo.com !
Sincerely,
Ash-chan
schedule
December 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Great start i hope the pairing is Sus and Naru update real soon ok
schedule
November 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WHERE ARE YOU ?you sead "Next chapter will be soon. Maybe tomorrow" yet its been 2 days since i've last read that
and you haven't updated tell now where are you ? and what is taking you so long? please please update soon pleaseT~T
and you haven't updated tell now where are you ? and what is taking you so long? please please update soon pleaseT~T
schedule
November 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hmm...Overall, you're a bit too repetitive. It's almost like reading something at the first grade level. But don't give up! Keep practicing and your skill is sure to improve ^_^
schedule
November 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please don't put in these:
‘‘Blah’’ -- Talking
-Blah- -- Naruto Thinking
*Blah* -- Sasuke Thinking
[Blah] -- Thinking (Anyone else)
The story's ruined becoz I lost my thought frustrated with all those. Please re do it again so that it won't be confusing. It's a shame because your story's got potential. This is not a flame becoz I hate flames. Just another fan helping writers make their work better that's all. Ganbatte ne!
‘‘Blah’’ -- Talking
-Blah- -- Naruto Thinking
*Blah* -- Sasuke Thinking
[Blah] -- Thinking (Anyone else)
The story's ruined becoz I lost my thought frustrated with all those. Please re do it again so that it won't be confusing. It's a shame because your story's got potential. This is not a flame becoz I hate flames. Just another fan helping writers make their work better that's all. Ganbatte ne!