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December 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
um, Flame Warning?: I consider this constructive criticism because I admire your work so far, but I've gotten the impression from other reviews I've read that any criticism is flaming. eh, well, anywho...
It is so incredibly refreshing to find a BELIEVABLE Sasuke redemption fic. Kudos to you for pulling that off. I think that the story is brilliant, and coming along very nicely. But I also think that there is some stuff that, yeah, I get what you're trying to get across, but it isn't written out very well. The only reason I bother to say so is because I think it would be worth your time to edit this and fix the little holes and problems here and there. There isn't a chapter missing, is there? Because, for example, when Naruto and Sasuke race and they put up stakes for anything, I don't see the motivation for Naruto suddenly saying, "I want you." Before that, he'd been all 'i hate sasuke, i'll never forgive sasuke.'
Maw, maw, now that I think about it, the mistakes I'm seeing in the structure and development are the same kind of mistakes that I tend to make. If it helps, I've realized that sometimes what happens is I see things in my head and I start to write them down, but I miss important things that I 'saw' but then fail to relate to the reader. So often, for me, I have to go back to the spot where something's missing, figure out what painstakingly simple and obvious thing I forgot, and put it in.
Because this is a fanfic and these things are usually more for fun than anything else, I would like to end with saying..
O.o
Sqeee!!
you are totally awesome and I really really love this piece!
UPDATE! UPDATE! UpDATe!
...and now that my yaoi fangirl has been reharnessed, I bid you adieu
It is so incredibly refreshing to find a BELIEVABLE Sasuke redemption fic. Kudos to you for pulling that off. I think that the story is brilliant, and coming along very nicely. But I also think that there is some stuff that, yeah, I get what you're trying to get across, but it isn't written out very well. The only reason I bother to say so is because I think it would be worth your time to edit this and fix the little holes and problems here and there. There isn't a chapter missing, is there? Because, for example, when Naruto and Sasuke race and they put up stakes for anything, I don't see the motivation for Naruto suddenly saying, "I want you." Before that, he'd been all 'i hate sasuke, i'll never forgive sasuke.'
Maw, maw, now that I think about it, the mistakes I'm seeing in the structure and development are the same kind of mistakes that I tend to make. If it helps, I've realized that sometimes what happens is I see things in my head and I start to write them down, but I miss important things that I 'saw' but then fail to relate to the reader. So often, for me, I have to go back to the spot where something's missing, figure out what painstakingly simple and obvious thing I forgot, and put it in.
Because this is a fanfic and these things are usually more for fun than anything else, I would like to end with saying..
O.o
Sqeee!!
you are totally awesome and I really really love this piece!
UPDATE! UPDATE! UpDATe!
...and now that my yaoi fangirl has been reharnessed, I bid you adieu
schedule
December 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Weee!! Loved it. I really liked how you described the way Kakashi poofed into the scene.
Very cool.
I also liked the battle with Shiro. I can't wait till the next chapter. Great job and update soon!
Very cool.
I also liked the battle with Shiro. I can't wait till the next chapter. Great job and update soon!
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December 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
great! I was missing an update nyan! Thank you! >....< I loved it! Mates! I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see the Uchiha's face at that little tidbit...nya!!
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December 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
love the story so far. hope it continues and doesn't die a wip. one thing though, i think your japanese is a bit off. ame means "rain", kôri means "ice", so the wolf's name would be shiro kôri.
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November 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
hurry up and update NOW!! please?
who keeps trying to kill sasuke?
who the hell is shiro?
do sasuke and naruto have 'feelings' for each other or not??
who keeps trying to kill sasuke?
who the hell is shiro?
do sasuke and naruto have 'feelings' for each other or not??
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November 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
soory i didn't review for the other chapters but i'll make up for it.. lol
i luv'd that they call sasuke puppy that is so freaking hmm... lets see *looks up in mind-created dictionary* hot,funny, and most of all CUTE!!
oh and i couldn't stop cracking up at "kabuto shaves his legs!?"
keep coming with the chapters please hurry up dammnit! lol hey who keeps attaking sasuke?
i luv'd that they call sasuke puppy that is so freaking hmm... lets see *looks up in mind-created dictionary* hot,funny, and most of all CUTE!!
oh and i couldn't stop cracking up at "kabuto shaves his legs!?"
keep coming with the chapters please hurry up dammnit! lol hey who keeps attaking sasuke?
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
How did I miss this chapter???
Awesomejob, I loved the part when they were eating and talking about Kabuto and Orochimaru, it was so....... casual and right.
I wonder who tried to kill them?
On to the next chapter!
Awesomejob, I loved the part when they were eating and talking about Kabuto and Orochimaru, it was so....... casual and right.
I wonder who tried to kill them?
On to the next chapter!
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
WOW
That's all I can say!
That's all I can say!
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oooh, you left us hanging with that ending. Awesome chapter, it was really well written.
Will Naruto find out about Sasuke's demon in the next chapter?? Who keeps attacking them??
Update soon!!
Will Naruto find out about Sasuke's demon in the next chapter?? Who keeps attacking them??
Update soon!!
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November 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I read all the chapters today. This story is fresh I like how it is developing I hope to see another chapter soon.