rate_review Reviews

Chapter 55: Okay, the first scene was good, but even if that question WAS a delay tactic, how come he didn’t wait for an answer? Or why didn’t Orochimaru’s boys tell him?
Oh man, I don’t like the carving Naruto’s skin. I’m probably going to be disappointed, but I hope that’ll heal over completely. . . . You’re going to torture your readers for several chapters, aren’t you? So mean. . . .
I like this scene with Tsunade and Sakura. I like Tsunade’s musings on relationships.
I’m a little apprehensive of the Akatsuki’s next objective. If everything goes to plan, we all lose. On the other hand, if it doesn’t go to plan, then this could be a chance for Naruto to regain control (or a step in control) of his body, due to chaos. That sounds very rough, but . . . well.
Mm, I’d like to see a picture of this girl. . . . F***. I hope nothing like that works with this girl and Sasuke. Damn it. . . . Come on, come on, Togimeishu! You can do it! I’m counting on you!

Chapter 46: Wow, awesome first scene. I love how Sasuke’s feeling about Naruto. Oh, and thank you SO MUCH for working this scene in after so long. If it came any earlier, it would’ve been cheesy. . . . I like this bit: “While he loved being able to get [. . .] he didn’t want anyone else to know how fragile Sasuke could sometimes be.” That’s nailing it on the head. Totally. ^_^
Nice summary, Sai, especially the last part. I like how he knows the effects of it. . . . By the end of this scene: Heh. I wonder if Shino’s thinking something along the lines of “We are not getting paid enough for this.” ^^ Mm, maybe that’d be more Shikamaru (is he going to turn up at all?), but Shino does seem to be a little exasperated and tired of this whole ordeal.
I like Sasuke’s sudden attention to “the new Sharingan” and Sai’s “enjoyment” (is it real?) of Sasuke’s agitation. . . . Yeah, I like this scene. . . . ARGH, you couldn’t continue this scene in detail?! I’m going to DEMAND details from all these fade-out scenes!! (You don’t have to insert them into the story, just say . . . “deleted scenes” or something). These fade-outs are KILLING ME!!
. . . Okay, I STILL demand all the other fade-outs, but I’ll make an exception with this one! X) I love the effect it’s having on Kiba. And then the scent . . . XD Wow. . . . HAHAHA! “I need to use the bathroom.” XDD Poor Kiba. I wonder if Hinata’s hearing the commotion. . . . AHAHAHAHAHA!!! XDDDD “You gotta be kidding me.” XDDDD Are they sure they shouldn’t just go deliver a report to the Hokage?? I mean, Sai might be sure, but what about the rest of them? ^^ I’m also wondering what everyone’s behavior will be like in the morning. X)
And I changed my mind. I want details for both sessions as well as the half-hour pause in between from the other side of the room. XD That has got to be too good to miss. ^^

Chapter 47: In you’re an about snogging: If there is any confusion about the meaning, we could just say that maybe Sai got mixed up. ^^
Good beginning, beautifully worded opening paragraph, and I like the bit about Hinata’s routine, I don’t think about that too often. Aw, she did hear them. Heh, despite my issues about what is her and what isn’t her, I like the bit about her self-control. ^^ (I think I saw a fan-comic about that once.) . . . Oh, that’s a good line: “The heart went where it willed, not where it was bidden.” Is that your quote or did you get it from somewhere else? I like it. :) I also like the lines in the next paragraph; I don’t think My Favorite Novelist has worded it quite as real as you have, the feeling of not being happy but satisfied with accepting. And how she’s not exactly angry or hateful (some ff authors go that far), but a little bitter. And she accepts that she will probably get over it. I know exactly how she feels; I often think that way after a certain kind of disappointment. EXCELLENT wording, seriously. :) . . . I like that one solitary line: “Not that Hinata blamed them. Secrets were deadly things.” It has a sudden weight. . . . This scene between Sai and Hinata is intriguing; Sai’s crude, inexperienced socializing, and Hinata’s quiet and polite corrections. That’s probably how I would’ve handled it, too. Haha, that’s good: “Why is it rude? [. . .]” “. . .” “Yet, I think I will give you time to get over Naruto first.” That was cool; it shows that while still inexperienced, he is beginning to pick up little cues. . . . And yet, for a moment, Kiba caught up to Sai a little about public topics. That is typical, trying to demonstrate something, and then something happens to contradict it. ;) . . . Haha, Sasuke’s arched eyebrow and Kiba’s funny comment. ^^ Aww, I like that bit when Sasuke pauses behind Naruto and gives him a kiss; I don’t think I’ve read a scene in fanfiction or in real fiction (maybe) with a clear scene like that. Sweet. And very real. ^_^
(*sigh*) I figured he would be too, Naruto, you’re not alone. . . . Aw, that’s great, Naruto’s great with kids! (Better than me, little kids scare me.) . . . Hm, that is curious. He hasn’t spoken? I arched my eyebrow exactly with Sasuke.
Whoa. O.O I really didn’t see that (the murder) coming. GREAT job disguising it! :D . . . (!!!) “Glowing, green eyes?” Waitaminute, let me go back and check something. . . . (!!!) Something in Chapter 43? . . .
What the heck? What’s with this picture? :) Okay, Sai totally did that on purpose. He’s not that dense. X) . . . Hey, this caught my attention! “Sasuke, who was unfamiliar with Sai’s style, merely nodded.” XD I wonder if he’s going to be up late at night worrying about a caricature of himself coming to life like that. XD . . . This has got to be a trap. (!) Sasuke, are you crazy? Split up? Bad move. At least split up in groups. Good. I like your strategy, Sasuke. . . . Sai, stop being an ass. . . . Wow, you tell ‘im, Shino! . . . Wow, I like Sai’s moment there, that was cool.

Chapter 48: Heh, knew the report was by Shino. ^^ . . . Ooh, I like Tsunade’s sudden dread about Naruto, the “kage,” and the new Otokage. . . . Okay, I like Iruka’s and Kakashi’s argument, but I think Iruka’s accusations are a little too wild; Sasuke did have other problems at the time. (!) Whoa, I like that part when Kakashi suddenly grabs Iruka. And--. . . owwwwwch.
Mm, I understand that Sakura’s anxious. But I notice the irony of again, there is not much she can do. . . . Oh, Lee calls her Sakura-chan now.
(*sigh*) I knew Hiroki would be blamed for Hanzaki’s death.
That’s an interesting perception of Hinata: “She didn’t try to hide it.” Naturally, one would think she does try to hide it, but what you said also feels right. . . . Wow, I like the sudden trap. If those snakes are venomous, I hope they don’t kill him. :(
Same goes for everyone bitten. Uh-oh, I hope the genjutsu doesn’t make you see your teammates as enemies! O.O
Oh good, they’re not gonna die. From the snake venom. Ohhh, please, guys, don’t die! . . . Knew it, they’re attacking each other. . . . Alright, Sasuke figured it out! :D
That whole genjutsu/snake/genjutsu/fight scene was AWESOME!! :D

Chapter 49: Okay, that part where Naruto needed to use the bathroom . . . I liked that, it made total sense. . . . Man, I hope they wake up soon.
Heheh, I like Sasuke’s grogginess. . . . Boy, they get back to the village, and they find this mess. What timing. . . . I like the last bit with Ren and what he said about inner demons.
Oh, that’s a great thing to say: “Sometimes you have to cry out the bad tears so that you can make room for the happy ones.” Perfect. . . . Hmm, now it’s a question of whether to leave him with someone or not. I like Sasuke’s reaction, “the concerned and haunted look in his onyx eyes.” He’s probably troubled because he can relate to Hiroki, but he still wants to keep to his own agenda--and yet it’d be hard to involve the kid, but they can’t just leave him now. What a dilemma.

Chapter 50: Interesting start, showing Sai at a loss. He doesn’t know what will work exactly, but he knows what’s likely to not work. He’s doing a pretty good job, though, considering, taking the cautious approach. (I’m kind of like that around kids; I know what not to do, but not sure about what to do. And he makes more progress than I do.) I like the paragraph that starts with “Sai frowned down at the boy in confusion.” I totally agree with him in that paragraph.
A little change I’d make in a sentence (in my taste, anyway): “Of course he had no doubt that Shino would have never let him leave alone with the two misplaced-nin (he refused to call Naruto a ‘missing-nin’).” Make the single-quotes into double-quotes and add parenthesis (also keep whatever was italicized; comments won’t let me).
Hm, that is interesting. Curious.
Hm? What’s bothering Sasuke? . . . Ohhh! That’s cool! Itachi wrote a message. . . . Heheh, “Why were all shinobi so strange?” :) . . . Awesome ending.
. . . Oh, no. Sasuke, don’t! . . . Oh boy, this scene is scaring me. All these “last time” and “last moments” T_T . . . I hope this scene doesn’t fade out.

Chapter 41: I was gonna complain about you not doing the smut scene (logical or not), but never mind. I look forward to it in chapter 45! ^_^
Oh yeah, workers. Sasuke, I’m totally with you. Get out of his house and leave them in peace!! . . . Hmm, I wish I could’ve seen that morning scene, but it’s probably better imagined with hints (*sigh*). You know what I’d love to see? Naruto and Sasuke in the morning, just waking up and . . . cuddling or something (*blush*). . . . Ooh, Sasuke’s jealous. (!) I like the orange reference! ^^ Aww, cute little affectionate pose (I’d like to see that drawn sometime). :heart: Okay, I can understand Sasuke’s hypersensitivity, but inviting Sasame to lunch is called “being polite,” Sasuke, dear. ^^ . . . Hahaha! Naruto’s tongue! XD Ohhh-hohoho, “Just proclaiming my territory.” Sexyyyyy! ^_^ Personal question, Zrina: “armguards” and “tight, form-fitting clothes” . . . judging from your LJ profile, I woulda thought those’d fall under the “feather” category, not the “chicken.” So why in this story they’re under “chicken?” . . . Haha, I like Sasuke’s voiced opinion on girls. And the “He’s not my leader” comment. Those are so HIM! ^_~ (This might be a favorite scene of mine.)
Mm, I hope Sasuke beats her but is satisfied with her all the same. Although, if part of this stems from jealousy, he probably won’t be. . . . Oh, cool, I like the fight scene and how we’re watching it from the side and then suddenly Sasuke says that out loud. . . .

Chapter 42: I like the complexity of the jutsu. It can cause a lot of damage, but the problem is in the situation where they could use it. It seems to take a lot of preparation and the right circumstances. Whoever they’re aiming it at could easily (maybe) get out of the way before Naruto and Sasuke can start directing it. . . . Wow. You know, I was often thinking of a mixture of elements that would cause a ton of devastation. And here it is. Small world, huh? I hope nobody’s nearby. I wonder what the locals will think. . . . ‘Kay, that was disturbingly funny: “Hey, Sasuke . . .” “What, usuratonkachi?” “The trees are on fire.” . . . I like that paragraph: “They quickly decided [. . .] which then digressed [. . .] which then morphed [. . .] which then progressed [. . .]” ^^ HA! Naruto’s got a point at the end too (no pun intended). XD . . . And a hilarious end to the scene. (You know, I’d love to see that scene in detail as well.)
First line of the next scene, and already I love it. . . . I’m a little confused about the conversation, though. . . . Interesting ending to the scene. Will the next scene begin with the answer to that?
Yup. ^^ Poor Naruto. Oh wait, Sasuke found something. . . . Aw, that’s sad, Naruto’s homesick. :( Aw, Sasuke’s getting sweet! :heart: That’s an interesting ending paragraph; it’s like a role-reversal for them, sort of.
“Ripples appeared under his skin?” I wonder what that’s about. . . . I like the bit about Sasame holding a boy and Sasuke holding a girl. I’d like to see a picture of the guys in their Anbu disguises sometime.
I like the bit about Naruto enjoying being held before it turned the other way around.
Oh, excellent! “Do you have nightmares?” “. . . Sometimes.” “He makes them go away.” “Yes, he does.” That was great. :) I wonder if Naruto will wake up to discover this; that’d be cool to see his reaction.
Heheh, “Are you sure?” BARK! BARK! YIP! Etc. “Okay, okay, I was just asking!” . . . I like the whole dialogue between the tracking team. And Sai’s little slip with Kiba’s correction (although I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard of it anyway) and the following conversation about it. For some reason, I’m having a hard time hearing Hinata, but she’s another character I have trouble with unless she stutters. . . . Shino was being funny? Sai, I’m with you on this, I don’t get it. . . . Oh, great last line, too! :D I wonder if they’re ever going to catch up with Sasuke and Naruto.

Chapter 43: Nice opening. (My Favorite Novelist Alert!)
I like the “Flicker on/Flicker off” effects. . . . Wow, what a change. You’re right, this is a little different from earlier chapters. . . . That creature-thing was interesting; it reminds me a little of Envy from FMA. . . . “He had to [. . .] He had to [. . .] He had to [. . .]” Good paragraph. . . . I get a feeling from this scene that something/one in Naruto’s going to get loose(r). . . . I like the paragraph where Naruto throws up. . . . I like the paragraphs starting with “One immediately threw itself at the abomination” (Favorite Novelist Alert!) . . . The hazy chaos of this whole scene is excellent.
The simplicity of Sasuke’s thinking is . . . interesting. Not bad, just interesting. Maybe my perception’s off a bit, but it reminds me a little of Naruto. . . . “However, he knew that game as he could play it himself.” Like that bit; it is kind of a game, isn’t it. . . . Okay, that’s weird, I thought Sasuke’s sword couldn’t be blocked unless you block his arm. . . . “Couldn’t be that hard if Naruto had learned it?” (*shakes head slowly*) Sasuke . . . you still don’t get it, do you? . . . Love this: “The lights in this place were really f***ing starting to irritate him.” ^^ . . . Ooh, ouch, tail. Oh boy! The curse seal! Fancy paragraph: “The sight was almost beautiful in a macabre sort of way. [. . .]” That’d be a great drawing. . . . O.O What an ending!
I like this line: “Naruto found the stairs by almost falling down them.” Under normal circumstances, that would be funny, but it’s amazing how serious it is in this situation. . . . Haha, I like this one: “‘I’m glad I’m not in critical condition,’ a faint voice said dryly from below them. ‘I would be dead by the time you two got around to making a decision.’” Kinda reminds me of Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park: “Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend.” XD

Chapter 44: (*snicker*) “Let’s go say ‘Hi!’” XD . . . Okay, that sounds more like Hinata. . . . Heh, Shino’s argument with this girl (is it Sasame? I’m not sure). . . . Sai’s weird reactions (still hasn’t got the hang of them, has he?). . . . Yay, peacemaker Kiba. ^_^ Kinda odd, but I like it and it works in this situation. HEH! “Runt of the litter,” good one, Kiba. ^^ . . . Oh, I see, Hinata only stutters around Naruto. That makes a lot of sense, but call me narrow-minded, but I have a darn hard time hearing her without the stutter. Hee hee, she’s giggling! ^_^ . . . “[. . .] if you knew him well, was standing a bit stiffly.” I guess you’d HAVE to know him pretty well, then! Oh, FINALLY! Sai says something really weird to Sasuke’s face! XD Oh no, now Kiba joins in! XDD . . . “Shino figured it must be a genetic trait [. . .] possessed that same ability.” Good one. . . . I’m okay with Hinata now. . . . Heh. “Sai!” “Yes.” “Sasuke!” “What?” “Do you mind!?” “Not at all. Want me to go into details?” “No!/Yes!/No!” XDDD Poor Hinata. ;) . . . Oh, haha, didn’t quite forget about that, but glad for the reminder anyway: They have to stay. ^^