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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yay! *hugs you* you wrote it!! But I admit that I'm a little pissed of at that Oroxhimaru bastard, how dare he touch Sasuke!! But anyway, Naruto was jealous! And it was Gaara's first time, wasn't that sweet? I'm impressed he didn't pass out after fuck and being fucked by those two fine male specimens (I'm sorry for the vocabulary but my mind isn't properly working after reading that and I can't find a better way to say it!)
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September 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ohhh... jeez! I love this story! it's so sexy and unusual! I was hot and bothered while reading it. Please continue soon!
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September 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
when I first read your author notes i couldn't hold back my excitement! A NaruSasu fic that would be of better quality than the few ones already existing, perhaps even beating the crap out of the ones who unfortunately are SasuNaru!
I like your fic, but it's not as mind-blowing that I had hoped. The thing that annoyes me the most is that you put numbers after practically every word that any self-respecting Naruto fan already knows, and instead of having the desriptions at the end of the fic, you have it in the middle of it all. It kinda breaks of the rhythm.
You don't have to get a beta reader, just look through the text before updating. There's quite a few missing words as well as not-needed words.
Don't take this as a flame, please! i like it and the sex scene in chapter one was hot!! (yay for SasUKE!! XD )
now off to read chapter three... ^__^
I like your fic, but it's not as mind-blowing that I had hoped. The thing that annoyes me the most is that you put numbers after practically every word that any self-respecting Naruto fan already knows, and instead of having the desriptions at the end of the fic, you have it in the middle of it all. It kinda breaks of the rhythm.
You don't have to get a beta reader, just look through the text before updating. There's quite a few missing words as well as not-needed words.
Don't take this as a flame, please! i like it and the sex scene in chapter one was hot!! (yay for SasUKE!! XD )
now off to read chapter three... ^__^
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September 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OOO HAA~! got me now - I'm a sucker for Naru/Sasu/Gaar
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September 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
yurk I hate threesome >_<
it's not a critic of any kind, I just really dislike it... more especially when the third one is more attracted to sasuke than to naruto (yes as far as I'm concerned Naruto can go with anyone he likes but Sasuke BELONGS to naruto and if he disagrees then... he can just die alone ^^)
...what a pity I've really liked the beginning of your fic though...
Maybe I'll make an effort and tried to read the next chapter... if I'm in a good mood...really good mood ^^
it's not a critic of any kind, I just really dislike it... more especially when the third one is more attracted to sasuke than to naruto (yes as far as I'm concerned Naruto can go with anyone he likes but Sasuke BELONGS to naruto and if he disagrees then... he can just die alone ^^)
...what a pity I've really liked the beginning of your fic though...
Maybe I'll make an effort and tried to read the next chapter... if I'm in a good mood...really good mood ^^
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September 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ohhh come on you're fucking kidding me right?? Leaving it like that!! After that hot and rough sex session!! You left me at the edge of my chair and wanting to read more! Please update ASAP!!
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September 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hot Damn!! *drooling* You're damn good! I love your writing style. I hear you on the too many poorly written fan fics, but I have to say that sometimes people just wanna write something to get their 'idea' out of their head and see what happens with it. I'm by far NOT the greatest writer, but I've been working on something and lord knows that my characters are WAY OOC... the only thing going for them is that they LOOK like Sasuke and Naruto. I was just thinking about changing the names and descriptions. But I digress.
I'm very much looking forward to your next chapter, for obvious reasons. I know that life gets in the way, so no pressure. I truly enjoy your writing, not just for the sexy parts... though those are amazing! One of my favorite parts actually was when Kakashi told Naruto he was late. Talk about role reversal!
Also, I don't know if you have a beta yet, but i'm more than willing to help out with that.
Until next time,
sharingan.swirl
I'm very much looking forward to your next chapter, for obvious reasons. I know that life gets in the way, so no pressure. I truly enjoy your writing, not just for the sexy parts... though those are amazing! One of my favorite parts actually was when Kakashi told Naruto he was late. Talk about role reversal!
Also, I don't know if you have a beta yet, but i'm more than willing to help out with that.
Until next time,
sharingan.swirl
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September 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
just from what you implied would happen with garra i now relize that I have a thing for him as well. Thank you so much! :p can't wait until you update, hopefully it will be just as intriging as it starts...btw this chapter was really really really good! Pls update soon.
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September 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is awesome! Update soon please! I appreciate the effort you've gone to to keep all the respective shinobi in character...
For a self-beta-ing job you are also doing very well...I've spotted a few mistakes but if you proof-read closely i'm sure you'll be able to pick them up - mostly in chapter one. If you need any help, I do beta occasionally. You can contact me on hellagoddess@hotmail.com if you are interested.
I also enjoy your use of Japanese. Many people are afraid to use the language excessively, choosing to avoid angering/confusing the people who do not understand it. I, however, am a Japanese student, and therefore quite pleased to see it popping up on frequent occasions. I feel that it lends the story more...genuineness.
All in all, very well done and I am looking foward to further chapters in this story!
Hellagoddess
For a self-beta-ing job you are also doing very well...I've spotted a few mistakes but if you proof-read closely i'm sure you'll be able to pick them up - mostly in chapter one. If you need any help, I do beta occasionally. You can contact me on hellagoddess@hotmail.com if you are interested.
I also enjoy your use of Japanese. Many people are afraid to use the language excessively, choosing to avoid angering/confusing the people who do not understand it. I, however, am a Japanese student, and therefore quite pleased to see it popping up on frequent occasions. I feel that it lends the story more...genuineness.
All in all, very well done and I am looking foward to further chapters in this story!
Hellagoddess
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September 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
The chapters (2 and 2.5, or whatever) were great.