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schedule March 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
this is incest between two boys making it Yaoi! so does not belong in Hetero fan fictions.
schedule March 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ahhh for one you accidentally put this in the Het section

I dont mind yaoi I actually like to read it and i have written some myself which is why i want to ask....what language do you plane to write this story in? Either you write it all in japanese or none of it.

To me it dosnt make sense to have everything else be in english but to throw in japanese words, for one most of your audience is not gunna know what your saying even if alot of us are animetards. Ive watched well over two hundered anime in subtitles but i still dont want to read japanglish. If you ask alot of people they will tell you the same thing. This isnt a flame its an honest criticism

When you write in japanese in the middle of a story its hard on the people who are reading it for one it takes them out of the story they have to sit bac k and figure out what was just said instead of enjoying what you wrote. the only time when it is acceptable is when two characters are talking to each other in another language knowingly. OR if you have the character of sasuke who IS japanese and speaks japanese but for your story he is speaking english because all his friends speak english then is when you can throw in japanese euphanisims and phrases in the middle of english sentences.

You had some spelling errors (dont we all ^_^) but they were minor

Otherwise it was a sweet story with some nice touches