rate_review Reviews

cool story. love to hear more. update soon!

Thak you all for reviewig my story. I'll get around to the 2nd chapter soon, I have been working the last 6 days all 8 hr shifts. But I will get to it as soon as I can

Thamks.

I do like the beginning, its a good start. I just don't like rape to much... But ya it happends... I really hope that u finish it and that temari ends up with neji... Cant wait to read more...

kudos to this fic! i'm a fellow Temari fan and sometimes i've too been toying with the idea of ItachiXTemari and thus, your fic is there! coolness..but still, NejiTema makes a good and beautiful couple too. Aah...fanfiction..anything could happen..

but is that the last of Itachi...hohoho..i'd love to see him again...kya!!

keep writing please?

Thank you Ruby for your input, I know that it is well needed. I do have that problem with my own writting, I think it through and it plays out well in my head but when it comes to writting it I just can't get it to flow right. I have found a BETA and Hopefully my story will come out the way I want it to be. Thank you or your Review and I hope that this revised version will be better then before.


TemariHime-

It's no problem at all. It's better by leaps and bounds, most of the minor spelling mistakes have been fixed and it's been polished a bit, though I see that you still have some small error. Mostly exchanging one word for another.

Keep at it; you'll only ever get better. I'll keep an eye on this story

Good Luck and keep writing

Ruby Lips

Ok, I'll throw you a bone here.

Firstly, there were quite a few gramatical errors, spelling misshaps and accidents. The conversation is mediocre, unenthused and lacks character. The rest of the story is average, not bad but not outstanding either.

But don't think that I came here to flame you. I have better things to do.

Like help you.

First thing that I spotted was your description, before I even entered the fic. The spelling errors and shortness of it is a real turn off. If you correct it, maybe add a hook, it will improve your reader rate drastically. People generally try to avoid stories with short or misspelled descriptions, because it usually doesn't bode well for the story itself.

Onto the story. All of the above (minor, really) problems can be rectified by a good beta. Your beta, when you find one, will do the spelling and grammer corrections, point out anything that doesn's sound right, and let you bounce ideas off of them, which will, in turn, help you to see things in a way you might not have before. With a beta, you're writing, quality of fic, and confidance will all increase.

I hope you take this as constructive critism, which it is, rather than unneeded nastiness, which it's not.

I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you keep writing

Ruby Lips