schedule
December 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 20: Nothing wrong with being a smutaholic. ^^
Man, I hope you fail, Kyoshiro. Or fail to cause too much trouble.
Okay, that announcement made an interesting point. Sasuke is now a missing-nin for two countries. You’re pushing it, kid. Great fight scene, by the way.
Alright, we’re back with Tsunade! I was wondering when she and the other Leafs would turn up again. I like the who-needs-what paragraph and then sneaking Shizune. Good touches.
“What was going to happen would happen in its own time and wishing otherwise would not change it. However annoying it was to wait.” That is so Sai! ^^ Okay, that was mean--I would’ve thought Naruto was very well-endowed!
I like Tsunade’s assignment to Team 8 and Sai and the way it was worded. But I have a little Editing Tip for some of it: “[. . .] Send me reports any time you move to a new location or find something, verified by the way not rumored, that has happened concerning any of those four.” It’s just some punctuation marks, but I think (you don’t have to take my word for it, it’s just my opinion) that it might work a little nicer if: “Send me reports any time you move to a new location or find something--verified, by the way, not rumored--that has happened concerning any of those four.” And maybe italicizing “verified.” Just a suggestion. ^^'
I also like the whole paragraph starting with “Sai gave her one of his trademark empty smiles.” ^_^
Man, I hope you fail, Kyoshiro. Or fail to cause too much trouble.
Okay, that announcement made an interesting point. Sasuke is now a missing-nin for two countries. You’re pushing it, kid. Great fight scene, by the way.
Alright, we’re back with Tsunade! I was wondering when she and the other Leafs would turn up again. I like the who-needs-what paragraph and then sneaking Shizune. Good touches.
“What was going to happen would happen in its own time and wishing otherwise would not change it. However annoying it was to wait.” That is so Sai! ^^ Okay, that was mean--I would’ve thought Naruto was very well-endowed!
I like Tsunade’s assignment to Team 8 and Sai and the way it was worded. But I have a little Editing Tip for some of it: “[. . .] Send me reports any time you move to a new location or find something, verified by the way not rumored, that has happened concerning any of those four.” It’s just some punctuation marks, but I think (you don’t have to take my word for it, it’s just my opinion) that it might work a little nicer if: “Send me reports any time you move to a new location or find something--verified, by the way, not rumored--that has happened concerning any of those four.” And maybe italicizing “verified.” Just a suggestion. ^^'
I also like the whole paragraph starting with “Sai gave her one of his trademark empty smiles.” ^_^
schedule
December 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 11: You feel like an author, because you are an author! ^^
I love Jiraiya’s code to Tsunade. . . . Nice scene with Anko.
Hee hee, Sasuke stuttered on his insult. X) I can sympathize with him, though. I don’t know how some people can just stay warm on freezing nights.
Yeesh, one hell of a nightmare. Good one, though.
Aw, cuddle scene was cute. And the ending to the whole thing was hilarious again! XD
“Take care of business.” . . . “He had to piss.” . . . Ah, such is the difference between Sasuke and Naruto. ;) . . . Oh man, I spoke too soon; that was gross but funny--“Mark his territory” and “Yellow spiral.” . . . Oh for God’s sake, not you too, Sasuke! . . . Ah well, I guess boys will be boys (sorry, boys, if there are any reading this). Anyways, this scene is another trait of that favorite novelist of mine that I mentioned earlier. Hee hee, cold snow in the crotch! XD AHAHAHAHAHA “That was cool! Where’d you learn that?” XDDDDD
Jeezus, this has hilarious lines! XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Oh God, what the hell just happened?! How’d Orochimaru get back?!?
This might be one of my favorite chapters.
I love Jiraiya’s code to Tsunade. . . . Nice scene with Anko.
Hee hee, Sasuke stuttered on his insult. X) I can sympathize with him, though. I don’t know how some people can just stay warm on freezing nights.
Yeesh, one hell of a nightmare. Good one, though.
Aw, cuddle scene was cute. And the ending to the whole thing was hilarious again! XD
“Take care of business.” . . . “He had to piss.” . . . Ah, such is the difference between Sasuke and Naruto. ;) . . . Oh man, I spoke too soon; that was gross but funny--“Mark his territory” and “Yellow spiral.” . . . Oh for God’s sake, not you too, Sasuke! . . . Ah well, I guess boys will be boys (sorry, boys, if there are any reading this). Anyways, this scene is another trait of that favorite novelist of mine that I mentioned earlier. Hee hee, cold snow in the crotch! XD AHAHAHAHAHA “That was cool! Where’d you learn that?” XDDDDD
Jeezus, this has hilarious lines! XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Oh God, what the hell just happened?! How’d Orochimaru get back?!?
This might be one of my favorite chapters.
schedule
December 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 12: Oh, okay. That answers my previous question. . . . Boy, that must be unnerving to Sasuke; eesh. (*shivers*) . . . Man, I love their bantering! ^^
Good part when Sasuke’s buttons were pushed for a moment there at the word “cared.”
Oh, good, Sasuke saved the frog wallet. Thank you, Sasuke, I owe you one for that! (I’ve got a special soft spot for the frog wallet, eheheheh. ^^’) . . . Wait a minute. Did Naruto yellow his eyes again when the girl came in? And was that girl Karin?
Avoid Oushi, eh? Somehow I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy. . . . Aw, Sasuke’s keeping Naruto’s jacket! <3
Good part when Sasuke’s buttons were pushed for a moment there at the word “cared.”
Oh, good, Sasuke saved the frog wallet. Thank you, Sasuke, I owe you one for that! (I’ve got a special soft spot for the frog wallet, eheheheh. ^^’) . . . Wait a minute. Did Naruto yellow his eyes again when the girl came in? And was that girl Karin?
Avoid Oushi, eh? Somehow I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy. . . . Aw, Sasuke’s keeping Naruto’s jacket! <3
schedule
December 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 13: You bet I’m enjoying myself! . . . Oooh, first line and already it’s good. . . . I’m glad Naruto likes Orochimaru’s bed, but wouldn’t he feel weird about sleeping in it? I mean, he has been since Orochimaru possessed him, but not of his own free will exactly.
Alright, the banter again. ^^
Oh, yes, YES, Stage Two!! :D Awesome scene, I always love descriptions of the second stage.
I like that yelled argument between Naruto and Sasuke while they were freeing the prisoners. I like the clash of their beliefs.
Alright, the banter again. ^^
Oh, yes, YES, Stage Two!! :D Awesome scene, I always love descriptions of the second stage.
I like that yelled argument between Naruto and Sasuke while they were freeing the prisoners. I like the clash of their beliefs.
schedule
December 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 14: Sometimes I think the slower stories are the ones more worth reading. I’m glad it’s not rushed.
Oooh, listen to the clone, Sasuke, he means it. ^^ I like the effects of the poison on Sasuke. I can picture it very clearly.
Sasuke’s under arrest? Wow. Didn’t see that coming. That scene was just two paragraphs--good.
I love the italicized memories.
Oh, crap, he’s in another country. They could try to find the secret of the Sharingan!
GrrrRRRRR, that makes me mad, that bitch! >:( Please, Naruto, hurry up!!!
Oooh, listen to the clone, Sasuke, he means it. ^^ I like the effects of the poison on Sasuke. I can picture it very clearly.
Sasuke’s under arrest? Wow. Didn’t see that coming. That scene was just two paragraphs--good.
I love the italicized memories.
Oh, crap, he’s in another country. They could try to find the secret of the Sharingan!
GrrrRRRRR, that makes me mad, that bitch! >:( Please, Naruto, hurry up!!!
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 6: I like Sasuke’s turmoil. Kabuto’s first line was phrased funny (in a good way). And I liked his analysis. And Sasuke--it's all about him, isn’t it? XD I love that.
Um, okay! That scene where Orochimaru was checking himself out in the mirror and Kabuto was trying not to smile seemed somewhat OOC (Out Of Character and Out Of Context), but it sure was funny. . . . Jeez, Orochimaru brought out the Kyuubi to attack Konoha all those years ago? Eesh. And they say Naruto has a one-track mind! And Sasuke! (Ihn, Icha-Icha. XD) Sasuke, save Naruto’s stuff, especially the wallet!
I like Orochimaru’s aggravation with Naruto’s body.
Hee--Sasuke’s attracted to Naruto and he doesn’t even know it.
!!! What was that??
Um, okay! That scene where Orochimaru was checking himself out in the mirror and Kabuto was trying not to smile seemed somewhat OOC (Out Of Character and Out Of Context), but it sure was funny. . . . Jeez, Orochimaru brought out the Kyuubi to attack Konoha all those years ago? Eesh. And they say Naruto has a one-track mind! And Sasuke! (Ihn, Icha-Icha. XD) Sasuke, save Naruto’s stuff, especially the wallet!
I like Orochimaru’s aggravation with Naruto’s body.
Hee--Sasuke’s attracted to Naruto and he doesn’t even know it.
!!! What was that??
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 7: Whoa, hot dream turned suddenly scary! O_O HAHAHA, Orochimaru’s fantasizing about Tsunade! XDDD
I like how Naruto’s “leaking” into Orochimaru. Whoa, wait, what just happened? Did Naruto take over when Sasuke stunned Orochimaru?
Oooh, naughty thoughts in the very back of his mind, eh? Heheheh.
XD “I’m not even going to mention what he has me dreaming about.” XD
I like Sasuke’s feelings on “no one’s allowed to kill Naruto but me”. Kind of a similar thing he has to his brother maybe?
I wonder what the deal is? Nice ending to the chapter.
(By the way, I review as I read. ^^)
I like how Naruto’s “leaking” into Orochimaru. Whoa, wait, what just happened? Did Naruto take over when Sasuke stunned Orochimaru?
Oooh, naughty thoughts in the very back of his mind, eh? Heheheh.
XD “I’m not even going to mention what he has me dreaming about.” XD
I like Sasuke’s feelings on “no one’s allowed to kill Naruto but me”. Kind of a similar thing he has to his brother maybe?
I wonder what the deal is? Nice ending to the chapter.
(By the way, I review as I read. ^^)
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 8: This is your first fanfiction?? . . . You ARE a real writer, I’m sure of it!
Wow, six months have gone by! Naruto’s hair is longer? Makes sense, but it’s hard to picture. I wonder how much longer. . . . Couldn’t’ve said it better myself, Jiraiya--Naruto is hard to keep down. ^_^ Ooooh, gotcha there, Orochimaru! “Pitiful skills . . .” XD
And despite all Orochimaru’s efforts, he’s losing more and more control of Naruto. . . . I wonder why he never came close to Kabuto in his fit. . . . Hah! That’s good. Sasuke’s all “. . . whaaaaaa~~~” XD (Then again, after seeing Naruto like that, so am I. ^^’) Hee, “dobe-sexual”. ^^
You know, I’d love to see a picture of mental-Orochimaru trying to wrestle mental-Naruto back behind the mental wall. ^^
Alright, we got a deal between Uzumaki and Uchiha. Cool. This should be good.
Yeek! One hell of a cliffhanger! O.O
Wow, six months have gone by! Naruto’s hair is longer? Makes sense, but it’s hard to picture. I wonder how much longer. . . . Couldn’t’ve said it better myself, Jiraiya--Naruto is hard to keep down. ^_^ Ooooh, gotcha there, Orochimaru! “Pitiful skills . . .” XD
And despite all Orochimaru’s efforts, he’s losing more and more control of Naruto. . . . I wonder why he never came close to Kabuto in his fit. . . . Hah! That’s good. Sasuke’s all “. . . whaaaaaa~~~” XD (Then again, after seeing Naruto like that, so am I. ^^’) Hee, “dobe-sexual”. ^^
You know, I’d love to see a picture of mental-Orochimaru trying to wrestle mental-Naruto back behind the mental wall. ^^
Alright, we got a deal between Uzumaki and Uchiha. Cool. This should be good.
Yeek! One hell of a cliffhanger! O.O
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 9: “Greetings and salivations?” XD Hell, I think Naruto always looks hot after the timeskip! And it’s totally worth it to proofread so much, I’m not complaining. ^^
Okay, now I’m mad!! Grrr, that genjutsu was horrible! And DAMN that traitorous Kyuubi!!! >:(
Oh, please, please, please let Naruto and Sasuke win! >_<
And in the midst of all this dismay I’m feeling, I can’t help but a weak chuckle at the line of “power beyond his wettest dreams.”
YES!! Good job, Sasuke!!
Wow, awesome depiction of the Kyuubi taking over. I loved the Two Tails effects. . . . That whole scene was awesome!! And I love the ending line! :D
Okay, now I’m mad!! Grrr, that genjutsu was horrible! And DAMN that traitorous Kyuubi!!! >:(
Oh, please, please, please let Naruto and Sasuke win! >_<
And in the midst of all this dismay I’m feeling, I can’t help but a weak chuckle at the line of “power beyond his wettest dreams.”
YES!! Good job, Sasuke!!
Wow, awesome depiction of the Kyuubi taking over. I loved the Two Tails effects. . . . That whole scene was awesome!! And I love the ending line! :D
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 10: Hee hee, cute. “M’lest me later, m’tired.” XD
“Kyuubi has a chew toy.” XDDDDDDDDDDDDD lol, that’s hilarious. XDDDDD
“You try it sometime, teme.” That’s another good one. . . . The end of that scene was good, too.
Man, this chapter’s got a lot of good lines in it. “I have a lot on my mind.” / “Let me simplify it: there isn’t any ramen here.” And once again, another good ending to that segment.
Oooh, Naruto’s going to impersonate Orochimaru? This I gotta see. :D
I loved seeing Sasuke fix Naruto’s hair. So cute. ^^ Oooh, blush. ^^
“Kyuubi has a chew toy.” XDDDDDDDDDDDDD lol, that’s hilarious. XDDDDD
“You try it sometime, teme.” That’s another good one. . . . The end of that scene was good, too.
Man, this chapter’s got a lot of good lines in it. “I have a lot on my mind.” / “Let me simplify it: there isn’t any ramen here.” And once again, another good ending to that segment.
Oooh, Naruto’s going to impersonate Orochimaru? This I gotta see. :D
I loved seeing Sasuke fix Naruto’s hair. So cute. ^^ Oooh, blush. ^^