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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Cool story, I really want to know where Naruto went. Ill come back to read it.
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
omg wat happen to naruto please update soon i really wanna know!!! please say hes still alive n will but y did he leave please **begs on knees** update soon ^^
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
more more more more! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I want to know what happened to Naruto! XD
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Thanlk you!!!!!!!!!! This is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please update ASAP or I'll kill you with a kunai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD Angst is fun XDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-The Update Monster
-The Update Monster
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Your story has an original ring to it and so I'll continue to read it if you post it, but I do think you need a beta.
There were a couple mistakes like "feet" instead of "feat" and some of your sentences seemed blocky and unfinished. I don't know if you just rushed it to post it or what, but I think a beta might be a good idea. Also, try to focus on emotions and personal thoughts as well instead of just the facts. I couldn't really feel how it was affecting everyone with Naruto's disappearance.
I can say that your writing skills did improve towards the end of this chapter.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I promise to read the next installment, but I thought you'd like to know.
--Dhampir
There were a couple mistakes like "feet" instead of "feat" and some of your sentences seemed blocky and unfinished. I don't know if you just rushed it to post it or what, but I think a beta might be a good idea. Also, try to focus on emotions and personal thoughts as well instead of just the facts. I couldn't really feel how it was affecting everyone with Naruto's disappearance.
I can say that your writing skills did improve towards the end of this chapter.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I promise to read the next installment, but I thought you'd like to know.
--Dhampir
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, this was an incredible first chapter. Great start really, now, hows about some updates hm. Please update soon, cant wait to see what happens next.
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow, that really is good. i wanna know what happen to know so make sure you update alright? becasue this is good,it's fast past none of the slow eerie crap you know! good job!
ja-
ja-
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh yes I reaslly liked it, hope Sasuke does find Naruto, pls update
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hope you write more to it. It sounds really interesting. Wonder what happened to Naruto.
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February 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
So exciting. And btw you do not suck...nooo,this story is good. You're good ^^ Please continue this,'cause I'd be really sad if you didn't. Oh, there were a few spelling mistakes,But nothing that serious...um..Good.!I'll be waiting for an update heh >.< Ja Ne