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September 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Well, it looks like you don't write fanfiction anymore, but regardless, I just wanted to tell you that this is actually one of my absolute favorite Naruto fanfics despite it only being two chapters. I've reread it maybe 5 or 6 times since it was first posted 4 years ago in 2007. I still enjoy it every time, which is rare for me as usually with fanfics after the "what will happen in the end?!" breathlessness is over, fics tend to get stale for me. I start noticing all the things that irritated me about a fic if I reread it after I know how it all concludes since I no longer have the anticipation of what will happen to distract me from a story's flaws. The characterization is the main thing which starts to bother me with many of these fanfics, and which I found to be especially charming in this story. I like the fact that your Sasuke is the usual, disdainful "big man on campus" who's got a ton of girls throwing themselves at him, and yet, he is also incredibly human. He really wants Nayami to like him and gets a bit frustrated and embarrassed when she doesn't. Watching him repeatedly getting shot down by her, yet continuing to try was cute, as was the way he asked if it was OK for him to kiss her. I really like your Naruto, too because he's pretty in-character for an AU Naruto and I think his reactions to the things happening to him are pretty believable. I like the fact that he didn't initially like Sasuke, but then after spending some time with him, he started really liking him--enough that he would have been OK with Sasuke asking Naruko out (that's a BIG compliment there!) and wanted to spend more time with him at the end of the evening.
In general, their interactions in the story were quite nice--the way their friendship built over the course of the evening felt pretty natural and not forced. I also liked the vague hints that maybe deep down Naruto is a little attracted to Sasuke, while also letting Naruto keep his straight guy attitude (it was a bit too soon for him to have recognizably gay reactions!) There was definitely enough here that strong seeds of attraction had been planted without the story going overboard with it. I also liked the fact that they didn't argue for the sake of arguing (which is one of my biggest pet peeves for how this couple is typically written). The arguments they got into felt like ones that would logically come out of their situation. It was also nice that it wasn't primarily one guy or the other who initiated all the arguments. Naruto deserved to get yelled at for throwing the coffee can at Sasuke and forgetting he didn't have the car keys on him, while Sasuke deserved to be yelled at for being too pushy despite being shot down repeatedly, and for having a somewhat haughty attitude.
About the only thing I didn't like about the fic was that I thought the Ino + Sakura back story was rather over-dramatic. The way Sakura acts in the fic (crying, getting sad every time Ino is mentioned, falling into a depression, etc.), I'd initially thought Ino was dead, so I was surprised when it turned out that they'd just had a falling out. For a simple falling out, I think Sakura's reactions are too severe. If the Ino + Sakura back story was just to create an excuse for why Sakura would throw the party, eh, I don't think it was necessary. I think Sakura befriending Naruko and deciding to help Naruko's brother was by itself a good enough reason for the party.
Other than that, super cute, fun, and hilarious fic! I'm very sure I'll reread it again sometime in the future. So even if you never put pen to paper again, I wanted to let you know my appreciation for this fic. :)
In general, their interactions in the story were quite nice--the way their friendship built over the course of the evening felt pretty natural and not forced. I also liked the vague hints that maybe deep down Naruto is a little attracted to Sasuke, while also letting Naruto keep his straight guy attitude (it was a bit too soon for him to have recognizably gay reactions!) There was definitely enough here that strong seeds of attraction had been planted without the story going overboard with it. I also liked the fact that they didn't argue for the sake of arguing (which is one of my biggest pet peeves for how this couple is typically written). The arguments they got into felt like ones that would logically come out of their situation. It was also nice that it wasn't primarily one guy or the other who initiated all the arguments. Naruto deserved to get yelled at for throwing the coffee can at Sasuke and forgetting he didn't have the car keys on him, while Sasuke deserved to be yelled at for being too pushy despite being shot down repeatedly, and for having a somewhat haughty attitude.
About the only thing I didn't like about the fic was that I thought the Ino + Sakura back story was rather over-dramatic. The way Sakura acts in the fic (crying, getting sad every time Ino is mentioned, falling into a depression, etc.), I'd initially thought Ino was dead, so I was surprised when it turned out that they'd just had a falling out. For a simple falling out, I think Sakura's reactions are too severe. If the Ino + Sakura back story was just to create an excuse for why Sakura would throw the party, eh, I don't think it was necessary. I think Sakura befriending Naruko and deciding to help Naruko's brother was by itself a good enough reason for the party.
Other than that, super cute, fun, and hilarious fic! I'm very sure I'll reread it again sometime in the future. So even if you never put pen to paper again, I wanted to let you know my appreciation for this fic. :)
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March 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love this story! Please continue! it's been soooo long without an update!! I wanna know what happens next, please???
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February 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
hello!!
I love your story!! poor naruto-chan he doesn't no know where he go! lol and also sasuke!
hmmm I wonder if sasuke's gay?
well I love your writing style and I hope you update soon!! ^____^
see you!!!
I love your story!! poor naruto-chan he doesn't no know where he go! lol and also sasuke!
hmmm I wonder if sasuke's gay?
well I love your writing style and I hope you update soon!! ^____^
see you!!!
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January 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
nice, nice, NICE !! ! i want more of it! happy new year btw~ ! cheers~~!!
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December 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for providing one of the far too few gems of Naruto-fiction that can be found here.
I have to admit, I wasn't a beliefer from the start, but after realizing that one, your grammar and spelling are correct, and two, your chracterizations are great, I was hooked. ;-)
Especially the second chapter was beyond great...I'm still in awe.
I have to admit, I wasn't a beliefer from the start, but after realizing that one, your grammar and spelling are correct, and two, your chracterizations are great, I was hooked. ;-)
Especially the second chapter was beyond great...I'm still in awe.
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December 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This story is great!
I like the first version too, you completely cut the party, the guys harassing Super pornstar and super model,lol, and the first encounter between sasuke/ naruto! Which would explain why neji actually feels like he hasn't been recognised.
However you had the brilliant idea of adding the part about sasuke not wanting to play with fragile girls/girly things so it's alright, shorter but alright!
I can't wait to see what happens at school! I can only hope we won't have to wait too long, please? Keep up the good work!
I like the first version too, you completely cut the party, the guys harassing Super pornstar and super model,lol, and the first encounter between sasuke/ naruto! Which would explain why neji actually feels like he hasn't been recognised.
However you had the brilliant idea of adding the part about sasuke not wanting to play with fragile girls/girly things so it's alright, shorter but alright!
I can't wait to see what happens at school! I can only hope we won't have to wait too long, please? Keep up the good work!
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December 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*brandishes whip* Get writing, little woman! Kang demands MOAR!!! *crack*
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December 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is awesomely written. I can't wait to read more. :)
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December 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*is still in shock*
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December 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
SQUEALS! An update! and good one at that! I really really love this story, you have me in hysterics! Not to mention that positively sweet, yet incredibly hot kiss! mmmhmm! Update soon pretty pahlease!