rate_review Reviews

P.S.....I FRIGGEN LOVE!! THIS STORY I lack the broad vocabulary to describe my liking for/of this story better ><; sorry ^_^ I just forgot to comment on how DENSE Naruto is and it makes me want to *wack* him on the head!! Shikamaru needs to help him understand his feelings, yup yup! Cuz he obviously is seeing them before Naruto! (and Sasuke's too)
Till next update, bybye!!!!


...I comment a lot --_--

got cut off again... D: I just had forgotten to comment on how Shikamaru needs to help Sasuke and Naruto, Naruto especially, realize their feelings...cuz obviously he is seeing them sooner then they are, and they need to fix things soon before more hearts are broken, more shells are built back up, and all around more problems!!!
Till next update!

...I really comment too much...--_--

Good story. Your interactions between characters are fun and entertaining, which is probably what holds my interest the most.

However, I do have one major issue. This story lacks transitions between scenes, making the flow of your story very sloppy and bringing down the quality of what I believe is one of the better fanfics on aff. Sometimes you give us an extra line between scenes, but most times I've noticed you give us nothing. And while your average aff reader can certainly catch on that you've shifted scenes, it shows a lack of polishing on your part. One such scene I'm talking about is in chapter 5 when Naruto and Sasuke are having breakfast and talking about breaking in new clothes. Right after Sasuke says, "They'll break in." you start the next sentence with 'Naruto spotted Shikamaru as they pulled into the parking lot...' At the very beginning of this sentence I thought Naruto was seeing Shikamaru through the kitchen window of Sasuke's house. Just by adding a sentence along the lines of 'they washed the dishes when they were finished with breakfast and headed for school' can go a long way. That or do like others and put a line there to signal a shift in scenes.

Also, dialogue tags are a must. Of course, they don't have to be at the end of every piece of dialogue, but I don't recall any being in this story. You do very well in making it pretty clear who's saying what most of the time, but I would suggest adding in some tags.

Of course, everything I'm saying is a suggestion. It's your story afterall, and you can do what you want with it. I'll certainly keep reading. And please don't be offended by anything I've said. It's not my intention to flame you or make you feel like you are a horrible writer; I'm merely trying to give you a review that has more substance than: "OMGOMG, I <3 IT! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!" If I don't like a story, I don't read it and don't review it (of course).

Hope to read more from you in the future.

I seriously dislike aff sometimes. Cutting off my review when I spent to long going over it.

To finish what I was saying. I try to give reviews that actually critique the author's writing style. Reviews like: "OMGOMG, I LOVE IT! UPDATE SOON!" don't help that much. They make you feel good, but don't help you improve on your writing.

I hope to read more from you in the future. ^_^

NOOOOOOOOOOO! my poor naruto! dont hurt him sasuke, u evil bastard! I KEEL U!!!!

waaahh trouble in paradise *sob* who put temari up to this??? are naruto and sasuke both gonna be hurt before things are straightened out between them? :( and what exactly IS gaara's deal with sasuke.. hmm.. *scratches chin*

anyway, i love this story, it is awesome! i like that you're actually taking things slowly with them (despite the living together/same bed thing lol, things are still innocent and were gradually turning sweet--hopefully that'll return before too long!) i can't wait for the next update!!

omg. That was so sad. I feel so bad for my Sasuke. And dammit Naruto. Do you need to be such a . . . a dobe? Gods. And here I thought that Gaara and NEJI were going to be competition. Temari? I can't even say that's a competition. It' like....it's like Sasuke just dropped out of the running and gave up. His poor heart. And I really felt for him to. He allowed someone that he cared about to come close to his heart, and now he feels betrayed. Damn Neji and Kiba and Gaara for whatever they planned. So what is it, huh? Was Temari hired? She doesn't even like Naruto, does she? Is she planning on hurting him? I don't even understand the two other guys' actions. Gaara grinding against him? Neji still being freaky and offering that spare room? With the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if Naruto took up on that offer.

Thanks for the added two chapters. And I was worried when you didn't have your regular update, but you didn't take too long. I'm so happy with the way this story is progressing. And I'm sorry about your computer. I'd be twitching too if my work was being held hostage.

Later

Ria ¢¾

Oh how wonderful. I'm really enjoying this. Naurto is such a baka it's not even funny. Well actually it is. But i love the way u write with so much detail.

wants more!!!! update soon!! omg, what's going to happen next?? i am enjoying this story a lot. and i love that you take grammar and writing style into consideration. i always enjoy well written fanfics. hehe, i say this as i don't bother capitalizing. XD

When will you make more chapters! this is my favorite so far other than mile high club ^^" still make more chapters!