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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 35: I like all the little twists and incidents of this story! We have Naruto and Sasuke as fugitives avoiding two countries and having their whole business; Sai’s team looking up info; this clan’s problems; and Orochimaru scheming. It’s soooo cool!! ^_^
Whoa, what an abrupt beginning! O.O I like the line, “ Sasuke saw stars, but he wasn’t sure if that was from the pleasure or his head slamming back into the stone floor.” . . . Wow, sudden ending, too. I like the simplicity of the scene and the message it gave: “Mine.” “Yours.” That’s all. :)
Ha ha. “Five?” “Yes. Me,” holds up one finger, “and you,” and holds up the other four. X) . . . Oh gosh. XD “Naruto held up a finger as well.” LOLZ! “That’s cheating.” And even MORE lolzez! “An ass is the thing you are groping.” XDDD Where do you get these ideas?? . . . XD Sasuke tricked Naruto into thinking he was pissed when Naruto said “Yes, dear.” . . . Oh man. “Pffffftt.” XDD
Oh, that’s a clever bit. “You can’t fight someone with etiquette.” “Shows how much you know, dobe.” Really clever. Kinda reminds me of something from the movie “The Mask of Zorro.”
Oh good, we’re hearing from Sai’s team, I was wondering where they’d gone. . . . Haha, “How many more f***ing shoes do you have left to drop?” And then a great ending leading from that little question. ^^
Whoa, what an abrupt beginning! O.O I like the line, “ Sasuke saw stars, but he wasn’t sure if that was from the pleasure or his head slamming back into the stone floor.” . . . Wow, sudden ending, too. I like the simplicity of the scene and the message it gave: “Mine.” “Yours.” That’s all. :)
Ha ha. “Five?” “Yes. Me,” holds up one finger, “and you,” and holds up the other four. X) . . . Oh gosh. XD “Naruto held up a finger as well.” LOLZ! “That’s cheating.” And even MORE lolzez! “An ass is the thing you are groping.” XDDD Where do you get these ideas?? . . . XD Sasuke tricked Naruto into thinking he was pissed when Naruto said “Yes, dear.” . . . Oh man. “Pffffftt.” XDD
Oh, that’s a clever bit. “You can’t fight someone with etiquette.” “Shows how much you know, dobe.” Really clever. Kinda reminds me of something from the movie “The Mask of Zorro.”
Oh good, we’re hearing from Sai’s team, I was wondering where they’d gone. . . . Haha, “How many more f***ing shoes do you have left to drop?” And then a great ending leading from that little question. ^^
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January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 26: “Hn.” “That’s my line.” ^^
Boy, that’s clever, making all the clones the other characters. I’m a little confused, though: are they just pretending to have the other characters’ personalities, or does that come with the Henge?
Oh man, that was hilarious when Sasuke was all like “What the hell?” AHAHAHA, “The Warden’s coming, everyone act natural!” XDDDDDD
Nice analogy about Sasuke “poking at the wound to see if it still bled.” I mean, I’ve heard the first part of that before but not the second. Oh, WOW! “Stretch the muscles of his feelings . . .” Nice one! ^_^
XD “‘Exciting,’ he commented dryly.”
I hope you didn’t make people wait too long before you posted the next chapter. ^_~
This only just occurred to me: I wonder how Sakura’s doing, now that two of her teammates are AWOL.
Boy, that’s clever, making all the clones the other characters. I’m a little confused, though: are they just pretending to have the other characters’ personalities, or does that come with the Henge?
Oh man, that was hilarious when Sasuke was all like “What the hell?” AHAHAHA, “The Warden’s coming, everyone act natural!” XDDDDDD
Nice analogy about Sasuke “poking at the wound to see if it still bled.” I mean, I’ve heard the first part of that before but not the second. Oh, WOW! “Stretch the muscles of his feelings . . .” Nice one! ^_^
XD “‘Exciting,’ he commented dryly.”
I hope you didn’t make people wait too long before you posted the next chapter. ^_~
This only just occurred to me: I wonder how Sakura’s doing, now that two of her teammates are AWOL.
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January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 27: I like Sasuke and his “issues.” ^_~
XD “No, let’s make an appointment for next Tuesday.” XDDD
(*snort*) Sasuke puts up a fuss about not wanting to be “submissive,” and look at the way he’s reacting to Naruto when they switch.
Yay, it’s the pet-name again. Oh come on, Sasuke, you know you like it.
. . . I don’t think I’ve ever read a fic with this content in it going on quite so long before.
I like the comment about the clone.
Again, I love the ending.
Editing Tip: “You ready?” he asked quietly.
“Why this way?” he asked in honest curiosity.
Might want to change the “he” in the second line to “Sasuke.” Less confusing.
XD “No, let’s make an appointment for next Tuesday.” XDDD
(*snort*) Sasuke puts up a fuss about not wanting to be “submissive,” and look at the way he’s reacting to Naruto when they switch.
Yay, it’s the pet-name again. Oh come on, Sasuke, you know you like it.
. . . I don’t think I’ve ever read a fic with this content in it going on quite so long before.
I like the comment about the clone.
Again, I love the ending.
Editing Tip: “You ready?” he asked quietly.
“Why this way?” he asked in honest curiosity.
Might want to change the “he” in the second line to “Sasuke.” Less confusing.
schedule
January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 28: About your side note: I’m not a writer, so I can’t say that I have had that problem, but that novelist I mentioned in other reviews? In some of his introductions, he said he’s had that problem before and tries not to fight it.
I like Sasuke’s conflict. And I like the political background of the countries/towns/etc.
“Lunch is ready!” ^_^ And I love the conversation after that. ^^ Oh, wait. . . . Yeah, I still love it. That was a good halt. Sasuke’s so sensitive.
And I like the comment about Sasuke and grudges. As you said in one of the first chapters: He has it all down to an art form.
Oh, crap. That ending was scary. (*shudders*)
I like Sasuke’s conflict. And I like the political background of the countries/towns/etc.
“Lunch is ready!” ^_^ And I love the conversation after that. ^^ Oh, wait. . . . Yeah, I still love it. That was a good halt. Sasuke’s so sensitive.
And I like the comment about Sasuke and grudges. As you said in one of the first chapters: He has it all down to an art form.
Oh, crap. That ending was scary. (*shudders*)
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January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 29: Dubious consent? (*worry*worry*gnaw*)
Hmm, this is an interesting development. Now Naruto knows. I wonder how Orochimaru will fare later in the story. I always want Naruto to win (so far anyway), but I mean always; if he wants to save Orochimaru, I hope he succeeds, but I also hope Orochimaru won’t take advantage of that either. Or if he does, he loses again later.
Editing Reminder: Again, there’s “drug” when it should be “dragged.” (Sorry for nagging.)
My Opinion on Something: It didn’t occur to me until I saw it here, but Sasuke finally calls Naruto “usuratonkachi.” Honestly, I think he calls him that more than “dobe.” I’ve heard it more often, but I’ve hardly ever heard “dobe.”
The hot scene was excellent. And I like the compare/contrast of Naruto/Sasuke vs Kyuubi/Orochimaru.
Interesting ending. I’m unsure whether they’re going to be a help or a hindrance to Naruto and/or Sasuke, but time will tell.
Hmm, this is an interesting development. Now Naruto knows. I wonder how Orochimaru will fare later in the story. I always want Naruto to win (so far anyway), but I mean always; if he wants to save Orochimaru, I hope he succeeds, but I also hope Orochimaru won’t take advantage of that either. Or if he does, he loses again later.
Editing Reminder: Again, there’s “drug” when it should be “dragged.” (Sorry for nagging.)
My Opinion on Something: It didn’t occur to me until I saw it here, but Sasuke finally calls Naruto “usuratonkachi.” Honestly, I think he calls him that more than “dobe.” I’ve heard it more often, but I’ve hardly ever heard “dobe.”
The hot scene was excellent. And I like the compare/contrast of Naruto/Sasuke vs Kyuubi/Orochimaru.
Interesting ending. I’m unsure whether they’re going to be a help or a hindrance to Naruto and/or Sasuke, but time will tell.
schedule
January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 30: I haven’t even started on the chapter, and already I’m laughing at your first AN. ^^
I LOVE the first scene!! :D
“And that reasoning is why I am called the genius and you, the dobe.” XD
“Be more respectful when you address the Lord and Master of Ramen Land, non-believer!” XD
Oh, damn. I’m warning you, Sasuke, don’t bet against Naruto. There’s a good chance you’ll lose. Oh, wait. Never mind, everyone wins! ^^
Once again, I like Sasuke’s private thoughts.
Whoa, sudden heated argument, yikes.
Eh, you spelled “Jiraiya” wrong. ^^'
HAH! You so deserve more than THAT, Takako!! >:D
I like how Shino asks his questions without question-marks. H-heeeeeeyyyyy, how do you know that he “blinked at that short but chilling summary?” Hm? I demand an explanation. ^^
Alright, Kiba! You said it!
I LOVE the first scene!! :D
“And that reasoning is why I am called the genius and you, the dobe.” XD
“Be more respectful when you address the Lord and Master of Ramen Land, non-believer!” XD
Oh, damn. I’m warning you, Sasuke, don’t bet against Naruto. There’s a good chance you’ll lose. Oh, wait. Never mind, everyone wins! ^^
Once again, I like Sasuke’s private thoughts.
Whoa, sudden heated argument, yikes.
Eh, you spelled “Jiraiya” wrong. ^^'
HAH! You so deserve more than THAT, Takako!! >:D
I like how Shino asks his questions without question-marks. H-heeeeeeyyyyy, how do you know that he “blinked at that short but chilling summary?” Hm? I demand an explanation. ^^
Alright, Kiba! You said it!
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January 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 21: “Softly, so as not to disturb the slumbering demon vessel, [. . .]” Normally, I don’t much care for Naruto being called “demon vessel” or “contain” or “carrier” when it’s out of context to the situation. And yet, strangely, it seems to fit okay here.
Awww, that’s so sweet. I’m glad Sasuke’s getting better.
Hee hee. “That should be easy. I’ve been lost in several.” XD
(*snort*) “Not that it didn’t work some of the times strangely enough, but that was not the point.” XD
The planning of this story, by the way, is amazing.
HAH! Painted toothbrush. XDD
Oh, wow! Good part! The return of “I didn’t know you cared!” And how he reacts now! EXCELLENT touch!
XDDDD “You don’t know what it’s like having to play [. . .]” “. . .” “Oh shit, don’t tell me, you too?” XDDDD That whole scene was hilarious. I wonder why Sasuke cut off Orochimaru’s name.
O.O Oh. My. God. How is Sasuke going to react to being called “aniki?” . . . Oh, never mind, no biggie. But--wait! He paid Naruto a compliment! O.O
Oh boy, more excellent visualization. . . .
W--w--wow. . . . I . . . don’t know if I can say anymore. . . .
Awww, that’s so sweet. I’m glad Sasuke’s getting better.
Hee hee. “That should be easy. I’ve been lost in several.” XD
(*snort*) “Not that it didn’t work some of the times strangely enough, but that was not the point.” XD
The planning of this story, by the way, is amazing.
HAH! Painted toothbrush. XDD
Oh, wow! Good part! The return of “I didn’t know you cared!” And how he reacts now! EXCELLENT touch!
XDDDD “You don’t know what it’s like having to play [. . .]” “. . .” “Oh shit, don’t tell me, you too?” XDDDD That whole scene was hilarious. I wonder why Sasuke cut off Orochimaru’s name.
O.O Oh. My. God. How is Sasuke going to react to being called “aniki?” . . . Oh, never mind, no biggie. But--wait! He paid Naruto a compliment! O.O
Oh boy, more excellent visualization. . . .
W--w--wow. . . . I . . . don’t know if I can say anymore. . . .
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January 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 22: Aww, I luuuv Naruto’s pout. :heart: Ouch! Jeezus, Sasuke, that hurt! Mmm, very good point, Naruto; Sasuke, you may want to think on that a bit.
(*snort*) “He would probably be sitting on the washer, letting it shake him up while he tried to sing.” XDDDD I like his eventual decision in that segment.
Wow, that nightmare was intense. I had a hard time understanding what Sasuke was talking about until he ended with the bold words. The following conversation was pretty cool, too.
Haha, “He wouldn’t be able to eat with that kind of distraction at the table.” XD “Gullet of Doom.” XD
Love the “. . . most of the time”s. (*snort*) “Woman.” “WHAT?” XDDD
I swear, Sai, don’t SAY anything if Sakura and/or Naruto’s not there! Oy! (Not that I’m complaining, mind, it’s still hilarious. :) ) And--whoa--for someone bad at reading/understanding emotions, he’s pretty good at giving/receiving body language messages. Huh? How was Naruto contradicting him(*cough*“her”*cough*)self? HAHAHAHAHA!! “What do you want to know?” XDDDDDDD
(*snort*) “He would probably be sitting on the washer, letting it shake him up while he tried to sing.” XDDDD I like his eventual decision in that segment.
Wow, that nightmare was intense. I had a hard time understanding what Sasuke was talking about until he ended with the bold words. The following conversation was pretty cool, too.
Haha, “He wouldn’t be able to eat with that kind of distraction at the table.” XD “Gullet of Doom.” XD
Love the “. . . most of the time”s. (*snort*) “Woman.” “WHAT?” XDDD
I swear, Sai, don’t SAY anything if Sakura and/or Naruto’s not there! Oy! (Not that I’m complaining, mind, it’s still hilarious. :) ) And--whoa--for someone bad at reading/understanding emotions, he’s pretty good at giving/receiving body language messages. Huh? How was Naruto contradicting him(*cough*“her”*cough*)self? HAHAHAHAHA!! “What do you want to know?” XDDDDDDD
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January 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 23: Ooh, the last two lines of the first paragraph were sexyyyy! :D And I love Sasuke’s heated questions. Actually, I love the whole argument!
Nice metaphor about the talons gripping his heart.
XDD “I have t’ go pee.” I always crack up at lines like that. I have a greeting card at home with that as the punchline, which I bought simply because it made me laugh so hard. XDDD And once again, I love the end of that segment. XDDDD
I hope there are no side-effects to being in a girl-guise for so long. Well, none that can’t be remedied, anyway.
“Lurking Shadow of Doom.” X) What next?
Oh jeez, Naruto, don’t joke about things like that to him! He wears that fan EVERYWHERE! Don’t give him any ideas!
Whoa, jeez, what an ending!! O.O
Nice metaphor about the talons gripping his heart.
XDD “I have t’ go pee.” I always crack up at lines like that. I have a greeting card at home with that as the punchline, which I bought simply because it made me laugh so hard. XDDD And once again, I love the end of that segment. XDDDD
I hope there are no side-effects to being in a girl-guise for so long. Well, none that can’t be remedied, anyway.
“Lurking Shadow of Doom.” X) What next?
Oh jeez, Naruto, don’t joke about things like that to him! He wears that fan EVERYWHERE! Don’t give him any ideas!
Whoa, jeez, what an ending!! O.O
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January 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 24: Another good fight scene. I like the simile about Sasuke “blazing like a fire through dry grass.” XD “Why is it always needles?” XD I also like how first you see the two kids, then you see the man ripping his way into the tent, then you see the two kids wielding the Rasengan. That’s like something out of a movie. ^^
Whoa . . . that was a great ending to that fight. “Dead, bottomless red eyes. . . .” And so on. . . . Wow. Hee hee, “He blushed when he realized that he was conversing with a married woman in his boxers.” XD
Great conversation in the tent. I especially like the paragraph starting with “You’re not an emotionless tool,” and the ones following it. Oh man, and the end of that segment was, again, hilarious! XDD
“Graphite grey eyes?” I like the description, but I always thought they were black. I know there are hints of grey depending on how the light hits them, but still. . . .
Whoa . . . that was a great ending to that fight. “Dead, bottomless red eyes. . . .” And so on. . . . Wow. Hee hee, “He blushed when he realized that he was conversing with a married woman in his boxers.” XD
Great conversation in the tent. I especially like the paragraph starting with “You’re not an emotionless tool,” and the ones following it. Oh man, and the end of that segment was, again, hilarious! XDD
“Graphite grey eyes?” I like the description, but I always thought they were black. I know there are hints of grey depending on how the light hits them, but still. . . .