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August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yes, I agree with you 100 percent, there should be more Naruto/Sasuke stories out there.
I really enjoyed reading your story so far. I also like how you put the footnotes throughtout the story, instead of at the bottom.
All in all, I think you didn't a great job so far, and I really hope you continue this.
I really enjoyed reading your story so far. I also like how you put the footnotes throughtout the story, instead of at the bottom.
All in all, I think you didn't a great job so far, and I really hope you continue this.
schedule
August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Huzzah! That's a wonderful first chapter, Catesan. You contribute wonderfully to the pitiful few good NaruSasu fanfics out there. *cheers*
The lemon was delicious and well-written. It ended abruptly, and so I am eagerly anticipating what follows between them after their little screw session. Do continue, and great job!
The lemon was delicious and well-written. It ended abruptly, and so I am eagerly anticipating what follows between them after their little screw session. Do continue, and great job!
schedule
August 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I liked your story, I like how you have depicted the characters in a more realistic fashion to there original designs. Naruto as a top is insanely hot, I think it would be great if you had the story continue and have Sasuke deal with everything and have Naruto help him and use sexual healing ^_^ I hope you know that song. The love scene was short and sweet and yeah I enjoyed it.
Peace
Chris
Peace
Chris
schedule
August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
THAT WAS SOOOO KAWAIIIII!!!! IT WAS TOOO GOOD. I THOUGHT IT WOUYLD HAVE BEEN A ONE-SHOT BY THE WAY THEY WERE GOING! PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
schedule
August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this story was pretty good. you were right about most stories leaving out chracterizations and stuff. This led nicely to the lemon, if a little cliche.
Two things though:
Did you get a beta? There were some spelling errors and grammatical errors. Might want to fix those. No offense, but when I read your A/N, you came off as arrogant. I was hoping for a superb read.
There is such a thing as unnecessary details. It's like you really try to describe every action and give a reason behind them, most notably in the first section. Length is always a good thing in a story, but you can cut out some irrelevant details. The story loses intensity and gets too boring. I know "..." is popular when a character has nothing to say, but its unprofessional (its OK in manga, not stories). It's not like Sasuke says "ellipsis." Ellipses are only used in a middle of a quotation when parts of the phrase are ommitted either in the middle or at the end.
Nice idea, but try re-writing it. Even the stories that had little to no characterization had better structure than this. I hope you take this as criticism, but that's what all flamers say. Anyway (anyway does NOT have an 's' at the end), continue this soon. I'm eager to see where it goes.
Two things though:
Did you get a beta? There were some spelling errors and grammatical errors. Might want to fix those. No offense, but when I read your A/N, you came off as arrogant. I was hoping for a superb read.
There is such a thing as unnecessary details. It's like you really try to describe every action and give a reason behind them, most notably in the first section. Length is always a good thing in a story, but you can cut out some irrelevant details. The story loses intensity and gets too boring. I know "..." is popular when a character has nothing to say, but its unprofessional (its OK in manga, not stories). It's not like Sasuke says "ellipsis." Ellipses are only used in a middle of a quotation when parts of the phrase are ommitted either in the middle or at the end.
Nice idea, but try re-writing it. Even the stories that had little to no characterization had better structure than this. I hope you take this as criticism, but that's what all flamers say. Anyway (anyway does NOT have an 's' at the end), continue this soon. I'm eager to see where it goes.
schedule
August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh yeah. I forgot to add, ellipses are used to pause in speech, too. Using an ellipsis for ommission is used in quotes, like in research papers or whatever.