rate_review Reviews

Prawn is a Deuche
I love this story and I think you have made it perfectly understandable to how Temari is reacting because of the fact that she has always had to look out for herself and now that she has Naruto loooking out for her she doesnt have to be such a ""fuck it all" matriarchal badass" and considering that she was the one who got fucked over I doubt that she would be like "ahh fuck it".
Update this ASAP dammit ;P
Love, an After the pain fan

Something leads me to believe that Leaf has no idea what strong independent NINJA woman, like TEMARI, are like. Just because she has Naruto to rely on doesn't mean she's just going to curl up in a fetal position and loose the ability to think and act on her own terms. There's a difference between RELIANCE and DEPENDENCE.

Dear god, get back to the kitchen you 1950's Stepford Wife and make your chainsmoking husband and neglected children dinner

Oo a biter. This is perfect. Your keen for a fight and im bored, my bat. I've never met a female ninja. I'm not an old women like you. Do u call urself prawn cos of wat u smell like after spending so much time on the streets getting 'inspiration'

love the story. its one of the rare few on this site that actually focuses on storyline and development instead of sex from the first chapter onwards. you are a true storywriter

Hey great update. I missed reading this story but, I guess what they say is true. In due time you will get what you seek. That was a great chapter but I am curious on something though. The white chakra is it from Temari or the father of the child.... Hope you get another chapter out soon.

Hello Legilmyth,

I know this is my first review but I couldn't bring myself to slow down enough to type one before. Your story is incredible, and it has me wanting to continue. I have to admit that reading the scene with Kakashi in the hospital like that made me sad. He was my favorite character in the original series and how he is being put through the pain he is in makes me feel like that might be one of the more depressing scenes to come. Anyhow, can't wait to continue, I wonder how your going to continue this powerful plot you've created.

Waiting patiently,
Silven

You are a really great author and your stories are truly amazing.

PLZZZZZZZZZZZ write more this story is wonderful and i really want to kno how Kyuubi will react to finding out about Temari's white charka

I just finished chapter 26 and went "Oh, that's so Bronte! That's SOO Bronte!" Have you ever read "Jane Eyre"? Wonderful book. You would like it, judging by your writing style and content.

Speaking of style, I find your punctuation and spelling mix-ups to be awkward, but most of the time they can be glossed over unnoticed pretty easily. It's funny, but the phrasing and rhythm of your punctuation is extremely natural, yet highly unorthodox. You frequently put periods where there should be commas, and it bugs me if I ever read to slowly or with my face too close to the screen. The spelling mix ups are actually something that I have admitted to having as a pet peeve before: Defiantly/Definitely, Too/To, You're/Your; other things like that. But these things are not too terribly important, and seeing as you are an experienced writer, people have probably alerted you to these before. I mean no offense, I simply speak of what sticks out and distracts me from the content, which is by itself phenomenal.

Your name has long adorned my short list of notable fanfic authors, Legilmyth. I read "What the HELL is going on?" and also "Ice Rose" quite possibly a whole year ago, or something close to that. I only decided to pick up this fic of yours recently, though, because I decided that if I had enjoyed your other stories, then even a fic that spoke of rape in the summary couldn't be too bad, especially if it was over twenty chapters long. I did balk though at the mention of rape and of a Naruto/Temari pairing. I am glad that I decided to read it, though, because you have presented the characters at such ages and in such situations that the idea is not ludicrous at all. I applaud you for that. Your creativity astounds me. I love your ideas and your twists such as the white chakra... Ok. That's something that should be addressed in its own paragraph, because it drives so much of the plot. I love the breadth of your storytelling, and how it covers so many perspectives and the lives of so many different characters; in vastly different environments, too. I do feel that the characters mostly have the same voice, which is yours, and that their manners of speaking should be much more diverse, but it isn't too much of a problem. It takes a lot of role-playing to be able to do that accurately (and have the most fun), from what I have encountered among authors. I speak as an observer only, as I have little to no confidence as a writer when it comes to generating an interesting plot. I am a reader only.

The white chakra.

I love how it affects all three of the sand siblings without them knowing anything of it. I wonder if Kakashi has come into contact with Kankuro since Kankuro's close encounter with death? Also, I like your explanation of Kakashi's characteristics, though I do wonder how you will explain how those of his ilk are separate from other shinobi, and how that division came into existence. I hope we will get to watch him read more of that journal. I am very curious. I wonder whether that journal will make its way to the Hokage, or to Temari, and whether Kakashi can redeem himself to be spared or if he is eternally doomed.

We have not heard from Gaara in such a long time that I am beginning to fear for his life. Before, I thought that Kankuro was feeling a sense of loss that he was misinterpreting, but his brother could well be deceased, in my eyes, now. Only further reading will tell, so I shall read on. My next review I shall post when I catch up with everyone else, and can no longer be affected by spoilers from other readers. For now, I shall post without reading the posts of others. You shall hear from me again soon!

Thanks for the wonderful story so far!

klv
(Livejournal: the-klv-kid)

Tee hee! That was a short interval between reviews. There was only a single chapter left to read before I caught up with the posted material.

Wow. You about killed me there (along with Kakashi). I knew he wouldn't just die, but I still anticipated his death (as directed, by your writing) when he reached out and perspective switched, going BACK IN TIME, even. That's drastic; like in a movie or anime, when the pivotal punch or head-turn or whatever happens, all goes silent as that single short motion is replayed a couple of times for dramatic effect before the sound finally kicks in, and time resumes its normal forward march toward devastation as everything explodes. That's like what you did there, sort of. Hey, that was pretty fun to write just now! My best poetry always comes out in reviews, oddly enough (or maybe it isn't so odd - that's really the only original text that I ever spontaneously generate, after all). I should document them all, somewhere.

Anyway, enough about me. Tis a review for YOUR chapter, after all; I'm being rude. Wrong place and time.

I reacted to Tsunade's arrival on the scene by analyzing her as she inteacted with Iruka. The two of them haven't been exposed to the readers in the same room since Tsunade became less convinced that he and Kakashi were involved, I believe, so I was looking for any awkwardness or jealousy in their demeanors. I liked the way you did it. It left it all up to my imagination, because you weren't explicit about their facial expressions, and their speech wasn't very indicative of their thoughts besides the imminent emergency. Both of them were so worried about Kakashi that it just wasn't that important. But there was something there that my imagination supplied, and the scene could be different for a different reader. It was cool.

It's quite nice that you have allowed Naruto to be so affected by his connection with Temari that he didn't need the push from anyone else to begin to move forward with his life. I feel that even if nothing is found about his former girlfriend, he will eventually get over it. However, this plan of Temari's will speed things up hopefully, and allow him to both recognize and acknowledge his attraction to her while she is still in the country with him, and not already back in Suna. That singular plea of his, "Forgive me," is so poignant to me - so full of emotion. It simultaneously rends and mends his heart.

Everyone in the village is so accepting of Temari, to a suprising degree. One example is the time she met Uta, and another is Meeka's confiding in her; though I suppose that even if the two had never met, Meeka would still have done as she did. She really needed to talk to someone. I was suprised (and happy with the author) that Temari didn't feel up to a task that only Naruto could accomplish.

I enjoyed the chapter. Thank you, and till next time!

klv