rate_review Reviews

Hi Ero-kun!

Well, I'm not a flamer, but I have a little bit of advice that might help your rating quite a bit. Do you have a beta? It might help your rating a bit if you can fix your formatting. For some reason, the human mind needs spaces between paragraphs, and it needs description for a story to come to life. You lack both, and it's brought your rating down considerably.

Obviously, if you've read any of my work, I'm a huge Kakashi/Naruto fan, either one ontop works for me. ^_^ I think this story would be excellent with an addition of description, grammar correction, and formatting. If you need a beta, let me know! I beta my own stories. You can check them out if you'd like.

Also, try getting to know the characters better. The less OOC they are, the better it is. Kakashi is playful and serious at the same time. Naruto is soft and happy on the surface, but inside, he's lonely, determined, and hardened. ^_^ Try doing a character analysis with someone and see where it gets you!

Good luck!

Ok that was interesting, so they found Sasuke....and I hope you stick to the Kaka/Naru to this story!

THANKS:D

I liked it, but I'm just a bit confused. Are Naruto and Sasuke already in a relationship or do they just have sex? Is Kakashi trying to get in between them so he can have Naruto? And how on earth could he let his lust for Naruto take control of him to the point where he forgets that Sasuke is injured? Let alone the fact that he was supposed to be delivering the horrible news to Naruto? Other than these unanswered questions,the story if alright. This is not a flame, so don't be discouraged by any means, but the plot should definitely be developed a little further. So good luck, and I hope to see some more KakashixNaruto action. I would especially love to see what Iruka would do to Kakashi if he found out. Can't wait for more.

Point 1: Naruto is not a whore
Point 2: Kakashi is the least likely of the senseis to go for Naruto
Point 3: There was no emotion in that whatsoever
Point 4: It actually made me cringe. You try getting into a story that consists of the plotline; I love him but can't tell him, turns out he's a little kid whore and lusts after me, let's have sex and call out each other's names along with 'oooooohhh, ahh that feels so good! harder aaaa!'

Are you serious?

Are you 8 years old?

Have you ever seen Naruto?

Hmm... that sounded harsher than I intended...

It is of an okish standard up to the part when they get into the hot spring. After that, it goes rapidly downhill.

Next time, try for something original, and get someone with a few writing skills to help you out.

And stick with Kakashi/Naru/Kakashi. It's an unusual yet sexy pairing!

Well, that was an interesting developmennt. I can't wait for the next chapter though, so until then. Ja.

Ero-kun!! ill be the first reviewer yahh!! im glade you desided to continue! update when you can -love yaoifan01