rate_review Reviews

Chapter 10: Bay area. Does this mean San Francisco? . . . . “Crime boss wannabe?” I thought Orochimaru was beyond the wannabe; I thought he was a real crime boss in this story! What’s the difference?? . . . . Sasuke, lock your car!! Remember, you’re being followed!! . . . . Ahaha, that was great: Kakashi drops the book, revealing . . . a scarf! XDDD . . . . Ebisu? Interesting. What does he do? (*cough*closetperv*HACK*XD) . . . . AlRIGHT! Kakashi in action! =D (Fighting-action, not sex-action. *sweat*) . . . . Oh, cool! Kakashi was a detective?! Awesome! =D . . . . (!!!) O.O FBI?!? (*practically jumping on my seat in excitement*) We’re really moving along now! =DDD . . . . This could very easily be a trap for Sasuke. Not from the FBI (though I shouldn’t entirely rule that out), but from Orochimaru & Co. . . . Oh. My. God. The warehouse just blew up. O.O I’m -- pretty sure that Naruto’s not in there. (*worried*)
The little fox plushie. I like how Sasuke picked it up. Maybe that’ll become some symbol later (if it isn’t one already). . . . It wasn’t him, it wasn’t him, it wasn’t him, it had to be someone else planted as him, please, please, please. . . .
I DON’T believe that was Naruto!!!

Chapter 11: Oh, you get migraines? I sympathize greatly. I don’t get them, but my mother does and I can see from her how bad those can be. =(
Love the way you portrayed Sasuke’s shock through all this. . . . Knew Baki would have the pictures now. Maybe Sasuke can blackmail him back, since he has evidence of Baki doing things he shouldn’t be doing as well. . . . Heheheheh, love what Sasuke did with the folders. Suckerrrrrs. ^^
Love this scene with Sakura. . . . This is interesting. Sasuke chose Naruto over Sakura, even though Naruto is dead (supposedly). I kind of hope we haven’t seen the last of her in this story, though. Not necessarily to cause trouble or help or whatever, just an interesting part. . . . Love the soap opera reference. . . . “A hit man here to do you in.” “What the hell?” XD . . . . Alright! DNA! =D (Love the choice and source of it too. ^^). . . . “[. . .] somewhere in his clothing that Sasuke didn’t quite catch [. . .]” Let’s hope it’s not behind the scarf. XP

I so totally loved it! Thank you! Please update ASAP... (NaruSasuNaru4ever!)

Chapter 5: Interesting how Naruto still has a tattoo. Not sure if it was necessary, but it’s interesting. . . . (*giggle*) “Way to ruin [. . .]” XD . . . . Oh, that was a good line: “Somehow Sasuke didn’t think the blond was completely referring [. . .]” . . . . Great description of the video. . . . I wonder who the guy was; is he a character from the ninjaverse? . . . . Whoa, him?! O_O Wait, is he working for ‘Rochi (got that from your other fic, Zrina ^^), or is he being blackmailed as well? . . . Interesting: Naruto with unmarked cheeks. Wonder what happened. I guess this is where we find out. . . . Silver hair? If it’s not Kabuto, who is it? OC?
Nice way to introduce the flashback.
This scene is intense. . . . My God, this is sad. . . . Sad as it is, there’s kind of a grotesque poetry here: The man carves a few lessons into Naruto, and when Naruto repeats them, he’s carving them into himself. . . . Pleeeeeeaaaaase, Zrina, I’m begging you: PLEASE make this whole story end happy! T_T . . . . I liked the way you described Naruto’s reactions when the guy left the room. I don’t take any pleasure out of this scene, but I like the way the scene was done. . . . Nice portrayal of Kabuto. He’s a sick freak (not as sick as some of the characters in this story, but still sick), but he’s interesting.
Love Sasuke’s reactions. I’ve got a thing for him when he’s angry; he’s got a beautiful rage. :heart: . . . . Okay, the guy was OC. And a DA at that! Wow, talk about corruption! o_o . . . . And revenge is planted in Sasuke.
Oh! He wasn’t OC! I totally forgot about him! That was clever! :D And I totally missed that about Akadou Yoroi; thanks for mentioning it.

Chapter 6: “Politicking?” XD I learned a good one. XD . . . . Love this line: “Obviously I know more than I did a short while ago.” . . . LOLLLLLL!! The way Sasuke threw the key at Kakashi and the way Kakashi caught it! XDDD . . . . “Sasuke shot a glare at the man that should have burned holes through his head and into his precious book.” That’d be a funny picture; Sasuke glaring and the line from his eyes going right through Kakashi’s head and out through his eyes and scorching two spots on the book. XD . . . . Nice phrase: “something dark streaked through his blood.” Awesome. . . . Heh. That was funny; turned out Naruto was just helping the girl. XD
Alright, love this business about how they’re recognizing Karin and all that stuff. Although, I’m kind of wondering why you’re using her and not Tayuya. I wonder if Tayuya will make an appearance later. . . . Little grammatical suggestion: Starting with the paragraph, “His name is Gantetsu [. . .]” and going until the paragraph with “The fact that there was [. . .],” each time you make a new paragraph, start the new paragraph with double-quotes “ but end each paragraph with no quotes, except for the last one when you finished Sasuke’s little monologue. . . . WHOA, LOVE THIS PART!: “My captain has been harping on me about . . . it . . .” (!) That always indicates something good!! :D . . . . Karin a psycho? I guess, maybe. . . . You shut up, Kakashi! >:( (I actually liked that line. ^^). . . . Nice bit about the merchandise. . . . (*gack*) This last line was gross. x_x
“‘Of course,’ Sasuke drawled.” He’s a total drawler. ^^ :heart: . . . . Love Sasuke’s perceptions on Naruto. . . . Interesting; Naruto’s good with computers. That’d make yet another good picture, him at a computer. :) . . . . (*snicker*) “We aren’t here to sightsee.” And he’s sightseeing as he says it. XD . . . Love the food conversation. ^^
God, I hope they’re being careful. . . . This story is really interesting. Sad to say, that’s as far as I can read for today! T_T So I’ll have to put up more reviews on Monday. (*sigh*) Life is hard. -_-

Chapter 3: Nice opening. Sasuke takes his scowl with him wherever he goes. ^_^ . . . . Love his reaction when he pulled it out; that could’ve been close. . . . Oooh (*shivers*) I LOVE how he figures out how to handle the situation. . . . Nice ending sentence. (You know, you should put an ad in for fanfiction writers: “Having trouble with an ending or a beginning? Call Zrina!” I’m serious, they’re that good. =))
Spiky silver hair? Oh no. . . . (*Ack!*) Sorry, Kakashi scares me a little when referenced with this kind of stuff. x_x . . . . Love how Sasuke’s turned on by the video; that’s got to be a little confusing, since he’s dealing with . . . well, the title of the story. . . . Excellent dialogue. You’ve got their POVs down perfectly. . . . Heh, “slick” describes Orochimaru to a “T.” ^_^ . . . . Man, this scene is awesome. . . . What I’m worried about is that Naruto has that on his computer, and Orochimaru has other “sources.” How the hell is he going to keep this hidden right under Orochimaru’s nose??
(*snort*) “His favorite source of porn.” XD . . . . Kakashi may be nice, but I still prefer him in The Sound of Dreams! This guys scares me! . . . So, does Kakashi wear an eye-patch or something? (I always thought he’d make an interesting pirate. ^^) . . . . Interesting backstory about when Naruto used Kakashi’s store before. Nice portrayal of Kakashi (except him being an outspoken expert on porn x_x). . . . I wonder what made Kakashi believe Naruto when Naruto told him his issues. . . . This is cool, how Naruto made an ally in Kakashi. . . . Alright, thank you about the issue of Kakashi’s face. I’ve always wondered how he would fit in an AU. (You mind if I use this idea sometime if ever I write a story? *sweat*) . . . . Excellent dialogue between them. Love the “Don’t sell yourself short.” =) . . . . Great last line from Kakashi.
Oh man, bad first impression of Karin. . . . Okay, I like how Naruto had a good comeback (I guess), except that I don’t know what it meeeeeaaaaans!! T_T
Oh yeah, Sarutobi. Asuma? . . . . I like how you take your time to explain backgrounds of characters. And you do it really well. . . . Yup, it’s Asuma. Interesting how he’s depicted in this fic. That thing about his hair, though? x_x Did NOT need to know that. T_T . . . . Yeah, Naruto’s right: Do they have to do this? (Do I have to read it?) ó_ò . . . . (*sigh*) Yes, I’m gonna have to read it. T_T I’ll have to read it like this, though: =_= . . . . Nice description of Asuma, but I still wish I didn’t have to watch this. (*groans*) =_= . . . . Despite the breaking of my poor mind, I like the way you portrayed Asuma. =_=; . . . . The description’s good. . . . Man, I feel sorry for Naruto. ó_ò . . . . That -- takes -- serious -- skill! =_Ô . . . . Great line: “Didn’t know you cared.” I wonder if he would if Naruto was able to refuse this sort of thing. Strangely enough, I like Asuma in this fic (strangely because of the scene I just witnessed ó_ò), although I hope I won’t have to see more of this sort of thing with him. ;_; .

Despite the torment I had to wade through, I really like your writing, Zrina. Nothing holds you back, and that’s what makes you cool! =D . . . . I like listening to The Sopranos theme (“Got Yourself a Gun”) while I’m reading this fic, by the way. ^^

Chapter 4: Love the first paragraph. . . . (*snicker*) Love his hiding place for his flashdrive. XD I hope he’s being really careful, though. I don’t want him to get in trouble. :( . . . . What is it about twins in fiction? This is the second story I’ve read where they think they’re better than everyone else, and a third story I read had twins that were more humble but would still harass people! :? . . . . “Lived and breathed his work.” Another excellent line I’ve got to remember. =) . . . . Love the shot of adrenaline through the rest of this scene.
Okay, I see what you meant: Orochimaru has Ino cowed. She’s terrified of him, not in awe of him.
Man, I want a picture of Naruto in this scene! =D . . . . Great understatement: “Seemingly satisfied that he had been seen.” Uh, “seen??” How could you not be seen?? XD . . . . Love Sasuke’s thought: ‘You and me both, lady.’ I can SO hear him say that!! ^_^ . . . . Same “bat” time? ?_? . . . .
Nice portrayal of Baki. . . . Interesting about Zabuza; how the heck does he keep his badge?
You know, if someone else saw Sasuke walk into the porn shop, he could easily get blackmailed again. o_o . . . . Wouldn’t interest me, Kakashi! T_T . . . . (*Whew*) I’m glad it’s just lube. It could’ve been WAAAAY worse. (*sweat*) . . . . O.O I WANT A PICTURE!!! . . . *_* (But I can’t help thinking: what’s the point of all this? Is it just to relax?) . . . . Careful, Sasuke, you don’t want to leave evidence. . . . Just get on your knees if you don’t want to sit in the chair, for God’s sake! It’d probably be pretty hot too. õ_o . . . . This’d make a great picture, too. (*blush*) . . . . Love the remote dropping. . . . (*snicker*) “Off, bastard. Turn it off.” XD

(I review as I read.)
Chapter 1: Interesting AU twist to Sasuke’s past. I wonder if Itachi is dead or what happened to him or if he was the killer. (Probably.) . . . . Heheh, like the bit about the “perversions.” (Your catchphrase comes to mind.) ^^ . . . . I like his POV about females. You know, I’d just love to see a picture of Sasuke just sitting there in this first scene. . . . Hmm, I wonder why he’s engaged to a girl he only has mild sexual interest in (and falling at that). . . . Nice description of Naruto. . . . Love how entranced Sasuke is. . . . “The little slut?” Sasuke has a somewhat haughty nature, I’d say. . . . Love the subtle messages Naruto’s throwing to Sasuke. . . . And Naruto speaks at last. . . . Huh. Naruto’s seducing Sasuke, like a drug; he’s trying to make Sasuke addicted to him. . . . Interesting series of actions here. . . . Love this one: “[. . .] paranoia always being the primary key to his survival [. . .]” Cool line. . . . Ayuh, Naruto’s seducing him alright. . . . *_* . . . . Great details. Love the use of the word “allowed.” . . . “Make him fly?” *_* . . . . Love Sasuke’s confused emotions.
(!) The last line of the first paragraph caught my attention. . . . Man. This scene is interesting. I’m all like, “What’s going on? What’s he up to??” Suspense! . . . Ahhh, so Orochimaru’s the bad guy. (No real surprise there, hard to make him a good guy.) Interesting. Well, I hope they kick his @$$ in the end!! >:D . . . . Ino as his cousin. I’m curious. . . . Crap. I hope Ino gets some smarts later. (Both Ino and Sakura don’t seem very bright in this. But I haven’t seen ‘em yet; maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions.) . . . . GREAT ENDING SENTENCE!! =D

Chapter 2: Love your warnings. XD
CRIME BOSS!! COOL!! :D . . . . Why doesn’t he just paint over it? . . . Nice description of the warehouse. . . . Love the dialogue between Naruto and Suigetsu. XD . . . . Love the line about how no one talks while Kabuto’s talking. He’s creepy that way, alright. And just as much of a threat. (*shivers*) . . . . A crime boss wearing colored contact lenses. Amusing. ^^ . . . . Is Ino supposed to be a little special? Or traumatized? Either way, I feel sorry for her. :( . . . . Interesting description of Orochimaru’s voice; it’s totally perfect. . . . Yeah, there’s something wrong with Ino if Orochimaru’s talking about this sort of thing in front of her. õ_õ . . . . Nice wrapup of that scene. But I think I misunderstood something from the previous chapter. When you said that Orochimaru “had Ino wrapped around his little finger” (or something like that), I thought she was just naïve and he had just charmed her; it didn’t seem like he was threatening her like this, though.
Is she on drugs, then? . . . Love Naruto’s frustration and weariness. . . . Love the take on gay and bi men. . . . WHAO, HANG ON, THAT ENDING TO THE SCENE WAS COOL! IT SNUCK UP ON ME!! :DD
Whoa, hello! First paragraph surprised me! XD . . . . “Must be a girl thing.” Err, must be! -_-'' . . . Once again, love the story of his past. . . . Still don’t get why he’s engaged if he’s not that interested.
The fantasy makes this a little more bearable. It’s kind of interesting. . . . Ohhhhhh, bus-ted. . . . Hahah! That was great! You drew out the suspense and I’m like, “Is she gonna call it off?? Is she gonna call it off??” O_O And then it totally switches. XD . . . . Boy, Sakura is kind of annoying in this. Or maybe I’m just warped. (*sweat*) . . . . Again, cool ending.

I actually like Sakura in this fic.