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December 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
So. A review huh? Well, it was a rough couple of chapters to be sure, and certainly a direction I didn't expect the story to take after When Boys Play, but if the places you went are places you need to go with this story, then more power to you for doing it. I don't feel you've trivialized the acts, and if AFF isn't the place for it, nowhere is, frankly. You didn't make it a game, nor a facade for some stranger-rape fantasy Sakura could have adapted. It felt visceral, real, and frightening. Fiction isn't always about hearts and rainbows (though you'll never hear me complain if it were), and if something has a purpose and isn't gratuitous, then it has a purpose and that's all you need to defend your work. And while many authors here and at The Pit (FF.net) will claim something gruesome/distasteful has a purpose, your work feels at the very least honest about the necessity, insofar as the story has progressed to date.
I appreciate the sense of... well, hardening which Sakura's going through, and the sense of her pretenses about what kunoichi do being shattered. The story could have sort of danced around it, but I think you've committed to both her testing and subsequent growth in a way that's going to come out for the better in the end; I particularly liked the title Recouping Her Losses in conjunction with the scene were she is allowed to re-own her own sexuality and sense of self.
I thought the couple of paragraphs during which we enter Sakura's rapist's stream of conscious were a little abrupt, just kind of stuck there inbetween her thoughts. I wonder if it could have been a hair smoother, or had more of an obvious break to differentiate. Alternatively, I think enough of her rapist's emotions, motivations and backstory mentioned in later sections could have covered the necessary emotional tugs and sense of "If not me, someone worse will" to have even allowed you to eliminate his couple of paragraphs (the commentary about his having words carved into his skin appearing twice seemed particularly repetitive), though I couldn't offer suggestions on how to convey his self-disgust at still managing an erection and the "halfheared orgasm" (a particularly effective choice of words, I thought) if relayed by Tsunade or Naruto or whoever else... come to think of it, the option of allowing the reader to enter his thoughts allow for a more visceral kind of all-around emotional disgust, and makes for an effective flash of mind. But mentioning it here doesn't really help either the abruptness, or the repetitiveness, does it (sorry, rambling I know)?
So. I guess we just get to wait and see. Keep up the good work.
I appreciate the sense of... well, hardening which Sakura's going through, and the sense of her pretenses about what kunoichi do being shattered. The story could have sort of danced around it, but I think you've committed to both her testing and subsequent growth in a way that's going to come out for the better in the end; I particularly liked the title Recouping Her Losses in conjunction with the scene were she is allowed to re-own her own sexuality and sense of self.
I thought the couple of paragraphs during which we enter Sakura's rapist's stream of conscious were a little abrupt, just kind of stuck there inbetween her thoughts. I wonder if it could have been a hair smoother, or had more of an obvious break to differentiate. Alternatively, I think enough of her rapist's emotions, motivations and backstory mentioned in later sections could have covered the necessary emotional tugs and sense of "If not me, someone worse will" to have even allowed you to eliminate his couple of paragraphs (the commentary about his having words carved into his skin appearing twice seemed particularly repetitive), though I couldn't offer suggestions on how to convey his self-disgust at still managing an erection and the "halfheared orgasm" (a particularly effective choice of words, I thought) if relayed by Tsunade or Naruto or whoever else... come to think of it, the option of allowing the reader to enter his thoughts allow for a more visceral kind of all-around emotional disgust, and makes for an effective flash of mind. But mentioning it here doesn't really help either the abruptness, or the repetitiveness, does it (sorry, rambling I know)?
So. I guess we just get to wait and see. Keep up the good work.
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December 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
More? *tilts head like a curious kitten* More for Neko? *brings out one very sharp claw* Or get shredded? *devil's grin*
Neko
Neko
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December 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Loving it! Keep up the great work!
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December 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow... This is honestly one of the best non-proffesional, meaning not an actual book, stories that I've read in a VERY long time. It has spice, fire and is extremly addicting. I can't wait till the next update and I look forward to it.
Kat.
Kat.
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November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It took me a while to read up to this point, but I loved it. It started out very sexy and it actually turned into a very good story line. I can't wait to read more. Update soon.
Rox
Rox
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November 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gah! This fic is soooooo HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! *growl* No wonder Ino was jealous! She got to fuck Kiba & Kakashi AND watch them do each other! *fans self* And I love the sexual tension between Sakura & Ino. That was perfect. I wonder who the Anbu was... I kind of, sort of feel bad for him. I understand why he was doing it. I mean, if there was absolutely no choice but between me, nice somewhat friend who would never actually hurt my friend, or some raging pervert who would delight in hurting my friend, I would suck it up. But if I was Sakura, I'd still be looking for revenge. As a matter of fact, I would still be prepared in case it happened again & the next one would just die or lose his junk. Love this fic. Hope you update soon.
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November 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
you handled the rape scene well. bravo!
but please, please, please, please update.
i am dying to know who it is.. im not sure if i am just dense or what, but i havent figured it out.
KaS
but please, please, please, please update.
i am dying to know who it is.. im not sure if i am just dense or what, but i havent figured it out.
KaS
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November 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
So far still so good. I have a feeling I know who it was that night. Hopefully Sakura will find out in later chapters, and maybe she will beat the crap out of them both or at least the person who did it. I think maybe Sasuke, Naruto, and maybe Kiba, may have had something to do with no one else coming after Sakura. And here I thought this whole story was just about sex, now there is a plot and a mystery in it. Damn you are good. I will be patiently waiting for the next chapter.
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November 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
great addition, i am dying to know who did it. it terms of pairings anyone but sasuke-teme and naruto would be good as long as her and kiba stay the main one. please there needs to be more sakura/kiba fics out there (especially good ones).
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November 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm so excited that you're continuing this story! It's been one of my favorites for so long and I'm just so happy there's more! I think chapter 7 contains an important and fascinating concept that seems to be ignored in the canon. I too am excited to get back to the fun stuff, but I think it's vital that this too was acknowledged. I also liked how you described the emotional repercussions that were felt by the attacker. I'm so glad you're back and I'm so looking forward to more chapters! cheers!