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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, this is a great beginning! Please keep updating.
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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oooooo, I liked it a lot! I hope you update soon.^^
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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story. It's so well written, and I like how you include the perspectives of all the main characters. It adds a nice descriptive touch to it and makes the story more meaningful. Anyway...
UPDATE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!
UPDATE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!
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October 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
AHHHH!!! SO GOOOOOOOOOD! It's like crack but better! I think. I've never had crack so I can't really say but since I HAVE read this chapter I CAN SAY! YES!! <3<3 It was totally wonderful in a very high tension way! I look forward to the next chapter! I hope it's soon. <3
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September 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
An absolutely startling first chapter. You've caught my attention with good grammar and sentence structure [not to mention the lovely spacing so my eyes don't die.] It was a drag to find this though, had to browse through a whole lot of not-so-great things to come here.
Firstly, I love how you described Sasuke's "defection." I heart the word now. Yay. Heart hearts. How you showed Sakura's personality was dead-on, too, something people rarely do 'cause she's obviously a no-brainer who can't do nuttin' worth crud. Li3k, omg. Naruto, too, was cooly written. Yaaaaaaay.
I'm tired and my train of thought died. Update soon, if you're one to continue fics and not leave your readers hanging, that is.
Firstly, I love how you described Sasuke's "defection." I heart the word now. Yay. Heart hearts. How you showed Sakura's personality was dead-on, too, something people rarely do 'cause she's obviously a no-brainer who can't do nuttin' worth crud. Li3k, omg. Naruto, too, was cooly written. Yaaaaaaay.
I'm tired and my train of thought died. Update soon, if you're one to continue fics and not leave your readers hanging, that is.
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September 11, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, great job. This is excellent and in character. Update soon.
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September 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
“And bless your naïve, sociopathic soul if you think I’ll let you stay in my home by yourself.” *love*
This is probably the most in-character Naruto fic I've ever read. No one-dimensional characters, no character bashing, it's terrific. Sasuke is that fucked up- I'm so glad you didn't whitewash over it. Your Sakura breaks my heart. A lot of people really hate her, but you do a good job of showing her strengths. Poor girl. And Naruto has layers, which is great because so many people write him as a grinning idiot whose only character traits are 'loud' and 'obnoxious.'
As for saying you need a beta... your writing is, like, miles better than that of most fanfic-ers. Seriously. There were a few typos, but nothing distracting. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)
This is probably the most in-character Naruto fic I've ever read. No one-dimensional characters, no character bashing, it's terrific. Sasuke is that fucked up- I'm so glad you didn't whitewash over it. Your Sakura breaks my heart. A lot of people really hate her, but you do a good job of showing her strengths. Poor girl. And Naruto has layers, which is great because so many people write him as a grinning idiot whose only character traits are 'loud' and 'obnoxious.'
As for saying you need a beta... your writing is, like, miles better than that of most fanfic-ers. Seriously. There were a few typos, but nothing distracting. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :)
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September 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I love the setting and the idea it's very orginal! Good job please update
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September 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i'm enjoying it so far please keep updating
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September 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really like your story and hope u update. It is by far the most realistic as Sasuke wouldn't come back on his own and he certainately wouyldn't be nice about it if he ewas dragged back.