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November 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Your story is pretty cool,Yuki. I'm a Gaara/ Naruto fan so I like any fanfiction dealing with those two pairings! Will you continue writing this story? Hope so! And you should. See ya!
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
all i have to say is i love this! and ofcorse update!
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I know I seem to be begging a lot but continue PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE T_T
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ok ok ok
I like the story so far, but there are somethings that could be fixed.
The other reviews pretty much sums it up but I also wanted to put in that your transitions from chapter to chapter is kind of off. Meaning that its sometimes confusing and you have to re-read the chapter to understand what is going on.
You might want to go into detail how you get Naruto into these situations.
I like that you have Naruto with Gaara and Sasuke and now NEJI!!!
Its too good!!
Can't wait until you update.
I like the story so far, but there are somethings that could be fixed.
The other reviews pretty much sums it up but I also wanted to put in that your transitions from chapter to chapter is kind of off. Meaning that its sometimes confusing and you have to re-read the chapter to understand what is going on.
You might want to go into detail how you get Naruto into these situations.
I like that you have Naruto with Gaara and Sasuke and now NEJI!!!
Its too good!!
Can't wait until you update.
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November 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
PLEASE KEEP GOING(I wanna know what happens next)
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November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You have my attention! now update soon
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November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Alright, interesting chapter, I'll say that. However, your chapters are EXTREMELY short, and therefore it seems like you are trying to pack a lot of information into maybe… two pages at best. Although this style can be highly effective, right now it feels like I'm watching a movie in fast forward mode.
My advice is to not be afraid to develop the characters and plotline more. Add some of the detail about a characters thoughts, appearance, and surroundings that you considered to mundane to include. I understand wanting to keep a certain amount of mystery to the fic, but you have to remember, the fic is a mystery to the reader already because we’re not in your head. Also, just because everyone knows who Gaara and Sasuke and Naruto are from the manga, doesn’t mean everyone knows your interpretation of the characters, or of their surroundings. Other than that, I say keep going. I’m pretty sure you said this is your first fic so naturally it’s going to be a learning process. My best wishes for you and your writing.
Dryad1789@hotmail.com
My advice is to not be afraid to develop the characters and plotline more. Add some of the detail about a characters thoughts, appearance, and surroundings that you considered to mundane to include. I understand wanting to keep a certain amount of mystery to the fic, but you have to remember, the fic is a mystery to the reader already because we’re not in your head. Also, just because everyone knows who Gaara and Sasuke and Naruto are from the manga, doesn’t mean everyone knows your interpretation of the characters, or of their surroundings. Other than that, I say keep going. I’m pretty sure you said this is your first fic so naturally it’s going to be a learning process. My best wishes for you and your writing.
Dryad1789@hotmail.com
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November 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very good story so far. Can you please reveiw
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November 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very good story so far. Can you please continue
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November 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
interesting