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July 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2: He’s eeeevilllll. . . . Nice detail: “feeling the warmth of the blood beginning to seep into his sandals [. . .]” Gruesome. . . . I also like the descriptions of the Mangekyou Sharingan and Tsukiyomi. I especially like the use of the “now-familiar tug, as he pulled the boy into the deep recesses of the tsukiyoumi.” Very well-done. It gives a vivid feeling to it. . . . Love the dark erotica of the scene. . . . Whoopsie: “his own cobalt eyes shining in arousal” Cobalt is kind of light/medium blue. Sasuke’s eyes are black, though some stretches may say grey, but they’re definitely not blue. . . . It’s sad how much Sasuke loves his brother . . . and Itachi’s so evil . . . :heart: (damn heart isn’t working) . . . . “And everything faded back into grey.” Wow, that’s cruel. Itachi seems to be a natural at turning pleasure into pain. He can easily convince someone that pleasure = pain. . . . Oh my god, it was on his birthday? Lord, that’s cruel. It seemed a little much; truth be told, I think it was better if it hadn’t been on his birthday; seems more comprehensible.
‘Kay, I thought the first part was better, but this wasn’t bad either.
‘Kay, I thought the first part was better, but this wasn’t bad either.
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July 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
Chapter 1: Nice opening description. . . . I like the play of realization across Sasuke’s face. . . . I like this dark erotic description . . . and how you made Sasuke show how he’s intimidated by Itachi. . . . “Little Sasuke.” I haven’t heard that one before. I like it. . . . “Such unnecessary things as moral boundaries [. . .]” Good use of that. It makes sense. He didn’t let moral boundaries prevent him from killing his own kin, why should it stop him from having sex with it? . . . . I like this line: “Little brother, I can see the fear in your eyes.” You led up to that line really well, so it didn’t sound corny or overused or thrown out there. It was in context. . . . Itachi’s using the s~l~o~w movements to add to the intimidating effect. It’s working. It brings in a lot of anticipation and it gives the reader time to visualize what’s going on. I can very clearly picture the movements and the pauses in between. . . . Clever line: “No need to expose himself as fully as his brother was exposed.” Itachi knows the meanings of power and place, and he knows how to use and show them. . . . (!) That surprised me; they had done this before. . . . Itachi’s really good at those pointed remarks; his use of the word “weak” to Sasuke . . . he knows how to really demean Sasuke. I’m impressed. . . . I also like how Sasuke reacts to it. Not in shame, but in anger. He holds onto that anger as a booster. He’s also probably trying not to give Itachi his consent to make him feel inferior. (Yeah, quoting Eleanor Roosevelt there.) . . . . Hang on. You mentioned earlier that Itachi and Sasuke messed around when they were younger. But now: “Years of Orochimaru’s companionship had taken away from any chance of that kind of innocence remaining.” Did that mean that while ‘Rochi-kun was in the Akatsuki, he messed around with Itachi and maybe taught him a few things? . . . . Say, how old are they in this fic? . . . . What I find a bit unusual about this story is that it’s going v~e~r~y s~l~o~w~l~y. A lot of rape scenes are fast and rough, and other times they’re almost slow, but not as slow as this. This way it gets dragged out and the reader can feel all the anticipation and fear. (It’s not realistic, but who wants that when we can enjoy this, lol.) . . . . Something else I like about this story is how it’s completely from Itachi’s POV. And yet, we get a reasonable image of how Sasuke’s feeling. I like how this story’s able to do that without switching POVs. . . . It’s scary how Itachi remembers “the last time [they] were together like this.” What’s scary about it is how he’s using that to get to Sasuke. It’s hard to deny truth that you’ve witnessed firsthand. . . . I wonder what made Sasuke give in, finally. . . . Ah, the Mangekyou. While Itachi was using it, it was a little hard for me to understand, but that changed once he stopped using it and Sasuke was brought back to reality. He used more of a comfort as a weapon. Whatever it was that Sasuke was experiencing and for how long, it might’ve been more pleasant than reality; that was the seduction. And once he gave his consent to the seduction, he was brought back to reality, and discovers with a shock the truth of it all. Another betrayal. . . . (*shiver*) That line about Orochimaru scared me.
Oh yeah, this one was a good one. Well-written and paced.
Chapter 1: Nice opening description. . . . I like the play of realization across Sasuke’s face. . . . I like this dark erotic description . . . and how you made Sasuke show how he’s intimidated by Itachi. . . . “Little Sasuke.” I haven’t heard that one before. I like it. . . . “Such unnecessary things as moral boundaries [. . .]” Good use of that. It makes sense. He didn’t let moral boundaries prevent him from killing his own kin, why should it stop him from having sex with it? . . . . I like this line: “Little brother, I can see the fear in your eyes.” You led up to that line really well, so it didn’t sound corny or overused or thrown out there. It was in context. . . . Itachi’s using the s~l~o~w movements to add to the intimidating effect. It’s working. It brings in a lot of anticipation and it gives the reader time to visualize what’s going on. I can very clearly picture the movements and the pauses in between. . . . Clever line: “No need to expose himself as fully as his brother was exposed.” Itachi knows the meanings of power and place, and he knows how to use and show them. . . . (!) That surprised me; they had done this before. . . . Itachi’s really good at those pointed remarks; his use of the word “weak” to Sasuke . . . he knows how to really demean Sasuke. I’m impressed. . . . I also like how Sasuke reacts to it. Not in shame, but in anger. He holds onto that anger as a booster. He’s also probably trying not to give Itachi his consent to make him feel inferior. (Yeah, quoting Eleanor Roosevelt there.) . . . . Hang on. You mentioned earlier that Itachi and Sasuke messed around when they were younger. But now: “Years of Orochimaru’s companionship had taken away from any chance of that kind of innocence remaining.” Did that mean that while ‘Rochi-kun was in the Akatsuki, he messed around with Itachi and maybe taught him a few things? . . . . Say, how old are they in this fic? . . . . What I find a bit unusual about this story is that it’s going v~e~r~y s~l~o~w~l~y. A lot of rape scenes are fast and rough, and other times they’re almost slow, but not as slow as this. This way it gets dragged out and the reader can feel all the anticipation and fear. (It’s not realistic, but who wants that when we can enjoy this, lol.) . . . . Something else I like about this story is how it’s completely from Itachi’s POV. And yet, we get a reasonable image of how Sasuke’s feeling. I like how this story’s able to do that without switching POVs. . . . It’s scary how Itachi remembers “the last time [they] were together like this.” What’s scary about it is how he’s using that to get to Sasuke. It’s hard to deny truth that you’ve witnessed firsthand. . . . I wonder what made Sasuke give in, finally. . . . Ah, the Mangekyou. While Itachi was using it, it was a little hard for me to understand, but that changed once he stopped using it and Sasuke was brought back to reality. He used more of a comfort as a weapon. Whatever it was that Sasuke was experiencing and for how long, it might’ve been more pleasant than reality; that was the seduction. And once he gave his consent to the seduction, he was brought back to reality, and discovers with a shock the truth of it all. Another betrayal. . . . (*shiver*) That line about Orochimaru scared me.
Oh yeah, this one was a good one. Well-written and paced.
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October 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This story is just amazing. Pants-tinglingly amazing.
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October 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
BURN! XD sorry, but it had to be said! i loved the happy birthday line! i'm probably going to quote that.... awesome story by the way!
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October 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Interesting so far ^^
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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What a prick.So how "powerful" is his container that he has to crawl after the boy to torment him over and over,"pot calling the kettle black" I'd say?Foolish man!The sex is good,the descriptions of Sasuke are sweet.Couldn't you give Sasuke some little revenge on this fool who can't even see the worth of what he had?He will never have it again ,he only has one brother and he isn't who he was either,tricking a child,even if you are a child is easy,being loved truly and desired also and by a child is sooooo rare.....like I said ,the mans an idiot.I am not flaming by the way,I just have an emotional responce to this fic and that is one of the points of writing i guess?
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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh, I liked both chapters quite a lot ^^. Really neat well-written Uchihacest. It's not ~that~ common, but I simply adore it :3
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October 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Dude, no matter how many times I read this, it always manages to make me sweat. Soooooo uberly good. Dude. So, write more to the story and we'll all be able to enjoy the next part. Hehe.
I kill you/ You kill me/ We're all on a killing spree with a great big BOOM and a kick from me to you/ Oh look I just killed you, too
Uchiha out!
I kill you/ You kill me/ We're all on a killing spree with a great big BOOM and a kick from me to you/ Oh look I just killed you, too
Uchiha out!
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September 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ooooh, that was dark and delicious.
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September 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh good--feel free to just change it into a longer story with multiple chapters if you want also--it's a good one! I look forward to the new section!