schedule
January 12, 2009 at 12:00 AM
what happen next.
schedule
September 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
HAHAHAHA sai so desvered that.lol. please update soon.
schedule
November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
HAHA! That what Sai gets!
update!
update!
schedule
November 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I just thought, since I gave you a pretty bad rating, I'd do the courtesy and tell you why.
You need someone to help you with grammar and spelling. That's the most glaring error as far as I can tell.
Sasuke seems weird and OOC with the "inner sasuke" thing and it's a bad idea to call it 'Suke'.
You tell everything as it is. Look your fic through and check every time that you used is, was, been, and try to replace it. Instead of saying something like "Sasuke was annoyed" you should say "Sasuke's brow furrowed, as he glared at blablah" That way you get your point across without actually saying that Sasuke was annoyed, you get me? It makes reading more interesting.
..Still, I wouldn't worry about that until you got your grammar and spelling under control.
Hope I was at least somewhat of help.
Sigart
You need someone to help you with grammar and spelling. That's the most glaring error as far as I can tell.
Sasuke seems weird and OOC with the "inner sasuke" thing and it's a bad idea to call it 'Suke'.
You tell everything as it is. Look your fic through and check every time that you used is, was, been, and try to replace it. Instead of saying something like "Sasuke was annoyed" you should say "Sasuke's brow furrowed, as he glared at blablah" That way you get your point across without actually saying that Sasuke was annoyed, you get me? It makes reading more interesting.
..Still, I wouldn't worry about that until you got your grammar and spelling under control.
Hope I was at least somewhat of help.
Sigart
schedule
November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
No offense.. but it gets confusing when there's an inner sasuke and a sasuke talking X) But apart from that.. I love the story! ^^ Do update soon ^^ I really wanna know what's going to happen next.. And i wanna know what else pics the girls took ^^ I wonder.. does this mean that the girls made Sasuke rape Naruto? or vice versa? x)
schedule
November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
(laughs behind a hand) How hilarious!
schedule
November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hmmm. Kind of nice. Man, I luv to have those pics of Them O_O; *nosebleed*
and you have to work on your grammar :D
and you have to work on your grammar :D
schedule
November 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ooooh interesting I hope this is a happy story so far I have a smile on my face I am sure this will be a good story just please update soon. Its nice that you made Naruto wanted too I like when people want him
schedule
November 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wow! u got my attention! hehe
can u udpate sooooooon.. plssssss
can u udpate sooooooon.. plssssss