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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I have never used this phrase before, and I may very well never use it again: o.o!!!
If I had a watched stories list, this'd be on it. I avoided it for a while, because as much as I love demon stories, from summary alone I didn't have my hopes up. But you've my attention tenfold. I'll be following this as long as you're writing it, keep up the good work!
Hm, although I'd appreciate toning down of Sasuke's fallen-ness for the kid if I was writing it. It bothers me a bit he'd be so able to realise how fallen he was...I mean, demon intellect, but...eh. I guess I'm not a fan of flawless-Sasuke. :\
If I had a watched stories list, this'd be on it. I avoided it for a while, because as much as I love demon stories, from summary alone I didn't have my hopes up. But you've my attention tenfold. I'll be following this as long as you're writing it, keep up the good work!
Hm, although I'd appreciate toning down of Sasuke's fallen-ness for the kid if I was writing it. It bothers me a bit he'd be so able to realise how fallen he was...I mean, demon intellect, but...eh. I guess I'm not a fan of flawless-Sasuke. :\
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I don't know if you meant to or not, but that summary is THE funniest ones I have EVER read. Poor Naruto, he just wants his cup of ramen. So oblivious.
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hehehe SOOO in Sasuke's character to just take what he wants. But he is also sometimes considerate of NAruto. YAY!!! I'm Really curious as to where this story is going and I hope you make the next chapter long, smutty and very sasu/naruish hehehe KEEP up the GOOD work!!!!
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
yo. Nice story, iu'm liking the hell out of it actually XD usually i don't read fics like this because...because DAMN IT Itachi pisses me off, Same with Oro-teme. - stabs ITachi and Oro plushies with pins- DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!! However this story seems promising reguardless :D I look forward to more ^__^ Ja ne!
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really don’t see why you’re getting good reviews considering your use of grammar and the English language. I read only a paragraph in and was surprised at all the mistakes I saw. Here are just a few:
The sentence, “The child walked over to his mother severed, bloodied head,” should be “mother’s severed head”. What you need is mother’s to show that there is just one and that it is her head (possession).
You also used the word disembodied completely wrong in the sentence that says “head was disembodied”. Disembodied means something, like a voice or a hand, coming from an unseen person. It also implies that it is to be used to describe ghosts or other such strange happenings. You meant to say decapitated, which means to behead somebody or something. Thus you could say “her decapitated head”.
I really don’t have the time or inclination to go back and pick out all your mistakes. Needless to say you need a beta reader because as is, your work is unreadable. I apologize if English isn’t your first language and if that is the case, you still need a beta reader even more. Good luck with any future writing you do.
The sentence, “The child walked over to his mother severed, bloodied head,” should be “mother’s severed head”. What you need is mother’s to show that there is just one and that it is her head (possession).
You also used the word disembodied completely wrong in the sentence that says “head was disembodied”. Disembodied means something, like a voice or a hand, coming from an unseen person. It also implies that it is to be used to describe ghosts or other such strange happenings. You meant to say decapitated, which means to behead somebody or something. Thus you could say “her decapitated head”.
I really don’t have the time or inclination to go back and pick out all your mistakes. Needless to say you need a beta reader because as is, your work is unreadable. I apologize if English isn’t your first language and if that is the case, you still need a beta reader even more. Good luck with any future writing you do.
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July 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i love your story! what does happen next???
i can't wait for the next chapter...keep up your great work!
i can't wait for the next chapter...keep up your great work!
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July 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I just love demons! They are so sexy! So make some freshly squeezed lemonade!!!
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July 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
are you going to update past chapter three on ff.net or are all the udates going to be here?
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July 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I dont want to review...r u going to keep asking even if i refuse?...-sigh- im reviewing arent i? Well since im here...i really liked it. I know it's better than mine. This fic is going to take you places/ I'm waiting for the sexiness...i like kakashi's new personality. too kawaii...well my darkness isn't leaving... ja
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July 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I lurve your fic to bits. I just have to read the succeeding chapters of this. This is my kind of fic. I hope that you'd get more reviews. Well till next chap.
Impaktita
Impaktita