rate_review Reviews

awesome story

*happy squeal* OMG, you updated!

Ok..something I have to point out. In the prior chappies, Shukaku is with Gaara but there is no explanation as to how. In the last chapter, Kakashi reminisces over Shukaku being taken. So how did he get back?

And does that mean Temari's rapist was a user of white chakra as well? And I do hope that Kakashi won't die. he's a jerk at times but loveable.

Yay...glad to see you're still working on this.

this story is fantastic. im loving every page! hope to see it continue! great work!

you made here pregnent,in most storys that just about ruins it for me, the only thing worse is yaoi.

hopefully this one will be diffrent

i love your story and am hoping for an update soon! :)

Luv this story!
Wen r u gunna update it?!
plz b soon

Found this a couple days ago and am only on chapter 18 as of this review. This is good writing mate; keep it up. Seriously, I've read published works that are way below the quality of what you’re pumping out here. I can understand your frustration about your muse being fickle. I get ideas all the time, but am to unorganized to be able to make anything of them. My only complaint of your story is that you glossed over the trauma that Temari's rape would have caused. I’m not personally into the whole graphic rape thing, but I have watched too many Law and Order: Special Victims Unit episodes to know that the wounds inflicted by a rape don’t disappear overnight. They take years to scar and those scars last for the rest of your life. I will cut you slack on this point because you are writing for a more or less general audience and you do show at least some of what victims deal with emotionally. On a lighter note though I noticed you forgot to put puppies, kittens, and little hearts onto the pillows in the Gaara pillow mountain scene.
Finally, I would like to recommend that you at least look into a free computer program called NaturalReader (http://www.naturalreaders.com/download.htm). As the name suggests it reads text on your computer aloud, which allows you to pick up a wide variety of grammatical mistakes relatively easily. The only drawback is that the voices can be slightly droning, but compared with some of the other programs out there this is minimal. Please don’t take this as an insult to your abilities since your writings are not nearly as littered with grammatical errors as many of your peers in the fan fiction community. My recommendation comes from a want to see good writing become great writing and from someone who owes their passing English with the aid of NaturalReader and the Merriam-Webster website (http://www.merriam-webster.com).
Bet you could have used a reading program to help you get through my review. ;)

The way i look at it, this story is like a great swordsmiths 10 year blade. it's something that is a long time in the making, but when it's finished it will be something beyond compare. it is something that cannot be rushed, that must be forged at the proper pace, or it will become brittle and shatter with the next blow of the hammer. Ch. 25 was definitely worth the wait, but i am hoping that there won't be another long hiatus between now and the next chapter. And just a comment on your character development: good work. It is written: "You only truly know who you are when all hell breaks loose". Great people are forged in the fires of chaos, and only grow when their limits are tested beyond bearing.

Trust your muse, and for luck's sake wear some warm clothing, 'cause up here the winter's really gonna be cold.
Auric