schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh! I love it! I like how the two meet, flirty yet shy, not too rushed just right! But I was rolling when Naruto found Sasuke's note! Oh his reaction was priceless!! I can't wait to read more! You will update won't you? Please pwetty please! I'll be your best friend! Oh I hope so, I just can't wait!
schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay. There are several reasons why I love this.
1) the use of the term "twitterpated"...so...you like Bambi?
2) Ferme la Bouche...I speak French, so I didn't need to be told. Lovely name.
3) the innuendo is great.
4) great flow, nice direction. you keep your eye on the ball.
5) a fresh approach to what would otherwise be a cliche setting.
The only problem I have with it is the number of classes the boys are taking. Are they BOTH insane? Over 21 hours? I don't know anyone that would have time to breathe, let alone have a job or eat with that many classes. Overachievers unite...or so it seems.
Otherwise, keep the cider hot and the references fresh, and I'll read through to the end.
<3
a/j
1) the use of the term "twitterpated"...so...you like Bambi?
2) Ferme la Bouche...I speak French, so I didn't need to be told. Lovely name.
3) the innuendo is great.
4) great flow, nice direction. you keep your eye on the ball.
5) a fresh approach to what would otherwise be a cliche setting.
The only problem I have with it is the number of classes the boys are taking. Are they BOTH insane? Over 21 hours? I don't know anyone that would have time to breathe, let alone have a job or eat with that many classes. Overachievers unite...or so it seems.
Otherwise, keep the cider hot and the references fresh, and I'll read through to the end.
<3
a/j
schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
My goodness, I am going to have to remember your name. You are a perfect example of an author who uses excellent detail in their fic, in every way. Your use of descriptive language was perfect, not too little, not too much. I can’t help but ask if the café in your story is a real place because you described it down to a tee. I really felt like I was there with Sasuke and Naruto. You have true talent.
I have to admit though I was a little surprised at how girly you made Naruto sound in this chapter. His reaction to Sasuke asking him out, although very funny, seemed really over-done. Actually I thought the reason why he was yelling for Iruka and sitting on the floor was because he had some sort of disease that got worse whenever he hyperventilated. I understand that you are putting your own spin on these characters, but that just seemed a bit too much of a spin. If you want to make Naruto the more feminine of the two then I can deal with that, just don’t turn him into one of those stereotypical hyper-active cheerleaders, that’s all I ask. Regardless, I look forward to your next update. My best wishes for you and your writing.
P.S. My compliments to your beta. I don’t know if you both collaborate with the writing, or if simplyinsane is merely checking the grammar and spelling over, but either way the chapter was fantastic. You both work very well together.
I would however say to your beta to slow down a bit when reading the chapters over though because there were a few mistakes. I’m not usually one to split hairs because in truth there weren’t that many; and I also know that being a beta can at times be just as tough a job as being an author. However, as a fellow beta, I felt it necessary to not only acknowledge “simplyinsane’s” job, but also to provide a small bit of constructive criticism. I hope you forgive me!
Dryad1789@hotmail.com
I have to admit though I was a little surprised at how girly you made Naruto sound in this chapter. His reaction to Sasuke asking him out, although very funny, seemed really over-done. Actually I thought the reason why he was yelling for Iruka and sitting on the floor was because he had some sort of disease that got worse whenever he hyperventilated. I understand that you are putting your own spin on these characters, but that just seemed a bit too much of a spin. If you want to make Naruto the more feminine of the two then I can deal with that, just don’t turn him into one of those stereotypical hyper-active cheerleaders, that’s all I ask. Regardless, I look forward to your next update. My best wishes for you and your writing.
P.S. My compliments to your beta. I don’t know if you both collaborate with the writing, or if simplyinsane is merely checking the grammar and spelling over, but either way the chapter was fantastic. You both work very well together.
I would however say to your beta to slow down a bit when reading the chapters over though because there were a few mistakes. I’m not usually one to split hairs because in truth there weren’t that many; and I also know that being a beta can at times be just as tough a job as being an author. However, as a fellow beta, I felt it necessary to not only acknowledge “simplyinsane’s” job, but also to provide a small bit of constructive criticism. I hope you forgive me!
Dryad1789@hotmail.com
schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Can i have your email to reveiw you? AFF always cuts my long reveiws too short D: this was amazing tho! but i got a long reveiw for you.