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June 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 7: “Bloody rag around his navel?” What. . . ? . . . . Whoa, whoa, hang on. It’s 2:30 AM. What is Shikamaru doing there at that hour? õ.ô . . . . Nightmares induced from all the trauma he’s been through?
Yup, looks like it. . . . Oh mannnn. (*groan*) That’s sick. . . . Jeezus! Õ.Õ
I like Sasuke’s reaction when he woke up. . . . Nice interaction between the two. . . . I like how quietly Naruto backs off whenever Sasuke freaks out on him. I liked Naruto’s suggestion and then how Sasuke just freaks like that. And Naruto was all like, “Okay . . . okay . . . chill . . .”
Not going really slow to me at all. I’ve seen much slower, and they’ve all been really good. Actually, I think the slower the better. (So long as the story does finish and that the author doesn’t leave us hanging. ^^;)
Yup, looks like it. . . . Oh mannnn. (*groan*) That’s sick. . . . Jeezus! Õ.Õ
I like Sasuke’s reaction when he woke up. . . . Nice interaction between the two. . . . I like how quietly Naruto backs off whenever Sasuke freaks out on him. I liked Naruto’s suggestion and then how Sasuke just freaks like that. And Naruto was all like, “Okay . . . okay . . . chill . . .”
Not going really slow to me at all. I’ve seen much slower, and they’ve all been really good. Actually, I think the slower the better. (So long as the story does finish and that the author doesn’t leave us hanging. ^^;)
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June 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 8: That would be disturbing, hearing Sasuke screaming like that. . . . Kyuubi seems pretty wise here. Wait. Kyuubi’s a girl? . . . Okay. . . . Physically . . . what does that mean? õ.o
Err, wasn’t Sasuke’s dad called “Fugaku”? . . . . Heh. “The Uchiha clan gets weirder and weirder every time I read something about their history.” One could say that, yes.
Oh, for god’s sake, Naruto, it was not your place to do that! Calling Kakashi and Sakura up and going with Sasuke? If Tsunade didn’t talk over the phone, it means she wants it kept private! ò.ó . . . . Okay, Naruto, that’s cheating, saying that she wanted the rest of the team to come as well. (*shakes head, rolling eyes*)
Ohhhhh shit. He’s here. o_o
Err, wasn’t Sasuke’s dad called “Fugaku”? . . . . Heh. “The Uchiha clan gets weirder and weirder every time I read something about their history.” One could say that, yes.
Oh, for god’s sake, Naruto, it was not your place to do that! Calling Kakashi and Sakura up and going with Sasuke? If Tsunade didn’t talk over the phone, it means she wants it kept private! ò.ó . . . . Okay, Naruto, that’s cheating, saying that she wanted the rest of the team to come as well. (*shakes head, rolling eyes*)
Ohhhhh shit. He’s here. o_o
schedule
June 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 9: (*gasp*) He senses Itachi! o.o . . . . Love Sasuke’s prayer and how Kakashi notices the panic. . . . Err, whoopsie: “then something was defiantly up.” I think you mean “definitely” not “defiantly”. (*sweat*) . . . . Hmm, curious. Why would Sasuke sense Itachi’s chakra, but Kakashi wouldn’t? ô_o
Not bullshit, Naruto. It’s none of your business.
Wow. Yikes. That must be rough for Sasuke. . . . So who IS the mysterious person?! (As you can see, I’m loving the drama. *flail*flail*) . . . . Whoa . . . you’re kidding. I didn’t see that coming! O.O (Though I probably should’ve. -_-;) Anyway, if word about that gets out, the village is going to go crazy on Sasuke. This should be kept private (though it probably won’t be too bad if Naruto knew, of course ♥).
Not bullshit, Naruto. It’s none of your business.
Wow. Yikes. That must be rough for Sasuke. . . . So who IS the mysterious person?! (As you can see, I’m loving the drama. *flail*flail*) . . . . Whoa . . . you’re kidding. I didn’t see that coming! O.O (Though I probably should’ve. -_-;) Anyway, if word about that gets out, the village is going to go crazy on Sasuke. This should be kept private (though it probably won’t be too bad if Naruto knew, of course ♥).
schedule
June 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 10: Therefore, Sasuke is a hermaphrodite. Is that right? . . . . I can’t imagine how Sakura would react to hearing this.
Umm, the line: “The others came in looking very interested in what was going to be said”; I think “looking very interested” sounds a little too threatening or nosy. “Looking puzzled” or even “curious” would probably sound less so.
(*snort*) Nice one, Naruto. You totally deserved that punch. X3 Also, Miklusca? This is the second time you’ve mentioned “large white eyes.” I don’t understand the white part. – Oh wait. Never mind, I think I just got it. You mean like in the anime/manga style when a character gets pissed or freaked out, right? (*sweat*) . . . . (*snort*) Nice line, Kakashi. What prompted that? ^^; . . . . Okay, you keep saying “a Uchiha.” ‘Scuse me for being a grammar nazi, but it would sound better if you said “an Uchiha.” . . . . “Similar features?” I’d say he looks closer to Sai than to Orochimaru. But it’s an interesting idea that Orochimaru’s his dad. . . . And, uh, why would Orochimaru let the fact that Sasuke’s his son stop him from taking over his body? I would’ve thought that would’ve been more of an incentive for him. . . . Jeez, Naruto, there’s a time and place for double-meanings; this is not one of them. ò.ó . . . . (*gasp*) Ò.Ó I can’t believe Naruto said that! I would’ve thought a LOT better of him, rivalry or not! . . . . Wow, I love Sasuke’s line, and how right then an ANBU member comes in with an alert. . . . Man, this is going to be rough for everyone, isn’t it? ó.ò
Umm, the line: “The others came in looking very interested in what was going to be said”; I think “looking very interested” sounds a little too threatening or nosy. “Looking puzzled” or even “curious” would probably sound less so.
(*snort*) Nice one, Naruto. You totally deserved that punch. X3 Also, Miklusca? This is the second time you’ve mentioned “large white eyes.” I don’t understand the white part. – Oh wait. Never mind, I think I just got it. You mean like in the anime/manga style when a character gets pissed or freaked out, right? (*sweat*) . . . . (*snort*) Nice line, Kakashi. What prompted that? ^^; . . . . Okay, you keep saying “a Uchiha.” ‘Scuse me for being a grammar nazi, but it would sound better if you said “an Uchiha.” . . . . “Similar features?” I’d say he looks closer to Sai than to Orochimaru. But it’s an interesting idea that Orochimaru’s his dad. . . . And, uh, why would Orochimaru let the fact that Sasuke’s his son stop him from taking over his body? I would’ve thought that would’ve been more of an incentive for him. . . . Jeez, Naruto, there’s a time and place for double-meanings; this is not one of them. ò.ó . . . . (*gasp*) Ò.Ó I can’t believe Naruto said that! I would’ve thought a LOT better of him, rivalry or not! . . . . Wow, I love Sasuke’s line, and how right then an ANBU member comes in with an alert. . . . Man, this is going to be rough for everyone, isn’t it? ó.ò
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June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
Chapter 1: Hate to start off with something . . . not-quite-positive, but it’s “lightning” not “lightening”. (*sweat*) . . . . Naruto’s private musings are interesting.
Interesting image of Sasuke just sitting there quietly on the bed. . . . Though the fact that he’s not responding due to guilt seems a little odd. I know he’s the type to mope, though.
Oh, that was nice of Tsunade.
Ah . . . he probably just didn’t want to talk in front of the people he couldn’t trust. That makes sense. . . . Sasuke seems . . . a little pathetic so far. I thought he’d be a little more ornery than this.
Chapter 1: Hate to start off with something . . . not-quite-positive, but it’s “lightning” not “lightening”. (*sweat*) . . . . Naruto’s private musings are interesting.
Interesting image of Sasuke just sitting there quietly on the bed. . . . Though the fact that he’s not responding due to guilt seems a little odd. I know he’s the type to mope, though.
Oh, that was nice of Tsunade.
Ah . . . he probably just didn’t want to talk in front of the people he couldn’t trust. That makes sense. . . . Sasuke seems . . . a little pathetic so far. I thought he’d be a little more ornery than this.
schedule
June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 2: Jeez, it’s a small village! There should be more control than this! õ_õ . . . . I wouldn’t call that a “spat”. . . . Jeezus, he’s not that bad. It’s not like Sasuke’s carrying a monster inside him. So why the running and screaming? õ.ô
She’s got a point, Sasuke. Where’s the tough don’t-fuck-with-me guy I love so much? . . . . Hmm, why would Itachi come for Sasuke? . . . . Oh yeah, I forgot about that bit in the summary. . . . Holy s--! O.O Itachi’s got the hots for Sasuke?! . . . . Wow, that was a great way to end the chapter, I think. Leaves us readers something to think about.
She’s got a point, Sasuke. Where’s the tough don’t-fuck-with-me guy I love so much? . . . . Hmm, why would Itachi come for Sasuke? . . . . Oh yeah, I forgot about that bit in the summary. . . . Holy s--! O.O Itachi’s got the hots for Sasuke?! . . . . Wow, that was a great way to end the chapter, I think. Leaves us readers something to think about.
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June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 3: (*sigh*) The villagers are really asking for it, I think. . . . Hell yeah, listen to the Hyuuga, peoples. >:D . . . . Oh my god: “Well we were just . . .” Fucking cowards. (‘Scuse me, but they made me mad.) . . . . “they don’t know anything that’s happened to you.” Like that’s ever stopped them from hissing at Naruto or Gaara. Cowards. . . . Ohhhh, so there’s more than what we know has been done to Sasuke. Hmmm . . .
Uh-oh. I think I know what’s coming. . . . Half-sibling or not, Itachi, it’s still incest. I guess he’s supposed to be a little, er, off (*taps side of head*) to put it nicely. 9.9 . . . . Uh-oh. õ.õ . . . . Jeezus, that’s got to be scary. ó.ò . . . . Whoa. O.O Itachi’s c~r~a~z~y. Did he forget that Sasuke’s a boy? O.O . . . . Yikes. That last sentence gave me chills. (*shiver*shiver*)
I like Naruto’s last line of this short scene (in the present).
Uh-oh. I think I know what’s coming. . . . Half-sibling or not, Itachi, it’s still incest. I guess he’s supposed to be a little, er, off (*taps side of head*) to put it nicely. 9.9 . . . . Uh-oh. õ.õ . . . . Jeezus, that’s got to be scary. ó.ò . . . . Whoa. O.O Itachi’s c~r~a~z~y. Did he forget that Sasuke’s a boy? O.O . . . . Yikes. That last sentence gave me chills. (*shiver*shiver*)
I like Naruto’s last line of this short scene (in the present).
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June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 4: Boy, this is rough. . . . Erm, I think the eyebrow-thing was a little much. . . . “Why? Does he think I’m pathetic or something?” Well, I hate to say it, Sasuke, but you have acted kind of pathetic around him lately. . . . I’m not exactly noticing her tone of voice either. What does it indicate? . . . . Oh. I see. I guess that’s one way to put it: state the question bluntly. . . . Still, it kind of figures that Sasuke would try to repress any sexual ideas after what Itachi did. . . . Awww. ó_ò
I wonder how things’ll fare if they live together. . . . Just answer the stupid question, Naruto, don’t give the guy a lecture. -_- . . . . I like Naruto’s question. He knew why Sasuke left, but it led into the question of “So why do you have this kind of goal?” I like it. I like the lead-in. . . . Was this one of the things you changed? Because I thought Naruto put two and two together back when he first met Itachi. (Not that I’m complaining/criticizing, mind, just an observation.) . . . . Yup. Sasuke’s scared to get close, isn’t he? . . . . Hmm. I like this conversation with the Kyuubi. I like how quietly the Kyuubi was brought into the conversation. . . . I like how Naruto just wants to go slow.
Actually, I like the subtlety of this story. It’s kinda sweet.
I wonder how things’ll fare if they live together. . . . Just answer the stupid question, Naruto, don’t give the guy a lecture. -_- . . . . I like Naruto’s question. He knew why Sasuke left, but it led into the question of “So why do you have this kind of goal?” I like it. I like the lead-in. . . . Was this one of the things you changed? Because I thought Naruto put two and two together back when he first met Itachi. (Not that I’m complaining/criticizing, mind, just an observation.) . . . . Yup. Sasuke’s scared to get close, isn’t he? . . . . Hmm. I like this conversation with the Kyuubi. I like how quietly the Kyuubi was brought into the conversation. . . . I like how Naruto just wants to go slow.
Actually, I like the subtlety of this story. It’s kinda sweet.
schedule
June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 5: Ooh, I like this sentence! “Itachi took a drink from his water bag and cracked his tired neck muscles.” Nice. I can totally visualize it. =D . . . . So why the heck does Itachi think that Sasuke can get pregnant? Is he just nuts that way or what? ô.o . . . . (*stiffens*) Ooh, I love how you abruptly brought in the fact that Itachi’s turned on. Somehow it was very subtle and not too random.
Oh boy, another flashback. =) . . . . “Faceable?” I don’t understand it in this context. õ.õ . . . . Whoa, that’s creepy. I love the visual description. . . . “It’s all right, it’s just me.” Oh boy, that is scary. (*shiver*shiver*shiver*) . . . . Yeah, Itachi’s nuts alright. . . . Yeesh, now he’s threatening to kill their mom. Poor Sasuke. ;_; . . . . (*after reading Itachi’s reaction to Sasuke’s “death-ray glare”*) I perversely wonder whether Itachi enjoys it more when Sasuke’s limp and unresistant or struggling. . . . Sooo Sasuke’s already going through some puberty? He’s maturing physically but not mentally? . . . . While I usually hate rape . . . this is rather erotic. I mean . . . wow. And I like how you’re showing that even though Sasuke’s body is responding, he still doesn’t like or want it. . . . Boy, that’s sad. ó.ò
Wow. I’m sorry your head hurt so badly when you wrote this. Maybe something possesses you and that’s why you write so well and why your head hurts at the same time? =) I’m liking this story a lot more now. It’s getting pretty good.
Oh boy, another flashback. =) . . . . “Faceable?” I don’t understand it in this context. õ.õ . . . . Whoa, that’s creepy. I love the visual description. . . . “It’s all right, it’s just me.” Oh boy, that is scary. (*shiver*shiver*shiver*) . . . . Yeah, Itachi’s nuts alright. . . . Yeesh, now he’s threatening to kill their mom. Poor Sasuke. ;_; . . . . (*after reading Itachi’s reaction to Sasuke’s “death-ray glare”*) I perversely wonder whether Itachi enjoys it more when Sasuke’s limp and unresistant or struggling. . . . Sooo Sasuke’s already going through some puberty? He’s maturing physically but not mentally? . . . . While I usually hate rape . . . this is rather erotic. I mean . . . wow. And I like how you’re showing that even though Sasuke’s body is responding, he still doesn’t like or want it. . . . Boy, that’s sad. ó.ò
Wow. I’m sorry your head hurt so badly when you wrote this. Maybe something possesses you and that’s why you write so well and why your head hurts at the same time? =) I’m liking this story a lot more now. It’s getting pretty good.
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July 11, 2007 at 12:00 AM
GREAT STORY!! I swear you read my mind!! Everything happened perfectly. I was searching for a fic just like this one!! And I'm so glad you wrote it! Great job!! Loved it!!