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January 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OMFG Ashley.......thats all I can say is OMFG.......that was beyond gross, but I gotta admit it was HOT HOT HOT!!!!! LOL. Even I wouldn't write something this graphic, but I might...if I ever get the nerve. LOL
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January 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really good fic. One problem I had with it was you using the wrong word. You said 'except' when you should have put 'accept' and I can't remember the other one right now. The lemon was really good, but I had two problems with it. The first one is that you said twice that Naruto 'went' to get the lube. Generally, you don't need to 'go' to get something off of your nightstand when you're on the bed. Lube is also normally kept near the bed anyway. My second problem is that you said Sasuke had 'folds'. That's something that I only associate with girls. It was an excellent fic regardless of the mistakes though, and a hot lemon. I'm going to keep a look-out for your fics from now on. I also think it would have been better as a multi-chapter fic, but it was still a good one-shot. Keep up the good work!
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December 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hoooottt!! But there's errors... You may wanna check spelling and grammar (it would be easier to read then). But othserwise nice x) I luv NaruSasu action!!
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December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
x.x i nearly died... wow, all this after a piano lesson? interesting... *looks real intensly as to absorb*
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December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
PLEASE WRITE MORE!PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS A ONE SHOT!!!!
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December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow. I should start taking piano lessons XP Lol. Nice fic. I truely enjoyed it^^
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December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I also forgot to add something. (guess I got too carried away...) No offence but the grammar...was almost the death of me 8X Sorry, I guess it's a pet peeve of mine and I'm a Grammar Queen (but I suck at spelling, so go figure.) despite my name, Stupidity Unleashed. Any-who, I just wanted to make sure you knew where to improve. No hard feelings, right?
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December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It was good, two problems though...
One a few grammar errors or so it seemed to me
but hey what do I know I dotn write story I just read and
two you could have made it longer and drawn it out.
Personally I tihnk it would have seem better if you had made it longer
then making run all together....if you understand what I mean...
One a few grammar errors or so it seemed to me
but hey what do I know I dotn write story I just read and
two you could have made it longer and drawn it out.
Personally I tihnk it would have seem better if you had made it longer
then making run all together....if you understand what I mean...