rate_review Reviews

Loved it I can't wait to read more so update soon.

This was amazing. I know that the court scene isn't the focus of the story, but you did an amazing job of summarizing without trivializing anything. Also, your characterization of the police and FBI task force was believable. Plot progression was amazing. Orochimaru makes me want to kick puppies, and good for Karin, the perfect little snitch! Only crit is that I think "mole" insinuates that she was an undercover, not a turncoat.

Oh, and the frottage was hot as hell!

~AA666

Chapter 12: (*sigh*deep breath*) Hokay . . . I can do this. This story is torturing me from so much sad stuff, but I can do this.
Heh. Cute. Sasuke waking up. ^^ :heart: . . . . I wonder if Sasuke’s going to check with Asuma. I wonder if Asuma will help.
(*gasp!*) ASUMA!! . . . . Oh God, not again. (*groan*) And yet, you, Zrina, have scarred my mind and have planted an interest that should never have been there before. õ_ô
I gotta say . . . Karin’s behavior reminds me more of Tayuya than Karin. . . . ‘Rochi, you’ve no idea who you’re dealing with here: We’re talking Naruto, Sasuke, AND Kakashi. They’ve got my total faith. (*chants to self*) Keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith. . . . . I’m begging you, Zrina, please do a fade. I want to know what happened, but not in detail. However, I won’t begrudge you too bad if you choose to show us the details. =_= . . . . Keep the faith, Naruto, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith, keep . . . . . Love Kabuto’s line back to Sakon. . . . Interesting how in-character Kabuto is (although I seriously don’t approve of him here). Actually, he reminds me a little of Itachi, and I’m not sure if Kabuto would act this way with his personality in the ninjaverse, but I can still picture him doing it. . . . I wonder if Kabuto’s performance there freaked out any of ‘Rochi’s other cronies. . . . Faith, Naruto, faith (you know, Zrina, I’ve never had so much faith as I have while reading this chapter -- which is totally ironic.). . . . Pssh. (*snorts derisively*) Please, Orochimaru, is that the best you can come up with? In a strange and very twisted twist (. . . ?_?), some strong surge of powerful faith has been restored to me through watching this terrible scene. And if you’ve convinced some people that Naruto is dead through that little stunt you did, things can go the other way as well. Keep the faith, keep the faith, keep the faith. . . .
Stuff added a day after I read this chapter: By the way (I better mention this now before I forget again), would you say that Kabuto is Rochi’s Consigliere? Cuz it would totally fit if he was. ^^
Also, thinking back on that scene, you portrayed Kabuto in an interesting and possibly new light (sick as it was). I don’t know how to describe it, only . . . I dunno. It caught my interest, the idea of his repressed closet-sadistic streak. I’ve never really thought of him that way, but it’s totally possible. Him being a total, violent crazy (hence the table shaking *shiver*) psycho (those gleaming eyes, the loving caress, brrr). And . . . not that I take pleasure out of torture, I would like to see more of him in this way sometime; maybe in another fic. I mean, it’s just too good writing for it to be left to just this one little scenelet.
By the way: NYPD. That answers my question. ^_^
One other thing: The deal Asuma was hinting at . . . did he want Sasuke or Naruto to do the action?

Chapter 13: WHOA!! (*blink*blink*) Some opening! o_o GO FOR IT, SASUKE! There’s a fire under me here! (*bares teeth in feral grin/smile/snarl*) . . . . XD Asuma’s attitude is great. It’s all, “Okay, okay, jeez.” XD . . . . “Crazy psycho bitch?” (*blinks*) I’ve heard him being called a “bitch” and an “emo whiny bitch,” but never, never a “crazy psycho bitch.” I think I like this one.
Love Kakashi’s persistence! XD . . . . Ebisu’s outburst! XDD . . . . Wonderful interaction between Kakashi and Ebisu.
“Whatever wretched hopelessness [. . .] pure hate.” I think that’s a good thing. It could’ve wakened up the hard streak that some people call on to get a job done. (I read about that in some books by My Favorite Author.) . . . . Interesting: Orochimaru gets off on being endangered. Or something like that. Either way, this interest could make him careless; even if he doesn’t underestimate Naruto, he could miss something. . . . Niiiiiice, Naruto’s feeding that hard center or hate. You know, I wonder how he, Orochimaru and Sasuke would each react to hearing who’s acting like who and about who in the ninjaverse; this is closer to Sasuke’s involvement in the real story. . . . Interesting method. I mean, the idea. Nice description of the use of power. Unusual, and it kinda makes grim sense. . . . Orochimaru doesn’t get that if you screw with someone’s mind too much, it can break, but NOT only in the way of it turning useless or to his advantage. He might just break any barriers that Naruto may have had. Barriers that could’ve kept Orochimaru safe/in control. . . . YEAH!! GUNSHOT!! >:D

Chapter 14: You know, Zrina, You wield writing like a weapon. Nobody is safe when you use writing. (*throws self to floor*) I am yours to command. . . . XD
Interesting take on Suigetsu’s thoughts. . . . Yeah, Suigetsu, you don’t want to run into Itachi anytime soon. Although, the fact that Itachi’s body hadn’t been accounted for still bugs me. I’ll betcha he might just make an appearance. I kinda hope so. . . . GETTIM, NARUTO!!! . . . . eeeeeeeeeYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! GO FOR IT, INO!!! SHOW EM THAT YOU’RE NOT TOTALLY A HELPLESS VICTIM!!! (My God, I can’t remember the last time I was this crazy over a story! o_o) . . . I’d really love to see a picture of Ino in her killing-mode. That has got to be awesome.
Man, Orochimaru is weird.
That’s a great line: “and he had a suspicion that not all of the cylinders were up and firing in his brain.” Where do you get all these?? XD . . . . Alright, cool, Sakura! . . . . Um, I’m confused: Who shot Sasuke?? . . . . Love this conversation with Sakura. Nice portrayal of her character. . . . Love the laughing/crying bit. And whenever you make Sasuke do something like comfort her in this way, it never seems OOC to me. I swear, you’ve got some inner gift of writing.
Uh-oh. There’s something odd about this nurse. . . . Knew it. Fuck.

Chapter 15: I knew Ino wouldn’t be okay for a while. She’s going to need some serious therapy. . . . I just bet this woman is Shizune. =) . . . Ha! I was right! =D . . . Thanks for allowing Ino to talk a little. And thank you SO FRICKIN’ MUCH for allowing her to shoot the hell out of Kabuto!! That made my day (which had been kind of rough T_T)! . . . This is an awesome conversation between them. Cute how he called her “Brat.” :heart: . . . . Love that little “hot” double-meaning. =) . . . . “No, they didn’t trust you’d be safe enough there.” I wonder if Sasuke’s in this hospital as well. If so, they need to adjust their security a little bit.
Jeez, poor guy. . . . Cute, Kakashi scratching Naruto’s nose for him. ^^ . . . . Love Ebisu’s reasoning: “You need to live more,” and why.

Chapter 16: Thank God Sasuke’s okay. . . . Lolllll, “He simultaneously noticed [. . .] something stuck in his nose.” XDDD . . . . Love Kakashi’s compliments towards Sakura. ^^ . . . . Hah! Sasuke socked him. XD . . . . Nice characterization of Kakashi. . . . “Probably after all of this is over.” Hmm, I’m hearing that a lot in this story. It makes me wonder: Is it ever going to be over? . . . Heh. “Cops didn’t like rats no matter what the reasoning.” I like that line. I could say more on that subject, but I think it prudent not to. . . . (*falls backward off chair laughing insanely*) Oh-my-God, that was hilarious. (*still laughing*) That ending. So off the wall. XDDDDDD
Hmmm, something to do with . . . his brother? o_o . . . . Ohhhh jeez, Kakashi, there’s a frickin time and place for jokes! õ_õ . . . . See? (*snicker*) “Goodbye, Kakashi.” XD . . . . Love it when Sasuke gets sarcastic. ^^ . . . . Awesome ending. And a slight taste of his own medicine. And he and Sasuke found something in common! =D
Shit, this is bad.
(*snicker*) “Sorry, dear, I’ll leave a note.” XDD I can’t really imagine Ebisu saying that, but it’s a hilarious idea. XD . . . . Actually, that whole little paragraph was hilarious, LMAO. XD . . . . Alright! They didn’t find it! =D . . . . “[. . .] shoving Kakashi’s feet out of the way [. . .]” I love that! XD

Alright! I’m up-to-date on this! (I’m glad it was past all those horrible traumatizing parts. *shiver*) Keep going, and I still await Dreams of Fire! =D

Chapter 7: “Had a meeting without you,” lol. Good one. XD
This just occurred to me: What Naruto is showing Sasuke could be considered evidence. And if anything happened to that evidence . . . well, it could be bad. So I’m thinking Sasuke should get a little flashdrive of his own to back up these things that Naruto has. Still dangerous, but it’d be safer than if ‘Rochi or Kabuto or someone else found it. . . . By the way, something else I noticed after I logged off on Friday: I like how you incorporated Mizuki giving Naruto the scars as related to Mizuki revealing the hidden meaning in them in the ninjaverse -- the meaning about the Kyuubi. Clever. Anyways, on with the story. . . .
Nice bit about Naruto’s awkwardness and confusion. And I also like Sasuke’s private thoughts on the young man. . . . (*giggle*) Cute last sentence of that paragraph: “Well, not for investigations [. . .]” ^^ . . . . Yay, more history about Sasuke. =) . . . . I like the part about Sasuke learning a lesson in trust. I get the feeling he may yet learn another lesson in trust before this fic is finished. :) . . . . Love Naruto’s goal. And that’s a great compliment from Sasuke. It doesn’t seem OOC at all. :D . . . . And it’s a really cute dialogue it morphs into. ^_^ . . . . He actually said “smexiness?” I do not comprehend. I’ve seen it on the net everywhere, yet I have never heard it spoken out loud. ô_o . . . . (*giggle*) “Growing problem.” XD . . . . God, Sasuke, you got to let the stick out! (And make room. XD) . . . . Nice fight. A little sudden, but it’s a good fight. . . . And Sasuke brings in the “you don’t know what it’s like” argument. I just noticed, too, that Sasuke gave inadvertent denial about his parents being dead. It’s like he’s still trying to win their approval even though they’re dead. (Check my LJ entries; I did a rant about Sasuke that covers some of this matter.) . . . . Um, a little suggestion? I think you’re using “fucking” a little too much. Sure, it’s fun to use and this story calls for crude language, but I’m having a hard time seeing it in context when Naruto says, “You fucking came to me.” Sorry, it just . . . I dunno. Forget it. (*sweat*) . . . . Oooh! Angry fight turns into hot smoochies! :heart: . . . . I hope they’re careful; this could be bad if Sasuke’s fiancée walked in. . . . Love the whole paragraph about “release.” . . . So vivid. (*blush*) . . . . Love Sasuke’s reaction when he “comes to.” The way he just walks out and gets in the shower. . . . Err, what’s a “she-male?” . . . . (*snort*) Nice email address. And why would anyone think Naruto was sick?? He’s pretty mild as compared to the freaks he works with/for! õ_o . . . . Uh-oh. Sakura just came home. . . . Wahh! New partner?! O.O Sorry, that response caught me a little by surprise. (*sweat*) I like it, though. =) . . . . I get the feeling Sasuke’s not gonna be relaxed for long. ¬_¬ . . . . Oh, that’s nice, letting Naruto say. But what will the boss and his boys say when Naruto doesn’t turn up later? O.O What will happen to Ino?! . . . . I love how you’ve got this plot going! =D . . . . Hee hee, love the whole sleeping issue and the line about Sakura raping Naruto. XD

Chapter 8: “Burning Zrina effigies?” I can’t imagine why anyone would, since you’re honestly one of the greatest fanfiction writers ever born. (And anyways, do they know what you look like?)
Love your metaphor for Sasuke’s craving. Perfectly done. . . . It’s called “chemistry,” dude. That’s what attracts you to Naruto. . . . Love Sasuke’s thoughts about the different possible futures. . . . Why doesn’t Zrina have a regular artist for her fics?!? There are so many excellent pictures that could be made! (am currently looking at the one where Sasuke’s just watching Naruto sleep). . . . “Was he just [. . .] loneliness?” Sasuke, if you don’t do it, then you are guaranteed loneliness. . . . (*sigh*) Soooo many potential images in here. (referring to the one of Naruto brushing Sasuke’s hair out of his face) . . . . Careful, guys; Sakura’s in the house. . . . This scene is amazing. . . . . Love it when Naruto says, “Follow my lead.” That’s a cool line. . . . Love the development of this scene. Wonderful description. Love the part when Sasuke starts taking control. . . . Love the bit about how Naruto wants to be sincere without using the seductive tools he learned while acting a prostitute. . . . Love how they’re hanging onto each other. . . . I hope they’re being careful about carpet stains. Although if they weren’t it’d make a pretty interesting part of the story. . . . Awww! I love this part! Sasuke sleeping with Naruto! :heart: . . . . God, I hope you’re right, Sasuke. It’d be bad if this just happened to be the time when Sakura decides to wake up a little earlier. . . . Love the ending. And I love Naruto’s feelings on this.
Cool, some of Sakura’s life. . . . Love her views on Sasuke, the paragraph starting with, “Sometimes she believed he cared more [. . .]” . . . . Love her beliefs about bedroom stuff. . . . Ohhhh crap. The captain just called and Sakura just said what was naturally expected. Here comes the hitch in plans! . . . Uh-oh. This could be bad. o_o
Jeez, I say “love” a lot, don’t I? ._.

Chapter 9: Eheh, “Couch-mate,” cute. ^^ . . . . Love his thoughts about . . . everything. His fantasies. . . . “At both of us.” Cute. :heart: . . . . (*snicker*) They’re acting a little like kids. ^^
Love Sasuke’s confusion about wanting and not wanting to talk about the situation. . . . (*giggle*) “Ants in your pants.” XD . . . . Good conversation. . . . Nice little conflict going on here. Hopefully it’ll get resolved. Love Naruto’s line: “If all you look for is [. . .]” . . . . This conversation is awesome. The one in the car. . . . Love Sasuke’s vehemence in denying that Naruto’s a whore. Naruto needs to hear that and with sincerity, and Sasuke’s providing both.
Love the touch about the door closing and reopening. . . . “[. . .] girlfriend looked embarrassed about but not upset over [. . .]” I wonder why.
Crap. Naruto’s thinking about going back to the warehouse? Bad, bad, bad! Even if he doesn’t know about Baki finding out his involvement, I would’ve thought his presence would’ve been missed last night. . . . “He can’t own everyone in this town.” Makes me wonder where this town is. Also, I’m surprised that Sasuke isn’t formally changing the deal to keeping safe one of the cousins to both of them. . . . That’s a great touch: “Careful is my middle name.” It’s just the opposite in the ninjaverse. ^_^ . . . . Good, Sasuke has a copy of those vids. Now let’s hope he keeps it really safe. . . . Love the way the intended conversation was diverted by the news. =D . . . . This -- is -- BAD!!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (*pale*) Shit.