schedule
July 30, 2014 at 12:00 AM
you have a lot of spelling and grammar errors, some are very simple.
when characters are talking it should be like this
"I see, then what would you have done?" the warlord asked his second in command.
the chapters could have been in one and it probably would have flowed better that way.
you are also telling me the story, im not reading it.
*So the two of them went to bed together and he just fucked her hard* VS *As the two lovers laid in bed, Bob looked over to Tanya, he slowly began to play with her body in an attempt to arouse her*
it wasnt a bad attempt at a story, but i think there needs to be more to it, why does Sakura want his baby? why is she using an ability that should belong to Ino.
I tend to write a chapter at least 15 pages long, some write 5+
keep working at it and maybe the story will evolve into something more.
when characters are talking it should be like this
"I see, then what would you have done?" the warlord asked his second in command.
the chapters could have been in one and it probably would have flowed better that way.
you are also telling me the story, im not reading it.
*So the two of them went to bed together and he just fucked her hard* VS *As the two lovers laid in bed, Bob looked over to Tanya, he slowly began to play with her body in an attempt to arouse her*
it wasnt a bad attempt at a story, but i think there needs to be more to it, why does Sakura want his baby? why is she using an ability that should belong to Ino.
I tend to write a chapter at least 15 pages long, some write 5+
keep working at it and maybe the story will evolve into something more.
schedule
September 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Are you kidding??
Are you Fucking kidding??!
WHAT ARE YOU 12?? What's up with the grammar and spelling, don't you know how to use spell-check?
Weren't you taught to proof-read yo' shit?!
Other than that.. not bad. Is Sakura Mental, what kind of pills was she supposed to take lmao? (By the way its: KONOHA and Sakura HARUNO - you spelt them wrong, among other shit...)
Are you Fucking kidding??!
WHAT ARE YOU 12?? What's up with the grammar and spelling, don't you know how to use spell-check?
Weren't you taught to proof-read yo' shit?!
Other than that.. not bad. Is Sakura Mental, what kind of pills was she supposed to take lmao? (By the way its: KONOHA and Sakura HARUNO - you spelt them wrong, among other shit...)
schedule
August 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Firstly, your human proportions? Way off. Secondly, Kohano?? Where in maps of Naruto is this?? Konoha. If you plan on writing a Naruto fic, please know where the setting is. Thank you.
schedule
August 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
harano sakura.
schedule
January 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
good story, hope there is more
schedule
June 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow -_- I can't even begin to find a starting point on helping you improve...Did you even take a highschool english class???
And Naruto's "proportions" are WAY off...like, inhumanly so. -_- Not a good thing.
And Naruto's "proportions" are WAY off...like, inhumanly so. -_- Not a good thing.
schedule
April 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
not bad i have read some hhmm.