schedule
June 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hello,
I've just read your fic, and I LOVE it !!! YOU MADE MY DAY !!!!!!!!!
The pairing is really toooo cuuuuuuuute, and the story is really amazing! I've never read something like that before.
I just hope you will update one day !
I also think Itachi is a bit OOC, but I love him this way.
looking forward for more !! And... Thank you
(PS : sorry for my grammar, I'm French)
I've just read your fic, and I LOVE it !!! YOU MADE MY DAY !!!!!!!!!
The pairing is really toooo cuuuuuuuute, and the story is really amazing! I've never read something like that before.
I just hope you will update one day !
I also think Itachi is a bit OOC, but I love him this way.
looking forward for more !! And... Thank you
(PS : sorry for my grammar, I'm French)
schedule
December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You still have trouble keeping your structure in shape, and it gives the story a somewhat "jumpy" feel, and it's not very easy to read either..
From what I can tell, you're translating from another language, and that affects the all-around shape of the story.
I'm not going to comment on the scenario, because Naruto-yaoi is so over-blown at this point that I'm sick of it. Even with original characters.
Just fix the structure and the form, and you're all set.
From what I can tell, you're translating from another language, and that affects the all-around shape of the story.
I'm not going to comment on the scenario, because Naruto-yaoi is so over-blown at this point that I'm sick of it. Even with original characters.
Just fix the structure and the form, and you're all set.
schedule
December 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hei Elesiel,
Story is looking good so far but i would change this sentence:
"He could tell that Itachi meant no life threading harm for him at the..."
into:
"He could tell that Itachi meant no harm to him at the moment, ...." or Tesla knew that he wasnt in a life threatening situation, at least for the moment, etc.
As for the writing style so far is good. keep it as it is :) and keep up the good work =D
Sincerely,
Kimuriel
Story is looking good so far but i would change this sentence:
"He could tell that Itachi meant no life threading harm for him at the..."
into:
"He could tell that Itachi meant no harm to him at the moment, ...." or Tesla knew that he wasnt in a life threatening situation, at least for the moment, etc.
As for the writing style so far is good. keep it as it is :) and keep up the good work =D
Sincerely,
Kimuriel
schedule
December 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Nice building up of each character, ninja sounds a bit of a conceited smartass....but -shrugs- nice work