schedule
September 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
Interesting quote at the beginning.
"Still seven in body if not in mind." I really like that phrasing. _ _ _ _ That's creepy how Itachi refers to Sasuke as "it". _ _ _ _ So this is psycho!Itachi. Back in the day when we all misunderstood him. ;-) _ _ _ _ At least he's being honest when he says he doesn't want to.
Interesting. Sounds like Itachi's doubting himself a little. Or is afraid his parents don't think he's good enough. _ _ _ _ I like Shisui's line about why it's good to expand the clan. He's trying to reassure Itachi. I'm not sure about describing it as acerbic, though. _ _ _ _ Interesting bit about Shisui having a brother who died.
Bad boy, Itachi, spying on your parents. _ _ _ _ The dialogue here is really good. _ _ _ _ Heh -- awkward conversation for a mom to be having with a bright 7-year-old. ^^; "It ... it feels very nice." Lol. _ _ _ _ "Maybe we shouldn't have ..." What? Uh-oh. _ _ _ _ Nice touch about her straightening the collar of Itachi's shirt and the way she fusses slightly over him. Reminds me of my mom. It's sweet. =)
I like the description of Sasuke's growth. And the line about the kinds of exceptional kids they are. _ _ _ _ I really like the lines about Shisui's family. _ _ _ _ "You coming, or staying here to watch over the kid?" Cute. =) _ _ _ _ Interesting how Itachi gets some insight of himself by watching Sasuke. _ _ _ _ Eh, whoops: "Whenever Fugaku leant down to pick up his soon and ruffle his hair ..." One-too-many o's. ;-) _ _ _ _ Aww, Itachi is a little jealous. Or lonely. _ _ _ _ Cute question from Sasuke. I also like the bit about him liking folklore. _ _ _ _ Aww, that was sweet. Love it how Itachi's not sure what to think of it. _ _ _ _ OH! Interesting! The thing about Sasuke's brightness and his potential coming from his mother and how his father is the one holding things back. That's cool! I often wonder about what Mikoto was talking about when she said that Fugaku talked a lot about Sasuke. This is a pretty good possibility. And I like it how we hear it through Itachi's ears. _ _ _ _ I also like how Fugaku says, "What good have we done Itachi by advancing his skills?" So he's not totally detached from his son. That's cool. It's awesome how you made Fugaku seem more human than he usually comes across as. _ _ _ _ Interesting. Itachi might possibly resent how different he is and he doesn't realize it. _ _ _ _ Another whoopsie: "The wanted normal?" You're missing a "y" there.
This is really interesting. It puts a whole new meaning to Fugaku's actions. That's really impressive. _ _ _ _ Yeah, Itachi's lonely and he likes Sasuke.
I like the line about how everyone thinks so much of the family and, ironically, how things'd be a little different if they knew about what dad thought. _ _ _ _ Good image there of Mikoto alert with the Sharingan. I can see the angle of the way Itachi looks up at her and her Sharingan being very subtle, almost unnoticeable. _ _ _ _ Let me guess ... is it Naruto? _ _ _ _ Interesting image. Though Itachi's got an attitude problem about Naruto.
I love how Itachi's opinion of himself starts changing. Or ... not really his opinion of himself, but the opinions he's afraid of.
His opinions adjust with what he hears.
Huh -- I wonder what's bothering Shisui. _ _ _ _ Now I'm really curious what Shisui learned. And poor Itachi! He's all confused.
YAY, you're using "nii-san" instead of "aniki". That drives me crazy when people do that. I've no idea where it originated, and people tend to pick it up from fanfics rather than doing real research.
I like the sudden curiosity Itachi has in what kind of fighter Sasuke will become. _ _ _ _ Shisui's got a girlfriend! Just about every time this story mentions Shisui it's something interesting. And none of it is over-the-top interesting either. It's pretty believable. _ _ _ _ Ah, so here's the start of the sexual stuff. It's a little out-of-the-blue compared to the rest of the story, in my opinion, but I guess it had to come in at some point.... "There was something both sweet and acid in Sasuke's weakness, at that moment." Interesting line. I don't understand it completely, but it's interesting to think about. _ _ _ _ Heh -- that's a good question, Sasuke. Even Itachi's not sure............. Ohhh, I think I know where the idea came from ... he's probably remembering what his mother said about why she and her husband have sex. Itachi's just a bit of a sociopath in this story, so maybe he's misunderstanding some of it. _ _ _ _ OHHHHH jeez, that broke the mood: "But I love you so much, brother ---- even though it makes dad angry." Good time to bring it up. _ _ _ _ Mah, never mind, mood's still there. ^^; _ _ _ _ Boy, Itachi's repressed. Hardly anything happened, and Itachi came fast. _ _ _ _ Sasuke's really confused. _ _ _ _ Ooh, now that's a sobering line: "I don't think dad will be okay with this." Oh dear. And I really like the way Sasuke's talking: "I thought so. This was a bad thing to do." Sharp. (Okay, it doesn't take a genius kid to not like it or feel like it's wrong, but I like the way Sasuke says it.) _ _ _ _ Really interesting last paragraph there. Yet another development of Itachi's thought-processes. And I like the direction Itachi takes it with that last line of the scene.
"Thankfully, Sasuke was gradually becoming used to it." That’s spooky. That’s a good way to say it’s still happening. Almost a sneaky way of saying it. _ _ _ _ Now Itachi’s going crazy. The kind of angry-crazy. And if I had read this story long before now (considering recent happenings in the manga), I would’ve wondered if Itachi ever let slip any kinds of threats like this in front of his mother. _ _ _ _ I like the way she tries to hug him and he just pulls away. I can totally see it happening. _ _ _ _ Ouch. I guess the idea of moving out couldn’t be broken to Itachi in any acceptable way in his mind. But still, that must’ve come as a shock.
Seeing Itachi’s puzzlement at Shisui’s near-silent OMFG reaction to what Itachi told him makes me laugh nervously. Itachi totally doesn’t get it. He’s kind of sociopathic. (Lol, *sweatdrop*) _ _ _ I like the way he keeps talking normally while sliding his blade out. And I particularly like it in this story because of how early in the scene and how casual it is. _ _ _ _ I wonder if Itachi was going to kill Shisui regardless of what he told him, or if he just decided it on the spot. _ _ _ _ I like the calm way he thinks everyone in the clan and village has it backwards even though he’s the only one who really has it backwards. _ _ _ _ "Good Gods, Itachi, is that really what you see?" Great line. _ _ _ _ Awful as it is, I like how quick Shisui’s death came and went. _ _ _ _ I wonder if Itachi’s new perception of his feelings is really how he feels or just how he thinks he feels.... Is there even a real distinction in this case?
Perfect ending scene. And I have very vague hunches about the quotes used in the beginning and at the end, but I’m not too clear on them.
Reading your notes at the end … THAT IS FREAKIN’ IMPRESSIVE how you were able to write such an awesome story with elements you don’t like. Especially when those elements have such a huge part of the story. And not only did you write it, you WROTE IT EXTREMELY WELL. That’s … that’s … I dunno. I’m impressed. You did spectacularly.
Interesting quote at the beginning.
"Still seven in body if not in mind." I really like that phrasing. _ _ _ _ That's creepy how Itachi refers to Sasuke as "it". _ _ _ _ So this is psycho!Itachi. Back in the day when we all misunderstood him. ;-) _ _ _ _ At least he's being honest when he says he doesn't want to.
Interesting. Sounds like Itachi's doubting himself a little. Or is afraid his parents don't think he's good enough. _ _ _ _ I like Shisui's line about why it's good to expand the clan. He's trying to reassure Itachi. I'm not sure about describing it as acerbic, though. _ _ _ _ Interesting bit about Shisui having a brother who died.
Bad boy, Itachi, spying on your parents. _ _ _ _ The dialogue here is really good. _ _ _ _ Heh -- awkward conversation for a mom to be having with a bright 7-year-old. ^^; "It ... it feels very nice." Lol. _ _ _ _ "Maybe we shouldn't have ..." What? Uh-oh. _ _ _ _ Nice touch about her straightening the collar of Itachi's shirt and the way she fusses slightly over him. Reminds me of my mom. It's sweet. =)
I like the description of Sasuke's growth. And the line about the kinds of exceptional kids they are. _ _ _ _ I really like the lines about Shisui's family. _ _ _ _ "You coming, or staying here to watch over the kid?" Cute. =) _ _ _ _ Interesting how Itachi gets some insight of himself by watching Sasuke. _ _ _ _ Eh, whoops: "Whenever Fugaku leant down to pick up his soon and ruffle his hair ..." One-too-many o's. ;-) _ _ _ _ Aww, Itachi is a little jealous. Or lonely. _ _ _ _ Cute question from Sasuke. I also like the bit about him liking folklore. _ _ _ _ Aww, that was sweet. Love it how Itachi's not sure what to think of it. _ _ _ _ OH! Interesting! The thing about Sasuke's brightness and his potential coming from his mother and how his father is the one holding things back. That's cool! I often wonder about what Mikoto was talking about when she said that Fugaku talked a lot about Sasuke. This is a pretty good possibility. And I like it how we hear it through Itachi's ears. _ _ _ _ I also like how Fugaku says, "What good have we done Itachi by advancing his skills?" So he's not totally detached from his son. That's cool. It's awesome how you made Fugaku seem more human than he usually comes across as. _ _ _ _ Interesting. Itachi might possibly resent how different he is and he doesn't realize it. _ _ _ _ Another whoopsie: "The wanted normal?" You're missing a "y" there.
This is really interesting. It puts a whole new meaning to Fugaku's actions. That's really impressive. _ _ _ _ Yeah, Itachi's lonely and he likes Sasuke.
I like the line about how everyone thinks so much of the family and, ironically, how things'd be a little different if they knew about what dad thought. _ _ _ _ Good image there of Mikoto alert with the Sharingan. I can see the angle of the way Itachi looks up at her and her Sharingan being very subtle, almost unnoticeable. _ _ _ _ Let me guess ... is it Naruto? _ _ _ _ Interesting image. Though Itachi's got an attitude problem about Naruto.
I love how Itachi's opinion of himself starts changing. Or ... not really his opinion of himself, but the opinions he's afraid of.
His opinions adjust with what he hears.
Huh -- I wonder what's bothering Shisui. _ _ _ _ Now I'm really curious what Shisui learned. And poor Itachi! He's all confused.
YAY, you're using "nii-san" instead of "aniki". That drives me crazy when people do that. I've no idea where it originated, and people tend to pick it up from fanfics rather than doing real research.
I like the sudden curiosity Itachi has in what kind of fighter Sasuke will become. _ _ _ _ Shisui's got a girlfriend! Just about every time this story mentions Shisui it's something interesting. And none of it is over-the-top interesting either. It's pretty believable. _ _ _ _ Ah, so here's the start of the sexual stuff. It's a little out-of-the-blue compared to the rest of the story, in my opinion, but I guess it had to come in at some point.... "There was something both sweet and acid in Sasuke's weakness, at that moment." Interesting line. I don't understand it completely, but it's interesting to think about. _ _ _ _ Heh -- that's a good question, Sasuke. Even Itachi's not sure............. Ohhh, I think I know where the idea came from ... he's probably remembering what his mother said about why she and her husband have sex. Itachi's just a bit of a sociopath in this story, so maybe he's misunderstanding some of it. _ _ _ _ OHHHHH jeez, that broke the mood: "But I love you so much, brother ---- even though it makes dad angry." Good time to bring it up. _ _ _ _ Mah, never mind, mood's still there. ^^; _ _ _ _ Boy, Itachi's repressed. Hardly anything happened, and Itachi came fast. _ _ _ _ Sasuke's really confused. _ _ _ _ Ooh, now that's a sobering line: "I don't think dad will be okay with this." Oh dear. And I really like the way Sasuke's talking: "I thought so. This was a bad thing to do." Sharp. (Okay, it doesn't take a genius kid to not like it or feel like it's wrong, but I like the way Sasuke says it.) _ _ _ _ Really interesting last paragraph there. Yet another development of Itachi's thought-processes. And I like the direction Itachi takes it with that last line of the scene.
"Thankfully, Sasuke was gradually becoming used to it." That’s spooky. That’s a good way to say it’s still happening. Almost a sneaky way of saying it. _ _ _ _ Now Itachi’s going crazy. The kind of angry-crazy. And if I had read this story long before now (considering recent happenings in the manga), I would’ve wondered if Itachi ever let slip any kinds of threats like this in front of his mother. _ _ _ _ I like the way she tries to hug him and he just pulls away. I can totally see it happening. _ _ _ _ Ouch. I guess the idea of moving out couldn’t be broken to Itachi in any acceptable way in his mind. But still, that must’ve come as a shock.
Seeing Itachi’s puzzlement at Shisui’s near-silent OMFG reaction to what Itachi told him makes me laugh nervously. Itachi totally doesn’t get it. He’s kind of sociopathic. (Lol, *sweatdrop*) _ _ _ I like the way he keeps talking normally while sliding his blade out. And I particularly like it in this story because of how early in the scene and how casual it is. _ _ _ _ I wonder if Itachi was going to kill Shisui regardless of what he told him, or if he just decided it on the spot. _ _ _ _ I like the calm way he thinks everyone in the clan and village has it backwards even though he’s the only one who really has it backwards. _ _ _ _ "Good Gods, Itachi, is that really what you see?" Great line. _ _ _ _ Awful as it is, I like how quick Shisui’s death came and went. _ _ _ _ I wonder if Itachi’s new perception of his feelings is really how he feels or just how he thinks he feels.... Is there even a real distinction in this case?
Perfect ending scene. And I have very vague hunches about the quotes used in the beginning and at the end, but I’m not too clear on them.
Reading your notes at the end … THAT IS FREAKIN’ IMPRESSIVE how you were able to write such an awesome story with elements you don’t like. Especially when those elements have such a huge part of the story. And not only did you write it, you WROTE IT EXTREMELY WELL. That’s … that’s … I dunno. I’m impressed. You did spectacularly.
schedule
November 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I've never read a better piece for Itachi murdering his clan, it actually stays within the plot but has an altogether different feel for what happened, very interesting for sure. I think you definetly did did a great job on this.
schedule
September 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my God...what a powerful, powerful story! I'm completely and utterly blown away! I've read A LOT of Uchihacest fanfiction in my day and this one, woah, blew most of them away. Seriously! I don't go to the extent of saving many ficcys, but yours I have DEFINITELY gone and made a copy of on my harddrive and backup harddrive, just in case. I never, EVER want to lose this story. Thank you so very much for creating it. You are a very talented and beautiful writer. Haha, I'm probably coming really late to the scene here since I'm usually situated over on FF.net, but I'm VERY glad I came here and was able to catch your ficcy, regardless of when it was originally published. If you ever, EVER decide to make another Uchihacest ficcy, please, please let me know! I'll try to be around AFF.net more often now, but I would love to have a direct notification from the author themself, if possible^^ Again, thank you SO much for creating this story...it was beyond magnificent and I will continue to treasure it always. Take care!
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March 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It's soooooo nice. I love it.
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March 5, 2007 at 12:00 AM
BRA-VO! Nicely done. Beautiful. Enchanting. All that jazz. I thoroughly enjoy your take on Itachi, as well as the whole scenario. Rather unique as always, which is why I am a fan of your writing. It would seem you've overcome this challenge as well as you ever could have! Again, excellent reading. Thanks. Oh and the bit with Naruto was a nice little bonus. I wish I could 'fave author' you or something. You are definitly one of the best here...at least imho...which doesn't ammount to much, but still.
XD
XD
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February 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This was, by far, the most amazing story I have had the privilege to read in quite some time.
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February 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is really good. I hope you write more Itachi/Sasuke fiction.
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February 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chilling. Brilliant. I love your take on Itachi--I can almost understand him. I feel his sense of "other"-ness, how even Naruto is more "normal" than him; how he loses compassion, and grows into this *thing* that only needs Sasuke to be a powerful opponent, an equal, a pariah of genius like him. And the sexual tinge to it all? Creepy, but with a good gutpunch of pathos. This is, again, the first time I can confidently say that I almost *understand* Itachi. From his perspective, everything he's done is justified.
AWESOME.
AWESOME.
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January 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I was hooked till the end, that was extreamly good. I love the way you portrayed itachi, with his usual attitude but that small little bit of child like jealousy, it was perfect. I look forward to reading more of your works. ^^
-BSA
-BSA
schedule
January 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ah, you are such a talented writer! Thanks so much for this. This was definitely one of the best Uchihacest fics ever. please continue to write more!