schedule
January 18, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Well done. Very nicely written.
Keep up the good work!
~Angel
Keep up the good work!
~Angel
schedule
August 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
please please make the next one i beg you *gets on his knees* please
i love your work brillient good detail please continue it
till next time .seth.
i love your work brillient good detail please continue it
till next time .seth.
schedule
July 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
lol any more?
schedule
July 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
YES yes please continue! its realy good!
schedule
June 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
What you did right:
I think the fic has a really cute premise. I love fluff in any way, shape, or form. XD I really like how you set up the characters and how they interact.
What you can improve on:
I do think that a bit of editing and working on pacing would really help this story. It feels like it goes far too quickly at some points. Sometimes it loses focus and jumps around from thought to thought. Drawing out the moments of cute fluff would help immensely; and conversely, I think the sex scene was far too "wam, bam, thank you ma'am" and should be slowed down as well. Play out more on emotions, because usually emotional sex and fluff go hand in hand.
I'm not harping. On fics that are poorly written (or show no promise at all) I don't review and just rate them accordingly. I believe that you have a fic that could be very good if revised.
I think the fic has a really cute premise. I love fluff in any way, shape, or form. XD I really like how you set up the characters and how they interact.
What you can improve on:
I do think that a bit of editing and working on pacing would really help this story. It feels like it goes far too quickly at some points. Sometimes it loses focus and jumps around from thought to thought. Drawing out the moments of cute fluff would help immensely; and conversely, I think the sex scene was far too "wam, bam, thank you ma'am" and should be slowed down as well. Play out more on emotions, because usually emotional sex and fluff go hand in hand.
I'm not harping. On fics that are poorly written (or show no promise at all) I don't review and just rate them accordingly. I believe that you have a fic that could be very good if revised.
schedule
June 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*whistles* Hoo boy, was that hot. Can't wait for some more. take as much time as you need so it's just as good as the last!
schedule
June 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
continue. Now!!!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
June 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please keep this going! NaruSaku is easily my favorite pairing, but there is an intense lack of Het fics here... Well written, unique angle to kick things off, overall, well done.
schedule
May 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
please continue!!!!! i love it!
schedule
April 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
^__^v loves this so much! plz continue!