schedule
June 28, 2010 at 12:00 AM
this is great i hope that you update it soon i want to see what happens.
schedule
December 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
WHAT?! HOW DARE OROCHIMARU SAY THERE WASN’T ANYTHING SPECIAL ABOUT NARUTO!!! Gya! Grrrr, stupid snake-bastard thinking he’s all that and a bag of yaoi doujinshi just because of his position in court. Naru-chan’s ADORABLE even without his perfect personality! Ugh, just goes to show what crappy taste the pale snake-freak has. Hmph. Anyways, I love slave fics almost as much as I love Naru-chan, which, let me assure you, is quite a bit ^-^ heheh. I can’t wait for the next chapter *hint hint*
Um, well you said we could point out grammar mistakes and such and I’m a bit of a Grammar Nazi…so…here I go.
In the sentence “He had explained to his brother with shaking fists and broken furnitures that he does not wish for a slave. He had no such desire for useless sexual tools, for his only lust lies in the battlefield, under the blue skies and bloody earth” “furnitures” is not a word, “furniture” can be applied to one piece of furniture or a collection of pieces. Also, novels and other written works are generally put in the past tense, so while “had” is correct, “he does not wish” should be “he did not wish” and “lust lies” should be “lust laid.” Also, “for” in “for his only lust” isn’t needed…it makes it a bit too melodramatic and takes away from the character you’re building in Sasuke in my opinion….I’m sorry! I always hate leaving corrections in my reviews, it’s just that all the tense changes are making me feel dizzy…though that could just be because I have a crazy fever right now….yeah, ok, I guess the later’s more likely XP
Anyway, would you mind if I beta’ed this story for you? Please let me know whether you’d be interested or not. My email’s keitaros_kero_neko at yahoo dot com.
May the yaoi muse be with you!
Miranda
Um, well you said we could point out grammar mistakes and such and I’m a bit of a Grammar Nazi…so…here I go.
In the sentence “He had explained to his brother with shaking fists and broken furnitures that he does not wish for a slave. He had no such desire for useless sexual tools, for his only lust lies in the battlefield, under the blue skies and bloody earth” “furnitures” is not a word, “furniture” can be applied to one piece of furniture or a collection of pieces. Also, novels and other written works are generally put in the past tense, so while “had” is correct, “he does not wish” should be “he did not wish” and “lust lies” should be “lust laid.” Also, “for” in “for his only lust” isn’t needed…it makes it a bit too melodramatic and takes away from the character you’re building in Sasuke in my opinion….I’m sorry! I always hate leaving corrections in my reviews, it’s just that all the tense changes are making me feel dizzy…though that could just be because I have a crazy fever right now….yeah, ok, I guess the later’s more likely XP
Anyway, would you mind if I beta’ed this story for you? Please let me know whether you’d be interested or not. My email’s keitaros_kero_neko at yahoo dot com.
May the yaoi muse be with you!
Miranda
schedule
September 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I like to see what happen next.
schedule
August 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i LOVE this story!!!
so far its pretty AMAZING!!
but yeah i REALLY hope u update soon!!!!
...REALLY soon!!!
I LOVE SASUXNARU!!! =)
so far its pretty AMAZING!!
but yeah i REALLY hope u update soon!!!!
...REALLY soon!!!
I LOVE SASUXNARU!!! =)
schedule
August 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is starting out so good! Keep up the amazing work! =)
schedule
July 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
ack!I like how well written this is :] keep up the good work and update!
schedule
July 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i love slave fics and there as so few good ones. I can not wait to find out what Sasuke will do with his prize.
schedule
July 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Woah! I totaLY DIG this fic! I hope you update soon! ^^
schedule
July 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wait wasnt his fantasy about blood and killing?i dont get it but im willing and anctious to read on and find out.continue
schedule
July 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Great story so far. Please continue!!