rate_review Reviews

OH no >.<

Sasuke is a crazy person who got Naruto... this may be bad or good (heheheheheh)

Can't wait for the next update -big smile-

I can´t even begin to contemplate what Sasuke´s going to do with Naruto. Although, because this ends in love I guess it´s going to end well...right?

-Damp *You have your work cut out for you, seeing as, to me, this is a commom type storyline.*

ooooooooh that was good i almost squealed i can't wait for the next chapter keep up the good work.

oo, i like it so far..continue soon!

short but nice (make the chapters longer!!) I like where this is going. since Sasuke has a reluctance for slaves (except for Naruto of course) what will happen to Neji and Kiba? will Itachi take them? very interesting beginning. can't wait for more!
update!!

mmm, second chapter, nice update.

i hope sasuke doesnt make poor naruto bleed too much...

Wow, this is interesting! I love how Sasuke's obsession with color turns him on. Please continue. :D

I am very much liking this story and am glad that you have put up the second chapter so soon. I like the fact that Sasuke doesn't want a slave but is compelled to get Naruto anyway. I enjoyed the way you wrote it.

So, You asked to have typos pointed out to you.

"At the centre of the courtyard, stood Orochimaru the head of royal guards and several figures covered with thin, silky cloaks that masked their face and entire body."

In this sentence the comma's should be after 'Orochimaru' and 'guards' because the phrase "the head of the royal guards" describes who Orochimaru is. The comma after courtyard doesn't need to be there because the introductory clause is short enough to not confuse the reader. Also the word centre is wrong, it should be center. The word Centre is mostly used as a formal name for places and isn't really a word.

After the phrase "nineteenth birthday." You should take out the close quote and move the next line of dialog up, getting rid of the extra line and joining the two parts of the dialog together. It should be together because it has all been said by one person.


The phrase "No even daring to look" Did you mean to have it start with "Not"?

Surprisingly, you have very few typos. Sorry If I seem nit-picky with the grammar, I hate to read such a wonderful story and find grammar mistakes in it. I am very much looking forward to the next installment. This has the makings of a wonderful slave fiction!!

PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I like this story.

squeee theres just something about fantasy slavery fics that make me happy ^.^

do keep going, i'll be looking forwards to it immensely